[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.23,0:00:03.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Dring - lift door shuts]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.58,0:00:05.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] Where's the buttons?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.91,0:00:10.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Oh no, they've installed voice-recognition technology in this lift, they have no buttons.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.42,0:00:17.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] Voice-recognition technology? In a lift? In Scotland? You ever tried voice-recognition technology?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.30,0:00:19.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] No.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.39,0:00:21.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] They don't do Scottish accents.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.78,0:00:23.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Eleven.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.96,0:00:26.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[VOICE] Could you please repeat that?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.72,0:00:29.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] Eleven.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.70,0:00:32.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Eleven. Eleven.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.98,0:00:34.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] Eleven.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.71,0:00:37.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[VOICE] Could you please repeat that?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.62,0:00:39.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] EL-EV-EN.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.96,0:00:48.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] Whose idea was this? You need to try an American accent. "E-leven. E-leven."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.16,0:00:51.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] That sounds Irish, not American.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.31,0:00:53.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] No it doesn't! ELEVEN.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.23,0:00:56.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Where in America is that - Dublin?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.25,0:00:59.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[VOICE] I'm sorry. Could you please repeat that?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.21,0:01:06.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Try an English accent. "Eelevin! Eelevin!"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.82,0:01:09.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] You from the same part of England as Dick van Dyke?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.18,0:01:11.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Let's hear yours then, smartass.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.27,0:01:13.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[VOICE] Please speak slowly and clearly.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.76,0:01:15.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] SMARTASS.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.90,0:01:17.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] Ee-lev-en.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.85,0:01:20.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[VOICE] I'm sorry. Could you please repeat that?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.06,0:01:26.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] ELEVEN. If you don't understand the lingo, away back home to your own country!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.76,0:01:30.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Ooo, it's that talk now, is it, away back home to your own country?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.40,0:01:34.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] Oh, don't start Mr. Bleeding Heart, how can you be racist to a lift?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.26,0:01:37.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[VOICE] Please speak slowly and clearly.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.92,0:01:44.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Eleven. Eleven. Eleven. Eleven.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.50,0:01:46.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] You're just saying it the same way!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.51,0:01:49.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] I'm going to keep saying it until it understands Scottish, alright?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.34,0:01:56.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Eleven. Eleven. Eleven! Eleven!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.81,0:01:59.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] Oh just take us anywhere, ya cow! Just open the doors!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.98,0:02:07.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[VOICE] This is a voice-activated elevator. Please state which floor you would like to go to in a clear and calm manner.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.83,0:02:13.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] Calm? Calm? Where's that coming from? Why is it telling people to be calm?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.35,0:02:17.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Because they knew they'd be selling this to Scottish people who'd be going off their nuts at it!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.67,0:02:19.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[VOICE] You have not selected a floor.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.98,0:02:22.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Aye, we have! Eleven!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.41,0:02:30.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[VOICE] If you would like to get out of the elevator without selecting a floor, simply say "Open the doors, please".
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.79,0:02:35.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] Please? Please?? Suck my wully.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.52,0:02:37.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Maybe we should just say "please".
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.51,0:02:40.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] I'm not begging that for nothing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.25,0:02:47.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Open the doors, please.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.54,0:02:50.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain} "Please!" Pathetic.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.70,0:02:52.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[VOICE] Please remain calm.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.26,0:02:58.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Oh! My! God! You wait until I get up there...just wait for it to speak...
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.53,0:03:03.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[VOICE] You have not selected a floor.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.51,0:03:07.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Up yours, ya cow! If you don't let us through these doors, I'm gonna come to America,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.06,0:03:13.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm gonna find whatever desperate actress gave you a voice, and I'm gonna go to the electric chair for ye!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.48,0:03:15.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] Scotland, you bastard!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.44,0:03:16.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] Scotland!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.74,0:03:18.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] SCOTLAND!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.04,0:03:19.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] SCOOOOOTLAND!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.88,0:03:21.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] FREEDOM!!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.88,0:03:25.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rob] FREEDOM!!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.26,0:03:32.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Iain] Goin' up?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.14,0:03:33.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Credits]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.61,0:03:36.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Captions made from the transcript given by fuelingforthelight in the description of youtube.com/watch?v=5FFRoYhTJQQ .