WEBVTT

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Wasn't Bred fantastic?

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I thought that was just really terrific,

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but it has left me feeling slightly

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technologically challenged,

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because I haven't got any satellite videos.

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(Laughter)

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Truth to be told, I haven't got any slides either.

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What I thought I would do is I would start

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with a simple request.

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I'd like all of you to pause for a moment,

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you wretched weaklings,

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and take stock of your miserable existence.

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(Laughter)

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That was the advice that Saint Benedict gave

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his rather startled followers in the fifth century.

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It was the advice that I decided to follow myself


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when I turned 40.

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Up until that moment,

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I had been a classic corporate warrior.

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I was eating too much,
I was drinking too much, 


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I was working too hard

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and I was neglecting my family.

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And I decided that I would try
and turn my life around.

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In particular, I decided I would try to address 


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the thorny issue of work-life balance.

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So, I stepped back from the workforce

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and I spent a year at home with my wife 


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and four young children.

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But all I learnt about work-life balance
from that year

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was that I found it quite easy
to balance work and life

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when I didn't have any work.

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(Laughter)

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Not a very useful skill, 


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especially when the money runs out.

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So I went back to work and I have spent 


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these seven years since struggling with,

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studying and writing about work-life balance.

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I have four observations
I would like to share with you today.

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The first is, if society
is to make any progress on this issue,

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we need a honest debate.

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But the trouble is so many people talk 


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so much rubbish about work-life balance.

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All the discussions about flexi-time


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or dress-down Fridays or paternity leave

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only serve to mask the core issue,

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which is that certain job and career choices

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are fundamentally incompatible

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with being meaningfully engaged 


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on a day-to-day basis with a young family.

NOTE Paragraph

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The first step in solving any problem

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is acknowledging the reality
of the situation you're in.

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And the reality of the society that we are in

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is there are thousands and thousands
of people out there

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leading lives of quiet,
screaming desperation

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where they work long,
hard hours at jobs they hate,

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to enable them to buy things
they don't need,


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to impress people they don't like.

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(Laughter)

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(Applause)

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It is my contention that going to work
on a Friday in jeans and T-shirt

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isn't really getting into the nub of the issue.

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(Laughter)

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(Applause)

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The second observation I'd like to make

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is really to face the truth

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that governments and corporations

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aren't going to solve this issue for us.

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We should stop looking outside. 


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It is up to us as individuals

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to take control and responsibility
for the type of lives

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that we want to lead.

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If you don't design your life,
someone else will design it for you,

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and you may just not like
their idea of balance.

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It is particularly important --

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this isn't in the World Wide Web, is it?
I am about to get fired.

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It is particularly important
that you never put the quality of your life

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in the hands of a commercial corporation.

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I am not talking here just about
the bad companies,

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the 'abattoirs of the human soul' as I call them,

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(Laughter)

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I am talking about all companies,

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because commercial companies
are inherently desgined

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to get as much out of you

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as they can get away with.

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It's in their nature, it's in their DNA,
it's what they do

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even the good,
well-intentioned companies.

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On the one hand, putting childcare facilities
in the workplace

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is wonderful and enlightened.

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On the other hand,
it is a nightmare that just means

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you spend more time at the bloody office.

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We have to be responsible
for setting and enforcing

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the boundaries that we want in our life.

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The third observation is we have to be careful

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with the time frame that we choose
upon which to judge our balance.

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Before I went back to work
after my year at home,

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I sat down and I wrote out

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a detailed, step-by-step description

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of the ideal balanced day that I aspired to.

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And it went like this:

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Wake up well rested
after a good night's sleep.

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Have sex.

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(Laughter)

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Walk the dog.

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Have breakfast with my wife and children.

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Have sex again.

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(Laughter)

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Drive the kids to school
on the way to the office.

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Do three hours' work.

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Play sport with a friend at lunchtime.

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Do another three hours' work.

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Meet some mates in the pub
for an early evening drink.

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Drive home for dinner with my wife and kids.

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Meditate for half an hour.

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Have sex.

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Walk the dog.

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Have sex again.

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(Laughter)

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Go to bed.

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(Applause)

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How often do you think I have that day?

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(Laughter)

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We need to be realistic.

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You can't do it all in one day.

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We need to elongate the time frame

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upon which we judge the balance in our life

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but we need to elongate it
without falling into the trap

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of the "I'll have a life when I retire,
when my kids have left home,

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when my wife has divorced me,
my health is failing,

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I have got no mates or interests left."

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(Laughter)

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A day is too short,
"after a retire" is too long.

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It has got to be a middle way.

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The fourth observation:

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we need to approach balance
in a balanced way.

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A friend came to see me last year --

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she doesn't mind me telling the story.

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A friend came to see me last year and said


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"Nigel, I've read your book and I have realised my life
is completely out of balance.

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It is totally dominated by work.

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I work 10 hours a day,
I commute 2 hours a day.

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All my relationships have failed.

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There is nothing in my life
apart from my work.

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So I have decided to get a grip and sort it out.

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So I have joined the gym."

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(Laughter)

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Now, I don't mean to mock

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but being a fit,
ten-hour-a-day office rat

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isn't more balanced, it is more fit.

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(Laughter)

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Lovely though physical exercise may be,
there are other parts to life.

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There is the intellectual side,
there is the emotional side,

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there is the spiritual side.

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And to be balanced, I believe
we have to attend to all of those areas.

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Not just do 50 stomach crunches.

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That can be daunting,
because people say

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"Bloody hell, mate,
I haven't got time to get fit

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and you want me to go to church
and call my mother."

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And I understand, I truly understand
how that can be daunting.

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But an incident that happened
a couple of years ago

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gave me a new perspective.

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My wife, who is somewhere
in the audience today,

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called me up at the office and said

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"Nigel, you need to pick our youngest son up,
Harry, from school."

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She had to be somewhere else
with the other three children for that evening.

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So I left work an hour early that afternoon

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and picked Harry up at the school gates.

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We walked down to the local park,

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messed around on the swings,
played some silly games.

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I then walked him up the hill to the local café

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and we shared a pizza for tea.

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Then, walked down the hill to our home

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and I gave him a bath and put him
in his Batman pijamas.

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I then read him a chapter of Roald Dahl's
James and the Giant Peach".

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I then put him to bed, tucked him in,

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gave him a kiss on his forehead
and said "Goodnight, mate."

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And walked out of his bedroom.

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As I was walking out of his bedroom,

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he said, "Dad?",
I went "Yes, mate?"

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he went,
"Dad, this has been the best day of my life.

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Ever."

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I hadn't done anything.

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I hadn't taken him to Disney World
or bought him a Playstation.

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Now, my point is the small things matter.

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Being more balanced doesn't mean
dramatic upheaval in your life.

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With the smallest investment
in the right places

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you can radically transform
the quality of your relationships

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and the quality of your life.

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Moreover, I think it can transform society

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because if enough people do it,

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we can change
society's definition of success

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away from the moronically simplistic notion

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that the person with the most money
when he dies wins,

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to a more thoughtful
and balanced definition

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of what a life well-lived looks like.

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And that, I think,
is an idea worth spreading.

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(Applause)