(deep breath)
Hello Internet.
Well, here we are, the year of our Satan, 2023.
Damn, this sounds futuristic, and for the first time,
I actually feel like we're living in the future.
Remember a few years ago, we'd joke like 'oh, 2020? Where are the flying cars?'
'This is so boring!' And suddenly now we've f*cking NFT's, Artificial Intelligence,
Avatar 2, Markiplier nudes!
How did we get here?
I feel like things are getting a bit scary.
And horny...but don't worry, I have got the perfect distraction!
Because what is scarier than someone sharing their life online
only to have it ripped apart by total strangers?
(pained laughter)
Yup, that's right! As a special treat after a particularly traumatic time,
I am reviving our noble tradition of sacrificing my self esteem for your
entertainment, as to remind us all of what a joke life can be. It is time to look back
at the year we just survived in the form of The Top Dan Memes of 2022. (cheering)
(honk)
A month? (laughter) Remember back when we thought that was a long time?
That's funny; try a year.
Yup, this year in review starts in May. Nice one, Dan.
Because I was deliberately cultivating an air of mystery and intrigue
slash-having-a-complete-mental-and- emotional-breakdown-about-the-state
of-my-life-and-career when suddenly! Like a gay, depressed Jesus returning from the
dead. Instead of returning to cleanse you of all of your sins, I'm here to morally
corrupt you all, I returned to YouTube.
With a video called 'Why I Quit YouTube'.
This upload notification should have come with a jump scare warning.
(Video: Guys, I'm on a fucking zoom. I'm on zoom!- Almost hour and a half video-)
I mean, yeah. Not in a zoom. (laughter)
Video 13 years in the making. A historical study, an insider scoop.
Revealing truths about this website, the people that create, the community
that consumes a tidal wave of tea unleashed about the fabled danisnotonfire
and how he ended up being burned by the very flame that gave him life.
I mean sure, some people thought it was interesting, both of my Gemini personalities
ended up trending at the same time, but it was 85 minutes long!
The audacity of this f*cking bitch.
I wanna speak to the manager- I am the manager. I'm fired!
Dan Howell releasing an hour and a half long video- did you take this picture for the meme?
Cause I feel like that image already existed somehow- I am so sorry for
what I did to you. And who comes back to YouTube by quitting it?
Just quit or shut the fuck up!
I want to take a moment to formally apologise to the Dedicated Captioners Squad,
who are the people that voluntarily subtitle all of my videos in other languages
in their spare time. (laughter) What f*cking spare time? (laughter)
Get down in those mines and translate my 85- minute-long video into Brazilian Portuguese!
Some of them probably starved to death trying to finish it. Oh well.
At least I inspired some beautiful art.
I hope you all have a great weekend! Except YouTube (laughing)
3 million views and so many burnt bridges that I was basically-
the dog from the- this is fine meme later (fire crackling noises)
And ya boi Danny was back! 😎
I did semi-ironic clickbaitingly photoshop my eyes
to look more red than they actually were to appear upset...
(gay silence)
...which worked...
(more gay silence)
...because clickbait. (laughing)
Why I quit YouTube moment (fast jazz music)
But a few of you did notice my weirdly traumatized-
Slash high eyeballs. And, well...
(laughing) When you outside and smell that ZAZA🍃
(dying racecar noise)
He was forced to eat cement when he was 6...
Me watching the squirrel outside my window
blink my full legal name in Morse code (lost in laughter)
(dan chicken era?)
(gasp for breath) It's what I deserve.
(cut title: pornhub branding)