0:00:14.375,0:00:16.792
Phil Kaye: Hi everyone.[br](Audience) Hi.

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My name is Phil,[br]and I am a spoken word poet.

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If you are sitting wondering[br]exactly what that might mean, that's OK.

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A lot of times, people ask[br]what I do for a living,

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and if I say, "Oh, I'm a poet," they think

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that is some sort of cute euphemism[br]for "I'm filling out job applications."

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(Laughter)

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But that's actually not true.

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I spend a lot of my time working

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with schools, organizations,[br]and communities,

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performing and teaching spoken word poetry[br]to people of all ages and backgrounds.

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A lot of that work is[br]through an organization

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called project VOICE

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that I co-direct with a wonderful friend[br]and an amazing poet, Sarah Kaye.

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So I want to start today off with a poem.

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It's about my grandfather.

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Today is a special day for me

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because, even though he passed away[br]a few years ago, today is his birthday.

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The poem goes like this,

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"My grandfather is not a strong man,

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but he knows what it means to build.

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In 1947, after he and my great-uncles[br]returned form the Second World War,

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they opened up an army surplus store.

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They called it,[br]'Union War Surplus Store.'

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Their slogan, 'From the battleship[br]to a hunting knife,

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we have it, or we'll get it.'

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My grandfather was not a strong man,

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but he kept his word.

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The place was half store,[br]half encyclopedia;

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packed, all the way to the ceiling,

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with odd objects that somebody,[br]somewhere, might want.

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Steel toe boots, fire resistant overalls,

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a Czechoslovakian dental kit from 1947.

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Packed, all the way to the basement,

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with people that somebody,[br]somewhere else, might forget about;

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but not here.

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Like Richard -[br]Richard who did not work there,

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but showed up every Sunday afternoon[br]in his full military uniform.

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Never bought a goddamn thing."

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(Laughter)

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"But once, brought his little girl,[br]held her hand, said,

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'This is what it smelled like[br]when daddy was a hero.'

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My grandfather was not a strong man,

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but he kept us safe.

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We walked together in the park one night,

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and a jagged man,[br]with more tattoo than skin,

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walked up directly[br]to my grandfather and said,

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'Hey, old man!

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My pops used to take me[br]to your store as a kid,

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and you shook my hand once,[br]like I was a man.

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I still remember that.'

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My grandfather's office was upstairs,

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but he liked to work down[br]on the floor, lent anybody a smile.

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Everybody called him, 'Cheerful Al.'

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With his big belly,[br]bald head, long, gray beard,

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little kids would see him[br]and go, 'Santa Claus!'"

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(Laughter)

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"Six years after Union War[br]Surplus Store opened its doors,

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my grandfather had a son, my dad.

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He is not a strong man,[br]but he knows what it means to build.

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One summer, when he was a teenager,[br]he worked at the store,

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built a door in the back;[br]it's still there.

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Forty years after Union War[br]Surplus Store opened its doors,

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my father had a son.

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I am not a strong boy,

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but I'm trying to learn[br]what it means to build.

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One summer, when I was a teenager,[br]I worked at the store,

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built this display that went[br]all the way up to the ceiling.

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The same ceiling where my dad[br]taught me to identify things,

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'Oh, this here? This is[br]an old American bombshell.

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You may want to hold it,[br]but be careful not to hurt yourself.'

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'Oh, her there? She is[br]a young American bombshell.

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You may want to hold her,[br]but be careful not to hurt yourself.'"

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(Laughter)

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"Soon after my father built his door,[br]he walked through it,

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built his own half encyclopedia;[br]made my grandfather very proud.

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Soon after, I built my display,[br]I ran up to my grandfather's office,

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showed him what I had done,[br]'Very good, Phil. Very good.'

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When I asked him what to do next,

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he handed me an old piece[br]of paper, a beat-up pen.

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When I asked him what to do with it,

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he shrugged his shoulders and laughed,

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and I began to build[br]the only way I know how."

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(Applause)

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Thank you.

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(Applause)

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Thank you.

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So that's just one example[br]of spoken word poetry,

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poetry that's meant to be performed[br]as opposed to read on a piece of paper.

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Sometimes, people ask about[br]the writing process of spoken word poetry,

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and it's not that different[br]from creating something else:

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there are drafts and revisions

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and hopefully, a group of people[br]who you trust to give you some feedback.

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And it's a little bit[br]of what I wanted to talk about today.

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I want to rewind for a little bit.

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It's 2006, I've just started college,

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and I've been doing[br]spoken word poetry for a few years

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but only taught a few workshops.

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I find out about a volunteer opportunity

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to teach spoken word poetry[br]in the local prison system.

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A friend urges me to sign up, so I do.

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And to be totally honest, at the time,

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I don't really think about[br]what I'm getting myself into,

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I don't think about the nuances[br]of being a privileged kid from the suburbs

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going into a maximum security prison.

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But some version of it dawns on me,[br]driving over for my first workshop,

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holding on to the steering wheel,[br]thinking to myself,

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"Who the hell do I think I am?[br]What do I have to relate?

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Will they take me seriously?[br]What could I possibly teach these men?"

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When I finally get into the workshop,[br]the inmates come in one by one.

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There are 16 of them.

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We shake hands, we go around[br]and introduce ourselves.

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There is Marcus, who is here because[br]he wants to write a poem to his wife

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for their anniversary[br]coming up in a few months.

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There's Graham, who's never tried[br]poetry before but likes rap

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and is willing to give it a shot.

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And then, there's Tim.

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Tim leans back in his chair,[br]but his shoulders are tense, eyes frowned,

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he looks directly at me and says,

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"My name is Tim,[br]and I'm just here to listen.

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But I'm curious, how much do they pay you[br]to come in and teach us like this?"

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I tell him the truth:[br]nothing, it's volunteering.

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And he nods his head and says, "OK."

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Fast forward.[br]It's four weeks into the workshop.

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Guys bring in work[br]about all sorts of topics.

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Some write only about prison, the routine,

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the waiting, the smell of their bunk bed.

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Some guys never write about prison.

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They write about their families,[br]about their neighborhoods,

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the curried goat at the corner store.

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Some write about their innocence,[br]some write about their guilt.

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But anytime someone reads,[br]everyone else is quiet.

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There's a guy in the workshop named Gabe.

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Gabe is Italian.

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His heritage comes up[br]all the time in his work,

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his roots are important to him.

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One time, after getting feedback,[br]he looks around, and he says,

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"You know, I've never taken advice[br]from a non Italian before

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(Laughter)

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it turns out you guys[br]are all pretty smart."

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I see it happens slowly:

0:08:02.241,0:08:07.464
the walls between us start to crumble,[br]we are not strangers anymore.

0:08:07.465,0:08:08.885
I see in week 5,

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when the guys start to sit next to people[br]they didn't know before the workshop.

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Or week 7,

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when they've got so much positive[br]feedback for each other,

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they've got to write it down

0:08:18.390,0:08:20.610
because we don't have time[br]to get to all of it.

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Or week 9,

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when they start quoting[br]each other's poems.

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I'm still an outsider,

0:08:26.799,0:08:32.433
still a naive kid working in a prison[br]with guys more than twice my age,

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but I appreciate the fact[br]that they share their community with me,

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let me be just who I am[br]even if for only a few hours a week.

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It's my first experience[br]being in a community of writers,

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knowing what it's like to have

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a group of people[br]that want to make you better.

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I learn what it feels like[br]to tear some soft part of yourself,

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give it to a group of people[br]to gently mold it,

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hand it back to you[br]better than they found it.

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It's a maximum security prison,

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the last place I'd ever thought[br]I'd learn to let my writing be vulnerable.

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Fast forward.

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It's week 11; not everyone in the workshop[br]has brought in poetry to share.

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Tim is the most thoughtful source[br]of feedback in the classroom,

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but hasn't brought in[br]any of his own poetry.

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I don't know whether to press him on it.

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In workshops like this,

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there's all kinds of reasons[br]guys don't bring in work,

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from learning disabilities[br]to reading and writing issues

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to fear of ridicule or even violence[br]outside the classroom.

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But at the end of the workshop[br]on the eleventh week,

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Tim asks if we can walk together.

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I tell him "Sure."

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But I realize, as soon as I say that,

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that the only walk from the workshop[br]to the exit is through the prison yard.

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Walking through the prison yard together[br]is a significant act.

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Our friendship in the safety[br]of the classroom is one thing,

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but in the public view of the prison yard,[br]it's a risk for both of us.

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For me, there's a danger of looking[br]overly friendly with the inmates,

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something that the guards don't like[br]and can even shut the workshop down over.

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For Tim, there's a risk[br]of looking like a suck-up,

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a reputation that can have[br]very real and damaging consequences

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in the social structure of the prison.

0:10:20.789,0:10:22.991
But we are two workshop collaborators,

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trading ideas,[br]trying to make each other better,

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so we open the door and begin walking[br]across the prison yard,

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in step, slowly.

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And to my surprise, Tim asks me

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why I haven't brought[br]any of my own poems in yet.

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(Laughter)

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Maybe, maybe it was because I was[br]inexperienced as a facilitator,

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or maybe just a little lack[br]of self-confidence,

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but I didn't think anybody would notice.

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I tell him that I've been stuck.

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He tells me that he is too.

0:10:56.425,0:10:57.961
So we make a pact to each other

0:10:57.962,0:11:01.120
that the next week, we're going[br]to bring in a piece for each other,

0:11:01.240,0:11:02.287
even if it's short,

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even if the other person[br]is the only person to see it.

0:11:06.311,0:11:09.135
I remember the best piece[br]of writing advice I ever got,

0:11:09.136,0:11:12.834
which is from my ninth grade[br]English teacher named Arly Parker.

0:11:12.852,0:11:16.688
Mr. Parker said that when you sit down[br]to write the first draft

0:11:16.689,0:11:20.613
to not be scared but to imagine[br]a head on your shoulder,

0:11:20.614,0:11:22.130
the head of someone who thinks

0:11:22.131,0:11:24.632
you are the greatest writer[br]since Shakespeare,

0:11:24.633,0:11:28.556
and to imagine what they would say[br]as they are reading your writing.

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For me, that person is my mom.

0:11:31.051,0:11:35.266
God bless her, I could draw[br]an ugly stick figure on a dirty napkin,

0:11:35.267,0:11:38.712
and she would say,[br]"This is the next big thing."

0:11:38.713,0:11:40.412
(Laughter)

0:11:40.413,0:11:42.873
What Mr. Parker was teaching me to do

0:11:42.874,0:11:47.065
was listen to that voice[br]in my head that says yes

0:11:47.066,0:11:51.185
to all my crazy ideas, to all our risks.

0:11:51.186,0:11:52.400
And then Mr. Parker said,

0:11:52.401,0:11:55.360
"When you sit down to revise,[br]to write your second draft,

0:11:55.361,0:11:57.710
you have to imagine[br]another head on your shoulder

0:11:57.711,0:12:00.877
of someone you respect,[br]but who can give you critical feedback."

0:12:00.878,0:12:04.706
For me, it was another English teacher[br]named Mr. Clemson.

0:12:04.707,0:12:07.324
Mr. Clemson and I[br]had a great relationship,

0:12:07.325,0:12:08.701
but he was tough on me.

0:12:08.702,0:12:11.168
As I read through the piece,[br]I could hear him going,

0:12:11.169,0:12:12.855
"This part doesn't make any sense."

0:12:12.856,0:12:14.501
"What are you trying to say here?"

0:12:14.502,0:12:18.571
"This line is not nearly[br]as funny as you think it is."

0:12:18.572,0:12:23.668
And with that, Mr. Parker taught me[br]to take risks in my first draft

0:12:23.669,0:12:26.540
and see which of those risks[br]actually paid off in the second.

0:12:27.462,0:12:29.987
The following week,[br]at the beginning of the workshop,

0:12:30.547,0:12:33.165
Tim slid me a piece of paper.

0:12:33.965,0:12:35.500
I slid him one too.

0:12:36.213,0:12:39.303
And the next week,[br]he slid me two pieces of paper.

0:12:39.304,0:12:42.162
And the week after that,[br]he shared it out loud.

0:12:42.163,0:12:44.436
And the week after that, so did I.

0:12:45.513,0:12:46.903
Fast forward.

0:12:46.904,0:12:49.450
It's the final week of the workshop.

0:12:49.451,0:12:53.690
Everyone has brought in all the pieces[br]they worked on over the semester.

0:12:53.691,0:12:56.221
I see a room full of smiling men,

0:12:56.222,0:13:00.985
each with a small stack[br]of wrinkled paper in front of them.

0:13:00.986,0:13:03.545
Tim's stack is a little higher than most.

0:13:03.546,0:13:09.207
And we go around the room, trading poems,[br]pulling away our breastplates,

0:13:09.208,0:13:11.831
letting the others peer in.

0:13:11.832,0:13:13.914
And I realize,[br]halfway through the workshop,

0:13:13.915,0:13:15.541
that for most of these poems,

0:13:15.542,0:13:18.279
that will be the only time[br]they are shared aloud.

0:13:18.280,0:13:20.590
And I realize also that, up to that point,

0:13:20.591,0:13:23.525
I had only written poems to share,

0:13:23.526,0:13:27.485
for people to say "Good job,"[br]for YouTube hits,

0:13:27.486,0:13:30.479
for a room full of applauding hands.

0:13:30.480,0:13:34.971
They were not writing for recognition,[br]they were writing for the sake of writing,

0:13:34.972,0:13:38.595
to figure things out,[br]for the promise of self-discovery.

0:13:38.596,0:13:41.340
Tim volunteers to read a poem.

0:13:41.341,0:13:43.243
It's about paper,

0:13:43.244,0:13:45.589
about how wonderful it is,[br]in a place like prison,

0:13:45.709,0:13:49.643
to have a space where you can see[br]your own thoughts,

0:13:49.644,0:13:52.068
hold them in your hand.

0:13:52.069,0:13:54.834
We share poems about all sorts of things.

0:13:54.835,0:13:57.522
There's a poem about[br]learning how to whistle,

0:13:57.523,0:13:59.732
a poem about first kisses,

0:13:59.733,0:14:04.545
a poem about the joys[br]of a good, long, well-timed fart.

0:14:04.546,0:14:06.486
(Laughter)

0:14:07.326,0:14:10.249
We share the dusty corners of ourselves,

0:14:11.099,0:14:13.675
the parts no one asks about,

0:14:13.676,0:14:18.075
the things that don't show up[br]on a police record or an artist bio.

0:14:19.164,0:14:22.800
For that moment,[br]we are 17 men sharing poetry,

0:14:22.801,0:14:27.929
not defined by our age or our past[br]but the four walls around us.

0:14:29.263,0:14:32.861
Last year, I traveled[br]thousands of miles sharing poetry,

0:14:32.862,0:14:35.678
but some of the most[br]talented artists I know

0:14:35.679,0:14:38.155
rarely leave a prison cell.

0:14:38.156,0:14:43.222
It's something I do not forget,[br]an unfair reality I carry with me.

0:14:44.334,0:14:48.650
At the end of the last workshop,[br]Tim asks if we can walk together.

0:14:48.651,0:14:50.411
I tell him "Sure."

0:14:50.412,0:14:53.503
We open the door[br]and walk across the prison yard.

0:14:53.504,0:14:58.327
Tim asks whether I will remember him.[br]I tell him "Of course."

0:14:58.328,0:15:02.836
He says, "Well, kick some ass[br]out there. For us."

0:15:02.837,0:15:05.828
And I tell him, "I will try."

0:15:07.008,0:15:09.586
And with that, I wanted to end[br]with one last poem,

0:15:09.587,0:15:13.632
a poem I started working on[br]when I was working in the prisons.

0:15:13.633,0:15:16.492
Thank you all for being here,[br]thank you all for listening,

0:15:16.493,0:15:18.247
it's been a real, real honor.

0:15:20.510,0:15:23.935
"My mother taught me this trick,

0:15:24.615,0:15:27.541
if you repeat something[br]over and over again,

0:15:27.542,0:15:29.558
it loses its meaning.

0:15:29.559,0:15:31.592
For example: homework,

0:15:32.392,0:15:36.125
homework, homework, homework, homework,[br]homework, homework, homework, homework.

0:15:36.245,0:15:37.706
See? Nothing.

0:15:38.047,0:15:42.013
'Our lives,' she said, 'are the same way.'

0:15:42.014,0:15:46.404
If you watch the sunset too often,[br]it just becomes six pm.

0:15:46.405,0:15:50.219
You make the same mistake over and over,[br]you'll stop calling it a mistake.

0:15:50.220,0:15:53.283
If you just wake up, wake up, wake up,[br]wake up, wake up, wake up,

0:15:53.403,0:15:55.334
one day you'll forget why.

0:15:55.335,0:15:57.747
'Nothing is forever, ' she said.

0:15:58.667,0:16:01.906
My parents left each other[br]when I was seven years old.

0:16:01.907,0:16:06.042
Before their last argument,[br]they sent me off to the neighbor's house,

0:16:06.043,0:16:09.729
like some astronaut[br]kicked out of the shuttle.

0:16:09.730,0:16:14.180
When I came back,[br]there was no gravity in our home.

0:16:14.181,0:16:16.699
I imagined it as an accident.

0:16:16.700,0:16:19.335
But when I left,[br]they whispered to each other,

0:16:19.336,0:16:20.426
'I love you.'

0:16:20.427,0:16:23.328
So many times over[br]that they forgot what it meant.

0:16:23.329,0:16:27.706
Family, family, family, family,[br]family, family, family.

0:16:27.707,0:16:30.232
My mother taught me this trick.

0:16:30.233,0:16:33.722
If you repeat something over[br]and over again, it loses its meaning.

0:16:33.723,0:16:35.897
This became my favorite game.

0:16:35.898,0:16:38.404
It made the sting of words evaporate.

0:16:38.405,0:16:40.239
Separation, separation, separation.

0:16:40.240,0:16:41.455
See? Nothing.

0:16:41.456,0:16:43.417
Apart, apart, apart, apart.

0:16:43.418,0:16:44.840
See? Nothing.

0:16:44.841,0:16:47.165
I'm an injured handy man now.

0:16:47.166,0:16:50.649
I work with words all day. Shut up.

0:16:50.650,0:16:52.439
I know the irony.

0:16:52.440,0:16:54.322
When I was young, I was taught

0:16:54.323,0:16:56.742
that the trick to dominating language

0:16:56.743,0:16:58.417
was breaking it down,

0:16:58.418,0:17:00.536
convincing it that it was worthless.

0:17:00.537,0:17:04.962
I love you, I love you, I love you,[br]I love you, I love you, I love you.

0:17:04.963,0:17:06.935
See? Nothing.

0:17:08.146,0:17:12.467
Soon after my parents' divorce,[br]I developed a stutter.

0:17:13.176,0:17:16.777
Fate is a cruel and efficient tutor.

0:17:16.778,0:17:19.540
There is no escape in stutter.

0:17:19.541,0:17:22.213
You can feel the meaning of every word

0:17:22.214,0:17:24.208
drag itself up your throat.

0:17:24.209,0:17:27.667
S-s-s-ss-ss-separation.

0:17:27.679,0:17:31.198
Stutter is a cage made of mirrors.

0:17:31.199,0:17:34.520
Every 'What did you say?',[br]every 'Just take your time, '

0:17:34.521,0:17:36.759
every 'Come on, kid. Spit it out!'

0:17:36.760,0:17:40.898
is a glaring reflection[br]of an existence you cannot escape.

0:17:40.899,0:17:44.002
Every awful moment trips[br]over its own announcement

0:17:44.003,0:17:46.048
again and again and again

0:17:46.049,0:17:49.288
until it just hangs there[br]in the center of the room

0:17:49.289,0:17:52.719
as if what you had to say[br]had no gravity at all.

0:17:52.720,0:17:58.473
Mom, Dad, I'm not wasteful[br]of my words any more.

0:17:58.474,0:18:03.047
Even now, after hundreds of hours[br]practicing away my stutter,

0:18:03.048,0:18:07.395
I still feel the claw of meaning[br]in the bottom of my throat.

0:18:07.396,0:18:08.908
Listen to me.

0:18:08.909,0:18:11.732
I've heard that even in space

0:18:11.733,0:18:17.304
you can hear the scratch[br]of an I-I-I-I-I-I-I love you."

0:18:18.998,0:18:20.452
Thank you all very much.

0:18:20.453,0:18:21.578
(Applause)