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Have you ever met a monster?

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Someone so scary they alerted[br]the reptilian part of your brain?

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One morning, I was going to my job[br]as a criminal justice reporter in Denver.

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I stepped into a crowded elevator,

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faced front,

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and got the sense that someone[br]behind me was watching me.

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So I glanced over my shoulder

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to see this man staring at me[br]in a very calculating way

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with cold shark eyes.

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So I stared back,

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and my look said "rude person,"

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and he didn't drop his eyes.

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So I ended that contest[br]and turned back around,

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alarm bells sounding in my head.

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I instantly decided I didn't want him[br]to know which floor was mine.

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So at the next stop,[br]just before the doors came together,

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I darted out at the last minute.

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I flew up the stairs[br]and ran into the newsroom,

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my heart pounding.

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The fear of monsters is instinctive.

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In Denver, in 2005,

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reports of a serial rapist[br]had residents so frightened,

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some were carrying baseball bats.

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Police released a name, Brent Brents,

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and the media scrambled to find out [br]whatever we could on this guy.

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A reporter at the rival newspaper got[br]Brents' sister in Arkansas on the phone,

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and she said,

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"He deserves whatever he gets,"

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before hanging up.

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One sentence, but we'd been scooped.

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"Get thee on a plane[br]to Arkansas," editors said.

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"Find his family[br]and get them to talk to you."

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So I did.

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His mother described Brents[br]as willful, intelligent.

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He'd grown up hunting and fishing;

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ran track, wrestled, boxed.

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He had a learning disorder

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and became frustrated,[br]then angry, in school.

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He started smoking pot[br]at age 10 and drinking,

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and that's when he began[br]beating his mother.

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At 13, he flipped a switch[br]on a railroad track

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and was sent to juvenile detention,

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where he was in and out[br]until the age of 18

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when he was convicted[br]of raping two children.

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He served 16 years in prison[br]and was released without supervision.

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His sister remarked that Brent[br]had a lot of anger toward their father,

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who had died the year before.

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So I turned to the mom and said,

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"I'm sorry to ask,

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but this is a standard question[br]when someone sexually abuses others:

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was Brent ever abused as a child?"

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There was a long pause,

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and then, looking down, she said,

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"Brent makes up all kinds of lies."

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Police caught him[br]a few days after Valentine's Day.

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At the start of that weekend,

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a detective had told him on the phone,

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"Turn yourself in, you little punk."

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Brents essentially replied,[br]"Come find me."

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That weekend, he raped five victims,[br]including two children,

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and nearly beat a young woman to death.

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The DNA from those cases[br]was processed within hours,

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and the manhunt that followed

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ended in a dramatic car chase[br]into the mountains,

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where police captured him at gunpoint.

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This kind of story[br]causes a media feeding frenzy.

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Reporters flocked [br]to the jail, but I didn't.

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I didn't think it would do any good.

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Instead, I sent him a letter[br]on plain stationery, handwritten,

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two sentences:

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"Dear Brent,

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I went to Arkansas, where I met[br]with your mom and sister.

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If you were to ask them,

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they would say I treated them[br]with dignity and respect,

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and I would do the same for you."

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I then gave him the phone[br]number to the newsroom

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and told him to call collect anytime.

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Because I figured[br]he'd be getting a lot of hate mail,

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on the back of the envelope, I wrote,

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"Please don't be afraid to open this."

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At the end of that week,

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police issued a statement[br]about another confirmed victim of Brents.

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And since they'll protect the identity[br]of a victim of sexual assault,

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they'll only release the cross streets[br]that are close to where it happened.

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"Get thee to those cross streets,[br]you and a photographer," editors said.

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"Find this anonymous victim,[br]and get her to talk to you."

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Right.

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So off we went to those cross streets,

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and we found a sea of rental units,

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like giant Legos.

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We knocked on doors[br]for hours, with no luck.

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It was close to getting dark[br]when we saw a woman out walking her dog.

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Dog walkers are always great[br]for information,

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and sure enough,

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she said the handyman had told her[br]about a woman who'd been attacked.

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She gave us the handyman's door number,

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and he gave us the victim's door number.

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I knocked on the door,[br]and a man answered,

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and I could see this tiny,[br]dark-haired woman hiding behind the door.

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And I identified myself,[br]and she came out and said,

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"You scared me."

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Her name is Margaret,

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and she told me her story.

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Her attack had happened[br]nearly three weeks earlier,

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and she still had the yellow outlines[br]of bruises on her neck.

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Brents had rushed her at her front door -

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she was coming home from running errands.

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She fought him,

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and he beat and choked her

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and then raped her.

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Margaret pointed to her couch,

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which had a big chunk[br]cut out of the upholstery.

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The police had taken it for evidence

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because that was where[br]the rape had happened.

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And when you can't afford a new couch

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and you can't afford[br]to break your lease and move -

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and Margaret couldn't -

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then you're forced to live[br]with reminders of your worst nightmare.

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The police had told her

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the DNA from her case[br]would take about two months to process.

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They gave her no hope of solving her case.

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And then she saw a story[br]about Brents being wanted

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and recognized his mug shot[br]as her attacker.

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One of the last things she said to me[br]that night really struck me.

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She said, "I hate him.

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Yet I still feel sorry for him.

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An animal - poor creature."

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A week later, Brents called me.

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One of the first things he said to me was[br]"I'm not going to give you anything."

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I love it when people call me and say,

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"I'm not going to talk to you."

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Okay.

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He then said,

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"I have one question for you,

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and anything further[br]depends on your answer."

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And he said, "People say[br]they hate me, that I'm a monster.

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Do you think so?"

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And without thinking,[br]I said, "No, I don't.

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You've done monstrous things,

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but I don't consider you a monster."

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And that's how we started[br]a correspondence.

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In one letter, Brents wrote,

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"Don't trip - I've actually stood[br]two feet away from you in an elevator."

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And rolling my eyes,

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I pulled out a piece of paper[br]to fire back a response of

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"Don't BS me. We had a deal[br]to always tell the truth."

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And I realized that had been him[br]behind me on the elevator that morning.

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The man whose very presence

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had caused me to run to the newsroom[br]like a frightened rabbit.

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It turned out that Brents[br]had followed my work.

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A few months before[br]he was released from prison,

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I had co-authored a three-part series

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into how the military mishandles cases[br]of sexual assault and domestic violence,

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and that had resonated with him.

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Not because he was a perpetrator,

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but because the angry man-child within him[br]considered himself a victim.

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This is a picture of Brent in first grade.

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His father had been raping him[br]for three years by then.

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A few weeks after this next picture[br]was taken, when Brent was 12,

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his father beat him so badly

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that he suffered[br]what medical records described

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as "a left orbital blowout fracture."

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His left eye socket was broken.

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Records and interviews with family members

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indicate that his father[br]was a violent, sadistic man.

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The two children from his second marriage

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were both removed from the home[br]because of his abuse.

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And Brent and his brother[br]were both returned,

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although it's not clear why.

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Brent's father told him

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that he himself had been beaten[br]and sexually abused as a child

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by his father, Brent's grandfather.

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And so the pattern repeated:

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pain, degradation, shame.

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Brent Brents did to others[br]what had been done to him as a child.

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And while he was still a child,[br]like many victims he blamed himself.

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He once wrote,

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"I don't remember much[br]of when I was real young

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except fear and shame[br]and lack of courage."

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Brents told me that after[br]that detective said to him,

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"Turn yourself in, you little punk,"

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that he, Brents,[br]had worked himself into a rage.

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Then he'd gone and committed[br]his final horrific crime spree.

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And I'm not saying

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that these factors are an excuse[br]for the violence Brents committed.

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He made choices.

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He absolutely deserves[br]to spend the rest of his life in prison.

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But knowing what happened to him

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does help explain why someone like Brents[br]could commit such violence

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with such a lack of empathy -

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that his brain was predisposed to it

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and the abuse inflicted[br]on him was his model.

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It's human nature

0:09:10.077,0:09:13.015
to want to distance yourself[br]from someone like him,

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label him as a "monster,"[br]dismiss him as evil.

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We don't want to have[br]anything in common with such a monster

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because then it could mean that we too[br]are capable of monstrous things.

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But putting a rapist in the category[br]of "monster" may make us feel safer today,

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but it's more dangerous for tomorrow

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because then we won't believe[br]that the "monster" can be a neighbor,

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a co-worker, a trusted friend.

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And that enables them[br]to hide in plain sight.

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The dominant theme of how to prevent[br]sexual assault today

0:09:45.283,0:09:47.598
is cloaked in helpful advice like

0:09:47.598,0:09:52.030
"Don't walk alone, don't drink too much,[br]don't put yourself at risk."

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And the message, primarily to women,

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is "Don't get raped."

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How about we turn our focus[br]to a different population instead and say

0:10:01.402,0:10:03.102
"Don't rape."

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And then why don't we take it[br]one step further

0:10:05.979,0:10:07.310
and ask ourselves

0:10:07.310,0:10:12.595
what are we doing wrong as a culture[br]that we continue to produce rapists?

0:10:13.055,0:10:16.812
Because whether it's the ex-convict[br]who attacks strangers,

0:10:16.812,0:10:19.735
the college boy who rapes his girlfriend,

0:10:20.485,0:10:23.593
or the celebrity who drugs[br]and assaults his victims -

0:10:23.593,0:10:30.277
they all choose to exert anger, power,[br]and control over someone else.

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And with that choice,[br]they are all the same.

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And they all leave pain in their wake.

0:10:38.580,0:10:42.175
I've interviewed more than 50 survivors[br]of campus sexual assault

0:10:42.175,0:10:44.275
in the past two years alone.

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And the details I learn[br]about their perpetrators

0:10:47.136,0:10:52.035
paint a picture of so many young men[br]being deliberately predatory.

0:10:52.534,0:10:55.147
They isolate their intended victim,

0:10:55.147,0:10:58.289
they ply them with drugs and alcohol,

0:10:58.289,0:11:00.072
they lock doors,

0:11:00.072,0:11:03.235
they ignore tears,[br]they ignore pleas to stop,

0:11:03.235,0:11:07.550
they ignore the fact their victim[br]is limp with fear or is unconscious.

0:11:08.605,0:11:13.672
10 years ago, Brent Brents[br]was sentenced to 1,509 years.

0:11:14.066,0:11:19.240
Today, all over this country, we're seeing[br]new generations of serial rapists.

0:11:19.605,0:11:21.850
Why is this still happening?

0:11:22.245,0:11:26.616
Why do we continue to reinforce[br]the message to our boys and young men

0:11:26.616,0:11:31.561
that their worth is linked[br]to their ability to dominate?

0:11:32.351,0:11:36.881
What if we prized compassion[br]more than power?

0:11:38.061,0:11:40.468
When they're little, we tell our kids,

0:11:40.468,0:11:43.005
"Play nicely in the sandbox."

0:11:43.005,0:11:44.559
They get older, and we say,

0:11:44.559,0:11:46.428
"Don't get in fights in the playground.

0:11:46.428,0:11:49.096
Take a breath, count to 10, walk away."

0:11:50.006,0:11:51.540
Then they get older still,

0:11:51.540,0:11:56.561
and we teach them about the biological[br]aspects of sex: health and reproduction.

0:11:57.911,0:12:01.547
What if we were to evolve[br]those conversations with our youth

0:12:01.547,0:12:04.519
and teach them how feeling shame,

0:12:04.519,0:12:07.284
how feeling powerless, feeling angry -

0:12:07.284,0:12:10.765
all of which cover up hurt and rejection -

0:12:10.765,0:12:14.199
could cause them to want[br]to dominate someone else?

0:12:14.659,0:12:18.889
And that they can learn[br]to recognize triggers and not act on them?

0:12:18.889,0:12:21.602
At least start that conversation.

0:12:22.472,0:12:25.603
And then speak up[br]if you witness predatory behavior -

0:12:25.603,0:12:27.615
and you'll know it when you see it.

0:12:27.615,0:12:32.299
Don't make excuses for it,[br]don't look away, don't cover it up.

0:12:32.989,0:12:36.496
And because sexual assault[br]happens on a continuum,

0:12:36.496,0:12:41.036
starting with verbal harassment[br]and escalating to a physical attack,

0:12:41.036,0:12:46.777
speak up if you hear or read a joke[br]about sexual assault or victimization.

0:12:47.317,0:12:50.841
It's not funny; it's not sexy.

0:12:50.841,0:12:52.608
It's dangerous.

0:12:53.258,0:12:56.467
If someone confides in you[br]that they've been sexually assaulted,

0:12:56.467,0:12:57.737
believe them.

0:12:57.737,0:13:01.678
False reports are so rare,[br]so yes, believe them.

0:13:01.678,0:13:03.879
Listen to them without judgment.

0:13:03.879,0:13:05.399
Help them find resources

0:13:05.399,0:13:08.239
and then support[br]whatever they decide to do.

0:13:09.079,0:13:10.837
For victims, Brents told me

0:13:10.837,0:13:15.722
that group counseling for sexual offenders[br]in prison does not work.

0:13:15.722,0:13:18.886
For an inmate even to be seen[br]going to sex offender group

0:13:18.886,0:13:20.986
puts their safety at risk.

0:13:20.986,0:13:24.301
And once there, they don't want[br]to be seen as vulnerable.

0:13:24.301,0:13:27.308
It's difficult to change[br]when you're living in fear.

0:13:27.828,0:13:30.946
And if we really do want[br]to help them try to change,

0:13:30.946,0:13:34.732
why not offer more[br]of the respect and compassion

0:13:34.732,0:13:38.756
that can be felt with[br]one-on-one focused attention?

0:13:38.756,0:13:41.740
Something a damaged person[br]desperately needs.

0:13:42.520,0:13:46.857
Instead of building more prisons[br]and focusing on punishing perpetrators,

0:13:46.857,0:13:49.277
why don't we try to prevent them?

0:13:50.284,0:13:51.429
Brents has often said,

0:13:51.429,0:13:55.196
by the time he was nine,[br]his brain was broken.

0:13:56.963,0:13:59.816
What if someone had intervened[br]in his life early on?

0:13:59.816,0:14:02.078
A neighbor, a teacher.

0:14:02.553,0:14:07.387
How could no one have noticed[br]that boy who went to school with bruises,

0:14:07.387,0:14:08.686
smelling like urine

0:14:08.686,0:14:10.827
because he had wet the bed[br]the night before

0:14:10.827,0:14:13.016
rather than creep[br]down the hall to the bathroom

0:14:13.016,0:14:15.196
and risk waking his father?

0:14:16.366,0:14:18.489
If you help an abused child,

0:14:18.489,0:14:23.748
you could be preventing a lifetime of pain[br]for more than one person.

0:14:25.092,0:14:28.534
So many people today[br]live in what I call "garage houses,"

0:14:28.534,0:14:30.914
where the garage is the dominant feature.

0:14:30.914,0:14:32.783
They drive up to their garage at night,

0:14:32.783,0:14:35.852
the door goes up, the car goes in,[br]the door goes down,

0:14:35.852,0:14:38.979
and they stay inside[br]until they leave the next day.

0:14:38.979,0:14:41.855
They can't tell you the name[br]of the family down the street.

0:14:41.855,0:14:45.095
They won't interact,[br]and they sure won't intervene.

0:14:45.737,0:14:51.167
What if we dared to care[br]without hesitation, without condition?

0:14:51.977,0:14:53.006
It's a harsh truth,

0:14:53.006,0:14:56.368
but our society cares more[br]about sexual assault victims

0:14:56.368,0:14:58.967
if they are the right kind of victim.

0:14:58.967,0:15:00.736
Remember how police told Margaret

0:15:00.736,0:15:04.034
the DNA from her case[br]would sit on a shelf for two months?

0:15:04.804,0:15:07.565
When Brents attacked victims[br]in a high-income neighborhood,

0:15:07.565,0:15:10.152
that DNA was processed within hours.

0:15:10.742,0:15:15.343
Lady Justice might be blind,[br]but she can sure have a champagne taste.

0:15:16.973,0:15:18.484
I stayed in touch with Margaret

0:15:18.484,0:15:21.497
as her case wound its way[br]through the court system.

0:15:21.497,0:15:25.246
In July of 2005, Brents[br]pleaded guilty to her attack.

0:15:25.691,0:15:29.767
Like many survivors who struggle[br]with post-traumatic stress disorder,

0:15:29.767,0:15:32.553
Margaret was terrified[br]of leaving the house.

0:15:32.553,0:15:35.934
She had nightmares, flashbacks.

0:15:35.934,0:15:38.083
She couldn't hold down a job.

0:15:38.083,0:15:40.114
Her marriage fell apart.

0:15:40.784,0:15:42.067
The day before the hearing,

0:15:42.067,0:15:44.737
Margaret asked me to deliver[br]a message to Brents for her,

0:15:44.737,0:15:46.042
and I agreed.

0:15:46.042,0:15:48.194
And this was her message:

0:15:48.194,0:15:49.739
"Tell him ...

0:15:50.539,0:15:52.015
I forgive him."

0:15:54.419,0:15:56.416
It's stunning, isn't it?

0:15:57.157,0:16:01.205
How could she forgive this man[br]who wounded her so?

0:16:01.205,0:16:04.210
Who nearly took everything from her?

0:16:05.050,0:16:06.063
And she said,

0:16:06.063,0:16:08.626
"I'm not thinking of the man[br]who tried to kill me.

0:16:08.626,0:16:12.323
I'm thinking of the little boy[br]who had the same thing happen to him."

0:16:13.213,0:16:15.792
And she said, "Hating is not hard.

0:16:16.230,0:16:19.861
But if I go on hating him,[br]I will never get over it."

0:16:20.981,0:16:21.989
And she added,

0:16:21.989,0:16:25.701
"If it was me, I would want someone[br]to try to help me or listen to me

0:16:25.701,0:16:29.350
and not just look at me[br]like I was an animal or a monster."

0:16:30.721,0:16:32.941
She inspires me.

0:16:33.410,0:16:38.021
If Margaret can forgive Brent Brents,[br]we can forgive anybody.

0:16:39.691,0:16:43.558
This case had a profound[br]effect on my life.

0:16:44.218,0:16:48.051
It taught me that we are all connected

0:16:48.051,0:16:52.546
and that turning our backs on others[br]is really abandoning ourselves.

0:16:53.466,0:16:56.594
It made me realize I didn't like[br]the reporter I had become.

0:16:57.174,0:16:59.222
It was actually Brents[br]who pointed out to me

0:16:59.222,0:17:01.302
that he and I had something in common:

0:17:01.302,0:17:02.876
we were both driven.

0:17:04.266,0:17:07.342
I quit that job shortly after[br]his case ended,

0:17:07.342,0:17:09.852
and I will never again work in a newsroom,

0:17:09.852,0:17:11.945
because the desperate[br]competition for ratings

0:17:11.945,0:17:14.698
is unhealthy for me in many ways.

0:17:15.478,0:17:19.593
And I no longer knock[br]on a survivor's door unless I'm invited.

0:17:20.922,0:17:22.979
I started that correspondence with Brents

0:17:22.979,0:17:26.915
because as a journalist who has spent[br]a lifetime covering sexual assault,

0:17:26.915,0:17:30.282
I wanted an answer to the question "Why?"

0:17:30.830,0:17:34.442
He began as a bug under a microscope,[br]and that's what I told him.

0:17:35.798,0:17:40.682
Brent Brents became a lesson[br]in humanity and compassion.

0:17:41.956,0:17:45.822
Even so-called "monsters"[br]have things they're afraid of.

0:17:46.292,0:17:48.330
Brents wrote me about his.

0:17:48.920,0:17:49.928
He said,

0:17:49.928,0:17:53.265
"My biggest fear is that I will die

0:17:53.265,0:17:57.222
without ever having done anything good."

0:17:58.782,0:18:00.803
And that's why I tell this story.

0:18:01.663,0:18:03.564
Thank you for listening.

0:18:03.564,0:18:05.153
(Applause)