1 00:00:03,396 --> 00:00:03,896 Stop crying. 2 00:00:03,896 --> 00:00:04,740 Stop with the tears. 3 00:00:04,740 --> 00:00:05,417 Don't cry. 4 00:00:05,417 --> 00:00:06,229 Pick yourself up. 5 00:00:06,229 --> 00:00:07,143 Stop with the emotions. 6 00:00:07,143 --> 00:00:07,912 Don't be a pussy. 7 00:00:07,912 --> 00:00:08,859 Don't let nobody disrespect you. 8 00:00:08,859 --> 00:00:09,656 Be cool. 9 00:00:09,656 --> 00:00:10,702 And be kind of a dick. 10 00:00:10,702 --> 00:00:11,736 Always keep your mouth shut. 11 00:00:11,736 --> 00:00:12,407 Nobody likes a tattle-tale. 12 00:00:12,407 --> 00:00:13,736 BROS come before HOES. 13 00:00:13,736 --> 00:00:15,149 Don't let your woman run your life. 14 00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:16,038 You're a bitch. 15 00:00:16,038 --> 00:00:16,645 What a fag. 16 00:00:16,645 --> 00:00:17,229 Get laid. 17 00:00:17,229 --> 00:00:17,909 Do something. 18 00:00:17,909 --> 00:00:18,381 Be a man. 19 00:00:18,381 --> 00:00:18,868 Be a man! 20 00:00:18,868 --> 00:00:20,577 Grow some balls! 21 00:00:26,038 --> 00:00:33,328 The 3 most destructive words that every man receives when he is a boy, is when he's told to be a man. 22 00:00:33,441 --> 00:00:43,202 We've constructed an idea masculinity in United States that doesn't give young boys a way to feel secure in their masculinity. So, we make him go prove all the time. 23 00:00:43,372 --> 00:00:48,211 Within their peer group culture each of them is posturing based on how the other boys are posturing, 24 00:00:48,241 --> 00:00:53,851 and what they end up missing is what they each really want, which is just that closeness. 25 00:00:53,958 --> 00:00:57,092 In good times guys are, like, really close to each other, 26 00:00:57,092 --> 00:01:00,154 but when things get a little bit worse you're on your own. 27 00:01:00,154 --> 00:01:02,749 From middle school I had four really close friends. 28 00:01:02,749 --> 00:01:08,642 Once I went kind of went into high school, I struggled finding people I can talk to cuz I feel like I'm not supposed to get help. 29 00:01:08,642 --> 00:01:14,105 Our kids get up every morning. They have to prepare their mask for how they're going to walk to school. 30 00:01:14,105 --> 00:01:16,326 A lot of us don't know how to take the mask off. 31 00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:17,808 What is it you don't let people see? 32 00:01:17,808 --> 00:01:23,711 Almost 90% of you have pain and anger on the back of that paper. 33 00:01:23,711 --> 00:01:29,161 If you never cry then you have all these feelings stuffed up inside of you, and then you can't get them out. 34 00:01:29,161 --> 00:01:34,908 They really buy into a culture that doesn't value what we feminized. If we are in a culture that doesn't value caring, 35 00:01:35,092 --> 00:01:42,629 doesn't value relationships, doesn't value empathy, you are going to have boys and girls, men and women go crazy. 36 00:01:42,676 --> 00:01:45,750 I had anger issues in high school. I felt like an outcast. 37 00:01:46,011 --> 00:01:49,908 I've been suspended at least once every year I was here. 38 00:01:49,908 --> 00:01:52,397 We would just look for trouble and just like, try to fight it. 39 00:01:52,397 --> 00:02:02,703 Boys are more likely to act out, they're more likely to become aggressive. Most people miss that as depression, or see it as a conduct disorder, or just a bad kid. 40 00:02:05,749 --> 00:02:11,804 I felt like just giving up on life, you know, see I had suicides thought in my head in sixth grade. 41 00:02:11,804 --> 00:02:17,506 I felt alone for, for a long time and I actually thought about killing myself. 42 00:02:20,690 --> 00:02:32,713 Whether it's homicidal violence, or suicidal violence, people resort to such desperate behaviour, only when they are feeling shamed and humiliated, or feel they would be if they didn't prove that they were real men. 43 00:02:32,713 --> 00:02:41,225 If you're told from day one 'don't let nobody disrespect you', and 'this is the way you handle it as a man', respect is linked to violence. 44 00:02:41,225 --> 00:02:45,428 If I can man up, why step down from that, you feel me? 45 00:02:45,428 --> 00:02:47,439 It's like instinct. 46 00:02:47,439 --> 00:02:49,450 47 00:02:50,665 --> 00:02:51,461 So man up! 48 00:02:51,461 --> 00:02:51,902 Man up. 49 00:02:51,902 --> 00:02:52,364 Man up. 50 00:02:52,364 --> 00:02:52,656 Man up. 51 00:02:52,656 --> 00:02:53,993 Grow some fucking balls! 52 00:02:53,993 --> 00:02:55,240 Act like a man. Be a man. 53 00:02:55,532 --> 00:02:56,953 Be a man! 54 00:02:56,953 --> 00:03:02,389 For my kids, I was gonna end this hyper masculine narrative here.