0:00:12.208,0:00:13.957 I have a friend. 0:00:13.958,0:00:16.567 To protect her privacy[br]I'm going to call her Maria. 0:00:16.867,0:00:18.740 Maria has a wonderful job. 0:00:18.741,0:00:22.104 She's a photographer,[br]and she's really talented, 0:00:22.484,0:00:24.651 and things are doing really well for her. 0:00:24.981,0:00:28.922 She's signing one contract[br]after the other - exhibitions. 0:00:29.462,0:00:32.326 Last year, she even won[br]a couple of prestigious awards. 0:00:33.386,0:00:35.868 What I like about her[br]is that when things go well, 0:00:35.869,0:00:38.030 she really knows how to celebrate. 0:00:39.510,0:00:41.770 Maria has traveled all around the world. 0:00:41.771,0:00:44.927 She's seen some of the most[br]beautiful places in the world. 0:00:45.247,0:00:48.195 She's a foodie - she likes[br]to eat at good restaurants, 0:00:48.196,0:00:50.821 but she's also a very generous person. 0:00:51.181,0:00:53.345 Every year, she takes one month off, 0:00:53.346,0:00:57.519 and she flies to Bolivia[br]where she volunteers at an orphanage. 0:00:58.054,0:01:02.615 There in Bolivia, last year, she met Dave,[br]who apparently is the love of her life, 0:01:02.616,0:01:05.140 who was another volunteer[br]there at the orphanage. 0:01:05.141,0:01:07.986 They seem to be really happy together. 0:01:09.056,0:01:12.959 I haven't seen Maria[br]in the past three years, 0:01:12.960,0:01:16.060 so how do I know[br]all these things about her? 0:01:17.145,0:01:18.928 You might have probably guessed 0:01:18.929,0:01:23.543 that it is through her meticulous updates[br]on her social media profile. 0:01:25.153,0:01:27.624 Maybe you also have a friend like Maria, 0:01:27.625,0:01:31.211 and if you are like me, maybe at times,[br]you might have wondered, 0:01:31.661,0:01:35.965 "Why does she keep bragging[br]about her amazing life?" 0:01:36.396,0:01:40.507 When we ask ourselves that question,[br]there are two common answers that come up. 0:01:40.508,0:01:42.264 One is, "Maybe she's mean. 0:01:42.734,0:01:44.443 She wants to rub it in my face, 0:01:44.444,0:01:47.423 to make me feel miserable[br]about my own life." 0:01:48.278,0:01:53.110 Another possibility is[br]that she's fundamentally insecure, 0:01:53.111,0:01:56.782 so she brags because she's[br]seeking social approval. 0:01:58.012,0:02:01.061 But whatever reason[br]we think of for bragging, 0:02:01.062,0:02:03.330 there is one thing[br]that we all have in common, 0:02:03.331,0:02:05.523 which is how we react to it. 0:02:05.524,0:02:08.250 In general, we all seem[br]to be annoyed by bragging. 0:02:09.160,0:02:13.531 So the puzzling questions is,[br]if we are all annoyed by bragging, 0:02:13.532,0:02:16.960 how come that bragging[br]is so pervasive around us? 0:02:16.961,0:02:18.639 How come it's so prevalent? 0:02:18.640,0:02:20.428 How come our social media feeds 0:02:20.429,0:02:24.056 are populated by your friends'[br]amazing holiday pictures, 0:02:24.057,0:02:28.772 first-class lounge check-ins,[br]and very good-looking food? 0:02:30.782,0:02:33.376 George Loewenstein,[br]Joachim Vosgerau, and myself 0:02:33.377,0:02:37.574 have conducted a series of experiments[br]to try to answer these questions. 0:02:38.564,0:02:41.739 In one study, we asked people[br]to tell us some stories. 0:02:41.740,0:02:45.870 So we asked them to tell[br]about a case in their life 0:02:45.871,0:02:49.075 in which they were[br]either bragging to somebody else 0:02:49.076,0:02:51.797 or they were listening[br]to someone else brag. 0:02:51.798,0:02:55.765 Half of the participants recalled a case[br]in their life in which they were bragging. 0:02:55.766,0:02:58.224 We called these participants[br]'the self-promoters,' 0:02:58.225,0:03:01.430 just a more polite way[br]to call the braggers, 0:03:01.431,0:03:05.096 and we asked them to tell[br]a lot about their interaction, 0:03:05.097,0:03:08.794 how it took place, what was[br]the topic of the conversation, 0:03:08.795,0:03:10.565 and most importantly, 0:03:10.566,0:03:14.873 we asked them to tell us how the person[br]listening to them was reacting, 0:03:14.874,0:03:18.424 specifically, whether they were feeling[br]positive or negative emotions. 0:03:18.814,0:03:22.345 The other half of the participants,[br]which we called 'the recipients,' 0:03:22.346,0:03:24.931 were instead asked[br]to tell us about a situation 0:03:24.932,0:03:27.871 in which they were listening[br]to somebody else bragging. 0:03:27.872,0:03:31.535 Also, these people were asked to tell us[br]about the topic of the conversation, 0:03:31.536,0:03:36.211 and how they and the other person[br]were reacting in terms of emotions. 0:03:37.191,0:03:40.871 Participants told all sorts of stories. 0:03:40.872,0:03:43.183 Interestingly, the ones[br]who were recalling cases 0:03:43.184,0:03:45.890 in which they were bragging[br]to somebody else 0:03:45.891,0:03:48.030 were more likely to tell us about cases 0:03:48.031,0:03:51.078 in which they were bragging[br]about achievement like a promotion, 0:03:51.079,0:03:54.270 getting into med school, a good grade 0:03:54.271,0:03:56.750 whereas participants[br]who were asked to recall cases 0:03:56.751,0:03:59.285 in which they were listening[br]to somebody else bragging 0:03:59.286,0:04:02.733 were more likely to remember cases[br]in which somebody was bragging to them 0:04:02.734,0:04:04.880 about making money, having money, 0:04:04.881,0:04:08.525 having power, or status,[br]or having some material possessions. 0:04:09.225,0:04:11.151 But the most interesting result was 0:04:11.152,0:04:13.650 that no matter[br]what the stories were about, 0:04:14.001,0:04:17.524 self-promoters systematically[br]underestimated 0:04:17.526,0:04:22.148 the extent to which their recipients[br]were experiencing negative emotions. 0:04:22.149,0:04:27.039 They figured out that about one fourth[br]of the recipients were feeling bad 0:04:27.040,0:04:28.753 as they were bragging, 0:04:28.754,0:04:34.539 but in reality, over three quarters[br]of the recipients reported feeling bad 0:04:34.540,0:04:36.993 while listening to other people bragging. 0:04:37.433,0:04:40.411 This was also true when we looked[br]at the positive emotions. 0:04:40.981,0:04:44.034 Self-promoters systematically[br]overestimated 0:04:44.035,0:04:48.405 the extent to which the recipients were[br]actually experiencing positive emotions. 0:04:49.245,0:04:53.161 These two results are mirrored[br]by another very interesting finding, 0:04:53.162,0:04:56.437 which is that self-promoters,[br]as they were bragging, 0:04:56.438,0:04:59.374 they were experiencing positive emotions, 0:04:59.375,0:05:02.568 and only a very small fraction[br]of the recipients realized that, 0:05:02.569,0:05:04.273 as you can see from the chart. 0:05:05.233,0:05:08.898 So self-promoters were projecting[br]their positive emotions 0:05:08.899,0:05:10.789 onto their listeners. 0:05:11.349,0:05:14.242 This made them overestimate the extent 0:05:14.243,0:05:16.631 to which they were sharing[br]their positive feelings 0:05:16.632,0:05:18.272 and underestimate the extent 0:05:18.273,0:05:20.673 to which they were sharing[br]their negative feelings. 0:05:21.593,0:05:23.274 We replicated this study 0:05:23.275,0:05:26.379 trying to go a little more in depth[br]into the emotional reactions 0:05:26.380,0:05:31.410 that self-promoters and recipients[br]experience in these bragging interactions. 0:05:31.411,0:05:35.989 What we found was that self-promoters[br]significantly overestimate 0:05:35.990,0:05:37.921 the extent to which their listeners 0:05:37.922,0:05:41.675 are happy for them and are proud[br]of them when they brag. 0:05:41.676,0:05:44.855 And at the same time,[br]they significantly underestimate 0:05:44.856,0:05:47.198 how much they're annoyed[br]by their bragging. 0:05:47.808,0:05:50.588 So we thought that this was[br]a really interesting result, 0:05:50.589,0:05:51.788 and we attributed it 0:05:51.789,0:05:55.196 to a psychological phenomenon[br]called the empathy gap. 0:05:56.051,0:05:59.020 According to the empathy gap,[br]if we are very happy, 0:05:59.021,0:06:03.549 for us it becomes really difficult[br]to imagine how not being happy feels, 0:06:03.550,0:06:05.407 and it's even harder to imagine 0:06:05.408,0:06:09.037 how experiencing[br]negative emotions would feel. 0:06:09.038,0:06:12.424 So basically, both parties[br]in our interactions, 0:06:12.425,0:06:14.268 the self-promoters and the recipients, 0:06:14.269,0:06:16.924 had a hard time figuring out[br]how they would feel 0:06:16.925,0:06:19.202 if their roles were reversed. 0:06:21.332,0:06:25.479 If people are so miscalibrated[br]when it comes to figuring out 0:06:25.480,0:06:28.934 how others react emotionally[br]to their self-promotion, 0:06:28.935,0:06:32.040 maybe they are also miscalibrated[br]when they try to figure out 0:06:32.041,0:06:35.475 how their bragging affects[br]how others evaluate them. 0:06:35.476,0:06:37.966 So we conducted another experiment. 0:06:38.466,0:06:40.944 If you were a participant[br]in this experiment, 0:06:40.945,0:06:44.651 we would ask you to write[br]some things about yourself, 0:06:44.652,0:06:46.454 to present yourself to others. 0:06:46.455,0:06:49.243 You have to write five things[br]to create a personal profile, 0:06:49.244,0:06:50.430 similar to what we do 0:06:50.431,0:06:53.753 on social media websites[br]or online dating websites, 0:06:53.754,0:06:56.448 and participants were free[br]to write whatever they wanted. 0:06:56.449,0:06:59.352 They could write about their job,[br]about their education, 0:06:59.353,0:07:02.234 their looks, or personality,[br]their hobbies, their interests - 0:07:02.235,0:07:03.831 really whatever they wanted. 0:07:03.832,0:07:07.812 But only to half of the participants[br]we gave an additional instruction. 0:07:08.222,0:07:10.540 We told them to write in such a way 0:07:10.541,0:07:14.104 that would maximize[br]others' interest in meeting them. 0:07:15.379,0:07:18.572 Once they were done[br]with writing up their profiles, 0:07:18.573,0:07:21.486 we also asked participants to predict 0:07:21.487,0:07:25.675 how they thought[br]that others would like them, 0:07:25.676,0:07:28.276 and how much they would be[br]interested in meeting them. 0:07:28.277,0:07:29.675 Then we took these profiles, 0:07:29.676,0:07:32.822 and we gave them to a large sample[br]of other participants, 0:07:32.823,0:07:34.546 different from those who wrote them, 0:07:34.547,0:07:36.545 and we asked these other participants 0:07:36.546,0:07:40.243 to tell us how much they liked[br]the profile writers 0:07:40.244,0:07:42.918 and how interested[br]they would be in meeting them. 0:07:42.919,0:07:46.540 We also had another sample[br]where we asked to indicate 0:07:46.541,0:07:50.228 to what extent the profile writers[br]were bragging in their profiles, 0:07:50.229,0:07:51.516 in their opinion. 0:07:52.599,0:07:55.469 When we looked at the results,[br]we saw that first of all, 0:07:55.470,0:07:59.266 participants had no idea[br]how others would evaluate them. 0:07:59.267,0:08:02.717 When we compare the prediction[br]of how much they would be liked 0:08:02.718,0:08:07.075 and the actual liking[br]coming from the profile readers, 0:08:07.076,0:08:09.195 the correlation was basically zero. 0:08:09.196,0:08:13.516 So participants had no clue whether others[br]would like their profile or not, 0:08:13.517,0:08:16.991 and the same was true[br]for the interest in meeting them. 0:08:16.992,0:08:18.864 But the second interesting result 0:08:18.865,0:08:21.149 was that participants who were instructed 0:08:21.150,0:08:24.620 to write in such a way[br]that would make them liked more 0:08:24.621,0:08:26.315 bragged more. 0:08:26.316,0:08:29.339 At the same time, these efforts backfired. 0:08:29.820,0:08:32.599 People were not more interested[br]in meeting them, 0:08:32.600,0:08:35.035 and actually liked them less 0:08:35.037,0:08:37.894 than the participants[br]who didn't put that effort in. 0:08:38.304,0:08:40.283 So we thought this was a striking result, 0:08:40.284,0:08:42.979 and we were wondering,[br]"How is that possible? 0:08:42.980,0:08:45.117 How is it not obvious to everyone 0:08:45.118,0:08:47.998 that bragging has[br]these negative consequences?" 0:08:48.668,0:08:52.273 And we thought that the answer[br]lies again in the empathy gap. 0:08:52.274,0:08:56.056 We tend to project our emotions[br]onto our listeners, 0:08:56.057,0:08:58.195 and when we are enthusiastic[br]about something, 0:08:58.196,0:09:02.277 an achievement, an unexpected upgrade,[br]or we are in a beautiful place, 0:09:02.278,0:09:06.113 we are like little children and expect[br]others to share in our enthusiasm, 0:09:06.114,0:09:07.727 and at the same time, don't see 0:09:07.728,0:09:12.138 that others may be not as happy as we are[br]about the good things that happened to us. 0:09:12.703,0:09:15.339 These results are particularly interesting 0:09:15.340,0:09:19.042 in an age in which we are[br]more and more connected to one another. 0:09:19.352,0:09:23.197 First of all, as the number[br]of connections between us increases, 0:09:23.198,0:09:26.968 we tend to feel like[br]we are talking to an audience. 0:09:26.969,0:09:28.980 We call this 'broadcasting.' 0:09:28.981,0:09:34.127 When we broadcast, we tend to share[br]more self-promotional content. 0:09:35.057,0:09:37.803 At the same time, although we are[br]more and more connected, 0:09:37.804,0:09:39.725 that doesn't necessarily mean 0:09:39.726,0:09:43.292 that the psychological distance[br]between us is decreasing. 0:09:43.293,0:09:45.459 It may actually be increasing, 0:09:45.640,0:09:48.398 and this may exacerbate the empathy gap. 0:09:48.399,0:09:52.365 It would make it more difficult[br]for a self-promoter to figure out 0:09:52.366,0:09:54.951 what the reactions[br]of the listeners could be, 0:09:54.952,0:09:56.149 and at the same time, 0:09:56.150,0:09:59.460 reduces the likelihood[br]that the recipient has any interest 0:09:59.461,0:10:03.164 in sharing the positive emotions[br]of the self-promoter. 0:10:03.424,0:10:07.825 And a third thing which I noticed[br]relatively recently 0:10:07.826,0:10:11.365 is that companies have started[br]to do something really strange, 0:10:11.366,0:10:14.775 which is encouraging consumers[br]to brag about their products. 0:10:14.976,0:10:17.933 The other day, I saw[br]a letter from an airline 0:10:17.934,0:10:20.623 inviting their frequent fliers 0:10:20.624,0:10:23.551 to post pictures[br]of their frequent flier card, 0:10:23.552,0:10:26.505 using the hashtag 'brag tag.' 0:10:26.506,0:10:29.705 So they were inviting them[br]to brag about their status to others. 0:10:29.706,0:10:30.930 I thought that was 0:10:30.931,0:10:36.815 a really interesting new development[br]of marketing on social media. 0:10:37.285,0:10:39.963 So what can we do[br]to reduce these problems, 0:10:39.964,0:10:44.027 to make our social interaction,[br]especially online a little better? 0:10:44.434,0:10:49.736 I think some little actions may[br]actually help us improve the situation, 0:10:49.737,0:10:53.540 and they involve trying[br]to reduce the empathy gap. 0:10:53.760,0:10:56.778 So, if you are feeling the urge[br]to share something 0:10:56.779,0:10:59.921 to an audience, to your friends online, 0:10:59.922,0:11:01.332 just doing something simple 0:11:01.333,0:11:04.022 like putting ourselves[br]in the shoes of the receiving end 0:11:04.023,0:11:06.212 and trying to figure out[br]what's the likelihood 0:11:06.213,0:11:09.720 that they would be happy[br]about our good news, 0:11:09.721,0:11:11.906 or whether they would rather[br]be annoyed by it, 0:11:11.907,0:11:14.124 may on the one hand,[br]curb our urge to share, 0:11:14.125,0:11:18.065 or make us share things[br]only with people who really care. 0:11:18.670,0:11:21.949 A second little action would be 0:11:21.950,0:11:25.288 involving people[br]who are on the receiving end. 0:11:25.289,0:11:28.857 So when we are reading[br]someone else's out-of-control praise, 0:11:29.317,0:11:36.097 maybe we can bolster our tolerance[br]and realize that they are bragging 0:11:36.558,0:11:41.283 believing that we genuinely share[br]their positive emotions and enthusiasm. 0:11:41.728,0:11:42.966 These are small actions, 0:11:42.967,0:11:47.277 but I think they may go a long way[br]into reducing the empathy gap. 0:11:47.278,0:11:50.845 As we move to a more[br]and more connected world, 0:11:50.846,0:11:55.249 they may improve a lot[br]the quality of our social interactions. 0:11:55.839,0:11:57.033 Thank you. 0:11:57.034,0:11:58.631 (Applause)