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(deep breath)

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Hello Internet.

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Well, here we are, the year of 
our Satan, 2023.

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Damn, this sounds futuristic, and for
the first time,

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I actually feel like we're living in the
future.

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Remember a few years ago, we'd joke like
'oh, 2020? Where are the flying cars?'

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'This is so boring!' And suddenly now we've
f*cking NFT's, Artificial Intelligence,

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Avatar 2, Markiplier nudes!

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How did we get here?

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I feel like things are getting a bit scary.

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And horny...but don't worry, I have
got the perfect distraction!

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Because what is scarier than someone
sharing their life online

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only to have it ripped apart by total
strangers?

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(pained laughter)

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Yup, that's right! As a special treat
after a particularly traumatic time,

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I am reviving our noble tradition of 
sacrificing my self esteem for your

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entertainment, as to remind us all of what
a joke life can be. It is time to look back

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at the year we just survived in the form
of The Top Dan Memes of 2022. (cheering)

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(honk)

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A month? (laughter) Remember back
when we thought that was a long time?

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That's funny; try a year.

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Yup, this year in review starts in May. 
Nice one, Dan.

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Because I was deliberately cultivating an 
air of mystery and intrigue

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slash-having-a-complete-mental-and-
emotional-breakdown-about-the-state

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of-my-life-and-career when suddenly! Like a
gay, depressed Jesus returning from the

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dead. Instead of returning to cleanse you
of all of your sins, I'm here to morally

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corrupt you all, I returned to YouTube.

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With a video called 'Why I Quit YouTube'.

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This upload notification should have come 
with a jump scare warning.

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(Video: Guys, I'm on a fucking zoom. I'm 
on zoom!- Almost hour and a half video-)

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I mean, yeah. Not in a zoom. (laughter)

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Video 13 years in the making. A historical
study, an insider scoop.

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Revealing truths about this website, the 
people that create, the community

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that consumes a tidal wave of tea
unleashed about the fabled danisnotonfire

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and how he ended up being burned by the 
very flame that gave him life.

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I mean sure, some people thought it was
interesting, both of my Gemini personalities

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ended up trending at the same time, but it
was 85 minutes long!

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The audacity of this f*cking bitch.

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I wanna speak to the manager- I am the
manager. I'm fired!

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Dan Howell releasing an hour and a half 
long video- did you take this picture for the meme?

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Cause I feel like that image already
existed somehow- I am so sorry for

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what I did to you. And who comes back to
YouTube by quitting it?

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Just quit or shut the fuck up!

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I want to take a moment to formally
apologise to the Dedicated Captioners Squad,

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who are the people that voluntarily subtitle
all of my videos in other languages

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in their spare time. (laughter) What
f*cking spare time? (laughter)

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Get down in those mines and translate my 85-
minute-long video into Brazilian Portuguese!

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Some of them probably starved to death 
trying to finish it. Oh well.

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At least I inspired some beautiful art.

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I hope you all have a great weekend! Except YouTube (laughing)

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3 million views and so many burnt bridges that I was basically-

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the dog from the- this is fine meme later (fire crackling noises)

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And ya boi Danny was back! 😎

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I did semi-ironic clickbaitingly photoshop my eyes

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to look more red than they actually were to appear upset...

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(gay silence)

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...which worked...

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(more gay silence)

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...because clickbait. (laughing)

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Why I quit YouTube moment (fast jazz music)

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But a few of you did notice my weirdly traumatized-

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Slash high eyeballs. And, well...

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(laughing) When you outside and smell that ZAZA🍃

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(dying racecar noise)

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He was forced to eat cement when he was 6...

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Me watching the squirrel outside my window

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blink my full legal name in Morse code (lost in laughter)

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(dan chicken era?)

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(gasp for breath) It's what I deserve.

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(cut title: pornhub branding)