[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.00,0:00:04.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What? A linguistic adventure. Go drinkin' with a Scotsman.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.89,0:00:07.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause you can't fucking understand them before.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.07,0:00:08.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.33,0:00:11.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You land in Scotland and they're going, "(mumbling in Scottish accent)"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.35,0:00:13.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.27,0:00:16.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Oh yeah.\N- Oh yeah! (mumbling in Scottish accent)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.60,0:00:19.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(mumbling in Scottish accent)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.91,0:00:21.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.20,0:00:23.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Sure.\N- Oh, fuck you, right!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.42,0:00:28.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(mumbing incoherently in Scottish accent)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.59,0:00:31.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Sure!\N- Oh, sure, you dumb fucking bastard!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.08,0:00:34.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(mumbling)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.16,0:00:36.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you realize how drunk they get,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.62,0:00:38.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they could wear a skirt and not care!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.74,0:00:42.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And how they could invent a sport like golf.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.61,0:00:46.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(in Scottish accent) Here's my idea for a fucking sport.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.18,0:00:49.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knock a ball in a gopher hole.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.52,0:00:51.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(speaking normally) Oh, you mean like pool?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.76,0:00:53.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(scottish accent) FUCK OFF, POOL!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.45,0:00:56.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not with a straight stick, with a little fucked up stick!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.58,0:00:57.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.74,0:01:00.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wack the ball, it goes into the gopher hole.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.24,0:01:02.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(normally) Oh, you mean like croquet.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.54,0:01:04.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(scottish) Fuck croquet!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.25,0:01:08.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I put the hole hundreds of yards away!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.96,0:01:13.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, fuck yeah! It's great fun, eh?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.35,0:01:16.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh yeah, that's a great thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.45,0:01:19.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- (normally) Oh, it's like a bowling thing?\N- FUCK NOO!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.76,0:01:22.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not straight. I put shit in the way!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.13,0:01:26.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like trees and bushes and high grass,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.10,0:01:29.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so you can lose your fucking ball and go wacking away
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.29,0:01:31.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a fucking tire iron!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.81,0:01:33.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wackin' away and each time you miss, you feel like
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.89,0:01:36.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're gonna have a stroke! HA!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.17,0:01:38.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fuck! That's what we'll call it!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.65,0:01:40.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A stroke, 'cause every time you miss,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.30,0:01:42.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you feel like you're gonna fucking die!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.48,0:01:45.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, great! Oh, and here's the better part.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.40,0:01:46.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, fuck, this is brilliant!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.97,0:01:50.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right near the end, I'll put a flat piece with a little flag
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.21,0:01:51.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to give you fucking hope.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.87,0:01:53.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.83,0:01:58.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then I'll put a pool and a sand box to fuck with your ball again!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.33,0:02:01.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Aye, you'll be there trashin' your ass,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.68,0:02:04.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,jerkin' away in the sand! (cackles)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.91,0:02:11.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- (normally) Oh, and you do this one time?\N- FUCK NO! 18 fucking times!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.35,0:02:16.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughter and applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.93,0:02:20.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Damn!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.78,0:02:24.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(in Scottish accent) That's my idea of a sport!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.89,0:02:27.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The manly sport of golf, where you can dress like a pimp
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.32,0:02:29.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- and no one will care.\N- (laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.67,0:02:32.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Where you can wear clothes that even a blind gay man would go,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.13,0:02:33.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, dear Christ!"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.82,0:02:38.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those are loud! This is not Carnivale. What the fuck are you on?!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.36,0:02:43.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Even the alligator's going, "Asshole."\N- (laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.76,0:02:47.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's such an exciting, athletic sport to wack the ball,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.41,0:02:49.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- get in the cart.\N- (laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.89,0:02:51.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wack the ball, get in the cart.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.42,0:02:54.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the commentary's electrifying.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.07,0:02:57.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just a side of Curling for really getting me going.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.80,0:03:00.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(whispering gently) We're on the third green now.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.15,0:03:04.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,God, people be quiet. I would like to hear the grass grow.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.49,0:03:06.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.76,0:03:09.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want the guy who does Mexican soccer to do golf one time.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.86,0:03:13.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughter and applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.16,0:03:15.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The ball is coming...the ball is going to the--
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.13,0:03:23.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,HOOOOOOOLE!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.02,0:03:26.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ai-yi-yi!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.47,0:03:28.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just to see all those old waspy mother fuckers go,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.69,0:03:30.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh dear Christ!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.21,0:03:34.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My god, they're not gardening. They're playing now. Oh, shit!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.14,0:03:36.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What the hell are we gonna do?"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.38,0:03:39.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause that was their last domain of dominance.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.14,0:03:44.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was their area. They were the king up until...Tiger.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.71,0:03:47.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Yessss!\N- (applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.100,0:03:50.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The son of a Black man and a Thai woman.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.26,0:03:52.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not even a German Geneticist coulda topped that one off!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.92,0:03:54.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.49,0:03:57.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Black athletic ability, Buddhist concentration.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.29,0:03:59.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CHI TOOOY.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.04,0:04:02.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,BOO DOIII.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.59,0:04:04.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Crouching Tiger. Hah hah!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.99,0:04:09.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then he goes to the British Open, and he plays at Saint Andrews,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.80,0:04:11.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who fucking invented the sport.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.74,0:04:14.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And after the fouth round, he's 18 under par,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.66,0:04:17.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there's only 18 fucking holes!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.74,0:04:21.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And all the old men are going, "Oh my god! We're doomed.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.82,0:04:25.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How did they learned to play? We wouldn't let him join. Dear god!"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.35,0:04:28.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they start having nightmares of golf carts going,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.66,0:04:32.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(heavy bass rap music)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.87,0:04:36.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yo, yo, yo! I'm playin' through, whether you're a gentile or a Jew!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.98,0:04:42.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Pebble Beach, mother fucker!\N- (laughter and applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.29,0:04:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[rip Robin Williams]