0:00:03.350,0:00:05.760
Oh, no! I can't see.[br]I'm blind. Blind!

0:00:07.190,0:00:09.240
Ha, ha! April Fools'.

0:00:12.972,0:00:14.193
Yeah. Yeah.[br]

0:00:16.060,0:00:18.269
Ha, ha! April Fools'.

0:00:18.527,0:00:22.527
I've been keeping that carton of milk[br]next to the furnace for six weeks. Sucker! [br]

0:00:22.684,0:00:25.164
You're goin' down, Homer.[br]I'm gonna fool you.[br]

0:00:25.397,0:00:27.247
You talk better than you fool.

0:00:27.378,0:00:29.018
I'll fool you up real nice.

0:00:29.300,0:00:31.740
You couldn't fool your mother[br]on the foolingest day of your life...

0:00:31.788,0:00:34.228
...if you had an electrified fooling machine.

0:00:35.477,0:00:36.717
Ehg!

0:00:39.321,0:00:42.662
Ah, what noble visionary[br]thought up April Fools' Day?

0:00:42.935,0:00:46.405
Like Halloween and Christmas,[br]April Fools' Day traces its origins...[br]

0:00:46.535,0:00:47.725
...to pagan ritual.

0:00:47.809,0:00:49.379
God bless those pagans.

0:00:49.596,0:00:52.046
April first used to be the pagan new year.

0:00:53.812,0:00:59.112
Blood for Baal![br]Blood for Baal! Blood for Baal!

0:00:59.725,0:01:02.995
The Christians changed their calendar[br]and ridiculed those who didn't.

0:01:03.580,0:01:06.030
- Happy New Year! [br]- Hi-ho, pagans.[br]

0:01:06.380,0:01:09.170
New Year's was three months ago,[br]but here's a present anyhoo.

0:01:09.440,0:01:11.650
It's ram's blood[br]for your godless ceremony.

0:01:15.047,0:01:16.287
April Fools'!

0:01:20.654,0:01:24.104
Now who's laughing? Now who's laughing?

0:01:24.495,0:01:27.075
And that's the story of April Fools' Day.

0:01:27.475,0:01:30.525
- Dad, I was telling the story.[br]- Oh, right.[br]

0:01:35.064,0:01:37.514
Thar she blows. The catch of the day.[br]

0:01:42.373,0:01:46.823
Why, ye mutinous dogs.[br]From this day, I be requiring hairnets.[br]

0:01:50.956,0:01:54.816
Got to fool him before the day is out.[br]But how? [br]

0:01:55.273,0:01:57.013
He must have a weakness.

0:01:57.222,0:02:01.622
Ah, beer, my one weakness.[br]My Achilles' heel, if you will.[br]

0:02:02.026,0:02:05.556
Beer. Beer is the cheese.[br]But how to use it? [br]

0:02:08.077,0:02:10.737
Whoo! It's a good thing[br]that beer wasn't shaken up any more...

0:02:11.145,0:02:15.285
...or I'd have looked quite the fool,[br]an April fool, as it were.

0:02:21.175,0:02:23.225
Hey, kid, that's for customers only.

0:02:23.505,0:02:26.595
Uh, did you know there's a guy outside[br]handing out free Stri-Dex pads?

0:02:26.728,0:02:30.628
- Wow! I'm in pizza-face paradise! [br]- Moron.[br]

0:02:44.744,0:02:46.744
Ay! No es bueno.

0:02:49.154,0:02:52.155
So thirsty. Eh, what are you gonna do?

0:03:06.733,0:03:08.518
The following[br]is a public service announcement.

0:03:08.858,0:03:10.053
Excessive alcohol consumption...[br]

0:03:10.053,0:03:13.023
...can cause liver damage [br]and cancer of the rectum.

0:03:13.764,0:03:15.494
Mmm, beer.

0:03:26.372,0:03:27.280
April Foo—

0:03:31.209,0:03:33.616
That sounded like an explosion [br]at the old Simpson place.

0:03:34.256,0:03:35.767
Forget it. That's two blocks away.[br]

0:03:36.210,0:03:37.847
Looks like there's beer [br]coming out of the chimney.

0:03:38.567,0:03:40.512
I am proceeding on foot.[br]Call in a code eight.[br]

0:03:41.908,0:03:43.688
We need pretzels. Repeat-- pretzels.[br]