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*The Pacific Film Archives held a tribute for Marlon in 1993.*
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*Marlon wore dark glasses to conceal a painful eye inflammation.*
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...I mean, Marlon I couldn't miss this for the world...
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The last time I saw Marlon
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was at the party that they had for him at the Pacific Film Archives.
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Um, and I have to say that I was shocked to see the way he looked.
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And yet there was still that calm, that patience, that...
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it's a certain quality of actually looking at people.
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You know, when I went up and said "How you doing?"...
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I mean, he really looked at you,
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and y'know, even as he knew I think, I'm certain he knew that it was very difficult for those of us who had known him,
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to look at him,
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he looked at you... y'know?
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[Marlon] This is my Grandmother.
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How nice to meet you!
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[Jack Vincent] His mother and his grandmother are major forces in his life,
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and they have been unconditionally accepting of our relationship,
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of Marlon having AIDS, of Marlon's work and everything that he's accomplished,
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I mean it's just, it's been phenomenal.
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[Marlon] And I was in the hospital for about 6 months,
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died nearly twice,
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there was one moment when I had such pain, such wrenching, catastrophic pain,
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I started to cry and sob and rolled back and forth,
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the nurses couldn't do anything for me,
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the doctors couldn't do anything for me,
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my Grandmother`who stands by me had to leave the room because she couldn't bear it.
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And my Mother, walked over, took me into her arms like a baby, she said
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"Mommy knows. Mommy knows. Mommy knows.
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Sweet baby. Harriet's come to help you again. Harriet's here. Don't worry, baby.
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You've seen rivers like this, you've known pain like this,
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you stepped into the water, you've crossed, you've made it to the other side."
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[*SINGING: "precious lord, lead me on, let me stand..."*]
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[*MUSIC: Composer Edward Elgar - March #1 - Pomp and Circumstance (graduation song)*]
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*Marlon continued to receive distinction for his work.*
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*He became one of the youngest tenured professors at UC Berkeley.*
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*He was honoured by the American Foundation for AIDS Research,*
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*and he received an honourary doctorate degree from the California College of Arts and Crafts.*
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[Marlon] This is a great honour, and I want to say a very brief phrase from one of my Grandmother's songs.
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[SINGING]
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*I shall not be removed*
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*just like a tree*
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*that's standing by the water*
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*I shall not be removed".
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Thank you.
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[APPLAUSE]
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I can't say it enough: when I see that man come through the door to teach the class, I want to cry.
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And I get serious.
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If I don't have what I have... what should be done, I feel that I have like, shit on him.
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Because he's giving me energy that he needs to be living, to teach.
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[Marlon] Third issue, , Sobrante Park is not like any other place in the world, OK?
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Easy to shoot.
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I'm far more impatient with people these days who don't know what they're about.
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It's like, if you don't know what you wanna do, go and spend your time somewhere else.
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Cause my time is limited.
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At that point Marlon's T-cells shot to about 10,
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and his kidneys completely went out and he found out he had to be on permanent dialysis,
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and this mean that his life was gonna change,
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he was gonna be restricted in what he could and could not do, and it was devastating for him
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because "Black Is...Black Ain't" [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blackis...Black_Ain't] was his life,
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and this was something he needed to complete.
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One of the things that Marlon and I talked about during one of those meetings
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is...um...is dementia.
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We had a conversation about it because Marlon was really afraid of it.
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And I said "well, Marlon, what would happen if you felt like you did have it? What would happen if you had it?"
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And he said that "I don't know, I'd just die".
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[Marlon] I woke up one morning and told him I want to die.
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I'm tired of this, I just want to die.
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And there are times when I feel that,
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that y'know, despite the project Black Is...Black Ain't, which I know is just wonderful,
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but I don't care.
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Let somebody else finish it,
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I don't want to go through taking these goddamn medicines all the time,
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I don't want to have to go to dialysis,
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getting sick,
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I don't wanna have to go through having no appetite,
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I don't want to have to vomit again,
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I don't wanna have to have this nausea again,
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I don't want to have to have these headaches,
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I don't wanna have to deal with looking at my body and seeing bones instead of muscles and skin,
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I just wanna be finished.
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What's the point?
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And how do you get past that, Marlon? Do you may sit with it for a while?
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[Marlon] Can I sit with it for awhile then it will pass, and I'll talk to my mother, about all of it,
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I'll talk to a friend of mine named Akeba, and I'll take my anti-depressants [laughs]
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um, and then I'll have a good day.
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*Originally one capsule twice daily, later increase to three times a day for seizures, *
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*grand mal, partial , ab_,... one capsule 4 times daily....*
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[Jack] I saw the doctor's appointments, and I'd do the shopping and the house cleaning and the cooking.
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*... one capsule 3 times daily for HIV dementia...*
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[Marlon] And it's hard, I hate being dependent on people.
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[Jack] If his prescriptions don't seem to be working, then I try to sort out in my own mind what the problems might be
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and talk to the doctors and the nurses about it.
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*...one tablet as needed for muscle stiffness to counteract side-effects of other medications...*
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Jack is very thoughtful and very considerate and very concerned for Marlon,
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but Marlon tends to dismiss it,
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he says "well, nobody asks you to do that, you didn't have to do that..."
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[Jack] He does appreciate it, he doesn't say that he appreciates it,
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and sometimes I have to read between the lines.
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*...anti psychotic for anxiety and inappropriate anger...*
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It's clear to me that the work became the msot important thing in his life,
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not relationships, not any other personal stuff, it was the work.
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[Jack] If he's having trouble breathing I couldn't give him a tranquilizer
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because that would just depress his breathing response even more,
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it was really, it was, it was overwhelming.
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Then we had to rush him to the hospital
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and he was not...cooperative, um, and was yelling at me,
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and I wasn't sure what to do.
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[Marlon] Mom, I'm having a low blood pressure drop, just a second...
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*Marlon entered the hospital for the last time in November 1993.*
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He did not want this to be this depressing film
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that not only was talking about the death of his community, and his own personal death,
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but he wanted this to be something that was inspiring.
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And I think part of his, um, attempt in doing this was his sense of humour.
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*Marlon singing*
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"Turn... this mother out!
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We're gonna turn this mother out!
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?
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He was strong enough to talk to me and to tell me what he wanted in the film,
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to tell me what he wanted to do,
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he was strong enough to tell me stories that I could use in the film,
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but he wasn't strong enough to sit at a computer and work on a script,
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so my idea was that if I interviewed him in the hospital,
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and sort of asked him questions about all the different elements in the script,
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that I could in a sense fill in the blanks with the hospital footage.
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I was really afraid to ask him certain questions.
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So when Marlon did spontaneously talk to me about his own death, it was quite moving,
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and it still is.
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[Marlon] I know there will come a time, and I won't be able to, um, get up out of this bed,
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and all we can do is just take me home,
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and let me lie in my bed...
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and I can look out the window,
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and then it may reach a point where I can't even open up my eyes,
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and I'm just lying there,
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and I want my Mother and I want my Grandmother, and Jack to be there.
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ah, to hold my hand, and to rub my head and my feet, and let me die.
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The fearlessness of his work,
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I mean, he would try to do anything, y'know, he was always learning, he was constantly evolving,
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so even at the end with Black Is...Black Ain't, it leaves you wondering what he might have done
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if he'd lived to be 50 or 60, and what kind of filmmaker he could have been.
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*On February 17, 1994, Marlon Riggs turned 37. *
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*Six weeks later he decided to leave the hospital. *
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*He died on April 5th, 1994, in the home that he shared with Jack Vincent.*
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[Softly singing] ...*and I'm trying*
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*to make heaven*
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*my home*
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[Reverend] Marlon died so that you and I might come together.
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Marlon died so that tongues, which have been tied down and silenced might shout out for freedom and joy.
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He needed his feet massaged,
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and Karenm uh, who was up here earlier, uh, took one foot, and I took the other foot,
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and we gradually worked on these feet and legs until he fell asleep.
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Now the gift of this, I'm still learning,
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because I really think that in this time, when we can do nothing else,
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it's such a horrible time,
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we can massage the feet of the people who stand for us.
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I've been blessed to have Marlon for 37 years.
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You know?
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And I wish he could've lived a long life like Dr King said.
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Mhm. But sometimes that's not the way.
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In the time of his life, and the fullness of his life, it was very complete.
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Because he touched others.
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He was such a sweet thing.
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You just couldn't help but love him.
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And he was so cute and pretty [chuckles]
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You ever see him in his pictures when he was small, he is really a darling.
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[Jack] My dearest Marlon,
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I have not written you many love letters,
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and as I write this, I do not know if you will ever be able to read it,
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but I would like to tell you some things, I hope and pray you already know.
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My life with you has been special,
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more special than I could have dreamed.
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Nothing that we have gone through would make me think twice about choosing you again and again.
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You are my hero.
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I will always be able to think of you
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and know that a person can in fact live what they believe,
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as I believe you do, every day.
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[Marlon] Death can be transcended by memory,
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I mean, these people are not dead to me,
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when I read about their lives, when I see their images in photos, I don't see death,
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I see this extremely empowering life-giving force,
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and I know that I can achieve that too, and pass that on.
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[SONG] *Just like a tree that's anchored by the water*
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*woah I shall not be removed*