*The Pacific Film Archives held a tribute for Marlon in 1993.*
*Marlon wore dark glasses to conceal a painful eye inflammation.*
...I mean, Marlon I couldn't miss this for the world...
The last time I saw Marlon
was at the party that they had for him at the Pacific Film Archives.
Um, and I have to say that I was shocked to see the way he looked.
And yet there was still that calm, that patience, that...
it's a certain quality of actually looking at people.
You know, when I went up and said "How you doing?"...
I mean, he really looked at you,
and y'know, even as he knew I think, I'm certain he knew that it was very difficult for those of us who had known him,
to look at him,
he looked at you... y'know?
[Marlon] This is my Grandmother.
How nice to meet you!
[Jack Vincent] His mother and his grandmother are major forces in his life,
and they have been unconditionally accepting of our relationship,
of Marlon having AIDS, of Marlon's work and everything that he's accomplished,
I mean it's just, it's been phenomenal.
[Marlon] And I was in the hospital for about 6 months,
died nearly twice,
there was one moment when I had such pain, such wrenching, catastrophic pain,
I started to cry and sob and rolled back and forth,
the nurses couldn't do anything for me,
the doctors couldn't do anything for me,
my Grandmother`who stands by me had to leave the room because she couldn't bear it.
And my Mother, walked over, took me into her arms like a baby, she said
"Mommy knows. Mommy knows. Mommy knows.
Sweet baby. Harriet's come to help you again. Harriet's here. Don't worry, baby.
You've seen rivers like this, you've known pain like this,
you stepped into the water, you've crossed, you've made it to the other side."
[*SINGING: "precious lord, lead me on, let me stand..."*]
[*MUSIC: Composer Edward Elgar - March #1 - Pomp and Circumstance (graduation song)*]
*Marlon continued to receive distinction for his work.*
*He became one of the youngest tenured professors at UC Berkeley.*
*He was honoured by the American Foundation for AIDS Research,*
*and he received an honourary doctorate degree from the California College of Arts and Crafts.*
[Marlon] This is a great honour, and I want to say a very brief phrase from one of my Grandmother's songs.
[SINGING]
*I shall not be removed*
*just like a tree*
*that's standing by the water*
*I shall not be removed".
Thank you.
[APPLAUSE]
I can't say it enough: when I see that man come through the door to teach the class, I want to cry.
And I get serious.
If I don't have what I have... what should be done, I feel that I have like, shit on him.
Because he's giving me energy that he needs to be living, to teach.
[Marlon] Third issue, , Sobrante Park is not like any other place in the world, OK?
Easy to shoot.
I'm far more impatient with people these days who don't know what they're about.
It's like, if you don't know what you wanna do, go and spend your time somewhere else.
Cause my time is limited.
At that point Marlon's T-cells shot to about 10,
and his kidneys completely went out and he found out he had to be on permanent dialysis,
and this mean that his life was gonna change,
he was gonna be restricted in what he could and could not do, and it was devastating for him
because "Black Is...Black Ain't" [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blackis...Black_Ain't] was his life,
and this was something he needed to complete.
One of the things that Marlon and I talked about during one of those meetings
is...um...is dementia.
We had a conversation about it because Marlon was really afraid of it.
And I said "well, Marlon, what would happen if you felt like you did have it? What would happen if you had it?"
And he said that "I don't know, I'd just die".
[Marlon] I woke up one morning and told him I want to die.
I'm tired of this, I just want to die.
And there are times when I feel that,
that y'know, despite the project Black Is...Black Ain't, which I know is just wonderful,
but I don't care.
Let somebody else finish it,
I don't want to go through taking these goddamn medicines all the time,
I don't want to have to go to dialysis,
getting sick,
I don't wanna have to go through having no appetite,
I don't want to have to vomit again,
I don't wanna have to have this nausea again,
I don't want to have to have these headaches,
I don't wanna have to deal with looking at my body and seeing bones instead of muscles and skin,
I just wanna be finished.
What's the point?
And how do you get past that, Marlon? Do you may sit with it for a while?
[Marlon] Can I sit with it for awhile then it will pass, and I'll talk to my mother, about all of it,
I'll talk to a friend of mine named Akeba, and I'll take my anti-depressants [laughs]
um, and then I'll have a good day.
*Originally one capsule twice daily, later increase to three times a day for seizures, *
*grand mal, partial , ab_,... one capsule 4 times daily....*
[Jack] I saw the doctor's appointments, and I'd do the shopping and the house cleaning and the cooking.
*... one capsule 3 times daily for HIV dementia...*
[Marlon] And it's hard, I hate being dependent on people.
[Jack] If his prescriptions don't seem to be working, then I try to sort out in my own mind what the problems might be
and talk to the doctors and the nurses about it.
*...one tablet as needed for muscle stiffness to counteract side-effects of other medications...*
Jack is very thoughtful and very considerate and very concerned for Marlon,
but Marlon tends to dismiss it,
he says "well, nobody asks you to do that, you didn't have to do that..."
[Jack] He does appreciate it, he doesn't say that he appreciates it,
and sometimes I have to read between the lines.
*...anti psychotic for anxiety and inappropriate anger...*
It's clear to me that the work became the msot important thing in his life,
not relationships, not any other personal stuff, it was the work.
[Jack] If he's having trouble breathing I couldn't give him a tranquilizer
because that would just depress his breathing response even more,
it was really, it was, it was overwhelming.
Then we had to rush him to the hospital
and he was not...cooperative, um, and was yelling at me,
and I wasn't sure what to do.
[Marlon] Mom, I'm having a low blood pressure drop, just a second...
*Marlon entered the hospital for the last time in November 1993.*
He did not want this to be this depressing film
that not only was talking about the death of his community, and his own personal death,
but he wanted this to be something that was inspiring.
And I think part of his, um, attempt in doing this was his sense of humour.
*Marlon singing*
"Turn... this mother out!
We're gonna turn this mother out!
?
He was strong enough to talk to me and to tell me what he wanted in the film,
to tell me what he wanted to do,
he was strong enough to tell me stories that I could use in the film,
but he wasn't strong enough to sit at a computer and work on a script,
so my idea was that if I interviewed him in the hospital,
and sort of asked him questions about all the different elements in the script,
that I could in a sense fill in the blanks with the hospital footage.
I was really afraid to ask him certain questions.
So when Marlon did spontaneously talk to me about his own death, it was quite moving,
and it still is.
[Marlon] I know there will come a time, and I won't be able to, um, get up out of this bed,
and all we can do is just take me home,
and let me lie in my bed...
and I can look out the window,
and then it may reach a point where I can't even open up my eyes,
and I'm just lying there,
and I want my Mother and I want my Grandmother, and Jack to be there.
ah, to hold my hand, and to rub my head and my feet, and let me die.
The fearlessness of his work,
I mean, he would try to do anything, y'know, he was always learning, he was constantly evolving,
so even at the end with Black Is...Black Ain't, it leaves you wondering what he might have done
if he'd lived to be 50 or 60, and what kind of filmmaker he could have been.
*On February 17, 1994, Marlon Riggs turned 37. *
*Six weeks later he decided to leave the hospital. *
*He died on April 5th, 1994, in the home that he shared with Jack Vincent.*
[Softly singing] ...*and I'm trying*
*to make heaven*
*my home*
[Reverend] Marlon died so that you and I might come together.
Marlon died so that tongues, which have been tied down and silenced might shout out for freedom and joy.
He needed his feet massaged,
and Karenm uh, who was up here earlier, uh, took one foot, and I took the other foot,
and we gradually worked on these feet and legs until he fell asleep.
Now the gift of this, I'm still learning,
because I really think that in this time, when we can do nothing else,
it's such a horrible time,
we can massage the feet of the people who stand for us.
I've been blessed to have Marlon for 37 years.
You know?
And I wish he could've lived a long life like Dr King said.
Mhm. But sometimes that's not the way.
In the time of his life, and the fullness of his life, it was very complete.
Because he touched others.
He was such a sweet thing.
You just couldn't help but love him.
And he was so cute and pretty [chuckles]
You ever see him in his pictures when he was small, he is really a darling.
[Jack] My dearest Marlon,
I have not written you many love letters,
and as I write this, I do not know if you will ever be able to read it,
but I would like to tell you some things, I hope and pray you already know.
My life with you has been special,
more special than I could have dreamed.
Nothing that we have gone through would make me think twice about choosing you again and again.
You are my hero.
I will always be able to think of you
and know that a person can in fact live what they believe,
as I believe you do, every day.
[Marlon] Death can be transcended by memory,
I mean, these people are not dead to me,
when I read about their lives, when I see their images in photos, I don't see death,
I see this extremely empowering life-giving force,
and I know that I can achieve that too, and pass that on.
[SONG] *Just like a tree that's anchored by the water*
*woah I shall not be removed*