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(bell)

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Dear Thay, Dear Sangha

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[SPANISH]
At times I control
a lot of anger coming up.

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I keep it inside, but then
it suddenly explodes.

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I let it all out at once,

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without knowing why and
without being able to control it.

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When my anger explodes
I hurt the other person a lot.

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And then I do not have compassion
for the other person.

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After I have calmed down
and I have let all my anger out,

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then I have compassion
and I am aware that I made him suffer.

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But in the moment itself,
I cannot do anything.

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How can I do this?

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Dear Thay, our friend is saying that...

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This is another question about anger.

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She feels a lot of anger come up sometimes.

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and she doesn't want to let it come out.

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So she tries to keep it under control,
she's pushing it down.

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But then, at some point
it explodes, it comes out.

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and she can hurt the other person.

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She feels sorry to hurt the other person.

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She feels compassion for
the suffering she caused him.

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And she wants to know how she can
take better care of the situation.

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Is she capable of seeing the
suffering of the other person?

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[FRENCH]
Can she see the suffering
in the other person?

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And when?
Before or after the explosion?

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I do see their suffering

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but I still have the strong emotion
come up.

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What can I do?

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To control is not enough.

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To control may be to suppress.

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Suppressing is not good,

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because it is always there,
you pin it down

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but it is still there.

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So suppressing is not good.

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We have to transform.

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And to transform you need compassion.

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The only antidote for anger, violence
is compassion.

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There is no other way.

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But how to fabricate compassion?

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How to generate the energy of compassion?

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That is the real question.

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And in this retreat we have learnt

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to recognize the suffering.

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Because the suffering in that person is

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the cause of his action
or of words that can make you suffer.

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The anger in him waters
the anger in you.

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The violence in him waters
the violence in you.

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And that is why...we have
to breathe in and out mindfully

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and to look, to see
that the other person is a victim

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of his own violence, his own suffering,
his own misunderstanding.

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This is very important.

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This is the teaching of the Buddha:

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look at suffering

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and understand suffering.

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When you understand your own suffering

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you can understand the suffering of 
the other person.

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Understanding suffering always brings 
compassion.

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And only compassion can
transform anger and violence.

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There are those of us who think we can

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take the block of anger out of us

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like doing surgery.

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But you cannot do that with anger.

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You cannot take anger out of you.

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You can only transform it.

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Anger can be transformed
into something else.

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Anger can be transformed into 
understanding and compassion

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And that is the work of the practitioner:

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looking into the suffering,

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your own suffering
and the suffering of the other.

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And try to understand the cause.

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That is the way to generate

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the energy of compassion.

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And when compassion is there

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it transforms anger.

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You don't need to take it out.

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There are those who try to take it out

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There are those who advise you to...

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take it out by the practice of
so-called 'ventilation'.

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It's as if there is smoke in your room

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and you want to ventilate the 
smoke to take it out.

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And the way is to go to your room 
and lock your door

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and to try to punch, to hit your pillow.

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for 10 minutes, 15 minutes.

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And they believe by doing so

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you may...take anger out of you

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'I am aware that anger is there.'

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'I want to take it out.'

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Because they think it is safer 
to hit the pillow

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then to hit the other person directly.

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And they call it
'take it out of your system'.

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But it does not work.

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It does not work.

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It may make your anger stronger.

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It is like rehearsing your anger

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And they call it 'getting in touch with 
your anger'.

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It's good to get in touch with your anger.

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The Buddha also advises us to breathe in

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and to go home and
get in touch with our anger

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and embrace it tenderly

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and look deeply into your anger.

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But in this practice of... 
pounding... the pillow

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you don't really get
in touch with your anger.

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You are a victim of your anger.

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You are not getting in touch.

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You are not even in touch with the pillow...

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(crowd laughs)

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even though you are hitting it.

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Because if you are really in touch
with your pillow,

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you will know that
it is only a pillow.

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(crowd laughs)

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It's funny to hit a pillow.

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The pillow is innocent.

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(crowd laughs)

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So if you cannot get in touch 
with the pillow

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you cannot get in touch with your anger.

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And if you continue like that

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maybe one day, meeting him on 
the street, you may like to...

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hit directly and you get in jail.

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So this work does not seem
to help you to get it out.

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So according to this practice

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which the Buddha recommends,

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you have to come home and recognize anger

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and try to hold it with the energy 
of mindfulness.

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This is called mindfulness of anger.

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Mindfulness is always mindfulness of 
something.

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When I drink my tea and become aware

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that I am here and now,
drinking my tea

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that is mindfulness of drinking.

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And when I breathe mindfully,

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that is mindfulness of breathing.

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When I walk mindfully, that is 


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mindfulness of walking.

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So when I come home to myself

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and recognize my anger,
and hold my anger

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anger becomes the object 
of my mindfulness

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It's called mindfulness of anger

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There are two energies:

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first there is the energy of anger,

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then. the second energy is the 
energy of mindfulness

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In order to have this energy

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you have to practice breathing 
and walking mindfully.

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And with the second energy, you recognize
the first energy and embrace it tenderly,

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not suppressing...

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...but embracing tenderly

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Like a mother embracing her ... 


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her suffering...baby.

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And when the energy of mindfulness

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is embracing the energy of anger,

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you suffer less.

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It's like the sunshine
embracing the lotus flower.

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The lotus flower gets the warmth, 


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the energy, in order to bloom.

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So when you use the energy of mindfulness

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in order to embrace your anger

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you suffer less,
you get a relief.

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You suffer less.

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And if you look more deeply

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you can identify the cause of your anger.

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That may be a wrong perception.

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That may be your lack of capacity to

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see the suffering of the other person.

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And if you identify your wrong perception

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and if you can see the suffering 
of the other person

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suddenly that kind of understanding.

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that vision makes compassion arise.

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And when compassion arises,

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that is a kind of nectar

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that makes you suffer less right away.

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You get a relief.

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And you can transform it.

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And this...practice always works.

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You know that in Plum Village, in the past

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we used to sponsor groups of Palestinans
and Israelis

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to come and practice.

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And there is a lot of misunderstanding,

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anger and suspicion in each group.

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And if they can stay for two weeks,

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transformation and healing can be possible

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We practice calming, releasing tension.

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We practice getting in touch with

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the wonders of life in order to nourish us.

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And we also practicing breathing

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in order to recognize our suspicion,

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our fear, our anger.

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And then we sit down and try

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to listen to each other

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and to tell the other group about

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our own suffering,

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our own fear

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We use the practice of the 4th 
mindfulness training:

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Loving Speech and Deep Listening.

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You can tell them everything in your heart:

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your suffering, your fear, your anger

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But you tell it in such a way that
the other person, the other group

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can understand you;

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Help them to understand.

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So during the time you speak,

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you do not condemn, you do not blame.

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You just try to help them to understand

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how much you suffer,

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you and your people and your children.

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In that way you help them to
understand your suffering.

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And then it will be your turn to sit

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and listen to their suffering.

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They will tell you

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their suffering, their fear, their despair.

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And you have to listen.

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And during the time they speak

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you may notice they have

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wrong perceptions of you.

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And you want to correct them.

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But according to this practice

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you shouldn't correct them.

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Because if you correct them

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while they speak

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you will transform the session

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into a debate.

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That's not the practice of deep listening.

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You say: "Oh, they say wrong things because

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they have not seen the truth."

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"But I have the time to help them

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to correct their perceptions in a few days,

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because they will be there for another week."

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"So in a few days we will have a chance

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to tell them, to give them the kind

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of information that can help them

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to correct their perceptions."

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"But not now."

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"Now we have to listen,

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listen attentively."

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Listening like this is called

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'compassionate listening'.

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And if you know how to listen with

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compassion for one hour,

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they will suffer less.

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So we are practicing compassion.

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We are giving them a chance to suffer less

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And that is the practice of the

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fourth mindfulness training.

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Listening with compassion in order

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to help other people to suffer less.

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You may do it with your husband, your wife

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with your son, with your daughter,

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with your father or mother.

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And listen so that they have a chance

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to empty their heart.

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That is compassion.

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And after a week of practice

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we are able to remove many 
wrong perceptions.

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We increase our mutual understanding.

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And the two groups can sit down,

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can hold hands to do walking meditation,

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and share a meal together.

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Brotherhood, sisterhood is born.

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So this is a very important practice.

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And we believe that politicians

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have to learn this practice.

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When they come to a peace negotiation,

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they should follow the instructions

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of calming,

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releasing,

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recognizing suffering inside,

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recognizing the suffering in
the other person.

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And if they spent 1 week or 2 weeks

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practicing like that,

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their negotiations for peace
will be fruitful.

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And I think that in schools
of political science

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students have to learn this kind 
of practice.

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They don't need to be a Buddhist

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in order to learn.

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This is applied ethics that can be

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taught in every kind of school,

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including elementary school.

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Because children can learn the practice

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and reconcile with their brothers 
and sisters

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and reconcile with their parents

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and even help their parents.

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They are many retreats organized 


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for young people, children.

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And the children are transformed

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when they are able to see the suffering

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in their father, in their mother.

283
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And they come home after the retreat,

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listen to their father and their mother

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and help them to suffer less.

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It's a miracle

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It always happens in our retreats

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(bell)