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When I was a kid I used to think that pork chops and karate chops were the same thing

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I thought they were both pork chops

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and because my grandmother thought it was cute and because they were my favorite

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she let me keep doing it

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not really a bit deal

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and one day before I realized fat kids were not designed to climb trees

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I fell out of a tree and bruised the right side of my body

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I didn't want to tell my grandmother about it because I was scared I'd get in trouble for playing somewhere I shouldn't have been

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A few days later the gym teacher noticed the bruise and I got sent to the principals office

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from there I was sent to another small room with a really nice lady who ask me all kinds of questions about my life at home

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I saw no reason to lie as far as I was concerned

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life was pretty good

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I told her whenever I am sad my grandmother gives me karate chops

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this led to a full scale investigation

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and I was removed from the house for three days until they finally decided to ask how I got the bruises

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news of this silly little story quickly spread through the school and I earned my first nick name

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Pork Chop

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To this day

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I hate pork chops

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I'm not the only kid who grew up this way

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surrounded by people who used to say that rhyme

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about sticks and stones as if broken bones hurt more than the names we got called

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and we got called them all

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so we grew up believing no one would ever fall in love with us

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that we'd be lonely forever

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that we'd never meet someone to make us feel like the sun was something they build for us in their tool shed

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so broken heart strings bled the blues as we tried to empty ourselves so we would feel nothing

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don't tell me that hurts less than a broken bone

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that an ingrown life is something surgeons can cut away

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that theres no way for it to metastisize it does

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she was 8 years old

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our first day of grade three when she got called ugly

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we both got moved to the back of class so we would stop getting bombarded by spit balls

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but the school halls were battle grounds and we found ourselves out numbered day after retched day

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we used to stay inside for recess because outside was worse

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outside we'd have to rehearse running away or learn to stay still like statues

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giving no clues we were there

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and in grade 5 I taped a sign to the front of her desk

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saying beware of dog

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to this day despite a loving husband

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she doesn't think she's beautiful

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because of a birth mark that takes up a little less than half her face

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kids used to say she looks like a wrong answer

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that someone tried to erase but couldn't quite get the job done

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and they'll never understand that she's raising two kids who's definition of beauty begins with the word Mom

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because they see her heart before her skin

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because she's only ever always been amazing

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he

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was a broken branch grafted onto a different family tree

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adopted

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not because his parents opted for a different destiny

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he was three when he became a mixed drink of one part left alone

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and two parts tradgedy

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started therapy in 8th grade

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had a personality made up of tests and pills

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live like the uphills were mountains

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and the down hills were cliffs

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fit for suicidal

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a tidal wave of antidepressants

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and an adolescences of being called popper

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one part because of the pills

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99 parts because of the cruelty

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he tried to kill himself in grade 10

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when a kid who could still go home to mom and dad

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had the audacity to tell him "get over it"

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as if depression is something that could be remedied by any of the contents found in a first aid kit

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to this day he is a stick of TNT lit from both ends

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could describe to you in detail the way the sky bends in the moments before it's about to fall

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and despite an army of friends who all call him an inspiration

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he remains a conversation piece between people who can't understand

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that sometimes being drug free has less to do with addiction and more to do with sanity

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we weren't the only kids who grew up this way

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to this day kids are still being called names

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the classics were hey stupid

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hey spaz

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seems like every school has an arsenal of names getting updated

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every year

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and if a kid breaks in a school and no one around chooses to hear

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do they make a sound?

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Or are they just background noise from a sound track stuck on repeat

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and people say things like kids can be cruel

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every school was a big top circus tent

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and the pecking order went from acrobats to lion tamers

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from clowns to carnies

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all of these miles ahead of who we were

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we were freaks

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lobster clawed boys and bearded ladies

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oddities juggling depression and loneliness

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playing solitaire spin the bottle

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trying to kiss the wounded parts of ourselves and heal

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but nights while the others slept

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we kept walking the tight rope

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as practice and yes some of us fell

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but I wanted to tell them that all of this

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is just debris

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leftover when we finally decide to smash all the things we thought we used to be

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and if you can't see anything beautiful about yourself

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get a better mirror

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look a little closer

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stare a little longer

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because there is something inside you that made you keep trying despite everyone who told you to quit

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you build a cast around your broken heart and signed it yourself

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you signed it They Were Wrong

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cause maybe you didn't belong to a group or a clique

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maybe they decided to pick you last for basket ball or everything

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maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth

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to show and tell but never told

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because how can you hold your ground

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if everyone around you wants to bury beneath it

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you have to believe that they were wrong

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they have to be wrong

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why else would we still be here

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we grew up learning to cheer on the underdog

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because we see ourselves in them

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we stem from the root planted in the belief that we are not what we were called

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we are not abandoned cars stalled out and sitting empty on some highway

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and if in some way we are don't worry

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we only got out to walk and get gas

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we are graduating memers of the class of we made it

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not the faded echoes of voices crying out names will never hurt me

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of course they did

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but our lives will only ever always continue to be a balancing act

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that has less to do with pain

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and more to do with beauty