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(male narrator) 
Please take this opportunity

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to adjust the volume 
on your television set.

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[man inhales sharply]

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[coughs twice]

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(male narrator) 
Millions of disease-causing germs

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[sound of sneeze in background]

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are launched into the atmosphere

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every time someone coughs or sneezes.

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It is customary

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to cough and sneeze into one's hands,

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supposedly to prevent 
the spread of germs.

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But germs get onto the cougher's hands,

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and are spread to telephones 
and doorknobs,

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and from there they are spread 
to other people's hands

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and mouths

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and who knows where else.

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The best place to cough is into fabric,

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such as one's sleeve, [cough, cough]

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[squeaky sounds] 
where germs are trapped

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while they desiccate and die.

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But people in polite society

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do not cough into their sleeves.

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[woman sneezing]

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Such behavior is frowned upon.

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The purpose of this video
[woman sneezing]

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is to make coughing into one's sleeve fashionable,

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and even patriotic.

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It's the right thing, the polite thing to do.

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You will now see four excellent,

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slightly different coughing techniques

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executed first into the right sleeve
and then into the left.

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[man coughs repeatedly]

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The technique will vary

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depending on your dimensions,

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the flexibility of your joints,

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whether you are wearing long 
or short sleeves,

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and your ability to cough at an angle.

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Notice the slight change of position 
during a sneeze,

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[man sneezes]
A-choo!

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with the nose a little lower.

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You will now see a series 
of coughs and sneezes

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performed by random subjects.

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Their coughs will be judged

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by our panel of three 
infectious disease experts:

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Dr. Graham Stain,

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Dr. Blood Hagar,

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and Dr. Polly Morf.

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First, the coughs.
[woman coughs]

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(female judge)
That would be a four.

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(male judge 1)
That's a three.

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(male judge 2)
3.4

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(male judge 1)
It was way too close to the hands.

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(female judge)
The left hand was needlessly contaminated.

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[man coughs]

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(male judge 1)
Ten, perfect!

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(female judge) 
Nine, great!

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(male judge 1) 
Hand on opposite shoulder

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creates a mask at the elbow.

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(female judge) 
And no qualms about messing up his beautiful suit.

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(male judge 2)
9.9, that's ideal.

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[man coughs]

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(male judge 2)
4.7

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(female judge)
Five.

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(male judge 1)
Four.

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(male judge 2) 
He should cough into his bicep.

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(female judge)
The elbow's a bad target 
for people with long arms.

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(male judge 1)
Way too leaky at the elbow.

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[woman coughs]

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(female judge)
Eight, easy, practical.

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(male judge 1)
Eight, I like it.

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(male judge 2)
7.6, almost as good as the black suit guy.

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[man coughs]

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(female judge)
Pathetic, zero!

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(male judge 1)
Awful, not fit for a health care field.

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(male judge 2)
Oh, jeez, what planet did he come from?

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(male narrator)
Now, the sneezers.

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[man sneezes]
A-choo!

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(female judge)
Two, he contaminated his hands!

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(male judge 1)
One.

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(male judge 2)
3.5

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(male judge 1)
Aw, yuck, why bother with the Kleenex?

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(female judge)
Why do they always smile

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when they're finished?

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[woman sneezes]
A-choo!

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(male judge 1)
That's a one.

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She should go and was her hands now.

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(female judge)
Two.

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(male judge 2)
Her right hand's more dangerous than her left.

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[man sneezes]
Ugh-a-choo.

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(female judge)
Five, his hands got hit.

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(male judge 2)
5.2, impractical.

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(male judge 1)
Four.

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[girls sneeze in unison]
A-a-ah-choo!

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(male judge 1)
Nine, wow!

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Great germ entrapment.

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(male judge 2)
8.9, nearly perfect.

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(female judge)
Nine, great.!

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But they messed up their hair.

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(male judge 1)
Who let him back in?

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[man sneezes]
A-choo!

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(male judge 1)
Get that guy out of here.

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(female judge)
Disgusting, yuck.

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(male judge 2)
He doesn't rate the time of day.

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[woman sneezes]
A-a-choo!

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(female judge)
A perfect 10!

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What more can I say?

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(male judge 2)
9.9.

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(male judge 1)
Ten, awesome.

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She's the one to imitate.

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(male narrator)
We must train ourselves

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to cough into the nearest appropriate fabric,

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which is usually a sleeve.


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[woman coughs]

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Most health care garments

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lend themselves well to this technique.

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Unfortunately, 
[woman coughs]

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many street clothes do not.

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[sizzling sound]
Sssssssss.

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[woman coughs]

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To avoid messes,

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we should formulate coughing strategies

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for the clothes and accessories 
we are wearing each day.

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[woman coughs]

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(female speaker)
Oh, I could have saved my shirt

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if I did that the first time. [sighs]

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(male narrator)
Paper tissues are good cough recepticals

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when they are placed 
over the mouth properly.

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But using them usually 
results in hand contamination.


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[woman coughs]

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They should not be re-used.

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Handkerchiefs suffer

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from the same hand contamination

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and re-use problems,

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and they have the additional disadvantage


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of poor accessibility.

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[man sneezes]
A-choo!

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(female customer)
Ew, eeeww!

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(male narrator)
From an infection control standpoint,

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[woman coughs]

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the perfect answer would be an armband


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that could be changed after each use.

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However, society is not yet ready


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for such a radical change.

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So, in keeping with the recommendations


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of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,

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why don't we just do it in our sleeves?


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[woman sneezes] A-choo!

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(male narrator)
It's the right thing,

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it's the polite thing to do.

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[rock group performing "Johnny B. Goode"]

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(male narrator)
And remember:

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if you make a mistake and cough or sneeze

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into your hands,

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[man sneezes; 
rest of group articulates disgust]

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Aw, man, come on!

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(male narrator)
Please, wash them immediately.

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[water running]