(male narrator) 
Please take this opportunity

to adjust the volume 
on your television set.

[man inhales sharply]

[coughs twice]

(male narrator) 
Millions of disease-causing germs

[sound of sneeze in background]

are launched into the atmosphere

every time someone coughs or sneezes.

It is customary

to cough and sneeze into one's hands,

supposedly to prevent 
the spread of germs.

But germs get onto the cougher's hands,

and are spread to telephones 
and doorknobs,

and from there they are spread 
to other people's hands

and mouths

and who knows where else.

The best place to cough is into fabric,

such as one's sleeve, [cough, cough]

[squeaky sounds] 
where germs are trapped

while they desiccate and die.

But people in polite society

do not cough into their sleeves.

[woman sneezing]

Such behavior is frowned upon.

The purpose of this video
[woman sneezing]

is to make coughing into one's sleeve fashionable,

and even patriotic.

It's the right thing, the polite thing to do.

You will now see four excellent,

slightly different coughing techniques

executed first into the right sleeve
and then into the left.

[man coughs repeatedly]

The technique will vary

depending on your dimensions,

the flexibility of your joints,

whether you are wearing long 
or short sleeves,

and your ability to cough at an angle.

Notice the slight change of position 
during a sneeze,

[man sneezes]
A-choo!

with the nose a little lower.

You will now see a series 
of coughs and sneezes

performed by random subjects.

Their coughs will be judged

by our panel of three 
infectious disease experts:

Dr. Graham Stain,

Dr. Blood Hagar,

and Dr. Polly Morf.

First, the coughs.
[woman coughs]

(female judge)
That would be a four.

(male judge 1)
That's a three.

(male judge 2)
3.4

(male judge 1)
It was way too close to the hands.

(female judge)
The left hand was needlessly contaminated.

[man coughs]

(male judge 1)
Ten, perfect!

(female judge) 
Nine, great!

(male judge 1) 
Hand on opposite shoulder

creates a mask at the elbow.

(female judge) 
And no qualms about messing up his beautiful suit.

(male judge 2)
9.9, that's ideal.

[man coughs]

(male judge 2)
4.7

(female judge)
Five.

(male judge 1)
Four.

(male judge 2) 
He should cough into his bicep.

(female judge)
The elbow's a bad target 
for people with long arms.

(male judge 1)
Way too leaky at the elbow.

[woman coughs]

(female judge)
Eight, easy, practical.

(male judge 1)
Eight, I like it.

(male judge 2)
7.6, almost as good as the black suit guy.

[man coughs]

(female judge)
Pathetic, zero!

(male judge 1)
Awful, not fit for a health care field.

(male judge 2)
Oh, jeez, what planet did he come from?

(male narrator)
Now, the sneezers.

[man sneezes]
A-choo!

(female judge)
Two, he contaminated his hands!

(male judge 1)
One.

(male judge 2)
3.5

(male judge 1)
Aw, yuck, why bother with the Kleenex?

(female judge)
Why do they always smile

when they're finished?

[woman sneezes]
A-choo!

(male judge 1)
That's a one.

She should go and was her hands now.

(female judge)
Two.

(male judge 2)
Her right hand's more dangerous than her left.

[man sneezes]
Ugh-a-choo.

(female judge)
Five, his hands got hit.

(male judge 2)
5.2, impractical.

(male judge 1)
Four.

[girls sneeze in unison]
A-a-ah-choo!

(male judge 1)
Nine, wow!

Great germ entrapment.

(male judge 2)
8.9, nearly perfect.

(female judge)
Nine, great.!

But they messed up their hair.

(male judge 1)
Who let him back in?

[man sneezes]
A-choo!

(male judge 1)
Get that guy out of here.

(female judge)
Disgusting, yuck.

(male judge 2)
He doesn't rate the time of day.

[woman sneezes]
A-a-choo!

(female judge)
A perfect 10!

What more can I say?

(male judge 2)
9.9.

(male judge 1)
Ten, awesome.

She's the one to imitate.

(male narrator)
We must train ourselves

to cough into the nearest appropriate fabric,

which is usually a sleeve.

[woman coughs]

Most health care garments

lend themselves well to this technique.

Unfortunately, 
[woman coughs]

many street clothes do not.

[sizzling sound]
Sssssssss.

[woman coughs]

To avoid messes,

we should formulate coughing strategies

for the clothes and accessories 
we are wearing each day.

[woman coughs]

(female speaker)
Oh, I could have saved my shirt

if I did that the first time. [sighs]

(male narrator)
Paper tissues are good cough recepticals

when they are placed 
over the mouth properly.

But using them usually 
results in hand contamination.

[woman coughs]

They should not be re-used.

Handkerchiefs suffer

from the same hand contamination

and re-use problems,

and they have the additional disadvantage

of poor accessibility.

[man sneezes]
A-choo!

(female customer)
Ew, eeeww!

(male narrator)
From an infection control standpoint,

[woman coughs]

the perfect answer would be an armband

that could be changed after each use.

However, society is not yet ready

for such a radical change.

So, in keeping with the recommendations

of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,

why don't we just do it in our sleeves?

[woman sneezes] A-choo!

(male narrator)
It's the right thing,

it's the polite thing to do.

[rock group performing "Johnny B. Goode"]

(male narrator)
And remember:

if you make a mistake and cough or sneeze

into your hands,

[man sneezes; 
rest of group articulates disgust]

Aw, man, come on!

(male narrator)
Please, wash them immediately.

[water running]