[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.50,0:00:01.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,>> Hi there.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.00,0:00:07.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My name is Julia Kristina and I am a registered\Nclinical counselor and mental health therapist
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.74,0:00:10.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and counseling psychologist\Nand depending on where you are
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.97,0:00:13.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the world, those all mean the same thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.89,0:00:19.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And today we're going to talk about part\Ntwo of loving someone who has depression
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.49,0:00:23.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how we can be there to\Nsupport them in effective ways.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.72,0:00:29.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So last time we talked about a few\Nthings that we could do and a few things
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.24,0:00:35.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we sometimes may do that are not really\Nhelpful and then looked at some better ways
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.97,0:00:37.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we can approach our loved ones.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.90,0:00:38.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is part two.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.99,0:00:45.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're going to talk more about different\Nthings that we can do to support our loved ones
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.57,0:00:49.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and things that may be not quite\Nas helpful, not quite as useful.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.23,0:00:53.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I think one of the most important\Nones -- I'm going to reiterate it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.37,0:00:57.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said it in the last one but it's about things\Nthat we say to someone who has depression
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.44,0:01:02.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we think are helpful but that\Nare actually really not helpful at all
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.32,0:01:05.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and often times make the person feel\Nworse, but it comes from a good place.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.17,0:01:08.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're coming from a good place\Nso we have good intentions.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.91,0:01:12.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And those are when we say things\Nlike, you know, just get over it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.28,0:01:13.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The grass is always greener.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.06,0:01:16.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look on the bright side.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.76,0:01:18.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Somebody always has it worse.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.73,0:01:22.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you just get out and do something,\Nyou know, you'll feel better.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.69,0:01:27.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And those things all come from a really genuine\Nplace and we really want to help the person
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.11,0:01:31.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it often times makes a\Nperson with depression feel worse
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.53,0:01:33.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because yes, they want to feel better.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.96,0:01:36.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They want to be able to get out and\Ndo things and look on the bright side.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.33,0:01:41.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But because depression is an illness,\Nit's preventing them from doing that.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.82,0:01:45.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the types of things that we\Ncan say are I'm here for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.62,0:01:46.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I support you.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.22,0:01:48.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know that you can get through this.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.56,0:01:52.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, let me know how I can be here for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.69,0:01:54.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I believe in you.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.43,0:01:55.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I love you.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.80,0:01:56.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All these kinds of things.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.99,0:02:01.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those are really helpful, supportive things that\Nwe can say to a loved one who has depression.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.41,0:02:03.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just wanted to go over that one quickly.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.93,0:02:05.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So let's get on to the new stuff now.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.24,0:02:12.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the next thing that we should\Navoid doing when we have a loved one
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.72,0:02:15.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who has depression is making ultimatums.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.12,0:02:20.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that whole tough love thing of saying if\Nyou don't get better, if you don't, you know,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.57,0:02:26.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,start dealing with this, if you don't stop\Nbeing depressed then I'm going to leave you.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.55,0:02:28.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to end the relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.53,0:02:29.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm never going to talk to you again.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.84,0:02:35.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that kind of stuff makes the person\Nwith depression not only feel depressed
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.69,0:02:37.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but often times really trapped and helpless
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.34,0:02:41.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because if they could just\Nget over it, they would.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.55,0:02:49.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now that said, as the loved one of someone who\Nhas depression, if being in the relationship
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.02,0:02:54.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with that person who has depression is getting\Nto be too much for you and you really feel
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.09,0:03:00.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like you can't be in the relationship anymore\Nthen that's a decision that you need to make
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.56,0:03:06.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for yourself but telling someone and threatening\Nthem and trying to like tough love them
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.52,0:03:11.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into changing, it just actually makes\Nthem feel worse and feel trapped
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.71,0:03:14.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because if they could just get\Nover it, again, they would.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.100,0:03:20.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So try to avoid, you know, strong-arming\Nloved ones with stuff like that.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.60,0:03:24.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know that we sometimes get frustrated and\Ndon't know what else to do or what else to say
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.53,0:03:29.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but saying something like that, it's not\Nhelpful and it's not going to be useful.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.29,0:03:38.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another thing that we need to be aware of loving\Nsomeone with depression is to keep on them.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.90,0:03:39.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, they're struggling.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.93,0:03:43.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they might push us away or\Nthey might turn down invitations
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.40,0:03:45.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's not because they don't love us.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.36,0:03:47.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's because they are struggling.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.30,0:03:50.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's because they are feeling\Noverwhelmed with the depression
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.40,0:03:52.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so they feel like they need to pull away.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.05,0:03:58.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we need to keep on them and calling them\Nand telling them that we're there for them.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.62,0:04:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And just remind them -- it\Ncould be little things.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.98,0:04:04.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It can just be like a little text message\Nbeing like hey, I'm thinking of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.60,0:04:07.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would love to see you whenever you're up for it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.59,0:04:11.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or giving them a call and being\Nlike hey, I just wanted to check in.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.59,0:04:15.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, I'd love to get together but\Nno pressure, whenever it works for you
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.49,0:04:19.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just sort of being there and keeping on\Nthem because that's one of the hugest things
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.24,0:04:23.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for people who have depression is knowing\Nthat their loved ones are there for them
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.44,0:04:29.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they still care about them and they still\Nvalue them even though they have this big cloud,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.10,0:04:33.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this big weight, this big monster\Nof depression on top of them
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.02,0:04:36.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they are having a hard\Ntime getting out from under.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.90,0:04:40.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that can be really therapeutic when --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.50,0:04:44.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like you know when any of us know that\Nour loved ones are there for us and care
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.79,0:04:47.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about us no matter what we're going through.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.56,0:04:51.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's huge for anyone, depressed\Nor not that is huge.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.19,0:04:56.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So to keep that in mind that even if,\Nyou know, the person doesn't take you
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.22,0:05:02.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,up on all your offers to know that your\Nlove and your support and your keeping
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.07,0:05:05.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on them actually does make a difference to them.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.80,0:05:07.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It actually does mean something.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.42,0:05:14.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other thing that all of us do --\Nwhenever someone is talking about something
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.20,0:05:17.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they're going through is --\Nit's normal to kind of say oh, yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.100,0:05:19.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know what you mean.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.19,0:05:21.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went through something\Nlike this that's similar.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.95,0:05:26.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That said, when someone is talking to us about\Ntheir depression or about what they're going
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.86,0:05:28.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,through and about how they're feeling,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.57,0:05:33.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's important that we often,\Nyou know, try to just listen.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.11,0:05:39.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Try not to compare our experience to theirs,\Nnot -- and at least not all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.43,0:05:45.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Having a bad day and having a moment of feeling\Ndepressed if, you know, you lost your job
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.54,0:05:50.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or someone broke up with you or, you know,\Nthings didn't go your way and so feeling down
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.99,0:05:55.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and feeling depressed because something\Nhappened in your life is different.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.82,0:05:56.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's still important.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.60,0:05:57.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's still a big deal.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.43,0:06:02.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't get me wrong but it's different than\Nhaving the mental illness of depression.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.51,0:06:07.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So although we're trying to be\Nhopeful and say I know what you mean,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.47,0:06:12.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unless we've had depression,\Nwe don't know what they mean.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.58,0:06:15.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that said too, even if\Nwe have had depression,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.73,0:06:17.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,everyone experiences it a\Nlittle bit differently.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.80,0:06:20.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we can talk about our\Nexperiences with our loved ones
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.04,0:06:23.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but sometimes they just need us to listen.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.51,0:06:26.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They just need us to be there for them.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.19,0:06:33.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They just need to feel heard and to feel valued\Nfor what they're going through not necessarily
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.13,0:06:37.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they always, you know, need to\Nhear about what we're going through.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.33,0:06:38.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not in every situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.40,0:06:43.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the other thing that's important\Nto know about loving someone
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.02,0:06:46.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who has depression -- that it's okay to ask.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.99,0:06:48.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's okay to ask them how they're feeling.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.76,0:06:52.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's okay to check in with\Nthem and be like hey --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.35,0:06:54.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, even saying something\Nlike on a scale from one to ten,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.89,0:07:00.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one being you've never felt worse and ten being\Nyou've never felt better, where you at today,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.50,0:07:03.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, with the depression or with\Nyour mood or with how you're doing?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.17,0:07:04.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's okay to check in and ask.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.43,0:07:07.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of times I think we get scared\Nof it and we don't want to ask.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.21,0:07:13.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't want to say the wrong thing so we just\Ndon't end up saying anything but it's okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.11,0:07:17.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it often times feels good for the\Nperson who does have depression to know
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.15,0:07:19.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that their loved ones care enough just to ask.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.23,0:07:31.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So those are the next set of our tips and stuff\Nthat we can do to help and support and love
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.25,0:07:35.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the best ways possible\Nsomeone who has depression.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.61,0:07:36.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's not easy.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.88,0:07:42.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And every day -- it's not an easy thing\Nthat's for sure but with some of these tips,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.95,0:07:47.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with some of these strategies, once we\Nstart using them, it will become easier.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.79,0:07:51.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It won't become -- it won't\Nfeel quite as draining.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.03,0:07:53.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So thanks you guys for watching.