-Well, you guys, as you may have seen in the lead-up
to the 50th anniversary, there have been a lot of
"SNL"-related lists and rankings.
Here with his ranking of the best "Weekend Update" anchors
of all time is former "Update" anchor Bill Murray.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Thank you. Thank you, Colin.
Let's just jump right in.
In honor of Black History Month, I want to start by ranking
the African-American "Weekend Update" anchors.
[ Laughter ]
We'll start with number one.
And this is by default.
Michael Che.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now we'll move on to the regular "Weekend Update anchors.
-Regular?! What do you mean regular?
-These are in no particular order,
so I've listed them from worst to best.
First off, I have to disqualify myself
because my entire time here
I was on performance-enhancing drugs.
It's what we call an 8H Shaker.
Quaaludes, cocaine and nighttime Theraflu.
[ Clears throat ] Alright. Number 10.
He's one of the all-time greats.
Mr. Colin...
Quinn.
-Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. -No.
Had you for a second. No. You'll -- Don't worry.
Don't --
Numbers 9, 8, and 7. Okay? Heads up.
Kevin Nealon. Come on.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Dennis Miller.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And Seth Meyers.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I just wish we had the time tonight
to say something nice about any of them.
-We actually do probably have enough time.
-Yeah. We're right here at 6 now, okay?
Alright. Colin, this could be you, huh?
-Is it?
-No, it is not.
The next two are controversial.
This was tough.
But I'm gonna put Tina and Amy...
just ahead of Tina and Jimmy.
-Oh. -Okay?
-I'm sorry, Jimmy. I'm sorry.
And congratulations, Tina.
It was close, but I checked online,
and girl-on-girl is still, like, very, very popular...
Okay. Next up, Cornelius Crane Chase...
who we've all come to know as Connie.
Let's face it. "Weekend Update"
simply would not exist without him.
So it would be wrong to have him listed anywhere but number 4.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Number 3...
Jane Curtin and Danny Aykroyd!
[ Cheers and applause ]
So, true story.
I was the first to call Jane an ignorant slut.
Backstage.
Danny had the brilliant idea to say it on camera
and really, really mean it.
[ Laughter ]
Number two is Norm Macdonald.
[ Cheers and applause ]
He may have been the best ever,
but more importantly, he made me, for one,
ask the question of myself...
could O.J. possibly have done it?
[ Laughter ]
So that brings us to number one.
Colin...
got a good feeling about this.
Okay. Number one is funny. Got a great smile.
Ha!
And he's currently sleeping every kind of way
with the lovely actress Scarlett Johansson.
Of course, I'm talking about...
my brother, Brian Doyle-Murray.
[ Laughter ]
-What?! -Yeah.
-Wow! -I'm told...
I'm told he's a very, very considerate lover.
That's it. I couldn't be happier to be here.
-Bill Murray, everybody! -Bill Murray!
-For "Weekend Update," I'm Colin Jost.
-I'm Michael Che. Good night! -Good night.