[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.00,0:00:03.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(deep breath)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.80,0:00:05.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello Internet.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.12,0:00:08.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, here we are, the year of \Nour Satan, 2023.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.61,0:00:10.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Damn, this sounds futuristic, and for\Nthe first time,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.96,0:00:14.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I actually feel like we're living in the\Nfuture.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.18,0:00:20.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Remember a few years ago, we'd joke like\N'oh, 2020? Where are the flying cars?'
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.23,0:00:26.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'This is so boring!' And suddenly now we've\Nf*cking NFT's, Artificial Intelligence,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.01,0:00:29.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Avatar 2, Markiplier nudes!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.58,0:00:30.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How did we get here?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.89,0:00:32.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel like things are getting a bit scary.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.23,0:00:36.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And horny...but don't worry, I have\Ngot the perfect distraction!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.79,0:00:41.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because what is scarier than someone\Nsharing their life online
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.12,0:00:44.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,only to have it ripped apart by total\Nstrangers?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.64,0:00:48.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(pained laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.74,0:00:53.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yup, that's right! As a special treat\Nafter a particularly traumatic time,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.47,0:00:58.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am reviving our noble tradition of \Nsacrificing my self esteem for your
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.82,0:01:05.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,entertainment, as to remind us all of what\Na joke life can be. It is time to look back
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.16,0:01:13.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at the year we just survived in the form\Nof The Top Dan Memes of 2022. (cheering)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.09,0:01:13.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(honk)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.83,0:01:20.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A month? (laughter) Remember back\Nwhen we thought that was a long time?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.83,0:01:22.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's funny; try a year.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.82,0:01:26.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yup, this year in review starts in May. \NNice one, Dan.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.21,0:01:30.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I was deliberately cultivating an \Nair of mystery and intrigue
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.21,0:01:33.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,slash-having-a-complete-mental-and-\Nemotional-breakdown-about-the-state
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.08,0:01:37.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of-my-life-and-career when suddenly! Like a\Ngay, depressed Jesus returning from the
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.79,0:01:42.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dead. Instead of returning to cleanse you\Nof all of your sins, I'm here to morally
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.10,0:01:45.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,corrupt you all, I returned to YouTube.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.62,0:01:49.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With a video called 'Why I Quit YouTube'.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.62,0:01:53.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This upload notification should have come \Nwith a jump scare warning.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.39,0:02:01.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Video: Guys, I'm on a fucking zoom. I'm \Non zoom!- Almost hour and a half video-)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.88,0:02:06.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, yeah. Not in a zoom. (laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.49,0:02:11.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Video 13 years in the making. A historical\Nstudy, an insider scoop.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.50,0:02:14.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Revealing truths about this website, the \Npeople that create, the community
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.76,0:02:20.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that consumes a tidal wave of tea\Nunleashed about the fabled danisnotonfire
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.18,0:02:24.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how he ended up being burned by the \Nvery flame that gave him life.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.18,0:02:27.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean sure, some people thought it was\Ninteresting, both of my Gemini personalities
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.70,0:02:32.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ended up trending at the same time, but it\Nwas 85 minutes long!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.07,0:02:34.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The audacity of this f*cking bitch.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.72,0:02:38.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wanna speak to the manager- I am the\Nmanager. I'm fired!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.72,0:02:42.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dan Howell releasing an hour and a half \Nlong video- did you take this picture for the meme?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.61,0:02:46.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cause I feel like that image already\Nexisted somehow- I am so sorry for
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.37,0:02:50.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what I did to you. And who comes back to\NYouTube by quitting it?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.37,0:02:52.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just quit or shut the fuck up!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.96,0:02:56.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to take a moment to formally\Napologise to the Dedicated Captioners Squad,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.96,0:03:00.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who are the people that voluntarily subtitle\Nall of my videos in other languages
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.96,0:03:06.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in their spare time. (laughter) What\Nf*cking spare time? (laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.60,0:03:12.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Get down in those mines and translate my 85-\Nminute-long video into Brazilian Portuguese!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.61,0:03:14.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some of them probably starved to death \Ntrying to finish it. Oh well.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.96,0:03:16.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At least I inspired some beautiful art.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.90,0:03:18.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope you all have a great weekend! Except YouTube (laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.96,0:03:22.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,3 million views and so many burnt bridges that I was basically-
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.09,0:03:24.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the dog from the- this is fine meme later (fire crackling noises)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.42,0:03:26.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And ya boi Danny was back! 😎
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.50,0:03:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did semi-ironic clickbaitingly photoshop my eyes
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.00,0:03:32.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to look more red than they actually were to appear upset...
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.65,0:03:33.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(gay silence)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.89,0:03:34.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,...which worked...
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.80,0:03:35.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(more gay silence)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.46,0:03:36.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,...because clickbait. (laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.08,0:03:38.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why I quit YouTube moment (fast jazz music)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.19,0:03:40.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But a few of you did notice my weirdly traumatized-
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.85,0:03:44.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Slash high eyeballs. And, well...
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.49,0:03:48.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughing) When you outside and smell that ZAZA🍃
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.22,0:03:49.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(dying racecar noise)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.38,0:03:51.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was forced to eat cement when he was 6...
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.26,0:03:53.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Me watching the squirrel outside my window
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.70,0:03:56.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,blink my full legal name in Morse code (lost in laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.34,0:03:57.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(dan chicken era?)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.31,0:03:59.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(gasp for breath) It's what I deserve.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.21,0:04:00.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(cut title: pornhub branding)