[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.70,0:00:20.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I caught up with a friend\Nof mine the other day.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.07,0:00:21.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I love her.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.07,0:00:23.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's smart, she's brilliant, \Nshe's talented.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.72,0:00:27.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And after we grabbed our coffees\Nand we did the usual warm-up chitchat,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.84,0:00:29.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Shannon looked at me and said,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.33,0:00:31.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Michael, you're a good guy.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.63,0:00:33.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I need your help.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.27,0:00:35.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I need your advice."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.27,0:00:39.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my Monster was delighted.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.90,0:00:41.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.86,0:00:44.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She started telling me what was going on,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.37,0:00:48.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I started to pretend to listen,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.92,0:00:49.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because quite frankly
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.96,0:00:53.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my Advice Monster already knew exactly\Nwhat it wanted to tell her.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.07,0:00:54.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.09,0:00:58.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I'm pretty good\Nat the fake active listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.39,0:01:00.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, you tip your head on the side,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.74,0:01:04.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you nod, you look engaged,\Nyet caring, yet concerned,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.99,0:01:07.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,small, meaningless words of encouragement,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.51,0:01:11.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Mm-hm. Yeah, sure. Mm, yeah, right.\NOh, you go, girlfriend."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.53,0:01:12.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and "Exactly."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.24,0:01:15.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But honestly my Advice Monster's like,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.18,0:01:17.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Could we just hurry this up, please?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.09,0:01:18.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause time is short."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.35,0:01:22.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Finally, Shannon finished,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.18,0:01:25.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so finally, I was able\Nto share my brilliant advice.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.88,0:01:29.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And make no mistake, it was brilliant.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.78,0:01:34.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Shannon tipped her head on the side,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.84,0:01:37.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,looked engaged, yet caring, yet concerned.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.35,0:01:38.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.37,0:01:41.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Started nodding, making small,\Nmeaningless words of encouragement,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.47,0:01:44.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Mm-hm. Yeah, maybe. OK. Yeah. Nice idea."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.48,0:01:48.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Honestly, my advice, my help\Nwas going nowhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.03,0:01:54.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My Advice Monster had sabotaged\Nthe conversation - again!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.49,0:01:57.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, this isn't just a Michael thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.91,0:02:00.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not even a mansplaining thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.22,0:02:03.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You! All of you!\NYou know your Advice Monster.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.85,0:02:06.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Somebody starts telling you\Nabout something.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.13,0:02:09.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't really know the situation,\Nyou don't really know the people involved,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.87,0:02:11.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you certainly don't have the full context,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.89,0:02:14.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you definitely don't have\Nthe technical specifications,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.88,0:02:17.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and after about 10 seconds,\Nyour Advice Monster's like,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.45,0:02:20.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh! I've got something to say here!"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.98,0:02:22.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.77,0:02:27.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, research tells us\Nthat medical doctors' Advice Monsters
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.63,0:02:31.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tend to interrupt their patients\Nafter about 11 seconds.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.66,0:02:33.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that's not really a medical thing,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.48,0:02:35.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's a human thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.90,0:02:37.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I can see some of you\Nare looking at me
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.95,0:02:41.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you're thinking to yourself,\N"Michael, it's true.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.54,0:02:43.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Other people's Advice Monsters?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.96,0:02:46.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Very annoying, really pretty irritating.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.85,0:02:48.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.14,0:02:52.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But my advice? My advice\Nis honestly pretty fantastic!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.29,0:02:55.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what's wrong with advice anyway?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.74,0:02:58.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, look, there is nothing\Nwrong with advice.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.75,0:03:00.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Advice is a key part of civilization.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.88,0:03:05.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean TED, TEDx,\Nit is one large forum for advice.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.90,0:03:08.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem isn't with advice.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.30,0:03:12.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem is when giving advice\Nbecomes our default response.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.17,0:03:16.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we all have this ingrained\Nway of behaving.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.19,0:03:18.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For most of us, it's become a habit.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.07,0:03:20.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's become an advice-giving habit.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.61,0:03:21.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.30,0:03:26.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Agh!" for short.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.27,0:03:30.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.60,0:03:34.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it turns out there are three ways\Nthat advice-giving goes bad.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.31,0:03:36.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first two are kind of connected.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.10,0:03:38.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's the first challenge\Nwith advice-giving:
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.47,0:03:42.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're busy solving the wrong problem.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.54,0:03:43.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This happens all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.84,0:03:45.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We get seduced into thinking
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.18,0:03:48.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the first challenge that shows up\Nis the real challenge.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.21,0:03:49.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It almost never is.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.76,0:03:53.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's people's best guess;\Nit's their first hypothesis;
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.10,0:03:54.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's a stab in the dark.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.89,0:03:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's really rare
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.00,0:03:59.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the first challenge\Nis the real challenge.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.34,0:04:02.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But let's just say\Nfor the sake of argument
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.34,0:04:03.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that somehow miraculously
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.78,0:04:06.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you are finding and working\Non the real challenge.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.89,0:04:09.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's the second issue\Nwith advice-giving:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.35,0:04:14.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your advice is not nearly as good\Nas you think it is.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.51,0:04:15.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.89,0:04:17.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if you're thinking to yourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.56,0:04:21.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh no, Michael, no, no,\Nmy advice is magnificent."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.48,0:04:26.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I'd encourage you to go watch\Nall those TED videos on cognitive biases
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.58,0:04:30.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that will explain just how bad\Nyour advice normally is,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.74,0:04:34.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,particularly if you think\Nyou give good advice.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.83,0:04:39.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But with those first two\Nare just you kind of wasting people's time
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.03,0:04:41.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and life and resources and money.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.07,0:04:42.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you know, no big deal.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.88,0:04:45.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.54,0:04:50.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The third issue about giving advice\Ncuts a little deeper and cuts both ways.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.54,0:04:53.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you are on the receiving end of advice,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.00,0:04:56.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you're on the receiving end\Nof somebody's Advice Monster,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.86,0:04:58.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're constantly getting the message
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.63,0:05:01.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you can't figure this out yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.48,0:05:03.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that cuts away\Nat your sense of competence
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.66,0:05:06.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and your confidence,\Nand your sense of autonomy.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.44,0:05:09.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if you're on the other side \Nof the equation,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.88,0:05:11.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you have an Advice Monster -
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.73,0:05:15.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if I can be clear,\Nyou all have an Advice Monster -
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.02,0:05:18.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well, forget about the fact\Nthat you're disempowering people.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.94,0:05:19.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Forget about the fact
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.96,0:05:22.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you're a bottleneck\Nto everybody around you,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.97,0:05:26.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just that added responsibility\Nof having to have all the answers,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.82,0:05:29.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to save the person\Nand to save the day,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.90,0:05:33.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's exhausting, and it's frustrating,\Nand it's overwhelming.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.65,0:05:38.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I can see you looking at me\Nand going "Yeah, Michael, point well made.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.58,0:05:41.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We get this. I get it.\NI understand, fair enough."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.97,0:05:44.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I know you do get it.\NIt's straight-forward.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.35,0:05:46.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You get this, in theory.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.25,0:05:49.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In practice, this is still \Nhow you're showing up
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.61,0:05:51.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on an everyday basis.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.64,0:05:52.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.75,0:05:54.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.98,0:05:56.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what's going on with that?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.59,0:05:58.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, it's your Advice Monster.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.58,0:06:01.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You keep feeding it and it is insatiable.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.14,0:06:03.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Somebody starts talking,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.66,0:06:06.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and your Advice Monster\Nlooms up out of the dark and goes,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.39,0:06:10.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, I'm going to add some value\Nto this conversation! Yes, I am!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.11,0:06:12.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here I go."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.76,0:06:14.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.11,0:06:17.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to learn to tame\Nyour Advice Monster.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.01,0:06:20.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And to tame it, you have to understand it.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.95,0:06:24.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it turns out your Advice Monster\Nhas three different personas,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.08,0:06:27.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if you listen up, you'll hear the one\Nthat resonates most for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.24,0:06:31.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first persona\Nof the Advice Monster is "tell it."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.44,0:06:32.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tell it.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.53,0:06:34.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the loudest of the three.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.12,0:06:38.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It has convinced you\Nthat the only way that you add value
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.73,0:06:40.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to have the answers.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.46,0:06:41.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To have all the answers.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.97,0:06:44.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To have all the answers to all the things.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.34,0:06:46.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you don't have all the answers,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.68,0:06:48.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then you fail.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.10,0:06:50.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anybody kind of know this one?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.87,0:06:52.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, I thought as much.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.58,0:06:55.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The second Advice Monster,\Na little more subtle,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.34,0:06:57.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is called "save it."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.04,0:07:00.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Save it" has put its arm\Naround you and gone,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.42,0:07:04.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Your job, your only job\Nis to rescue everybody.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.67,0:07:08.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't let anybody stumble,\Nstruggle, have a difficult time.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.51,0:07:09.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't let anybody fail.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.75,0:07:12.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If anybody struggles at all, you fail."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.68,0:07:14.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anybody know this one?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.79,0:07:16.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Any parents in the room, for instance?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.62,0:07:17.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Exactly.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.16,0:07:22.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The third of the Advice Monsters,\Nthe sneakiest of the three,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.22,0:07:23.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is "control it."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.08,0:07:26.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Control it" has convinced you\Nthat the only way you win
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.19,0:07:29.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to maintain control at all times.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.87,0:07:31.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't let go the grip of anything.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.08,0:07:35.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If anybody else takes over control,\Neven a little bit,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.15,0:07:37.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then you and they will definitely fail.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.24,0:07:39.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anybody know "control it?"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.83,0:07:42.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's my favorite one personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.55,0:07:46.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in fact, there's something\Nthat connects all three of these personas.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.95,0:07:48.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is an important point:
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.42,0:07:52.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in that singular moment,\Nwhen your Advice Monster is in control,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.64,0:07:57.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you are saying that you are better\Nthan the other person.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.39,0:07:59.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are better than the other person.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.56,0:08:01.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're saying that they're not up to it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.52,0:08:03.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're saying they're not good enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.33,0:08:04.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're saying
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.12,0:08:07.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're not smart enough, wise enough,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.02,0:08:10.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fast enough, moral enough,\Nexperienced enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.30,0:08:13.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're basically saying\Nthat they're not good enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.44,0:08:18.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's not only the other person\Nthat is diminished in this moment
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.41,0:08:20.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when your Advice Monster is in control.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.11,0:08:22.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're diminished as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.27,0:08:25.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because when your Advice\NMonster is in control,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.94,0:08:28.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you lose that connection to your humanity.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.18,0:08:31.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You lose that connection to your empathy
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.77,0:08:34.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and your compassion \Nand your sense of vulnerability.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.13,0:08:39.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You start using\Nyour answers as your armor.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.89,0:08:44.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I was going to give you a quick talk\Nabout the power of empathy
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.42,0:08:46.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and compassion and vulnerability,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.38,0:08:48.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then I thought to myself:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.67,0:08:50.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Brené Brown
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.27,0:08:53.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or the Dalai Lama
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.12,0:08:55.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or Jesus.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.62,0:08:58.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OK, I think this ground's been\Npretty much covered.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.28,0:08:59.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So -
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.28,0:09:01.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.02,0:09:03.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rather than that,\Nlet me give you a quick primer
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.82,0:09:07.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on how you might go about\Ntaming your Advice Monster.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.54,0:09:10.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what you're looking to do\Nis replace an old habit,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.28,0:09:13.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the advice-giving habit, with a new habit:
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.54,0:09:16.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you stay curious a little bit longer?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.67,0:09:18.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's as simple and as difficult as that.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.97,0:09:21.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you stay curious a little bit longer?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.92,0:09:23.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do you stay curious?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.85,0:09:27.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, questions\Nare the kindling of curiosity.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.29,0:09:31.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're the light that holds back\Nthe darkness of the Advice Monster.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.89,0:09:33.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So let me share with you\Nthe three questions
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.94,0:09:36.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wish I'd asked Shannon\Nwhen we were in that café together.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.04,0:09:38.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first question is this:
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.69,0:09:41.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the real challenge here for you?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.64,0:09:43.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the real challenge here for you?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.55,0:09:45.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the focus question.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.14,0:09:48.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It recognizes that at the start\Nof a conversation
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.40,0:09:50.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,neither of you really know\Nwhat's going on.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.70,0:09:53.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You just both think you do.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.98,0:09:57.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So not only does "What's the real\Nchallenge here for you?"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.64,0:09:59.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,keep your Advice Monster at bay,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.38,0:10:02.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it repositions you to say,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.89,0:10:05.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The most important thing \NI can be doing here
Dialogue: 0,0:10:05.52,0:10:08.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to help you find\Nthe really important issue,"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.12,0:10:12.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not to provide the fast wrong answer,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.49,0:10:14.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is what happens right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.85,0:10:19.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The second question that I wish\NI'd asked Shannon is: And what else?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.69,0:10:20.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what else?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.94,0:10:23.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the acronym is A-W-E.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.26,0:10:26.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's literally an awesome question.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.11,0:10:29.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And "And what else?" has it as the insight
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.75,0:10:33.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the first answer they give you\Nis never their only answer,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.07,0:10:35.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's rarely their best answer.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.78,0:10:37.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when you ask, "And what else?"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.73,0:10:40.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not only does it tame your Advice Monster,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.14,0:10:44.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it helps you go deeper and further\Non any question that you ask.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.98,0:10:49.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Before I give you the third question,\Nwhich I think you're going to like,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.43,0:10:52.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,let me just show you how\Nthese two can play really well together.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.51,0:10:54.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're going to do something live,\Nright here with us.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.99,0:10:56.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So here is what I want you to do:
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.56,0:10:59.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,think of a real challenge \Nthat's going on for you right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.42,0:11:00.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It can be big; it can be small;
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.92,0:11:03.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it can be about life;\Nit can be about work;
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.09,0:11:05.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it can be about a project;\Nit can be a person.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.100,0:11:07.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't mind what it is.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.50,0:11:08.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Take your best guess.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.93,0:11:11.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a real thing,\Nso actually, think of something.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.47,0:11:14.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can write it down if you want\Nor just keep it in your head.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.36,0:11:17.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now you've got that challenge in mind,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.79,0:11:19.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to ask you a question.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.66,0:11:20.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here it is.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.99,0:11:22.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thinking of that challenge,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.35,0:11:26.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what's the real challenge here for you?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.89,0:11:29.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the real challenge here for you?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.77,0:11:32.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, I can see people working.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.10,0:11:33.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can hear brains ticking over.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.57,0:11:34.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is great.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.85,0:11:37.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stuff's opening up for you\Nas you think about that.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.24,0:11:40.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are like, "OK, I think\NI've got the real challenge here for me."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.46,0:11:41.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's nice.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.48,0:11:42.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we're not done yet.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.99,0:11:44.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me ask you another question:
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.65,0:11:46.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what else?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.82,0:11:49.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What else is a real\Nchallenge here for you?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.54,0:11:51.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I know there's more\Nthan one thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.55,0:11:54.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what else? What else\Nis a real challenge here for you?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.93,0:11:56.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just notice how that's popping up
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.52,0:11:58.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how stuff is opening up for you,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:58.59,0:11:59.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is lovely.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.35,0:12:02.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, of course, we're not done yet.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:02.56,0:12:04.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have another question for you:
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.36,0:12:08.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What else? What else\Nis a real challenge here for you?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.83,0:12:11.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because there's still more\Nto be unpacked here.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.28,0:12:14.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some of you are like, "This is amazing!\NI didn't know this was all here.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.66,0:12:16.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Where is this all coming from?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.14,0:12:17.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:17.93,0:12:20.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've got one final question for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.48,0:12:22.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to step\Nto the edge of the red spot here,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:22.86,0:12:24.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just to make it really dramatic.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.46,0:12:26.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.60,0:12:28.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now that you've considered all of that,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.50,0:12:30.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you've done some thinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.69,0:12:36.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What's the real challenge here for you?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.43,0:12:37.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.53,0:12:38.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Exactly, your head explodes.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.89,0:12:41.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are like, "Oh my god.\NWhat's happened here?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.37,0:12:43.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And for some of you, you're like, "Wow!"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.30,0:12:45.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is really in a minute or less
Dialogue: 0,0:12:45.23,0:12:47.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just opened up a new way of seeing this.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.74,0:12:50.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But actually, here's a really\Nkey part of this.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.33,0:12:53.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You'll notice that your answer\Nto the first "What's the real challenge?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.73,0:12:56.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and your answer\Nto the final one was different.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.01,0:13:02.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And why that matters is if I've been busy\Ntrying to solve that first challenge,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.09,0:13:04.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd be offering up\Nmy slightly crappy advice
Dialogue: 0,0:13:04.50,0:13:06.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to solve the wrong problem.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.43,0:13:10.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And honestly, that's\Nwhat's happening all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.84,0:13:15.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The third question that I wish\NI'd asked Shannon back in that café,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:15.58,0:13:17.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's a difficult question\Nbut it's so powerful.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:18.12,0:13:20.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The question is: What do you want?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.14,0:13:21.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do you want?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.95,0:13:24.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because when you get clear\Non what you want,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.35,0:13:26.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it becomes the foundation for action.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:26.53,0:13:29.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It becomes the foundation for progress.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.68,0:13:31.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you know what you want,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.06,0:13:34.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you get to step towards\Nthat autonomy and that competence
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.40,0:13:37.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that confidence\Nthat we were talking about before.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.39,0:13:42.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when that happens your Advice Monster\Nreally has not much chance.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.74,0:13:45.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that's the challenge in front of us:
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.60,0:13:48.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to replace an old habit,\Nthe advice-giving habit,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.21,0:13:51.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a brand-new habit:\Nstaying curious a little bit longer.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:52.15,0:13:55.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because when you do that,\Nyou begin to empower people,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.57,0:13:57.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not by giving them the answer
Dialogue: 0,0:13:57.48,0:14:00.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but by helping them find their own answer.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.41,0:14:02.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not by rescuing them,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:02.61,0:14:04.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but by helping them find their own path.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.98,0:14:07.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not by holding onto control on everything
Dialogue: 0,0:14:07.50,0:14:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but by giving up some control
Dialogue: 0,0:14:09.00,0:14:12.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and inviting others to step in\Nand to step up.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:12.63,0:14:16.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And all of that becomes possible\Nwhen you tame your Advice Monster.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:17.22,0:14:18.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.38,0:14:21.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cheering) (Applause)