[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.47,0:00:03.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Well, you guys, as you\Nmay have seen in the lead-up
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.24,0:00:04.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the 50th anniversary,\Nthere have been a lot of
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.44,0:00:07.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"SNL"-related lists\Nand rankings.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.34,0:00:10.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here with his ranking of the\Nbest "Weekend Update" anchors
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.44,0:00:13.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of all time is former\N"Update" anchor Bill Murray.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.75,0:00:16.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Cheers and applause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.72,0:00:21.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Thank you. Thank you, Colin.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.39,0:00:23.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's just jump right in.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.89,0:00:28.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In honor of Black History Month,\NI want to start by ranking
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.56,0:00:33.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the African-American\N"Weekend Update" anchors.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.20,0:00:35.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Laughter ]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.60,0:00:39.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We'll start with number one.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.24,0:00:42.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is by default.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.14,0:00:43.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Michael Che.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.51,0:00:45.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Cheers and applause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.52,0:00:52.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now we'll move on to the regular\N"Weekend Update anchors.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.39,0:00:55.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Regular?!\NWhat do you mean regular?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.96,0:00:58.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-These are\Nin no particular order,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.79,0:01:02.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I've listed them\Nfrom worst to best.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.80,0:01:06.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First off,\NI have to disqualify myself
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.23,0:01:08.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because my entire time here
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.77,0:01:12.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was on\Nperformance-enhancing drugs.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.27,0:01:15.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's what we call\Nan 8H Shaker.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.31,0:01:19.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Quaaludes, cocaine\Nand nighttime Theraflu.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.08,0:01:20.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Clears throat ]\NAlright. Number 10.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.78,0:01:25.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's one of\Nthe all-time greats.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.89,0:01:28.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mr. Colin...
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.59,0:01:30.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Quinn.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.02,0:01:34.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.\N-No.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.46,0:01:36.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Had you for a second.\NNo. You'll -- Don't worry.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.53,0:01:38.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't --
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.40,0:01:43.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Numbers 9, 8, and 7.\NOkay? Heads up.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.44,0:01:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kevin Nealon. Come on.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.00,0:01:46.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Cheers and applause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.94,0:01:48.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dennis Miller.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.64,0:01:50.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Cheers and applause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.11,0:01:51.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Seth Meyers.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.98,0:01:53.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Cheers and applause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.88,0:01:56.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just wish\Nwe had the time tonight
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.25,0:01:59.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to say something nice\Nabout any of them.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.52,0:02:01.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-We actually do probably\Nhave enough time.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.79,0:02:04.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yeah.\NWe're right here at 6 now, okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.19,0:02:07.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright.\NColin, this could be you, huh?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.33,0:02:09.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Is it?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.70,0:02:11.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No, it is not.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.53,0:02:13.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The next two are controversial.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.33,0:02:15.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was tough.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.04,0:02:20.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I'm gonna put\NTina and Amy...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.57,0:02:23.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just ahead of Tina and Jimmy.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.44,0:02:24.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Oh.\N-Okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.81,0:02:26.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I'm sorry, Jimmy. I'm sorry.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.98,0:02:29.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And congratulations, Tina.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.62,0:02:32.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was close,\Nbut I checked online,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.22,0:02:36.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and girl-on-girl is still,\Nlike, very, very popular...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.66,0:02:41.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay. Next up,\NCornelius Crane Chase...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.80,0:02:46.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who we've all come to know\Nas Connie.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.77,0:02:48.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's face it.\N"Weekend Update"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.67,0:02:51.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,simply would not exist\Nwithout him.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.64,0:02:56.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it would be wrong to have him\Nlisted anywhere but number 4.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.31,0:02:58.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Laughter ]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.31,0:03:00.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Cheers and applause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.11,0:03:02.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number 3...
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.02,0:03:05.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jane Curtin and Danny Aykroyd!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.35,0:03:07.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Cheers and applause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.69,0:03:09.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, true story.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.56,0:03:13.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was the first to call Jane\Nan ignorant slut.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.59,0:03:15.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Backstage.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.53,0:03:19.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Danny had the brilliant idea\Nto say it on camera
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.37,0:03:22.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and really, really mean it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.37,0:03:24.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Laughter ]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.10,0:03:27.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number two is Norm Macdonald.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.21,0:03:29.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Cheers and applause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.45,0:03:34.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He may have been the best ever,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.11,0:03:37.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but more importantly,\Nhe made me, for one,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.48,0:03:42.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ask the question of myself...
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.89,0:03:45.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,could O.J.\Npossibly have done it?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.86,0:03:48.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Laughter ]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.17,0:04:00.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that brings us to number one.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.11,0:04:01.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Colin...
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.61,0:04:04.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,got a good feeling about this.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.41,0:04:08.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay. Number one is funny.\NGot a great smile.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.98,0:04:10.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ha!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.48,0:04:12.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he's currently\Nsleeping every kind of way
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.45,0:04:14.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the lovely actress\NScarlett Johansson.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.96,0:04:17.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course, I'm talking about...
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.02,0:04:19.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my brother, Brian Doyle-Murray.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.29,0:04:21.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Laughter ]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.36,0:04:22.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What?!\N-Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.100,0:04:25.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Wow!\N-I'm told...
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.30,0:04:28.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm told he's a very,\Nvery considerate lover.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.40,0:04:30.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's it. I couldn't\Nbe happier to be here.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.67,0:04:32.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Bill Murray, everybody!\N-Bill Murray!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.97,0:04:34.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-For "Weekend Update,"\NI'm Colin Jost.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.74,0:04:37.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I'm Michael Che. Good night!\N-Good night.