(deep breath)

Hello Internet.

Well, here we are, the year of 
our Satan, 2023.

Damn, this sounds futuristic, and for
the first time,

I actually feel like we're living in the
future.

Remember a few years ago, we'd joke like
'oh, 2020? Where are the flying cars?'

'This is so boring!' And suddenly now we've
f*cking NFT's, Artificial Intelligence,

Avatar 2, Markiplier nudes!

How did we get here?

I feel like things are getting a bit scary.

And horny...but don't worry, I have
got the perfect distraction!

Because what is scarier than someone
sharing their life online

only to have it ripped apart by total
strangers?

(pained laughter)

Yup, that's right! As a special treat
after a particularly traumatic time,

I am reviving our noble tradition of 
sacrificing my self esteem for your

entertainment, as to remind us all of what
a joke life can be. It is time to look back

at the year we just survived in the form
of The Top Dan Memes of 2022. (cheering)

(honk)

A month? (laughter) Remember back
when we thought that was a long time?

That's funny; try a year.

Yup, this year in review starts in May. 
Nice one, Dan.

Because I was deliberately cultivating an 
air of mystery and intrigue

slash-having-a-complete-mental-and-
emotional-breakdown-about-the-state

of-my-life-and-career when suddenly! Like a
gay, depressed Jesus returning from the

dead. Instead of returning to cleanse you
of all of your sins, I'm here to morally

corrupt you all, I returned to YouTube.

With a video called 'Why I Quit YouTube'.

This upload notification should have come 
with a jump scare warning.

(Video: Guys, I'm on a fucking zoom. I'm 
on zoom!- Almost hour and a half video-)

I mean, yeah. Not in a zoom. (laughter)

Video 13 years in the making. A historical
study, an insider scoop.

Revealing truths about this website, the 
people that create, the community

that consumes a tidal wave of tea
unleashed about the fabled danisnotonfire

and how he ended up being burned by the 
very flame that gave him life.

I mean sure, some people thought it was
interesting, both of my Gemini personalities

ended up trending at the same time, but it
was 85 minutes long!

The audacity of this f*cking bitch.

I wanna speak to the manager- I am the
manager. I'm fired!

Dan Howell releasing an hour and a half 
long video- did you take this picture for the meme?

Cause I feel like that image already
existed somehow- I am so sorry for

what I did to you. And who comes back to
YouTube by quitting it?

Just quit or shut the fuck up!

I want to take a moment to formally
apologise to the Dedicated Captioners Squad,

who are the people that voluntarily subtitle
all of my videos in other languages

in their spare time. (laughter) What
f*cking spare time? (laughter)

Get down in those mines and translate my 85-
minute-long video into Brazilian Portuguese!

Some of them probably starved to death 
trying to finish it. Oh well.

At least I inspired some beautiful art.

I hope you all have a great weekend! Except YouTube (laughing)

3 million views and so many burnt bridges that I was basically-

the dog from the- this is fine meme later (fire crackling noises)

And ya boi Danny was back! 😎

I did semi-ironic clickbaitingly photoshop my eyes

to look more red than they actually were to appear upset...

(gay silence)

...which worked...

(more gay silence)

...because clickbait. (laughing)

Why I quit YouTube moment (fast jazz music)

But a few of you did notice my weirdly traumatized-

Slash high eyeballs. And, well...

(laughing) When you outside and smell that ZAZA🍃

(dying racecar noise)

He was forced to eat cement when he was 6...

Me watching the squirrel outside my window

blink my full legal name in Morse code (lost in laughter)

(dan chicken era?)

(gasp for breath) It's what I deserve.

(cut title: pornhub branding)