[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.51,0:00:21.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hear that?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.76,0:00:24.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's nothing.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.74,0:00:28.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which is what I, as a speaker\Nat today's conference,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.38,0:00:29.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have for you all.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.22,0:00:32.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have nothing.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.46,0:00:33.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nada.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.72,0:00:34.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Zip.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.83,0:00:36.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Zilch.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.28,0:00:37.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Zippo.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.98,0:00:40.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nothing smart. Nothing inspirational.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.36,0:00:43.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nothing even remotely researched at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.69,0:00:47.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have absolutely\Nnothing to say whatsoever.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.15,0:00:52.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet, through my manner of speaking,\NI will make it seem like I do.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.24,0:00:55.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like what I am saying is brilliant.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.88,0:01:01.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And maybe, just maybe, you will feel\Nlike you've learned something.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.79,0:01:04.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I'm going to get started\Nwith the opening.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.99,0:01:06.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to make \Na lot of hand gestures.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.94,0:01:10.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to do this with my right hand,\NI'm going to do this with my left.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.09,0:01:11.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to adjust my glasses.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.80,0:01:13.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then I'm going to ask you all\Na question.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.95,0:01:17.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By a show of hands, how many of you all\Nhave been asked a question before?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.50,0:01:18.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.49,0:01:20.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, great, I'm seeing some hands.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.17,0:01:22.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And again, I have nothing here.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.26,0:01:24.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I'm gonna react to that
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.76,0:01:27.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and act like I'm telling you\Na personal anecdote.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.91,0:01:30.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Something to break the tension.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.14,0:01:32.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Something to endear myself a little bit.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.73,0:01:36.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Something kind of embarrassing.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.26,0:01:41.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you guys \Nare going to make an "aw" sound.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.39,0:01:44.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's true. It really happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.35,0:01:45.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.34,0:01:47.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now I'm going to bring it\Nto a broader point.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.52,0:01:49.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to really beckon.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.13,0:01:52.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to make it intellectual.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.55,0:01:55.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to bring it to this man\Nright here.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.12,0:01:59.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, what this man did\Nwas important, I'm sure.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.80,0:02:01.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.38,0:02:04.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I, for one,\Nhave no idea who he is.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.53,0:02:07.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I simply googled image\Nthe word "Scientist."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.50,0:02:08.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.41,0:02:11.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now you see, I'd like it to seem\Nlike I'm making points,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.73,0:02:13.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,building an argument,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.11,0:02:16.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,inspiring you to change your life,\Nwhen in reality,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.52,0:02:17.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is just
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.63,0:02:19.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,me...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.02,0:02:20.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,buying...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.16,0:02:20.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,time...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.100,0:02:23.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, if you don't believe me,\Nlet's take a look at the numbers.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.97,0:02:26.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a real thing\Nthat's happening right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.91,0:02:30.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The number of talks\Nthat I'm giving is one.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.52,0:02:32.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Interesting facts imparted\Nthus far in said talk,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.83,0:02:34.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well, that's going to be a zero.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.92,0:02:39.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My height in inches is 70.5.\NNote the .5 there.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.48,0:02:41.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,2x6 equals 12.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.18,0:02:43.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then interestingly enough\N6x2 also equals 12.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.84,0:02:45.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's math.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.75,0:02:50.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,352 is a three-digit number
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.05,0:02:55.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and then almost immediately\Nfollowing that we get 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.46,0:02:57.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, to add more filler here,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.86,0:03:00.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to give you\Na couple more number to consider,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.44,0:03:02.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,uh ... 18.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.20,0:03:03.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,237.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.94,0:03:06.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,5,601.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.16,0:03:08.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,2.6 million.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.84,0:03:10.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Four.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.04,0:03:11.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Four.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.20,0:03:14.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,24. Staggering!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.09,0:03:15.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.06,0:03:17.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These are real numbers, all of them.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.59,0:03:20.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And to follow that up,\Nlet's take a look at some graphs.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.22,0:03:23.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, if you take a look at this pie chart,\Nwhat you're going to see
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.24,0:03:26.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that the majority\Nfar exceeds the minority.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.31,0:03:29.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everybody see that? Cool, isn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.60,0:03:31.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And let's take a look at this bar graph,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.61,0:03:34.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause it shows similarly irrelevant data.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.25,0:03:37.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I'm doing this because\NI'd like to make it seem
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.57,0:03:39.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like I've done my homework.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.28,0:03:42.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you were, say, watching this\Non YouTube with the sound off,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.22,0:03:47.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you might think, "Ah, okay.\NThis guy knows what he's talking about."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.12,0:03:48.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I don't.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.93,0:03:51.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm floundering, panicking.\NI've got nothing.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.61,0:03:53.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a total and utter phony.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.75,0:03:55.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you know what?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.33,0:03:57.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was offered a TED Talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.08,0:03:59.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And dammit, I'm gonna see it through.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.72,0:04:01.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.53,0:04:03.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, if you take a look behind me,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.23,0:04:08.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these are just words paired with\Nvaguely thought-provoking stock photos.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.33,0:04:09.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to point at them
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.78,0:04:12.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like I'm making use\Nboth of my time as well as your time.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.44,0:04:15.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But in reality, I don't know\Nwhat half of them mean.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.57,0:04:19.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now, as these continue,\NI'm just going to start saying gibberish.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.05,0:04:21.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wagga wah, gabba gabba.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.60,0:04:24.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Turkey, mouth and a mouth.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.38,0:04:27.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Chip, trip, my dog Skip.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.26,0:04:29.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rip it and dip it, Richard.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.39,0:04:31.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm an itty-bitty baby bopper.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.19,0:04:33.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm hungry in my tum tum.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.32,0:04:36.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Brad Pitt, Uma Thurman.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.17,0:04:37.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Names, things.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.79,0:04:39.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Words, words and more things.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.84,0:04:43.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And see? It feels like it might\Nmake sense, doesn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.55,0:04:44.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like maybe, just maybe,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.84,0:04:47.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm building to some sort of\Nsatisfying conclusion,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.24,0:04:49.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, I'm gesticulating as though I am.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.49,0:04:51.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm pacing, I'm growing in intensity,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.30,0:04:54.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm taking off my glasses,\Nwhich by the way, are just frames.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.28,0:04:57.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.23,0:05:02.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wore them to look smart,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.17,0:05:06.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though my vision is perfect.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.46,0:05:10.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now I'm going to slow things down\Na little bit.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.11,0:05:13.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to change the tone.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.02,0:05:18.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to make it seem\Nlike I'm building to a moment.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.74,0:05:22.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what if I was?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.52,0:05:24.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.70,0:05:26.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Amazing, isn't it? What can we do?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.66,0:05:29.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Life's a roller coaster.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.55,0:05:35.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, if there's one thing\Nyou'd take away from my talk,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.62,0:05:38.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd like you to think about\Nwhat you heard at the beginning,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.44,0:05:42.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'd like you to think\Nabout what you hear now.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.49,0:05:44.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because it was nothing
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.41,0:05:47.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's still nothing, think about that.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.42,0:05:49.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or don't, that's fine.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.49,0:05:52.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now I'm going to stop talking.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.22,0:05:53.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.60,0:05:55.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)