1 00:00:00,226 --> 00:00:03,749 [Dring - lift door shuts] 2 00:00:04,576 --> 00:00:05,838 [Iain] Where's the buttons? 3 00:00:05,911 --> 00:00:10,187 [Rob] Oh no, they've installed voice-recognition technology in this lift, they have no buttons. 4 00:00:10,418 --> 00:00:17,664 [Iain] Voice-recognition technology? In a lift? In Scotland? You ever tried voice-recognition technology? 5 00:00:18,303 --> 00:00:19,326 [Rob] No. 6 00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,349 [Iain] They don't do Scottish accents. 7 00:00:21,780 --> 00:00:23,818 [Rob] Eleven. 8 00:00:23,956 --> 00:00:26,508 [VOICE] Could you please repeat that? 9 00:00:27,724 --> 00:00:29,425 [Iain] Eleven. 10 00:00:29,701 --> 00:00:32,959 [Rob] Eleven. Eleven. 11 00:00:32,975 --> 00:00:34,710 [Iain] Eleven. 12 00:00:34,710 --> 00:00:37,386 [VOICE] Could you please repeat that? 13 00:00:37,617 --> 00:00:39,502 [Rob] EL-EV-EN. 14 00:00:39,963 --> 00:00:48,978 [Iain] Whose idea was this? You need to try an American accent. "E-leven. E-leven." 15 00:00:49,162 --> 00:00:51,185 [Rob] That sounds Irish, not American. 16 00:00:51,308 --> 00:00:53,969 [Iain] No it doesn't! ELEVEN. 17 00:00:54,231 --> 00:00:56,131 [Rob] Where in America is that - Dublin? 18 00:00:56,254 --> 00:00:59,136 [VOICE] I'm sorry. Could you please repeat that? 19 00:00:59,213 --> 00:01:06,035 [Rob] Try an English accent. "Eelevin! Eelevin!" 20 00:01:06,820 --> 00:01:09,182 [Iain] You from the same part of England as Dick van Dyke? 21 00:01:09,182 --> 00:01:11,256 [Rob] Let's hear yours then, smartass. 22 00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:13,745 [VOICE] Please speak slowly and clearly. 23 00:01:13,761 --> 00:01:15,905 [Rob] SMARTASS. 24 00:01:15,905 --> 00:01:17,834 [Iain] Ee-lev-en. 25 00:01:17,849 --> 00:01:20,662 [VOICE] I'm sorry. Could you please repeat that? 26 00:01:22,062 --> 00:01:26,424 [Iain] ELEVEN. If you don't understand the lingo, away back home to your own country! 27 00:01:26,763 --> 00:01:30,405 [Rob] Ooo, it's that talk now, is it, away back home to your own country? 28 00:01:30,405 --> 00:01:34,019 [Iain] Oh, don't start Mr. Bleeding Heart, how can you be racist to a lift? 29 00:01:34,265 --> 00:01:37,155 [VOICE] Please speak slowly and clearly. 30 00:01:37,925 --> 00:01:44,330 [Rob] Eleven. Eleven. Eleven. Eleven. 31 00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:46,338 [Iain] You're just saying it the same way! 32 00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:49,198 [Rob] I'm going to keep saying it until it understands Scottish, alright? 33 00:01:50,337 --> 00:01:56,640 [Rob] Eleven. Eleven. Eleven! Eleven! 34 00:01:56,809 --> 00:01:59,751 [Iain] Oh just take us anywhere, ya cow! Just open the doors! 35 00:01:59,982 --> 00:02:07,279 [VOICE] This is a voice-activated elevator. Please state which floor you would like to go to in a clear and calm manner. 36 00:02:07,832 --> 00:02:13,146 [Iain] Calm? Calm? Where's that coming from? Why is it telling people to be calm? 37 00:02:13,346 --> 00:02:17,252 [Rob] Because they knew they'd be selling this to Scottish people who'd be going off their nuts at it! 38 00:02:17,668 --> 00:02:19,962 [VOICE] You have not selected a floor. 39 00:02:19,978 --> 00:02:22,175 [Rob] Aye, we have! Eleven! 40 00:02:22,406 --> 00:02:30,063 [VOICE] If you would like to get out of the elevator without selecting a floor, simply say "Open the doors, please". 41 00:02:30,786 --> 00:02:35,101 [Iain] Please? Please?? Suck my wully. 42 00:02:35,517 --> 00:02:37,524 [Rob] Maybe we should just say "please". 43 00:02:38,509 --> 00:02:40,658 [Iain] I'm not begging that for nothing. 44 00:02:44,254 --> 00:02:47,432 [Rob] Open the doors, please. 45 00:02:48,539 --> 00:02:50,670 [Iain} "Please!" Pathetic. 46 00:02:50,701 --> 00:02:52,216 [VOICE] Please remain calm. 47 00:02:52,263 --> 00:02:58,657 [Rob] Oh! My! God! You wait until I get up there...just wait for it to speak... 48 00:03:01,534 --> 00:03:03,509 [VOICE] You have not selected a floor. 49 00:03:03,509 --> 00:03:07,831 [Rob] Up yours, ya cow! If you don't let us through these doors, I'm gonna come to America, 50 00:03:08,060 --> 00:03:13,291 I'm gonna find whatever desperate actress gave you a voice, and I'm gonna go to the electric chair for ye! 51 00:03:13,475 --> 00:03:15,437 [Iain] Scotland, you bastard! 52 00:03:15,437 --> 00:03:16,675 [Rob] Scotland! 53 00:03:16,737 --> 00:03:18,022 [Iain] SCOTLAND! 54 00:03:18,037 --> 00:03:19,862 [Rob] SCOOOOOTLAND! 55 00:03:19,877 --> 00:03:21,864 [Iain] FREEDOM!! 56 00:03:21,879 --> 00:03:25,291 [Rob] FREEDOM!! 57 00:03:31,256 --> 00:03:32,141 [Iain] Goin' up? 58 00:03:32,141 --> 00:03:33,610 [Credits] 59 00:03:33,610 --> 00:03:36,102 Captions made from the transcript given by fuelingforthelight in the description of youtube.com/watch?v=5FFRoYhTJQQ .