1
00:00:12,175 --> 00:00:14,353
Wasn't Bred fantastic?

2
00:00:14,353 --> 00:00:17,145
I thought that was just really terrific,

3
00:00:17,145 --> 00:00:19,547
but it has left me feeling slightly

4
00:00:19,547 --> 00:00:21,570
technologically challenged,

5
00:00:21,570 --> 00:00:23,824
because I haven't got any satellite videos.

6
00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:25,518
(Laughter)

7
00:00:25,765 --> 00:00:28,772
Truth to be told, I haven't got any slides either.

8
00:00:30,055 --> 00:00:31,962
What I thought I would do is I would start

9
00:00:31,962 --> 00:00:34,209
with a simple request.

10
00:00:34,209 --> 00:00:38,164
I'd like all of you to pause for a moment,

11
00:00:38,164 --> 00:00:40,358
you wretched weaklings,

12
00:00:40,358 --> 00:00:43,584
and take stock of your miserable existence.

13
00:00:43,584 --> 00:00:45,583
(Laughter)

14
00:00:47,444 --> 00:00:50,139
That was the advice that Saint Benedict gave

15
00:00:50,139 --> 00:00:53,590
his rather startled followers in the fifth century.

16
00:00:53,590 --> 00:00:55,811
It was the advice that I decided to follow myself


17
00:00:55,811 --> 00:00:57,682
when I turned 40.

18
00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,646
Up until that moment,

19
00:00:59,646 --> 00:01:02,018
I had been a classic corporate warrior.

20
00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:04,099
I was eating too much,
I was drinking too much, 


21
00:01:04,099 --> 00:01:05,384
I was working too hard

22
00:01:05,384 --> 00:01:07,730
and I was neglecting my family.

23
00:01:07,730 --> 00:01:11,405
And I decided that I would try
and turn my life around.

24
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:14,682
In particular, I decided I would try to address 


25
00:01:14,682 --> 00:01:18,048
the thorny issue of work-life balance.

26
00:01:18,048 --> 00:01:21,645
So, I stepped back from the workforce

27
00:01:21,645 --> 00:01:24,998
and I spent a year at home with my wife 


28
00:01:24,998 --> 00:01:27,676
and four young children.

29
00:01:27,676 --> 00:01:30,907
But all I learnt about work-life balance
from that year

30
00:01:30,907 --> 00:01:36,110
was that I found it quite easy
to balance work and life

31
00:01:36,110 --> 00:01:37,814
when I didn't have any work.

32
00:01:37,814 --> 00:01:39,960
(Laughter)

33
00:01:41,130 --> 00:01:43,314
Not a very useful skill, 


34
00:01:43,314 --> 00:01:46,208
especially when the money runs out.

35
00:01:46,208 --> 00:01:49,149
So I went back to work and I have spent 


36
00:01:49,149 --> 00:01:52,848
these seven years since struggling with,

37
00:01:52,848 --> 00:01:58,026
studying and writing about work-life balance.

38
00:01:58,026 --> 00:02:01,985
I have four observations
I would like to share with you today.

39
00:02:01,985 --> 00:02:06,394
The first is, if society
is to make any progress on this issue,

40
00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:09,486
we need a honest debate.

41
00:02:09,486 --> 00:02:12,126
But the trouble is so many people talk 


42
00:02:12,126 --> 00:02:15,968
so much rubbish about work-life balance.

43
00:02:15,968 --> 00:02:19,965
All the discussions about flexi-time


44
00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:23,299
or dress-down Fridays or paternity leave

45
00:02:23,299 --> 00:02:26,664
only serve to mask the core issue,

46
00:02:26,664 --> 00:02:30,806
which is that certain job and career choices

47
00:02:30,806 --> 00:02:34,287
are fundamentally incompatible

48
00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:36,613
with being meaningfully engaged 


49
00:02:36,613 --> 00:02:41,122
on a day-to-day basis with a young family.

50
00:02:42,168 --> 00:02:45,060
The first step in solving any problem

51
00:02:45,060 --> 00:02:48,124
is acknowledging the reality
of the situation you're in.

52
00:02:48,124 --> 00:02:51,650
And the reality of the society that we are in

53
00:02:51,650 --> 00:02:55,377
is there are thousands and thousands
of people out there

54
00:02:55,377 --> 00:02:59,190
leading lives of quiet,
screaming desperation

55
00:02:59,190 --> 00:03:03,569
where they work long,
hard hours at jobs they hate,

56
00:03:03,569 --> 00:03:05,925
to enable them to buy things
they don't need,


57
00:03:05,971 --> 00:03:08,225
to impress people they don't like.

58
00:03:08,225 --> 00:03:09,688
(Laughter)

59
00:03:09,688 --> 00:03:12,440
(Applause)

60
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,486
It is my contention that going to work
on a Friday in jeans and T-shirt

61
00:03:16,486 --> 00:03:18,949
isn't really getting into the nub of the issue.

62
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,424
(Laughter)

63
00:03:20,424 --> 00:03:22,435
(Applause)

64
00:03:22,435 --> 00:03:24,306
The second observation I'd like to make

65
00:03:24,306 --> 00:03:26,008
is really to face the truth

66
00:03:26,008 --> 00:03:28,588
that governments and corporations

67
00:03:28,588 --> 00:03:31,963
aren't going to solve this issue for us.

68
00:03:31,963 --> 00:03:33,722
We should stop looking outside. 


69
00:03:33,722 --> 00:03:35,731
It is up to us as individuals

70
00:03:35,731 --> 00:03:39,695
to take control and responsibility
for the type of lives

71
00:03:39,695 --> 00:03:41,885
that we want to lead.

72
00:03:41,885 --> 00:03:46,447
If you don't design your life,
someone else will design it for you,

73
00:03:46,447 --> 00:03:50,808
and you may just not like
their idea of balance.

74
00:03:50,808 --> 00:03:53,207
It is particularly important --

75
00:03:53,207 --> 00:03:55,808
this isn't in the World Wide Web, is it?
I am about to get fired.

76
00:03:55,808 --> 00:04:00,427
It is particularly important
that you never put the quality of your life

77
00:04:00,427 --> 00:04:04,374
in the hands of a commercial corporation.

78
00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:07,527
I am not talking here just about
the bad companies,

79
00:04:07,527 --> 00:04:09,820
the 'abattoirs of the human soul' as I call them,

80
00:04:09,820 --> 00:04:11,411
(Laughter)

81
00:04:12,442 --> 00:04:15,469
I am talking about all companies,

82
00:04:15,469 --> 00:04:19,361
because commercial companies
are inherently desgined

83
00:04:19,361 --> 00:04:21,481
to get as much out of you

84
00:04:21,481 --> 00:04:23,555
as they can get away with.

85
00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:26,853
It's in their nature, it's in their DNA,
it's what they do

86
00:04:26,853 --> 00:04:30,489
even the good,
well-intentioned companies.

87
00:04:30,489 --> 00:04:34,006
On the one hand, putting childcare facilities
in the workplace

88
00:04:34,006 --> 00:04:36,882
is wonderful and enlightened.

89
00:04:36,882 --> 00:04:39,066
On the other hand,
it is a nightmare that just means

90
00:04:39,066 --> 00:04:43,063
you spend more time at the bloody office.

91
00:04:43,063 --> 00:04:46,964
We have to be responsible
for setting and enforcing

92
00:04:46,964 --> 00:04:51,757
the boundaries that we want in our life.

93
00:04:51,757 --> 00:04:55,520
The third observation is we have to be careful

94
00:04:55,520 --> 00:05:02,321
with the time frame that we choose
upon which to judge our balance.

95
00:05:02,321 --> 00:05:06,007
Before I went back to work
after my year at home,

96
00:05:06,007 --> 00:05:08,544
I sat down and I wrote out

97
00:05:08,544 --> 00:05:13,307
a detailed, step-by-step description

98
00:05:13,307 --> 00:05:18,404
of the ideal balanced day that I aspired to.

99
00:05:18,404 --> 00:05:20,857
And it went like this:

100
00:05:21,123 --> 00:05:25,298
Wake up well rested
after a good night's sleep.

101
00:05:25,987 --> 00:05:27,422
Have sex.

102
00:05:27,422 --> 00:05:28,791
(Laughter)

103
00:05:28,808 --> 00:05:30,543
Walk the dog.

104
00:05:30,543 --> 00:05:34,071
Have breakfast with my wife and children.

105
00:05:34,071 --> 00:05:35,954
Have sex again.

106
00:05:35,970 --> 00:05:37,370
(Laughter)

107
00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:41,768
Drive the kids to school
on the way to the office.

108
00:05:41,768 --> 00:05:43,964
Do three hours' work.

109
00:05:43,964 --> 00:05:46,846
Play sport with a friend at lunchtime.

110
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,078
Do another three hours' work.

111
00:05:49,078 --> 00:05:52,737
Meet some mates in the pub
for an early evening drink.

112
00:05:52,737 --> 00:05:57,813
Drive home for dinner with my wife and kids.

113
00:05:57,813 --> 00:06:00,019
Meditate for half an hour.

114
00:06:00,019 --> 00:06:02,235
Have sex.

115
00:06:02,235 --> 00:06:04,156
Walk the dog.

116
00:06:04,156 --> 00:06:05,648
Have sex again.

117
00:06:05,648 --> 00:06:06,428
(Laughter)

118
00:06:06,428 --> 00:06:08,058
Go to bed.

119
00:06:08,699 --> 00:06:11,151
(Applause)

120
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,610
How often do you think I have that day?

121
00:06:15,610 --> 00:06:17,348
(Laughter)

122
00:06:17,955 --> 00:06:20,453
We need to be realistic.

123
00:06:20,453 --> 00:06:22,947
You can't do it all in one day.

124
00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:25,618
We need to elongate the time frame

125
00:06:25,618 --> 00:06:27,666
upon which we judge the balance in our life

126
00:06:27,666 --> 00:06:31,746
but we need to elongate it
without falling into the trap

127
00:06:31,746 --> 00:06:36,420
of the "I'll have a life when I retire,
when my kids have left home,

128
00:06:36,420 --> 00:06:39,572
when my wife has divorced me,
my health is failing,

129
00:06:39,572 --> 00:06:41,781
I have got no mates or interests left."

130
00:06:41,781 --> 00:06:43,430
(Laughter)

131
00:06:43,430 --> 00:06:46,521
A day is too short,
"after a retire" is too long.

132
00:06:46,521 --> 00:06:49,321
It has got to be a middle way.

133
00:06:50,261 --> 00:06:51,599
The fourth observation:

134
00:06:51,599 --> 00:06:57,020
we need to approach balance
in a balanced way.

135
00:06:57,020 --> 00:06:58,979
A friend came to see me last year --

136
00:06:58,979 --> 00:07:00,847
she doesn't mind me telling the story.

137
00:07:00,847 --> 00:07:02,977
A friend came to see me last year and said


138
00:07:02,977 --> 00:07:07,446
"Nigel, I've read your book and I have realised my life
is completely out of balance.

139
00:07:07,446 --> 00:07:10,498
It is totally dominated by work.

140
00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:13,772
I work 10 hours a day,
I commute 2 hours a day.

141
00:07:13,772 --> 00:07:15,431
All my relationships have failed.

142
00:07:15,431 --> 00:07:18,995
There is nothing in my life
apart from my work.

143
00:07:18,995 --> 00:07:22,327
So I have decided to get a grip and sort it out.

144
00:07:22,327 --> 00:07:25,176
So I have joined the gym."

145
00:07:25,176 --> 00:07:26,882
(Laughter)

146
00:07:27,529 --> 00:07:30,861
Now, I don't mean to mock

147
00:07:30,861 --> 00:07:34,258
but being a fit,
ten-hour-a-day office rat

148
00:07:34,258 --> 00:07:36,797
isn't more balanced, it is more fit.

149
00:07:36,797 --> 00:07:38,371
(Laughter)

150
00:07:40,064 --> 00:07:44,455
Lovely though physical exercise may be,
there are other parts to life.

151
00:07:44,455 --> 00:07:46,504
There is the intellectual side,
there is the emotional side,

152
00:07:46,504 --> 00:07:48,251
there is the spiritual side.

153
00:07:48,251 --> 00:07:54,168
And to be balanced, I believe
we have to attend to all of those areas.

154
00:07:54,168 --> 00:07:57,370
Not just do 50 stomach crunches.

155
00:07:57,986 --> 00:08:00,152
That can be daunting,
because people say

156
00:08:00,152 --> 00:08:02,574
"Bloody hell, mate,
I haven't got time to get fit

157
00:08:02,574 --> 00:08:05,157
and you want me to go to church
and call my mother."

158
00:08:05,157 --> 00:08:10,017
And I understand, I truly understand
how that can be daunting.

159
00:08:10,017 --> 00:08:12,729
But an incident that happened
a couple of years ago

160
00:08:12,729 --> 00:08:14,759
gave me a new perspective.

161
00:08:14,759 --> 00:08:17,806
My wife, who is somewhere
in the audience today,

162
00:08:17,806 --> 00:08:20,844
called me up at the office and said

163
00:08:20,844 --> 00:08:25,215
"Nigel, you need to pick our youngest son up,
Harry, from school."

164
00:08:25,215 --> 00:08:28,907
She had to be somewhere else
with the other three children for that evening.

165
00:08:28,907 --> 00:08:31,634
So I left work an hour early that afternoon

166
00:08:31,634 --> 00:08:35,070
and picked Harry up at the school gates.

167
00:08:35,070 --> 00:08:37,983
We walked down to the local park,

168
00:08:37,983 --> 00:08:41,098
messed around on the swings,
played some silly games.

169
00:08:41,098 --> 00:08:43,605
I then walked him up the hill to the local café

170
00:08:43,605 --> 00:08:46,390
and we shared a pizza for tea.

171
00:08:46,390 --> 00:08:48,874
Then, walked down the hill to our home

172
00:08:48,874 --> 00:08:53,255
and I gave him a bath and put him
in his Batman pijamas.

173
00:08:53,255 --> 00:08:58,073
I then read him a chapter of Roald Dahl's
James and the Giant Peach".

174
00:08:58,073 --> 00:08:59,824
I then put him to bed, tucked him in,

175
00:08:59,824 --> 00:09:02,584
gave him a kiss on his forehead
and said "Goodnight, mate."

176
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:05,197
And walked out of his bedroom.

177
00:09:05,197 --> 00:09:07,009
As I was walking out of his bedroom,

178
00:09:07,009 --> 00:09:09,499
he said, "Dad?",
I went "Yes, mate?"

179
00:09:09,499 --> 00:09:13,193
he went,
"Dad, this has been the best day of my life.

180
00:09:13,846 --> 00:09:15,246
Ever."

181
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:19,322
I hadn't done anything.

182
00:09:19,322 --> 00:09:22,472
I hadn't taken him to Disney World
or bought him a Playstation.

183
00:09:22,472 --> 00:09:27,459
Now, my point is the small things matter.

184
00:09:27,459 --> 00:09:32,522
Being more balanced doesn't mean
dramatic upheaval in your life.

185
00:09:32,522 --> 00:09:36,349
With the smallest investment
in the right places

186
00:09:36,349 --> 00:09:39,979
you can radically transform
the quality of your relationships

187
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:42,210
and the quality of your life.

188
00:09:42,210 --> 00:09:46,204
Moreover, I think it can transform society

189
00:09:46,204 --> 00:09:48,539
because if enough people do it,

190
00:09:48,539 --> 00:09:52,139
we can change
society's definition of success

191
00:09:52,139 --> 00:09:54,918
away from the moronically simplistic notion

192
00:09:54,918 --> 00:09:58,339
that the person with the most money
when he dies wins,

193
00:09:58,339 --> 00:10:01,991
to a more thoughtful
and balanced definition

194
00:10:01,991 --> 00:10:05,274
of what a life well-lived looks like.

195
00:10:05,274 --> 00:10:09,526
And that, I think,
is an idea worth spreading.

196
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,458
(Applause)