0:00:03.276,0:00:03.896
Stop crying

0:00:03.906,0:00:04.740
Stop with the tears

0:00:04.852,0:00:05.492
Don't cry

0:00:05.492,0:00:06.229
Pick yourself up

0:00:06.229,0:00:07.143
Stop with the emotions

0:00:07.143,0:00:07.912
Don't be a pussy

0:00:07.912,0:00:08.859
Don't let nobody disrespect you

0:00:08.859,0:00:09.656
Be cool

0:00:09.656,0:00:10.702
And be kind of a dick

0:00:10.702,0:00:11.262
Always keep your mouth shut

0:00:11.272,0:00:12.397
Nobody likes a tattle-tale

0:00:12.397,0:00:13.736
Bros come before hos

0:00:13.736,0:00:15.149
Don't let your woman run your life.

0:00:15.149,0:00:15.759
You're a bitch.

0:00:15.759,0:00:16.645
What a fag.

0:00:16.645,0:00:17.229
Get laid.

0:00:17.229,0:00:17.909
Do something.

0:00:17.909,0:00:18.381
Be a man.

0:00:18.381,0:00:18.868
Be a man!

0:00:18.868,0:00:20.577
Grow some balls!

0:00:26.234,0:00:27.974
The 3 most destructive words

0:00:28.138,0:00:31.015
that every man receives when he is a boy,

0:00:31.522,0:00:32.954
is when he's told to be a man.

0:00:33.495,0:00:35.269
We've constructed an idea of masculinity [br]

0:00:35.397,0:00:36.368
in the United States

0:00:36.682,0:00:38.404
that doesn't give young boys

0:00:38.518,0:00:40.836
a way to feel secure in their masculinity.

0:00:41.234,0:00:42.986
So, we make 'em go prove it all the time.

0:00:43.309,0:00:44.707
Within their peer group culture

0:00:44.837,0:00:46.052
each of them is posturing

0:00:46.311,0:00:48.119
based on how the other boys are posturing,

0:00:48.200,0:00:49.445
and what they end up missing

0:00:49.463,0:00:51.201
is what they each really want,

0:00:51.503,0:00:52.606
which is just that closeness.

0:00:53.824,0:00:55.259
In good times guys are,

0:00:55.399,0:00:56.839
like, really close to each other,

0:00:57.110,0:00:58.240
but when things get a little bit worse[br]

0:00:58.566,0:00:59.282
you're on your own.

0:01:00.100,0:01:00.715
From middle school

0:01:01.128,0:01:02.684
I had four really close friends.

0:01:03.026,0:01:03.943
Once I went kind of went into high school,

0:01:04.237,0:01:05.953
I struggled finding people I can talk to

0:01:06.418,0:01:08.535
because I feel like I'm not supposed to get help.

0:01:09.025,0:01:10.009
Our kids get up every morning.

0:01:10.617,0:01:11.755
They have to prepare their mask

0:01:12.283,0:01:13.601
for how they're going to walk to school.

0:01:14.085,0:01:15.129
A lot of our students don't know how

0:01:15.141,0:01:16.069
to take the mask off.

0:01:16.369,0:01:17.707
What is it you don't let people see?

0:01:18.303,0:01:21.592
Almost 90% of you have pain and anger [br]

0:01:21.592,0:01:23.092
on the back of that paper.

0:01:23.717,0:01:24.590
If you never cry

0:01:24.598,0:01:25.888
then you have all these feelings

0:01:26.109,0:01:27.309
stuffed up inside of you,

0:01:27.538,0:01:28.603
and then you can't get them out.

0:01:29.244,0:01:30.791
They really buy into th-a culture

0:01:30.977,0:01:32.533
that doesn't value what we feminized.

0:01:32.975,0:01:34.704
If we're in a culture that doesn't value caring,

0:01:35.217,0:01:36.186
doesn't value relationships,

0:01:36.832,0:01:37.964
doesn't value empathy,

0:01:38.401,0:01:40.541
you are going to have boys and girls,

0:01:40.864,0:01:41.513
men and women go crazy.

0:01:43.214,0:01:44.897
I had anger issues in high school.

0:01:45.138,0:01:45.951
I felt like an outcast.

0:01:46.459,0:01:48.215
I've been suspended at least once[br]

0:01:48.393,0:01:49.264
every year I was here.

0:01:49.805,0:01:50.958
We would just look for trouble

0:01:51.285,0:01:52.562
and just like, try to fight.

0:01:53.029,0:01:54.341
Boys are more likely to act out,

0:01:54.913,0:01:56.442
they're more likely to become aggressive.

0:01:56.754,0:01:58.686
Most people miss that as depression,

0:01:59.367,0:02:00.852
or see it as a conduct disorder,

0:02:01.781,0:02:02.592
or just a bad kid.

0:02:05.808,0:02:08.197
I felt like just giving up on life, you know,

0:02:08.375,0:02:09.989
see I had suicide thoughts

0:02:10.194,0:02:11.352
in my head in sixth grade.

0:02:11.784,0:02:14.651
I felt alone for-for a long time,

0:02:15.337,0:02:17.298
and I actually thought about killing myself.

0:02:20.066,0:02:21.344
Whether it's homicidal violence,

0:02:21.420,0:02:22.595
or suicidal violence,

0:02:22.754,0:02:25.087
people resort to such desperate behavior,

0:02:25.228,0:02:26.168
only when they are feeling

0:02:26.168,0:02:27.748
shamed and humiliated,

0:02:27.914,0:02:29.222
or feel they would be

0:02:29.301,0:02:31.991
if they didn't prove that they were real men.

0:02:32.794,0:02:34.211
If you're told from day one

0:02:34.431,0:02:35.744
'don't let nobody disrespect you',

0:02:36.233,0:02:38.199
and 'this is the way you handle it as a man',

0:02:38.840,0:02:40.750
respect is linked to violence.

0:02:41.657,0:02:43.356
If I can man up,

0:02:43.374,0:02:44.520
why step down from that,

0:02:44.702,0:02:45.464
you feel me?

0:02:45.737,0:02:46.536
It's like instinct.

0:02:50.735,0:02:51.461
So man up!

0:02:51.461,0:02:51.902
Man up.

0:02:51.902,0:02:52.364
Man up.

0:02:52.364,0:02:52.656
Man up.

0:02:52.656,0:02:53.993
Grow some fucking balls!

0:02:53.993,0:02:54.812
Act like a man.

0:02:54.812,0:02:55.631
Be a man.

0:02:55.631,0:02:56.451
Be a man!

0:02:56.963,0:02:57.704
For my kids,

0:02:57.874,0:02:58.788
I was gonna end this

0:02:58.887,0:03:01.083
hyper masculine narrative here.