0:00:19.514,0:00:21.226
Hear that?

0:00:21.762,0:00:24.027
That's nothing.

0:00:24.736,0:00:28.381
Which is what I, as a speaker[br]at today's conference,

0:00:28.381,0:00:29.816
have for you all.

0:00:30.216,0:00:32.460
I have nothing.

0:00:32.460,0:00:33.724
Nada.

0:00:33.724,0:00:34.819
Zip.

0:00:34.827,0:00:36.277
Zilch.

0:00:36.277,0:00:37.407
Zippo.

0:00:37.977,0:00:40.360
Nothing smart. Nothing inspirational.

0:00:40.360,0:00:43.688
Nothing even remotely researched at all.

0:00:43.688,0:00:47.147
I have absolutely[br]nothing to say whatsoever.

0:00:47.147,0:00:52.178
And yet, through my manner of speaking,[br]I will make it seem like I do.

0:00:53.238,0:00:55.879
Like what I am saying is brilliant.

0:00:55.879,0:01:01.769
And maybe, just maybe, you will feel[br]like you've learned something.

0:01:02.789,0:01:04.986
Now, I'm going to get started[br]with the opening.

0:01:04.986,0:01:06.935
I'm going to make [br]a lot of hand gestures.

0:01:06.935,0:01:10.091
I'm going to do this with my right hand,[br]I'm going to do this with my left.

0:01:10.091,0:01:11.803
I'm going to adjust my glasses.

0:01:11.803,0:01:13.951
And then I'm going to ask you all[br]a question.

0:01:13.951,0:01:17.502
By a show of hands, how many of you all[br]have been asked a question before?

0:01:17.502,0:01:18.490
(Laughter)

0:01:18.490,0:01:20.170
Okay, great, I'm seeing some hands.

0:01:20.170,0:01:22.150
And again, I have nothing here.

0:01:23.260,0:01:24.764
Now, I'm gonna react to that

0:01:24.764,0:01:27.910
and act like I'm telling you[br]a personal anecdote.

0:01:27.910,0:01:30.144
Something to break the tension.

0:01:30.144,0:01:32.731
Something to endear myself a little bit.

0:01:32.731,0:01:36.113
Something kind of embarrassing.

0:01:38.257,0:01:41.394
And you guys [br]are going to make an "aw" sound.

0:01:41.394,0:01:44.351
It's true. It really happened.

0:01:44.351,0:01:45.336
(Laughter)

0:01:45.336,0:01:47.518
And now I'm going to bring it[br]to a broader point.

0:01:47.518,0:01:49.511
I'm going to really back in.

0:01:50.131,0:01:52.549
I'm going to make it intellectual.

0:01:52.549,0:01:55.122
I'm going to bring it to this man[br]right here.

0:01:55.122,0:01:59.796
Now, what this man did[br]was important, I'm sure.

0:01:59.796,0:02:01.382
(Laughter)

0:02:01.382,0:02:04.526
But I, for one,[br]have no idea who he is.

0:02:04.526,0:02:07.502
I simply googled image[br]the word "Scientist."

0:02:07.502,0:02:08.407
(Laughter)

0:02:08.407,0:02:11.734
And now you see, I'd like it to seem[br]like I'm making points,

0:02:11.734,0:02:13.114
building an argument,

0:02:13.114,0:02:16.518
inspiring you to change your life,[br]when in reality,

0:02:16.518,0:02:17.629
this is just

0:02:17.629,0:02:19.020
me...

0:02:19.020,0:02:20.161
buying...

0:02:20.161,0:02:20.999
time...

0:02:20.999,0:02:23.973
Now, if you don't believe me,[br]let's take a look at the numbers.

0:02:23.973,0:02:26.908
This is a real thing[br]that's happening right now.

0:02:26.908,0:02:30.524
The number of talks[br]that I'm giving is one.

0:02:30.524,0:02:32.832
Interesting facts imparted[br]thus far in said talk,

0:02:32.832,0:02:34.925
well, that's going to be a zero.

0:02:34.925,0:02:39.484
My height in inches is 70.5.[br]Note the .5 there.

0:02:39.484,0:02:41.178
2x6 equals 12.

0:02:41.178,0:02:43.842
And then interestingly enough[br]6x2 also equals 12.

0:02:43.842,0:02:45.528
That's math.

0:02:46.748,0:02:50.054
352 is a three-digit number

0:02:50.054,0:02:55.262
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and then almost immediately[br]following that we get 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

0:02:56.455,0:02:57.855
Now, to add more filler here,

0:02:57.855,0:03:00.439
I'm going to give you[br]a couple more number to consider,

0:03:00.439,0:03:02.202
uh ... 18.

0:03:02.202,0:03:03.936
237.

0:03:03.941,0:03:06.157
5,601.

0:03:06.157,0:03:08.837
2.6 million.

0:03:08.837,0:03:10.038
Four.

0:03:10.038,0:03:11.204
Four.

0:03:11.204,0:03:14.094
24. Staggering!

0:03:14.094,0:03:15.064
(Laughter)

0:03:15.064,0:03:17.593
These are real numbers, all of them.

0:03:17.593,0:03:20.224
And to follow that up,[br]let's take a look at some graphs.

0:03:20.224,0:03:23.236
Now, if you take a look at this pie chart,[br]what you're going to see

0:03:23.236,0:03:26.313
is that the majority[br]far exceeds the minority.

0:03:26.313,0:03:29.604
Everybody see that? Cool, isn't it?

0:03:29.604,0:03:31.608
And let's take a look at this bar graph,

0:03:31.608,0:03:34.248
'cause it shows similarly irrelevant data.

0:03:34.248,0:03:37.570
Now, I'm doing this because[br]I'd like to make it seem

0:03:37.570,0:03:39.280
like I've done my homework.

0:03:39.280,0:03:42.222
If you were, say, watching this[br]on YouTube with the sound off,

0:03:42.222,0:03:47.124
you might think, "Ah, okay.[br]This guy knows what he's talking about."

0:03:47.124,0:03:48.927
But I don't.

0:03:48.927,0:03:51.609
I'm floundering, panicking.[br]I've got nothing.

0:03:51.609,0:03:53.751
I'm a total and utter phony.

0:03:53.751,0:03:55.326
But you know what?

0:03:55.326,0:03:57.083
I was offered a TED Talk.

0:03:57.083,0:03:59.722
And dammit, I'm gonna see it through.

0:03:59.722,0:04:01.532
(Laughter)

0:04:01.532,0:04:03.233
Now, if you take a look behind me,

0:04:03.233,0:04:08.329
these are just words paired with[br]vaguely thought-provoking stock photos.

0:04:08.329,0:04:09.780
I'm going to point at them

0:04:09.780,0:04:12.443
like I'm making use[br]both of my time as well as your time.

0:04:12.443,0:04:15.567
But in reality, I don't know[br]what half of them mean.

0:04:15.567,0:04:19.048
And now, as these continue,[br]I'm just going to start saying gibberish.

0:04:19.048,0:04:21.603
Wagga wah, gabba gabba.

0:04:21.603,0:04:24.377
Turkey, mouth and a mouth.

0:04:24.377,0:04:27.259
Chip, trip, my dog Skip.

0:04:27.259,0:04:29.389
Rip it and dip it, Richard.

0:04:29.389,0:04:31.189
I'm an itty-bitty baby bopper.

0:04:31.189,0:04:33.322
And I'm hungry in my tum tum.

0:04:33.322,0:04:36.173
Brad Pitt, Uma Thurman.

0:04:36.173,0:04:37.786
Names, things.

0:04:37.786,0:04:39.845
Words, words and more things.

0:04:39.845,0:04:43.552
And see? It feels like it might[br]make sense, doesn't it?

0:04:43.552,0:04:44.836
Like maybe, just maybe,

0:04:44.836,0:04:47.236
I'm building to some sort of[br]satisfying conclusion,

0:04:47.236,0:04:49.491
I mean, I'm gesticulating as though I am.

0:04:49.491,0:04:51.305
I'm pacing, I'm growing in intensity,

0:04:51.305,0:04:54.285
I'm taking off my glasses,[br]which by the way, are just frames.

0:04:54.285,0:04:57.007
(Laughter)

0:04:59.229,0:05:02.171
I wore them to look smart,

0:05:02.171,0:05:06.266
even though my vision is perfect.

0:05:07.462,0:05:10.111
And now I'm going to slow things down[br]a little bit.

0:05:10.111,0:05:13.025
I'm going to change the tone.

0:05:13.025,0:05:18.618
I'm going to make it seem[br]like I'm building to a moment.

0:05:20.740,0:05:22.524
And what if I was?

0:05:22.524,0:05:24.699
(Laughter)

0:05:24.702,0:05:26.658
Amazing, isn't it? What can we do?

0:05:26.658,0:05:29.128
Life's a roller coaster.

0:05:32.550,0:05:35.617
You know, if there's one thing[br]you'd take away from my talk,

0:05:35.617,0:05:38.435
I'd like you to think about[br]what you heard at the beginning,

0:05:38.435,0:05:42.489
and I'd like you to think[br]about what you hear now.

0:05:42.489,0:05:44.412
Because it was nothing

0:05:44.412,0:05:47.425
and it's still nothing, think about that.

0:05:47.425,0:05:49.488
Or don't, that's fine.

0:05:49.488,0:05:52.217
And now I'm going to stop talking.

0:05:52.217,0:05:53.601
Thank you.

0:05:53.601,0:05:55.400
(Applause)