[Script Info] Title: [Events] Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.07,0:00:02.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My name is Joel, Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.23,0:00:05.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm a co-parent. Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.24,0:00:08.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, growing up, I never heard\Nthe term "co-parent." Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.88,0:00:11.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I heard a lot of other things, though, Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.71,0:00:14.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for starters, "absentee father," Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.94,0:00:17.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"sperm donor" -- Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.11,0:00:19.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's a good one -- Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.30,0:00:20.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"deadbeat dad" Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.50,0:00:22.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and, my personal favorite, "baby daddy." Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.13,0:00:26.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Baby daddy," for those not in the know, Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.18,0:00:29.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,refers to an individual\Nwho helps to conceive a child Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.39,0:00:31.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but does little else. Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.99,0:00:34.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Baby daddy is also someone\Nwho is not married by law Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.76,0:00:36.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the mother of said child. Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.80,0:00:42.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Growing up, I thought "co-parent"\Nwas reserved primarily for white families Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.33,0:00:44.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that starred in Netflix prime-time dramas. Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.87,0:00:46.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.10,0:00:49.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It still kind of does. Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.39,0:00:52.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it wasn't used to explain\Nthe role of a parent. Right? Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.50,0:00:54.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Either you had kids or you didn't, Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.24,0:00:58.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and no one in my social circles\Nor at our dinner table Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.92,0:01:02.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was having complex conversations\Nabout the role fathers played Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.41,0:01:03.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in that conversation, right? Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.86,0:01:07.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A more balanced, open,\Nloving approach to parenting Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.80,0:01:11.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was not something we were discussing\Nwithin our social circles. Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.44,0:01:13.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A majority of the time, Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.51,0:01:16.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the fathers I knew of growing up\Nwere barely present Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.98,0:01:19.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or just completely nonexistent. Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.30,0:01:22.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Co-parent" wasn't a term I heard or saw Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.25,0:01:24.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I grew up, where I came from. Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.24,0:01:26.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I come from the hood. Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.37,0:01:30.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That hood would be Creston Avenue,\N188th in the Bronx. Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.30,0:01:34.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And for -- one person, that's what's up. Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.59,0:01:35.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.00,0:01:38.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Appreciate that. Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.11,0:01:40.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For a lot of us in that hood, Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.71,0:01:43.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there was only one person\Nyou could already turn to Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.47,0:01:48.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for food, shelter, warmth,\Nlove, discipline: Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.13,0:01:49.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our mothers. Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.06,0:01:52.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My mother, who I playfully call "Linda T," Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.19,0:01:53.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was my first example of real love Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.79,0:01:56.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what showing up\Nas a healthy co-parent looked like. Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.81,0:01:59.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She was a strong,\Ndetermined single mother, Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.16,0:02:03.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a woman who would have benefited greatly\Nfrom having a secure and stable partner Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.33,0:02:04.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a co-parent. Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.14,0:02:07.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I vowed whenever I got married, Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.88,0:02:10.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my boo and I would be together forever. Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.36,0:02:12.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know? (Laughs) Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.16,0:02:14.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We'd share the same bed and home, Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.54,0:02:18.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we'd sleep under the same covers,\Nwe'd argue at IKEA -- normal stuff. Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.07,0:02:19.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.96,0:02:21.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My partner would feel seen and loved, Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.98,0:02:24.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and our children would grow up\Nin a two-parent household. Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.78,0:02:30.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,However, things rarely ever\Nend up how we plan them. Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.52,0:02:35.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our daughter Lilah has never known\Na household with both of her parents Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.32,0:02:37.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,living together under one roof. Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.73,0:02:40.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her mother and I were never married. Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.18,0:02:43.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We dated on and off for several months\Nbefore we found out she was pregnant. Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.85,0:02:46.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Up until then, my mother\Ndidn't even know she existed. Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.50,0:02:49.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was ashamed, Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.08,0:02:50.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was embarrassed, Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.26,0:02:52.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and, at times, I was suicidal. Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.41,0:02:56.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was asking myself, what was I doing?\NWhere was I going wrong? Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.75,0:03:00.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never wanted the stigma or label Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.35,0:03:03.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of what some identified\Nas the stereotypical "black father." Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.89,0:03:09.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So: absentee, confrontational,\Ncombative, not present. Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.32,0:03:14.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It took a lot of work, time,\Nenergy and effort Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.27,0:03:16.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for us to finally realize Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.44,0:03:20.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that maybe co-parenting for us\Ndidn't need to mean a shared household Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.70,0:03:22.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and wedding bells, Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.10,0:03:24.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that maybe, just maybe, Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.93,0:03:26.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the way we showed up as co-parents Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.60,0:03:30.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lay not only in the layered nuances\Nof our partnership Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.48,0:03:33.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the capacity within our hearts\Nto tend to a human Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.41,0:03:35.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we helped create together. Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.27,0:03:39.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause) Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.17,0:03:45.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It would involve love\Nin a nurturing and safe environment Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.86,0:03:51.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that would feed Lilah\Nlong after we both left this earth. Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.10,0:03:57.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fast-forward four years, Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.80,0:04:00.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and Lilah is now in pre-K. Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.86,0:04:02.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She loves gummies, Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.29,0:04:05.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she says things like,\N"My heart is filled with love." Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.17,0:04:10.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's the most loving, compassionate,\Nempathetic human being I know, Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.41,0:04:13.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the reason I get to tell you\Nall of this is because Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.06,0:04:15.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she's back in the Bronx with her mother. Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.19,0:04:18.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, this is co-parenting, Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.42,0:04:19.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and in an ideal world, Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.61,0:04:22.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my mother would have had a co-parent, too. Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.23,0:04:23.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She would have had support, Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.62,0:04:26.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,someone to show up\Nand give her a break, a time off. Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.17,0:04:29.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In an ideal world,\Nevery parent is a co-parent. Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.12,0:04:34.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In an ideal world, both parents share\Nthe weight of the work appropriately. Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.07,0:04:35.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lilah's mother and I have a schedule. Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.83,0:04:38.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some days, I leave work\Nand pick Lilah up from school, Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.39,0:04:39.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some days I don't. Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.74,0:04:42.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lilah's mother gets to go rock climbing Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.09,0:04:44.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or study for the LSAT, Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.47,0:04:48.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I get to stand in a room\Nfull of bold, dynamic and powerful women Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.89,0:04:50.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and talk about dad stuff. Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.95,0:04:54.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause) Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.29,0:04:59.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is work, it is beautifully hard work Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.64,0:05:02.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dismantling the systems\Nthat would have us believe Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.43,0:05:05.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a woman's primary role is in the kitchen,\Ntending to all things domestic, Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.98,0:05:08.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while the hapless dad\Nfumbles all over himself Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.70,0:05:11.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whenever he has to spend\Na weekend alone with the kids. Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.30,0:05:14.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is work that needs to happen right now. Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.21,0:05:17.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, far too often, Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.31,0:05:19.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what it seems like is\Nwhen both parents are working, Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.84,0:05:22.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one parent is typically tasked\Nwith organizing the household Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.78,0:05:24.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and keeping the home running. Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.22,0:05:27.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That person is typically a woman\Nor someone who identifies as such. Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.05,0:05:31.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Far too often, those who identify\Nas mothers and as women Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.25,0:05:34.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have to sacrifice their dreams\Nin order to appease the standard. Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.64,0:05:37.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They have to sacrifice their dreams Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.42,0:05:41.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to ensure that motherhood\Ntakes precedence over all else. Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.93,0:05:45.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm not here to say that it doesn't,\Nbut what I am here to say is, Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.30,0:05:49.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as equal partners and co-parents,\Nit is our duty to ensure Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.56,0:05:52.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that our co-parenting partners\Ndon't have to put their passions, Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.72,0:05:54.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their pursuits and their dreams Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.26,0:05:55.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the back burner Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.45,0:05:58.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just because we're too self-absorbed\Nto show up as allies. Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.38,0:06:01.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause) Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.48,0:06:06.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Co-parenting makes the space\Npossible for everybody. Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.70,0:06:08.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a co-parent, Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.23,0:06:10.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the time I've gotten\Nto share and spend with Lilah Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.59,0:06:11.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is time I appreciate, Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.94,0:06:15.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the time that has allowed me\Nto be fully present for my child, Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.99,0:06:19.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,removing the notion that the emotional\Nlabor required to raise a child Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.37,0:06:21.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is a woman's work. Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.20,0:06:23.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a co-parent, Lilah and I\Nhave built snowmen, Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.80,0:06:25.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we've played with acorns, Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.30,0:06:28.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we've rapped to the soundtrack of "Moana,"\NI know you have, too. Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.51,0:06:29.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.84,0:06:33.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's sat with me while I've led workshops\Nat Columbia University, Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.13,0:06:36.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I talk about the intersections\Nof poetry, hip-hop and theater. Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.39,0:06:38.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We get to talk about\Nher emotions and her feelings Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.82,0:06:40.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we have exclusive time together, Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.80,0:06:42.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that time is planned time, Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.29,0:06:45.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's organized around not just\Nmy schedule but her mother's. Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.45,0:06:48.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Both of us, as co-parents,\Nhave unique parenting styles. Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.83,0:06:52.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we may argue at times, Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.35,0:06:56.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but what we can always agree on\Nis how to raise a human -- Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.36,0:06:58.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our human. Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.07,0:07:04.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I will never fully\Nunderstand or comprehend Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.58,0:07:07.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what it means to hold a child\Nin my body for 10 months. Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.31,0:07:09.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I will never be able to understand Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.02,0:07:12.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the trials and tribulations\Nof breastfeeding, Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.20,0:07:13.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the work that it takes, Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.70,0:07:17.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the emotional, physical,\Npsychological and emotional toll Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.52,0:07:20.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that carrying a human\Ncan have on the female body. Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.51,0:07:23.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What co-parenting does is say, Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.95,0:07:25.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can create balance, Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.26,0:07:28.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a more balanced home and work life\Nfor everyone involved. Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.18,0:07:31.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Co-parenting says that while parenting\Nmay involve sacrifices, yes, Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.77,0:07:35.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the weight of that sacrifice\Nis not solely resting on one parent alone. Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.81,0:07:38.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No matter your relational dynamic, Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.50,0:07:40.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no matter how you identify\Nas a human being -- Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.71,0:07:42.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he, she, they, ze -- Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.11,0:07:45.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,co-parenting says we can create\Nspace and equity, Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.10,0:07:49.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,better communication, empathy,\NI hear you, I see you, Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.03,0:07:51.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how can I show up for you\Nin ways that benefits our family? Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.44,0:07:54.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My goal: Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.88,0:08:00.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want more fathers to embrace\Nco-parenting as a model Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.10,0:08:02.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for a better tomorrow,\Na better today for ourselves, Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.81,0:08:05.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for our co-parenting partners,\Nfor our families, for our community. Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.02,0:08:08.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want more fathers talking\Nabout fatherhood openly, Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.53,0:08:10.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,candidly, honestly, lovingly. Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.76,0:08:11.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right? Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.93,0:08:14.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want more people to recognize\Nthat black fathers in particular Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.98,0:08:17.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are more than the court system,\Nmore than child support Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.62,0:08:20.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and more than what the media\Nmight portray us to be. Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.09,0:08:22.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause) Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.84,0:08:26.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our role as fathers, our role as parents, Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.98,0:08:28.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our value as parents Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.15,0:08:30.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is not dependent on the zeroes\Nat the ends of our checks Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.91,0:08:33.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the capacity within our hearts\Nto show up for our families, Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.92,0:08:36.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the people we love,\Nfor our little ones. Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.31,0:08:39.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Being a father is not only\Na responsibility, it's an opportunity. Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.56,0:08:44.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is for Dwain, this is for Kareem\N"Buc" Drayton, this is for Biggs, Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.35,0:08:46.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is for Boola, this is for Tyron, Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.84,0:08:50.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is for all the black fathers who\Nare showing up on a day-to-day basis. Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.46,0:08:54.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is for Charles Lorenzo Daniels,\Nmy father, who didn't have the language Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.09,0:08:56.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or the tools to show up\Nin the ways that he wanted to. Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.24,0:08:59.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you. Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.86,0:09:01.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My name is Joel. Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.27,0:09:03.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hi Bria, hi West. Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.40,0:09:05.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(In Yoruba) Amen. Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.01,0:09:08.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)