Oh, no! I can't see. I'm blind. Blind!
Ha, ha! April Fools'.
Yeah. Yeah.
Ha, ha! April Fools'.
I've been keeping that carton of milk next to the furnace for six weeks. Sucker!
You're goin' down, Homer. I'm gonna fool you.
You talk better than you fool.
I'll fool you up real nice.
You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life...
...if you had an electrified fooling machine.
Ehg!
Ah, what noble visionary thought up April Fools' Day?
Like Halloween and Christmas, April Fools' Day traces its origins...
...to pagan ritual.
God bless those pagans.
April first used to be the pagan new year.
Blood for Baal! Blood for Baal! Blood for Baal!
The Christians changed their calendar and ridiculed those who didn't.
- Happy New Year! - Hi-ho, pagans.
New Year's was three months ago, but here's a present anyhoo.
It's ram's blood for your godless ceremony.
April Fools'!
Now who's laughing? Now who's laughing?
And that's the story of April Fools' Day.
- Dad, I was telling the story. - Oh, right.
Thar she blows. The catch of the day.
Why, ye mutinous dogs. From this day, I be requiring hairnets.
Got to fool him before the day is out. But how?
He must have a weakness.
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles' heel, if you will.
Beer. Beer is the cheese. But how to use it?
Whoo! It's a good thing that beer wasn't shaken up any more...
...or I'd have looked quite the fool, an April fool, as it were.
Hey, kid, that's for customers only.
Uh, did you know there's a guy outside handing out free Stri-Dex pads?
- Wow! I'm in pizza-face paradise! - Moron.
Ay! No es bueno.
So thirsty. Eh, what are you gonna do?
The following is a public service announcement.
Excessive alcohol consumption...
...can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
Mmm, beer.
April Foo—
That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.
Forget it. That's two blocks away.
Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney.
I am proceeding on foot. Call in a code eight.
We need pretzels. Repeat-- pretzels.