(male narrator) Please take this opportunity
to adjust the volume on your television set.
[man inhales sharply]
[coughs twice]
(male narrator) Millions of disease-causing germs
[sound of sneeze in background]
are launched into the atmosphere
every time someone coughs or sneezes.
It is customary
to cough and sneeze into one's hands,
supposedly to prevent the spread of germs.
But germs get onto the cougher's hands,
and are spread to telephones and doorknobs,
and from there they are spread to other people's hands
and mouths
and who knows where else.
The best place to cough is into fabric,
such as one's sleeve, [cough, cough]
[squeaky sounds] where germs are trapped
while they desiccate and die.
But people in polite society
do not cough into their sleeves.
[woman sneezing]
Such behavior is frowned upon.
The purpose of this video [woman sneezing]
is to make coughing into one's sleeve fashionable,
and even patriotic.
It's the right thing, the polite thing to do.
You will now see four excellent,
slightly different coughing techniques
executed first into the right sleeve and then into the left.
[man coughs repeatedly]
The technique will vary
depending on your dimensions,
the flexibility of your joints,
whether you are wearing long or short sleeves,
and your ability to cough at an angle.
Notice the slight change of position during a sneeze,
[man sneezes] A-choo!
with the nose a little lower.
You will now see a series of coughs and sneezes
performed by random subjects.
Their coughs will be judged
by our panel of three infectious disease experts:
Dr. Graham Stain,
Dr. Blood Hagar,
and Dr. Polly Morf.
First, the coughs. [woman coughs]
(female judge) That would be a four.
(male judge 1) That's a three.
(male judge 2) 3.4
(male judge 1) It was way too close to the hands.
(female judge) The left hand was needlessly contaminated.
[man coughs]
(male judge 1) Ten, perfect!
(female judge) Nine, great!
(male judge 1) Hand on opposite shoulder
creates a mask at the elbow.
(female judge) And no qualms about messing up his beautiful suit.
(male judge 2) 9.9, that's ideal.
[man coughs]
(male judge 2) 4.7
(female judge) Five.
(male judge 1) Four.
(male judge 2) He should cough into his bicep.
(female judge) The elbow's a bad target for people with long arms.
(male judge 1) Way too leaky at the elbow.
[woman coughs]
(female judge) Eight, easy, practical.
(male judge 1) Eight, I like it.
(male judge 2) 7.6, almost as good as the black suit guy.
[man coughs]
(female judge) Pathetic, zero!
(male judge 1) Awful, not fit for a health care field.
(male judge 2) Oh, jeez, what planet did he come from?
(male narrator) Now, the sneezers.
[man sneezes] A-choo!
(female judge) Two, he contaminated his hands!
(male judge 1) One.
(male judge 2) 3.5
(male judge 1) Aw, yuck, why bother with the Kleenex?
(female judge) Why do they always smile
when they're finished?
[woman sneezes] A-choo!
(male judge 1) That's a one.
She should go and was her hands now.
(female judge) Two.
(male judge 2) Her right hand's more dangerous than her left.
[man sneezes] Ugh-a-choo.
(female judge) Five, his hands got hit.
(male judge 2) 5.2, impractical.
(male judge 1) Four.
[girls sneeze in unison] A-a-ah-choo!
(male judge 1) Nine, wow!
Great germ entrapment.
(male judge 2) 8.9, nearly perfect.
(female judge) Nine, great.!
But they messed up their hair.
(male judge 1) Who let him back in?
[man sneezes] A-choo!
(male judge 1) Get that guy out of here.
(female judge) Disgusting, yuck.
(male judge 2) He doesn't rate the time of day.
[woman sneezes] A-a-choo!
(female judge) A perfect 10!
What more can I say?
(male judge 2) 9.9.
(male judge 1) Ten, awesome.
She's the one to imitate.
(male narrator) We must train ourselves
to cough into the nearest appropriate fabric,
which is usually a sleeve.
[woman coughs]
Most health care garments
lend themselves well to this technique.
Unfortunately, [woman coughs]
many street clothes do not.
[sizzling sound] Sssssssss.
[woman coughs]
To avoid messes,
we should formulate coughing strategies
for the clothes and accessories we are wearing each day.
[woman coughs]
(female speaker) Oh, I could have saved my shirt
if I did that the first time. [sighs]
(male narrator) Paper tissues are good cough recepticals
when they are placed over the mouth properly.
But using them usually results in hand contamination.
[woman coughs]
They should not be re-used.
Handkerchiefs suffer
from the same hand contamination
and re-use problems,
and they have the additional disadvantage
of poor accessibility.
[man sneezes] A-choo!
(female customer) Ew, eeeww!
(male narrator) From an infection control standpoint,
[woman coughs]
the perfect answer would be an armband
that could be changed after each use.
However, society is not yet ready
for such a radical change.
So, in keeping with the recommendations
of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,
why don't we just do it in our sleeves?
[woman sneezes] A-choo!
(male narrator) It's the right thing,
it's the polite thing to do.
[rock group performing "Johnny B. Goode"]
(male narrator) And remember:
if you make a mistake and cough or sneeze
into your hands,
[man sneezes; rest of group articulates disgust]
Aw, man, come on!
(male narrator) Please, wash them immediately.
[water running]