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-Well, you guys, as you[br]may have seen in the lead-up

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to the 50th anniversary,[br]there have been a lot of

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"SNL"-related lists[br]and rankings.

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Here with his ranking of the[br]best "Weekend Update" anchors

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of all time is former[br]"Update" anchor Bill Murray.

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[ Cheers and applause ]

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-Thank you. Thank you, Colin.

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Let's just jump right in.

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In honor of Black History Month,[br]I want to start by ranking

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the African-American[br]"Weekend Update" anchors.

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[ Laughter ]

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We'll start with number one.

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And this is by default.

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Michael Che.

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[ Cheers and applause ]

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Now we'll move on to the regular[br]"Weekend Update anchors.

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-Regular?![br]What do you mean regular?

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-These are[br]in no particular order,

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so I've listed them[br]from worst to best.

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First off,[br]I have to disqualify myself

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because my entire time here

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I was on[br]performance-enhancing drugs.

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It's what we call[br]an 8H Shaker.

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Quaaludes, cocaine[br]and nighttime Theraflu.

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[ Clears throat ][br]Alright. Number 10.

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He's one of[br]the all-time greats.

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Mr. Colin...

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Quinn.

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-Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.[br]-No.

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Had you for a second.[br]No. You'll -- Don't worry.

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Don't --

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Numbers 9, 8, and 7.[br]Okay? Heads up.

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Kevin Nealon. Come on.

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[ Cheers and applause ]

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Dennis Miller.

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[ Cheers and applause ]

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And Seth Meyers.

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[ Cheers and applause ]

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I just wish[br]we had the time tonight

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to say something nice[br]about any of them.

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-We actually do probably[br]have enough time.

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-Yeah.[br]We're right here at 6 now, okay?

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Alright.[br]Colin, this could be you, huh?

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-Is it?

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-No, it is not.

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The next two are controversial.

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This was tough.

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But I'm gonna put[br]Tina and Amy...

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just ahead of Tina and Jimmy.

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-Oh.[br]-Okay?

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-I'm sorry, Jimmy. I'm sorry.

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And congratulations, Tina.

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It was close,[br]but I checked online,

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and girl-on-girl is still,[br]like, very, very popular...

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Okay. Next up,[br]Cornelius Crane Chase...

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who we've all come to know[br]as Connie.

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Let's face it.[br]"Weekend Update"

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simply would not exist[br]without him.

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So it would be wrong to have him[br]listed anywhere but number 4.

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[ Laughter ]

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[ Cheers and applause ]

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Number 3...

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Jane Curtin and Danny Aykroyd!

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[ Cheers and applause ]

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So, true story.

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I was the first to call Jane[br]an ignorant slut.

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Backstage.

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Danny had the brilliant idea[br]to say it on camera

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and really, really mean it.

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[ Laughter ]

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Number two is Norm Macdonald.

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[ Cheers and applause ]

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He may have been the best ever,

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but more importantly,[br]he made me, for one,

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ask the question of myself...

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could O.J.[br]possibly have done it?

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[ Laughter ]

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So that brings us to number one.

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Colin...

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got a good feeling about this.

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Okay. Number one is funny.[br]Got a great smile.

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Ha!

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And he's currently[br]sleeping every kind of way

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with the lovely actress[br]Scarlett Johansson.

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Of course, I'm talking about...

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my brother, Brian Doyle-Murray.

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[ Laughter ]

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-What?![br]-Yeah.

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-Wow![br]-I'm told...

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I'm told he's a very,[br]very considerate lover.

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That's it. I couldn't[br]be happier to be here.

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-Bill Murray, everybody![br]-Bill Murray!

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-For "Weekend Update,"[br]I'm Colin Jost.

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-I'm Michael Che. Good night![br]-Good night.