WEBVTT

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- [Brian] I don't know.

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I'd be a lot better off if
I would have studied more

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when I was growing up, you know?

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But you know where it all went wrong

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was the day they started the spelling bee.

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'Cause up until that day, I was an idiot,

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but nobody else knew, you know?

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Then the spelling bee day popped up.

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"All right kids, up against the wall.

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"It's time for public humiliation.

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"Spell a word wrong, sit down
in front of your friends."

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You know, that's great for little egos.

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"Hey, look at me, I'm a moron.

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"I wasn't even close.

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"I was using numbers and stuff."

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That's why I admired that
kid who spelled it wrong

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on purpose so he could sit down, you know?

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He knew he wasn't gonna win

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so why stand there for three hours?

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First round, cat, K-A-T, I'm outta here.

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Then as he passed you, "Haha,
I know there's two Ts."

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I remember my teacher asked me,

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"Brian, what's the I before E rule?"

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"Huh.

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Um, I before E always."

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"What are you, an idiot, Brian?"

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"Apparently."

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So she explains it, "No
Brian, it's I before E

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"except after C, and when sounding like A,

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"as in neighbor and weigh,
and on weekends and holidays

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"and all throughout May,
and you'll always be wrong

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"no matter what you say."

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"Oh, that's a hard rule.

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"That's a rough rule."

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Plurals were hard too.

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"Brian, how do you make a word a plural?"

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"Oh.

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"You put a S.

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"You put a S at the end of it."

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"When?"

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"Huh.

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"On weekends and holidays."

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"No Brian, no. Let me show you."

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So she asked this kid who
knew everything, Irwin.

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"Irwin, Irwin, what is the plural for ox?"

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"Oxen. The farmer used his oxen."

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"Brian?"

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"What?"

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"Brian, what's the plural for box?"

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"Boxen.

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"I bought two boxen of donuts."

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"No, no, Brian. No.

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"Let's try another one.

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"Irwin, what is the plural for goose?"

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"Geese. I saw a flock of geese."

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"Brian?"

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"What?"

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"What's the plural for moose?"

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"Moosen! I saw a flock of moosen!

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"There are many of 'em, many, much moosen,

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"out in the woods. In the
woodes, in the woodsen.

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"The meese wanted food.
Food is to eat nizzit.

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"The meese wanted food
in the woodingizzit.

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"In the food in the woodingizzit."

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"Brian, Brian, you're an imbecile."

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"Imbecilen."

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"What are you, speaking German, Brian?"

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"German. Germane! Jermaine Jackson!

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"Jackson Five, Tito!"

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"Brian, what the hell
are you talking about?"

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"I don't know. I don't know really."