WEBVTT

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Let's go to the other side?

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This is the deal: we're looking for 
a fisherman to tell us a joke.

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- Man, that's a challenge.
- Will anybody here tell us a joke?

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- No.
- We're shooting a documentary.

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- We're bad at telling jokes around here.
- Any good jokesters around here?

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- You'll find good jokesters down that way.
- Where?

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Down that way.
There are plenty of fishermen there.

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Do any of you know how
to tell a joke?

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- I don't.
- It depends on the intensity of the joke.

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- What do I get if I tell a joke?
- I'm starting to think that you tell jokes.

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We are shooting a documentary
about fishermen telling jokes.

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- What?
- No one knows anything around here.

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- Just a quick little joke!
- I can't.

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- Not even a short one?
- Not even a very short one.

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- Do you know how to tell jokes?
- No.

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- Not for now.
- Not now?

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- Not even a short one?
- No.

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Try that camp because 
there's a crowd over there.

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Hi, do you guys know
how to tell jokes at all?

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Sometimes, but I can't
think of any right now.

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But don't you want to tell us one?
We're making a documentary

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about jokesters and I'm trying to find
a fisherman who's good at telling jokes.

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- Can we go there and you'll tell us one?
- A joke is to say that there's no fish around here.

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- No jokesters over there?
- No, maybe you'll find one over there.

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- No jokes?
- None.

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JOKESTERS

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The sunset
over the cows...

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Hi buddy, how are you?
Is there anybody in this market

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who is famous for being the funny guy? 
Someone who is known as the jokester?

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Actually there are several 
but most of them are busy today.

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- Sunday is a busy day.
- Name one and I'll get him off duty.

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If you pass that butcher's shop, 
you'll find a fat guy there called Tidão.

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He's 'the man in this market. 
He is funny by nature, just like Mussum.

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He doesn't even have to tell a joke
to get everyone to laugh.

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- What's his name?
- Tidão, you can look for Tidão.

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- Okay, I'll go there. Thank you.
- No problem.

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- Do you know where Tidão is?
- Over here.

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Here's the thing, we are making 
a documentary about jokesters.

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There was a guy from Cuiabá and 
a guy from Bahia fishing.

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They had no luck catching any fish 
and the guy from Cuiabá

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was annoyed with a fly buzzing around. 
He caught the fly and stood still.

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Then he said: "Hey fly, if you had 
a bigger butt I'd fuck you up the ass."

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So the guy from Bahia stood up,
bent over and said: "Buzzzz."

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That's a good one. A Poconian left Mato
Grosso and went to São Paulo.

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- Who?
- A Poconian.

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- What's a Poconian?
- Someone from the city of Poconé.

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When he arrives in São Paulo,
he waits for a subway at the railway track.

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People start yelling: "Get out of there!
Step away from the track!"

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They tackled him but the train wrecked
his bike, running over everything.

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So he came back and when he
arrived at his hometown in Poconé

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it was Christmas so his 
boss's store was decorated with a train.

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So he ran inside, got a gun 
and offed the Christmas decoration.

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His boss said: "Are you nuts?
Why would you do something like that?"

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He said: "Don't be naive, boss! We have to kill 
it while it's small. Once its grown-up..."

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A guy approached a priest and asked:
"How does the church tithe system work?"

00:05:42.682 --> 00:05:47.171
The priest said: 
"It's 50% for the diocese and 50% for me."

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Then he approached a rabbi and said: 
"How does your tithe system work?"

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The rabbi answered:
"It's 70% for the diocese, 30% for me."

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Then he went to the minister and said: 
"How does your tithe system work?"

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"We throw the cash up in the air. If Jesus 
catches it, it's his; if he drops it, it's mine."

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Are you a truck driver? 
Do you drive across Brazil or just here?

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- Here, Goiás, Minas Gerais, Rondônia.
- What kind of cargo do you take?

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- Anything you've got.
- Anything.

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- Don't you know any truck driver jokes?
- No man, we work hard.

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We don't have time for that, all we do is 
work. There's no time for jokes.

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A Brazilian and an Argentine were walking
side by side but they don't get along.

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They found a magic lamp.
They rubbed it and a genie came out.

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The genie grants each one of them a wish, 
but the Argentine thinks it isn't fair.

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So he says: "Genie, I want you to build a 
wall around my entire country...

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"... because I don't Brazilian 
intruders in my country."

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The genie snaps his fingers, creates a 20ft 
wall and then asks the Brazilian's wish.

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The Brazilian says: "Please fill 
up this entire thing with water."

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- He just laughs...
- Come over here and tell us one.

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- Grab a chair.
- Come here to tell us a joke.

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We're gonna tell
a joke here.

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The gaucho was on vacation so he 
went to Pantanal to see what it was like.

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He got there, met the housekeeper
and the keeper said:

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"I'm gonna show you something." 
At the dam a local is holding a stick.

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- He whistled and an alligator appeared.
- Where's the whistle? Do the whistle.

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I don't know how to whistle!

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He would whistle...
How does one whistle?

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- Do it again?
- Now I ran out.

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So the alligator came and the local
hit the alligator's head with the stick.

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He yelled: "Easy!" 
and then clocked the alligator's head.

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When the alligator came close, 
he whipped out his dick.

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"Easy!"
So the alligator was very tame.

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When the alligator squeezed,
he'd hit its head.

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So the local guy said to the Gaúcho:
"Do you want to try?"

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"I do, but I don't know if I can
take all those blows to my head."

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That's a true story.

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A guy bought a 4x4 truck and drove
home with his brand new truck.

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He parked the truck and then 
took a shower to go out on a date.

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Meanwhile, a drunk saw the "4x4" and 
got a nail to scratch the car with "=16."

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The drunk scratched both sides. When the owner saw it, 
he took the car to the shop.

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Three days later the truck was parked in the same 
place and the drunk wrote: "4x4=16."

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By the third time, the owner decided to change 
the truck and put a sticker on it that read:

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"4x4=16" and he thought to himself:
"What will the drunk do now?"

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The drunk saw the sticker, so he picked up the nail 
and scratched a check mark on the car.

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That's a good one! It was wrong before? 
Now it's right, so let's just scratch the whole thing.

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- With a white-out, like from school.
- Seriously, you're better than that.

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That's not cool. You weren't doing anything, 
I invited you over and now you're making fun of me?

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People from the South don't like people from 
Mato Grosso because of their color.

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So a driver from Cuiabá went to the South. 
He switches gear over and over until he gets there.

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I can't remember the town's name, 
but once he gets there, he says:

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"I need a toilet."
In Mato Grosso, we say toilet.

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So he goes to the store and says:
"I need a toilet."

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- "Where are you from?"
- "I'm a Cuiabano, from Cuiabá."

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The guy answers:
"In the South it's not a toilet, it's called a Cuiabano."

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- "That's messed up, don't you think?"
- "What size do you want?"

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"Give me one that'll fit 
4 or 5 guys from the South."

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A guy from Cuiabá wanted to go to Rio de Janeiro, 
he was obsessed with Rio.

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So he bought a brand new car. 
He went to Cuiabá to buy it and returned to Poconé.

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He got there all excited and said: 
"I'm gonna go to Rio, I'm gonna see Rio."

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His friends said: "What, man? Don't got there. 
People from Rio are gonna eat you alive."

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The guy from Cuiabá answered:
"Cuiabanos are tough. I'm going, you'll see."

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In 15 days he got in 
the car and went.

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He drives and drives and drives.
He kept saying: "I'm a tough guy from Poconé!"

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When he got to Rio, he had to take a shit.
He looked around and there was no paper.

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He got out of the car and took a shit, but there was no paper 
so he wiped himself with a nettle leaf.

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He'd never seen nettle before, so he wiped himself 
and started to feel an itch in the car.

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When he was 300km away from Rio the itch was 
really bad, so he thought: "What now?!"

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"You know what? I'm turning back. 
If I'm already itching now, by the time I get there..."

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He turns the car around and comes back, 
but at least he didn't get eaten alive.

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- Very tough.
- Manly!

00:12:04.312 --> 00:12:09.848
My asshole and his asshole were talking. 
My asshole said to his: "Hi, are you a virgin?"

00:12:09.848 --> 00:12:13.357
His asshole replied:
"Of course not!"

00:12:14.687 --> 00:12:16.882
You're a truck driver so you must
have truck driver jokes.

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- No, I don't have any.
- Sure you do.

00:12:19.192 --> 00:12:23.180
- We work too hard.
- You have at least one.

00:12:23.180 --> 00:12:27.179
- No, I don't.
- You must have one trucker joke.

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- I can't remember any.
- You know you do. Everyone's watching.

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Truck driver, truck driver... nope!
You think I'm crazy to talk trash about myself?

00:12:36.863 --> 00:12:40.195
It's not trash talk.
It's making fun of other truck drivers, not you.

00:12:40.195 --> 00:12:47.595
Fine, there was this guy driving 
a 16x20 truck loaded with vegetables.

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After the tax station stamps his receipt,
Highway Patrol stops him and asks for it.

00:12:53.425 --> 00:13:00.446
The price on the document is correct, 
so they ask him to weigh the banana load.

00:13:00.446 --> 00:13:07.291
It's 1,000 pounds over the limit, so the officer says 
"You're arrested, but I'll let you off the hook."

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"But first, you'll have to shove all those
bananas you know where."

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The truck driver started to laugh, 
shoving the bananas and laughing hysterically.

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The officer said: "Are you crazy, man? 
Shoving bananas and laughing about it?"

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- "It's funny!"
- "Why?"

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"My friend is coming with 3,000 pounds, 
except his load is full of pineapples!"

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Anybody there?

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All the windows
are closed.

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Mr. João?

00:14:13.780 --> 00:14:16.497
Anybody there?

00:14:19.514 --> 00:14:22.821
Can I come a little closer?

00:14:23.681 --> 00:14:26.537
Does that dog bite?

00:14:26.537 --> 00:14:30.187
Let me ask you something.

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- We're looking for Mr. João Borba.
- João Borba lives over there.

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I know, but do you know where he is? 
I went there, we knocked and called him.

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- They're in Cuiabá.
- Oh no, seriously?

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- Do you know when they return? Did they say?
- His brother is taking care of the kids.

00:14:47.557 --> 00:14:50.209
I think they come back tomorrow, 
or tonight.

00:14:50.209 --> 00:14:53.334
We're shooting a documentary
about jokesters.

00:14:53.334 --> 00:14:56.416
- Look, we're Evangelical Christians.
- So he won't tell stories?

00:14:56.416 --> 00:14:59.199
He tells stories, 
but he's also Evangelical.

00:14:59.199 --> 00:15:04.505
- And Evangelicals can't tell jokes?
- No, it doesn't please God.

00:15:04.505 --> 00:15:07.688
- It doesn't please God.
- But doesn't it depend on the joke?

00:15:07.688 --> 00:15:12.701
No, it doesn't please God. For us to go to heaven, 
we have to be clean and pure.

00:15:12.701 --> 00:15:15.830
I know, but jokes don't 
have to be necessarily dirty, right?

00:15:15.830 --> 00:15:23.819
He does tell jokes, except that 
when he tells them to us, he tells them differently.

00:15:23.819 --> 00:15:27.512
- Like the PG version, huh?
- Yeah, the lighter version.

00:15:27.512 --> 00:15:30.685
24 hours later

00:15:31.805 --> 00:15:34.511
Good afternoon!

00:15:35.506 --> 00:15:37.813
- How are you?
- Good.

00:15:37.813 --> 00:15:42.462
- Is João Terêncio around by any chance?
- He isn't.

00:15:42.462 --> 00:15:46.183
- I can't believe it, he isn't?
- No.

00:15:46.183 --> 00:15:53.181
- Will he come back?
- The kid who works for him says he'll return tonight.

00:15:53.181 --> 00:15:57.869
Are you sure? 
Everyone said he was supposed to come yesterday.

00:15:57.869 --> 00:16:07.970
- So we went all the way to Lucas and came back...
- The kid said he'll come back tonight.

00:16:07.970 --> 00:16:12.441
- What time today?
- He said he'll arrive late.

00:16:12.441 --> 00:16:18.199
- But he'll come back for sure, right?
- Maybe late at night.

00:16:18.199 --> 00:16:22.275
- What time is the bus? Is he riding the bus?
- I don't know how he's getting here.

00:16:43.138 --> 00:16:50.087
It seems like we didn't make it.
We won't meet Mr. João Terêncio this time around.

00:16:50.087 --> 00:16:53.328
- Notorious João Terêncio.
- Yeah.

00:16:53.328 --> 00:16:59.673
Mr. João Terêncio won't be a jokester in our movie.
At least not in Jokesters Part I.

00:17:42.438 --> 00:17:45.446
You know what fieldworkers are like
to start up tabs...

00:17:45.446 --> 00:17:48.822
Vicent gets to a bar and a woman says: 
"Don't bother, you can't buy booze on credit."

00:17:48.822 --> 00:17:52.572
He said: "I don't want booze.
I quit drinking."

00:17:52.572 --> 00:17:55.688
There was a glass case 
with coconut candy inside.

00:17:55.688 --> 00:17:59.100
So he said:
"Give me a coconut candy."

00:17:59.100 --> 00:18:04.912
The woman handed him the candy, so he looked
at it and said: "How much does it cost?"

00:18:04.912 --> 00:18:08.892
The woman said: "It's 50 cents."
He replied: "What about the cachaça?"

00:18:08.892 --> 00:18:14.182
The woman said: "It's also 50 cents."
He said: "Take the candy and give me the booze."

00:18:14.182 --> 00:18:18.552
He drank it and left, so the woman said: 
"Funny guy! You gonna pay for the booze or what?"

00:18:18.552 --> 00:18:21.939
He replied: "What do you mean?
Didn't I exchange it for my coconut candy?

00:18:21.939 --> 00:18:27.613
She said: "So pay for the coconut candy!"
He answered: "Did I eat coconut candy?"

00:18:40.778 --> 00:18:44.156
- Good morning! Where is Alto do Jucá?
- Alto do Jucá?

00:18:44.156 --> 00:18:47.594
- Up that street.
- Up that way? How far, more or less?

00:18:47.594 --> 00:18:50.090
- From here it's about...
- 200km.

00:18:50.090 --> 00:18:51.710
- No, it's more than that...
- More...

00:18:51.710 --> 00:18:54.600
Yeah, but it's not much more.
Just go up that way on the first sign.

00:18:54.600 --> 00:18:56.819
- Do you know Rogério?
- Rogério? Who is Rogério?

00:18:56.819 --> 00:19:00.183
- The clown.
- Yes! He's a customer at the store.

00:19:00.183 --> 00:19:04.687
- Really? He lives over there?
- I'm not sure of the exact location.

00:19:04.687 --> 00:19:07.803
- He's funny, right?
- Yeah, he's very funny.

00:19:07.803 --> 00:19:12.260
That's the guard I think.
He looks like a watchman.

00:19:18.643 --> 00:19:21.756
Can I get some information, please?

00:19:23.176 --> 00:19:25.097
- Good morning!
- Good morning.

00:19:25.097 --> 00:19:29.610
- Where is Alto do Jucá?
- Oh, you can go that way...

00:19:29.610 --> 00:19:33.696
- Take a right after the first speed bump.
- First speed bump, to the right.

00:19:33.696 --> 00:19:41.195
You drive past the first, second and third road
and then his dad's house is right upfront.

00:19:41.195 --> 00:19:43.194
- Good morning!
- Good morning!

00:19:43.194 --> 00:19:47.574
- Do you know the Cherry Clown?
- That's me.

00:19:47.574 --> 00:19:51.170
What's up?
Was it is hard or easy to find me?

00:19:51.170 --> 00:19:54.174
It was hard and easy.
How are you?

00:19:54.174 --> 00:19:56.919
- Let's get out of the car.
- Let's go.

00:19:56.919 --> 00:20:00.450
It's a movie about jokesters
who are not very famous.

00:20:00.450 --> 00:20:04.606
We are basically looking for these people, 
which is why we called you last minute.

00:20:04.606 --> 00:20:08.409
Somebody mentioned you, we called, 
we're here and the rest is history.

00:20:08.409 --> 00:20:12.745
We wanted to learn a little bit about you.
How and why did you start telling jokes?

00:20:12.745 --> 00:20:16.855
Where did this urge to tell 
jokes come from?

00:20:16.855 --> 00:20:22.211
Jokes... I was funny ever since I was a kid.
I never liked taking anything too seriously.

00:20:22.211 --> 00:20:24.708
My thing was to mess around.
I liked pranks.

00:20:24.708 --> 00:20:30.801
So I started working on a project, 
doing theater pieces and working as a clown.

00:20:30.801 --> 00:20:37.165
After a while I realized that clown's couldn't be 
comedians - either you're a comedian or a clown.

00:20:37.165 --> 00:20:42.429
Everyone in my family works. 
I didn't like it, so I started telling jokes.

00:20:42.429 --> 00:20:46.126
I never liked it. 
Sometimes I'll be at home and my mom will say:

00:20:46.126 --> 00:20:49.566
"Son, get out and find something to do."
I say: "No, I'm too afraid I'll find it."

00:20:49.566 --> 00:20:52.998
So I don't go. 
I say it's better to stay put at home, am I right?

00:20:52.998 --> 00:20:55.568
But it's true, I like joking around.
It's my life.

00:20:55.568 --> 00:20:57.822
I'm very outgoing, 
I like to play around.

00:20:57.822 --> 00:21:00.588
When I try to be serious, 
people start laughing.

00:21:00.588 --> 00:21:04.327
They'll say: "You're kidding right?
You're not serious."

00:21:04.327 --> 00:21:09.852
As you can see, the married man 
is fatter than the single man.

00:21:09.852 --> 00:21:12.870
I drew a conclusion from this. 
It's a story I made up and it's true.

00:21:12.870 --> 00:21:16.861
Why? 
The single guy comes home and what does he do?

00:21:16.861 --> 00:21:24.321
He goes straight to the fridge, opens it and says:
"Man, not this again! Not soda and crackers!"

00:21:24.321 --> 00:21:27.179
"I'm going to bed instead."
He gets under the sheets and goes to bed.

00:21:27.179 --> 00:21:33.172
The married guy goes straight to bed and says: 
"Not this again! I'm going to the fridge!"

00:21:33.172 --> 00:21:39.428
He eats everything he wants and gets fat.
That's why married guys are fatter than single guys.

00:21:39.428 --> 00:21:47.188
A guy walks into a bar and says: 
"Get me a liter of cachaça and a roast chicken."

00:21:47.188 --> 00:21:50.326
The waiter brings it to him. 
He pours him a liter and serves the chicken.

00:21:50.326 --> 00:21:53.580
He looks to both sides and says: 
"I'm going to examine this chicken!"

00:21:53.580 --> 00:21:57.884
He stuck his finger inside the chicken's you know 
what, smelled it and said: "I don't want it!"

00:21:57.884 --> 00:22:01.822
"This chicken came from Fortaleza. 
I don't like chicken from Fortaleza!"

00:22:01.822 --> 00:22:05.587
The waiter said: "What the hell!
This guy is doing a prostate exam!"

00:22:05.587 --> 00:22:10.315
"Stuck his finger and figured out where it came from! 
That chicken really is from Fortaleza."

00:22:10.315 --> 00:22:13.450
The client says: "I don't want it, take it away."
So the waiter brought another chicken.

00:22:13.450 --> 00:22:17.573
When the other chicken got there, he looked to both 
sides and stuck his finger in the chicken again.

00:22:17.573 --> 00:22:21.810
He sniffed and said: "I don't want this one either. 
It's from here, it's from Ceará."

00:22:21.810 --> 00:22:27.582
So the local bar owner said: "Bring him a gross one
from Old Lady Toinha. He won't guess that!"

00:22:27.582 --> 00:22:32.840
When the chicken got to the table, 
he looked to both sides and stuck his finger in it.

00:22:32.840 --> 00:22:37.707
He sniffed it and said: "My good friend Toinha! 
This one came from there, right?"

00:22:37.707 --> 00:22:40.821
The owner said: "You're really good.
This chicken did come from Old Lady Toinha.

00:22:40.821 --> 00:22:45.110
You stick your finger like a prostate exam, 
sniff it and find out where it's from."

00:22:45.110 --> 00:22:55.376
So the town drunk stood up: "No offense, but could you 
stick it up mine? I've been lost for 3 days."

00:23:01.559 --> 00:23:04.982
Do you know anyone who is good at 
telling jokes by any chance?

00:23:04.982 --> 00:23:10.089
His dad owns that ceramic shop over there - 
Arara Cermamics.

00:23:10.089 --> 00:23:11.872
- Go ahead, he's there.
- Where is it?

00:23:11.872 --> 00:23:14.975
- Arara Ceramics.
- Oh, it's inside the ceramics shop.

00:23:14.975 --> 00:23:17.877
Yeah.
Go ahead, you'll find him there.

00:23:20.943 --> 00:23:26.297
Does Giovanni work here? 
We're shooting a movie about jokesters.

00:23:26.297 --> 00:23:30.183
Funny people and stuff like that. 
I heard he's a good story and joke teller, right?

00:23:30.183 --> 00:23:35.847
- Yeah, he's even published a book this year.
- Can I see?

00:23:40.264 --> 00:23:45.002
There's some people here from São Paulo.
I'm going to put you through.

00:23:45.002 --> 00:23:46.762
- That's him.
- Giovanni?

00:23:46.762 --> 00:23:51.682
Hello? Giovanni? 
Hi, I'm Gustavo from São Paulo.

00:23:51.682 --> 00:23:55.586
We're shooting a documentary 
about jokesters.

00:23:55.586 --> 00:23:59.177
We're on a quest across Brazil 
and you came in highly recommended

00:23:59.177 --> 00:24:04.576
as a potential jokester. We're thinking about 
dropping by to have a word, can we?

00:24:04.576 --> 00:24:10.539
Arara Ceramics, got it. 
I'll get directions, but it should take me half an hour.

00:24:14.716 --> 00:24:20.188
Hi, good morning! 
I'm here to see Giovanni.

00:24:20.188 --> 00:24:21.671
- Giovanni!
- Gustavo?

00:24:21.671 --> 00:24:24.194
- That's me!
- Dude, you're in the jungle!

00:24:24.194 --> 00:24:25.611
- How are you doing?
- All's good.

00:24:25.611 --> 00:24:27.995
- This is Chico.
- Chico! How are you doing, bro?

00:24:27.995 --> 00:24:30.077
- I'm good.
- Our photographer and that's André.

00:24:30.077 --> 00:24:33.164
- André, what's up?
- We found out that you wrote a book, right?

00:24:33.164 --> 00:24:37.591
- Seven books!
- So not just one, seven.

00:24:37.591 --> 00:24:39.801
- And I thought it was just one...
- No, several.

00:24:39.801 --> 00:24:43.321
- Man, can you give me a minute?
- I'll give you two. In fact, I'll give you seven!

00:24:43.321 --> 00:24:45.733
- Wait for me, make yourself at home.
- Okay.

00:24:45.733 --> 00:24:50.908
So tell me, what's your relationship 
with jokes and comedy?

00:24:50.908 --> 00:24:56.708
In fact, we're throwing the
tenth FHC event here in Iguatu in August.

00:24:56.708 --> 00:25:04.196
We created it and we pay tribute to ACM. 
FHC is the Ceará Comedy Festival.

00:25:04.196 --> 00:25:07.335
And ACM is a friend of ours
called Airton Cachorra Magra.

00:25:07.335 --> 00:25:12.018
He was honored.
It all starts with a prank.

00:25:12.018 --> 00:25:17.679
The current mayor of Iguatu is a friend of mine,
Aderilo Alcântara.

00:25:17.679 --> 00:25:20.571
You can go to São Paulo, New York, Paris,
anywhere...

00:25:20.571 --> 00:25:25.865
No mayor goes 
to more funerals.

00:25:25.865 --> 00:25:29.344
- Over 2 thousand funerals, he's a well-known guy.
- Let me understand...

00:25:29.344 --> 00:25:35.079
- He likes to go to funerals to...
- Market himself. It's marketing.

00:25:35.079 --> 00:25:40.804
If he's not at the square with the Cathedral 
when there's a funeral it's because he's out of town.

00:25:40.804 --> 00:25:48.433
One of these days he went to one
where an outcast criminal died.

00:25:48.433 --> 00:25:53.390
So the mayor looked at him at the funeral and said:
"A good citizen, a role model family man.

00:25:53.390 --> 00:25:56.099
A great head of the family."
And the widow said to her son:

00:25:56.099 --> 00:25:58.851
"Go check if it's really
your father inside that coffin."

00:25:58.851 --> 00:26:01.425
The guy was the 
biggest scumbag.

00:26:01.425 --> 00:26:05.861
Then there's this other guy called João Lázaro.
He's the town Councillor.

00:26:05.861 --> 00:26:11.197
The fact is that João Lázaro made some extra cash 
and went to Juazeiro get prescription glasses.

00:26:11.197 --> 00:26:15.602
Those prescription glasses that 
you can get for 2 or 3 bucks.

00:26:15.602 --> 00:26:19.498
And he was giving prescription glasses to everyone
in Iguatu, until an old lady heard about it.

00:26:19.498 --> 00:26:23.177
The poor lady went up to him and said: 
"Mr. Lázaro, please give me good glasses,

00:26:23.177 --> 00:26:27.030
because I can't read the letters that
my children have been sending me.

00:26:27.030 --> 00:26:30.867
Give me glasses and get 8 votes from my house."
That's how things work here.

00:26:30.867 --> 00:26:35.840
So he reached into the bottom of the bag,
handed a pair of coke-bottle glasses to her.

00:26:35.840 --> 00:26:38.825
The old lady put them in her purse
and walked to the market.

00:26:38.825 --> 00:26:43.598
When she got to the market, she put 
the glasses on and asked a vendor:

00:26:43.598 --> 00:26:45.817
"Sir, how much does 
a kilo of those beans cost?"

00:26:45.817 --> 00:26:48.854
He answered: "I wouldn't know,
I'm selling sesame seeds."

00:26:48.854 --> 00:26:52.219
There's another 
government-related incident,

00:26:52.219 --> 00:26:58.429
where a man got in an accident and lost a leg.
And Cidal wanted a doctor's statement every year.

00:26:58.429 --> 00:27:03.800
He would always bring one saying:
"Mr. Antônio Queiroz de Oliveira,

00:27:03.800 --> 00:27:07.348
hereby declares that he has
lost his leg and therefore cannot work, etc."

00:27:07.348 --> 00:27:09.337
One fine year, 
he got fed up and wrote:

00:27:09.337 --> 00:27:14.594
"I hereby declare that Antônio Queiroz de Oliveira
lost his leg and it will never grow back."

00:27:14.594 --> 00:27:18.209
And that was that. 
They stopped asking for it. Crazy, right?

00:27:18.209 --> 00:27:22.579
You honk, you call
You wink, you win me over

00:27:22.579 --> 00:27:28.688
Love mototaxi
You honk, call, wink, win me over

00:27:28.688 --> 00:27:36.817
Love mototaxi
Parked at the square with the powerful bike

00:27:36.817 --> 00:27:42.819
Toothpick
Fatal smile

00:27:42.819 --> 00:27:48.977
Midday sun
Scorching heat

00:27:48.977 --> 00:27:52.576
Calling the clients over
With a sexy voice

00:27:52.576 --> 00:27:56.345
It's all swag
it's all swag...

00:29:44.664 --> 00:29:48.843
The love mototaxi is a real thing.
The driver is a real womanizer, you know?

00:29:48.843 --> 00:29:54.352
He has several client's in his cell phone, 
so we wrote the song based on this story.

00:29:54.352 --> 00:29:59.693
- So it's a real-life character?
- Real-life, the Love Mototaxi.

00:29:59.693 --> 00:30:03.841
So people just call him for a ride 
or do they call him to get the full service?

00:30:03.841 --> 00:30:11.605
Sometimes it's both. 
He'll take them home and give the full service.

00:30:11.605 --> 00:30:16.312
There's a joke in which a guy says: "Man, 
remember the guy with the dumpcart? He died."

00:30:16.312 --> 00:30:21.162
The other guy says: "Seriously? How?"
"He hit his truck and flew through the windshield."

00:30:21.162 --> 00:30:27.012
Dude says: "So he died from the hit."
The other guy: "No, he was still alive,

00:30:27.012 --> 00:30:32.171
but he fell inside my house, came in through the 
window, hit the wardrobe

00:30:32.171 --> 00:30:35.615
and it tumbled on top of him."
The friend squeals: "He was crushed!"

00:30:35.615 --> 00:30:42.331
"Not at all! He lifted the wardrobe, 
but leaned on a socket, 220 volts!"

00:30:42.331 --> 00:30:44.828
The friend yells: 
"He was electrocuted to death!"

00:30:44.828 --> 00:30:48.827
"No, he frantically fell down the stairs. 
He was still alive, but fell down the entire flight."

00:30:48.827 --> 00:30:55.317
The friend said: "He broke his neck and died!"
"Nope, he got up and leaned on a panhandle,

00:30:55.317 --> 00:30:59.872
- which tipped over with boiling oil."
- "Now he died!"

00:30:59.872 --> 00:31:02.858
- "He still managed to get stuck under the fridge."
- "How did he die?!"

00:31:02.858 --> 00:31:07.169
- "I shot him in the face."
- "You killed the guy?"

00:31:07.169 --> 00:31:13.620
"The guy was wrecking my entire house!
He was destroying everything!"

00:32:02.731 --> 00:32:07.379
You're the one who's going to take me.

00:32:14.166 --> 00:32:16.794
Check, check. 
Is it working?

00:32:16.794 --> 00:32:18.988
- Let's go. 
- Let's! Where are we going?

00:32:18.988 --> 00:32:22.318
- I don't know, you're the local.
- Yeah, but I'm not from here man.

00:32:22.318 --> 00:32:24.909
I live here 
but I'm not from here.

00:32:29.166 --> 00:32:33.209
Man, I've always written comedies, since I was a kid. 
I would write constantly.

00:32:33.209 --> 00:32:36.186
Except I've always been 
the shyest person in the world.

00:32:36.186 --> 00:32:41.001
I never pictured myself on a stage. 
I thought one day I'd have the courage to do it,

00:32:41.001 --> 00:32:44.323
but it's like those people who say they 
want to skydive someday, you know?

00:32:44.323 --> 00:32:46.438
My version of skydiving was 
to go up on stage.

00:32:46.438 --> 00:32:50.571
I'm a nerd, when it comes to relationships my 
reference is Mario and Princess Peach.

00:32:50.571 --> 00:32:54.571
I have a theory that Mario was somewhat 
inspired by the porn industry.

00:32:54.571 --> 00:33:02.325
Only in the porn industry it's possible to accept the 
premise that a princess would fuck a plumber.

00:33:02.325 --> 00:33:05.855
Greek mythology is among
my favorite topics.

00:33:05.855 --> 00:33:12.556
I think Greek gods are so badass. 
Like the God of Fire, the Sun God, the Water God...

00:33:12.556 --> 00:33:15.979
And our God is just God. 
Like God, period.

00:33:15.979 --> 00:33:22.582
I get the feeling that our God went to college
and had no interest in getting a graduate degree.

00:33:22.582 --> 00:33:29.694
He held back, you know?
Kind of lazy or maybe he was low on cash...

00:33:29.694 --> 00:33:33.708
To this day they sell stand-up show tickets
featuring characters here in Porto Alegre.

00:33:33.708 --> 00:33:37.822
I think that's why people get confused, 
especially here in Porto Alegre,

00:33:37.822 --> 00:33:39.688
about what is stand-up 
and what isn't.

00:33:39.688 --> 00:33:44.711
There's a famous show here, I think it's called 
"Ladies First" and it's the most famous one.

00:33:44.711 --> 00:33:47.981
They sold themselves as stand-up comedy,
except they used characters.

00:33:47.981 --> 00:33:50.694
So it's not stand-up. 
In my view, it's not stand-up comedy.

00:33:50.694 --> 00:33:54.194
What's the difference between stand-up 
and characters?

00:33:54.194 --> 00:33:58.579
In stand-up, I'm free from characters.
I'm unarmed, you know?

00:33:58.579 --> 00:34:01.682
If I'm not funny, 
it's because I really wasn't funny.

00:34:01.682 --> 00:34:05.475
I'll be down all week because
I wasn't funny.

00:34:05.475 --> 00:34:09.179
If the character isn't funny, 
it's the actual persona that isn't funny.

00:34:09.179 --> 00:34:11.067
Like, change your character,
you know?

00:34:11.067 --> 00:34:15.587
It must be kind of a drag to be friends with God. 
Like being God's best friend.

00:34:15.587 --> 00:34:19.988
Because God is God, right? 
If you go up to tell him something, he'll go:

00:34:19.988 --> 00:34:25.616
"I know, dude. 
I'm God."

00:34:31.416 --> 00:34:36.152
The good thing about stand-up is that we 
can work with whatever is currently going on.

00:34:36.152 --> 00:34:39.164
We're always active, 
we're always writing.

00:34:39.164 --> 00:34:45.311
Our text has an expiry date. 
This week's show might not work next month.

00:34:45.311 --> 00:34:49.805
I hate rehearsing, I prefer to wing it. 
See what happens, you know?

00:34:49.805 --> 00:34:52.470
I don't show anybody 
what I'm going to do beforehand.

00:34:52.470 --> 00:34:55.170
- You write it...
- I jot it down and keep it to myself.

00:34:55.170 --> 00:34:58.442
- Do you laugh on your own?
- Yeah.

00:34:58.442 --> 00:35:01.436
So other than working with comedy,
I also study Journalism.

00:35:01.436 --> 00:35:06.830
I'm going to major in Journalism soon, 
so I'll be a Comedian and a Journalist.

00:35:06.830 --> 00:35:12.828
In other words, 
I'm trying very hard to remain unemployed.

00:35:12.828 --> 00:35:15.843
The ideal person to be in Brazilian 
journalism is William Bonner.

00:35:15.843 --> 00:35:18.602
Everybody thinks they'll be 
just like William Bonner.

00:35:18.602 --> 00:35:22.575
But William Bonner is an exception, man, 
because William Bonner is a badass.

00:35:22.575 --> 00:35:25.852
He's extremely competent. 
If you stop to think about it...

00:35:25.852 --> 00:35:28.849
the Globo network made him 
the National News achor.

00:35:28.849 --> 00:35:34.876
And nowadays, he's like Chief Editor of the thing.
Like, Globo got him a woman co-anchor.

00:35:34.876 --> 00:35:39.678
He married her.

00:35:39.678 --> 00:35:45.202
She wanted to get pregnant 
and he gave her triplets.

00:35:45.202 --> 00:35:47.736
In just one fuck.

00:37:09.420 --> 00:37:14.022
Hello, Jean?
So, let me explain.

00:37:14.022 --> 00:37:17.886
I'm working on a documentary
about people who tell jokes

00:37:17.886 --> 00:37:21.430
and we're going to swing
by Araranguá soon.

00:37:21.430 --> 00:37:25.445
I wanted to know if you'd like
to tell us some of your jokes?

00:37:25.445 --> 00:37:30.856
Sure you are, my mother recommended you!
Are you sure?

00:37:36.166 --> 00:37:38.558
You sure you don't want to?

00:37:38.558 --> 00:37:41.349
No, that's fine.

00:37:43.549 --> 00:37:47.835
No, it's okay.
Alright.

00:37:47.835 --> 00:37:50.622
Thanks, take care.
Bye.

00:37:51.533 --> 00:37:54.477
Didn't want to.

00:37:56.260 --> 00:37:58.006
He didn't want to.

00:37:58.006 --> 00:37:59.765
1 minute later

00:38:00.439 --> 00:38:02.847
Hello, Jean?

00:38:08.979 --> 00:38:12.443
But Jean, it's a very simple ordeal.
We'll just get there and talk.

00:38:12.443 --> 00:38:15.563
You have no obligation with the movie
or anything like that.

00:38:15.563 --> 00:38:21.597
We're filming a bunch of people and I thought of you 
because Araranguá is on our way.

00:38:22.970 --> 00:38:27.859
Okay, thanks Jean!
Great, bye.

00:38:32.165 --> 00:38:38.172
Jeane called and said: "No, I talked to him and he's 
gonna do it. He'll tell you himself."

00:38:38.172 --> 00:38:43.626
She put him on the phone and he said: 
"Now she wants me to do it at any cost!

00:38:45.686 --> 00:38:49.721
"I guess I'll do it then. I have to."
So now we're heading there.

00:38:55.195 --> 00:38:58.301
How did this tradition of 
telling jokes come about?

00:38:58.301 --> 00:39:01.188
No, I'm not really 
a jokester.

00:39:01.188 --> 00:39:06.280
I'm the guy in a crowd that everyone thinks is witty,
I reason quickly.

00:39:06.280 --> 00:39:10.552
I'm the guy that always has a joke at the tip of the 
tongue for anything that anybody might say.

00:39:10.552 --> 00:39:15.284
Somebody will say something stupid 
and then you say something even more stupid.

00:39:15.284 --> 00:39:20.330
- That's pretty much how it works.
- So when we called you didn't understand anything.

00:39:20.330 --> 00:39:26.436
No, I thought: "That's not really my thing. 
How am I going to talk about this stuff?"

00:39:26.436 --> 00:39:34.159
It's really hard, but then the wife,
who tells us what to do 107% of the time,

00:39:34.159 --> 00:39:40.188
picked up the phone...
She's laughing, but she knows it's true.

00:39:40.188 --> 00:39:45.695
She said: "Call back and tell 
Francisco you'll do it."

00:39:45.695 --> 00:39:48.453
Since we have to obey due 
to hierarchy...

00:39:48.453 --> 00:39:54.684
There's a joke that goes like this: 
A guy goes to heaven and sees two doors.

00:39:54.684 --> 00:39:59.867
Actually, there were two lines towards 
a couple of doors that said the following:

00:39:59.867 --> 00:40:04.679
'Men Who Are Bossed Around by Women' 
and 'Men Who Boss Women Around'.

00:40:04.679 --> 00:40:07.447
The 'Men Who Are Bossed Around by Women' 
door was completely full.

00:40:07.447 --> 00:40:10.854
And there was just one guy in the line for the
'Men Who Boss Women Around'.

00:40:10.854 --> 00:40:19.586
Then one guy at the back said: 
"There's just one guy there, I wonder how he did it."

00:40:19.586 --> 00:40:22.847
So he approached the guy and said: 
"Buddy, how did you boss your woman around?"

00:40:22.847 --> 00:40:27.204
The guy said: "I have no idea what I'm doing here. 
My wife told me stand here, so here I am."

00:40:27.204 --> 00:40:31.569
And it's truly what happens,
it's a common rule.

00:40:31.569 --> 00:40:35.205
Do you know what's our only shot at winning 
an argument with the Mrs.?

00:40:35.205 --> 00:40:37.554
Keeping quiet.

00:40:37.554 --> 00:40:42.263
Don't say a word, that's your chance to win. 
If you open your mouth, you lost.

00:41:00.001 --> 00:41:05.295
To the airport through downtown? 
Instead of getting the tunnel, just go straight.

00:41:05.295 --> 00:41:11.210
Look for the Cocheira Church and ask where 
Márcio lives at the back of the church.

00:41:11.210 --> 00:41:14.355
He's a lieutenant
and a musician.

00:41:14.355 --> 00:41:18.805
He carries a paper with jokes in his pocket 
when he goes to parties. He's my cousin.

00:41:18.805 --> 00:41:27.229
He numbered the jokes, so you say the number 
and he'll tell the respective joke on the list.

00:41:27.229 --> 00:41:30.578
- It's excellent, he has over 100 or 200 jokes.
- Seriously?

00:41:30.578 --> 00:41:34.821
Seriously! Swing by and say that his cousin, 
Carlinhos, recommended him.

00:41:38.711 --> 00:41:41.353
Good morning!

00:41:42.449 --> 00:41:48.570
We're doing a documentary called "Jokesters".
It's about people who enjoy telling jokes.

00:41:48.570 --> 00:41:52.694
- I'm a former jokester, man.
- Why former?

00:41:52.694 --> 00:41:59.812
Well, as I get older,
my memory isn't as sharp.

00:41:59.812 --> 00:42:02.848
- But you used to tell many jokes?
- We used to, yes.

00:42:02.848 --> 00:42:09.278
I used to buy pocket books at the newsstand.
I had a whole stock of them.

00:42:09.278 --> 00:42:13.856
When I saw something funny on TV I'd jot it down.
Carried scrap paper around.

00:42:13.856 --> 00:42:21.035
I wrote down anything that reminded me of the joke, 
so all I had to do was reach into my wallet.

00:42:21.035 --> 00:42:26.310
- You don't have that paper anymore to show us?
- No, that was a long time ago.

00:42:26.310 --> 00:42:32.178
Manuel and Joaquim were fishing...
Actually, they were hunting.

00:42:32.178 --> 00:42:37.835
While they were hunting, a lion sneaked up 
behind them and they started to run.

00:42:37.835 --> 00:42:43.581
They were running for their lives, when Joaquim 
climbed a tree and Manuel started to run around it.

00:42:43.581 --> 00:42:47.170
The lion was chasing him, so Joaquim yelled:
"Manuel, climb the tree! The lion's gonna get you!"

00:42:47.170 --> 00:42:51.348
Manuel answered: 
"Don't worry, I'm two laps ahead of him!"

00:42:53.705 --> 00:42:57.846
"Sir, your mother-in-law passed away.
Should we bury or cremate her?"

00:42:57.846 --> 00:43:01.636
"She's a sneaky one. 
Do both just in case."

00:43:03.179 --> 00:43:06.169
That's pretty much
how it goes.

00:43:06.169 --> 00:43:09.855
A guy was fucking the lady who was cheating 
and her husband shows up on the driveway.

00:43:09.855 --> 00:43:16.868
"My husband's here! Cum, cum!"
So he yells to the husband: "Come on up!"

00:43:18.680 --> 00:43:21.828
Clearly, the repertoire 
is quite limited, huh?

00:43:21.828 --> 00:43:28.625
- Oh no, so I'm 15 years late?
- Yeah, just 15 years late.

00:43:32.015 --> 00:43:35.842
Manuel's mother-in-law was bothering him so much
that he finally said: "Fine, let's take her."

00:43:35.842 --> 00:43:40.180
So she was taken to visit 
the Holy Land in Jerusalem.

00:43:40.180 --> 00:43:50.706
When she got to the Path of Sorrow, she got so 
excited that her heart gave in and she dropped dead.

00:43:50.706 --> 00:43:54.408
Manuel said: "What now?
Now we have to see what can be done."

00:43:54.408 --> 00:43:58.550
When the guy from the funeral home arrived, 
Manuel asked: "Buddy, what do we do?"

00:43:58.550 --> 00:44:05.192
The funeral home guy says: 
"To bury her here will cost you U$15 thousand.

00:44:05.192 --> 00:44:12.430
But to take the body back to Brazil will cost you 
U$30 thousand. What now?"

00:44:12.430 --> 00:44:17.006
Manuel said: "I'll tell you what, I'll pay the 30 grand."
The other guy said: "But why?"

00:44:17.006 --> 00:44:21.350
"Because you've had a resurrection incident 
here before and I don't want to take any chances."

00:44:58.173 --> 00:45:02.802
A guy left the office after working late
and headed straight to a whorehouse.

00:45:02.802 --> 00:45:06.991
Once he got there, he chose a whore
and took her to a room.

00:45:06.991 --> 00:45:13.197
He was fucking her and when she came, 
she scratched his entire back.

00:45:13.197 --> 00:45:16.444
He was married, so he said:
"Fuck! How am I going to explain this at home?"

00:45:16.444 --> 00:45:22.561
He was worried about what he was going to do 
when his wife saw all those scratch marks.

00:45:22.561 --> 00:45:27.181
He got home, opened the door and 
saw the poor cat lying down on the couch.

00:45:27.181 --> 00:45:31.867
So he kicked it as hard as he could, the cat went 
flying against the wall and ran off crying.

00:45:34.417 --> 00:45:40.177
His wife opens the bedoom door and says: 
"You're just getting home? It's 3AM!!"

00:45:40.177 --> 00:45:44.836
"I get home exhausted from work and this cat 
scratches me, look at what it did to my back!"

00:45:44.836 --> 00:45:47.170
He showed her 
his scratched back.

00:45:47.170 --> 00:45:52.802
She says: "We better put him down, 
because look at the hicky he left on my neck."

00:45:52.802 --> 00:45:56.721
What's your story when it comes to jokes?
Henrique told me you enjoyed collecting them.

00:45:56.721 --> 00:46:03.325
Yeah, I used to have a collection. 
I had a notebook with about 830 jokes.

00:46:03.325 --> 00:46:09.773
The title of the book was going to be "English from 
the Countryside", but traveling I left it on a stool,

00:46:09.773 --> 00:46:17.359
and we started washing the boat. 
Water spilled on the book and the pages got stuck.

00:46:17.359 --> 00:46:20.338
- Seriously? You lost everything?
- Everything.

00:46:20.338 --> 00:46:26.850
At the time I approached a publisher 
and they said I needed at least 3 thousand jokes.

00:46:26.850 --> 00:46:33.320
I was going to make it to 3 thousand pretty fast,
because that was my only focus back then.

00:46:33.320 --> 00:46:39.713
- When was this?
- This was in 1995, when I used to travel.

00:46:39.713 --> 00:46:45.846
I'm also a sailor, so we hear all sorts of things 
when traveling to different cities.

00:46:45.846 --> 00:46:53.326
Around here you have to make friends with people 
for them to tell you jokes.

00:46:53.326 --> 00:47:01.036
Then they get less shy and start telling jokes.
If you approach them out of the blue, they get shy.

00:47:01.036 --> 00:47:05.343
They get embarrassed and hide, 
especially if you're filming them.

00:47:05.343 --> 00:47:11.824
Two drunks met at a bar, already wasted,
and continued on drinking all night.

00:47:11.824 --> 00:47:13.847
One of them said: "I'm gonna go."
The other said: "Me too."

00:47:13.847 --> 00:47:17.719
They get to a house and one of them says: 
"I live here." The other says: "Me too!"

00:47:17.719 --> 00:47:23.854
Both of them ring the doorbell while they argue 
about the fact that both of them live there.

00:47:23.854 --> 00:47:28.612
When a woman opens the door, she says: 
"Very nice...Father and son drunk together."

00:47:29.450 --> 00:47:34.704
A guy was designing the draft of 
the blueprint of his house.

00:47:34.704 --> 00:47:39.321
His mother-in-law walks in and says:
"What are you doing there, loser?"

00:47:39.321 --> 00:47:42.324
He answered: "I'm drawing the blueprint 
to live with your daughter."

00:47:42.324 --> 00:47:46.218
She says: "Well, don't forget to set aside 
a little corner for me."

00:47:46.218 --> 00:47:52.012
He changed the blueprint and designed a round 
house so that there couldn't be any corners.

00:48:08.021 --> 00:48:14.838
The husband said to his wife: "Woman, I'm going to 
the doctor. I don't feel very well."

00:48:16.758 --> 00:48:22.684
The doctor asked him: "Do you drink?"
He said: "On Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays...

00:48:22.684 --> 00:48:26.013
"Thursdays, Saturdays 
and sometimes on Sundays."

00:48:26.013 --> 00:48:29.194
The doctor asked: "Do you make love?"
He answered: "Not often."

00:48:29.194 --> 00:48:31.841
The doctor: "Not much love-making, huh?"
He said: "No."

00:48:31.841 --> 00:48:35.434
He got home and his wife asked:
"Honey, I was worried! What did the doctor say?"

00:48:35.434 --> 00:48:39.460
He answered: 
"The doctor said I have to make a lot of love."

00:48:39.460 --> 00:48:47.824
He went to the bathroom, she went into the bedroom
and put on her sexiest lingerie.

00:48:47.824 --> 00:48:55.221
She heard him open the front door, so she asked: 
"Francisco, where are you going?"

00:48:55.221 --> 00:49:01.313
He said: "Didn't you hear what I just said?
I have to make lots of love."

00:49:01.313 --> 00:49:05.194
She cried out: 
"I'm right here! Can't you see me?"

00:49:05.194 --> 00:49:11.016
He says: "There you go again 
with your homemade medicine."

00:49:11.016 --> 00:49:14.424
Tell us more about Mr. Lunga's story 
that we've been hearing.

00:49:14.424 --> 00:49:18.290
- You know Mr. Lunga as well?
- I've only seen a photo, I don't know him in person.

00:49:18.290 --> 00:49:26.809
Mr. Lunga is your typical character
that's already known countrywide.

00:49:26.809 --> 00:49:33.694
He's the type of guy that makes you pronounce 
everything, every comma and full stop.

00:49:33.694 --> 00:49:37.205
You have to stress the right words, otherwise he'll 
call you out on it and he's always right.

00:49:37.205 --> 00:49:39.822
- How old is he?
- He's 82 years old.

00:49:39.822 --> 00:49:49.432
He's from Juazeiro do Norte and owns a business. 
He sells to friends and they pay when they can.

00:49:49.432 --> 00:49:52.691
So a friend stops by and says:
"Mr. Lunga, I'm here to pick up a few things."

00:49:52.691 --> 00:49:59.693
He said: "Did you forget anything here?"
Then another guy dropped by and said:

00:49:59.693 --> 00:50:06.867
"Hi, does this bus go to the beach?"
Mr. Lunga said: "If you find a bikini that fits, it will."

00:50:06.867 --> 00:50:12.601
Mr. Lunga went to a farming store and said:
"Do you have any rat poison?"

00:50:12.601 --> 00:50:17.315
The salesman says: "Yes, are you going to take it?"
"No, I'll bring all the rats over here."

00:50:19.685 --> 00:50:25.558
Mr. Lunga called the waiter to pay the bill. 
So he pulls out his checkbook and the waiter says:

00:50:25.558 --> 00:50:30.018
- "You're going to pay with a check?"
- "No, I'm gonna write you a poem."

00:50:30.018 --> 00:50:32.310
He was walking with a bucket of fish: 
"Did you go fishing, Mr. Lunga?"

00:50:32.310 --> 00:50:39.333
"No, the fishes committed suicide in here,
so now I'm taking them home to eat."

00:50:40.413 --> 00:50:43.311
- Mr. Lunga!
- Mr. Lunga's stories.

00:51:00.712 --> 00:51:05.438
- Now I'm remembering his other jokes.
- He talked a lot about Mr. Lunga.

00:51:05.438 --> 00:51:09.001
- He likes Mr. Lunga too. 
- Mr. Lunga...

00:51:09.001 --> 00:51:15.842
Mr. Lunga's son cried all night, 
so he took him to the hospital early in the morning.

00:51:15.842 --> 00:51:19.836
The doctor asked the kid to sit on the gurney
and started examining him.

00:51:19.836 --> 00:51:24.833
The doctor: "What is he feeling, Mr. Lunga?"
"Beats me! If I knew I wouldn't bring him here."

00:51:27.677 --> 00:51:34.821
Mr. Lunga went hunting and a group of people
at the bar saw him carrying a tapir on his back.

00:51:34.821 --> 00:51:41.858
One of them asked: "Mr. Lunga, is that new meat?"
He goes: "I don't know! I didn't ask how old it was."

00:51:46.200 --> 00:51:51.330
Mr. Lunga was driving on the highway
when he got a flat tire.

00:51:51.330 --> 00:51:56.828
He stopped by a house, knocked and asked: 
"Do you have a car jack so I can fix my tire?"

00:51:56.828 --> 00:52:01.311
"No sir, but you can try that other house. 
The owner has a car so he might have a jack.

00:52:01.311 --> 00:52:04.679
But if I were you I wouldn't even try,
because he is very rude."

00:52:04.679 --> 00:52:08.189
"Well, I'm going to try!"
So he knocked on the man's door.

00:52:08.189 --> 00:52:12.878
- "Good evening."
- "Shove your jack up your ass. I don't need it!"

00:52:14.700 --> 00:52:18.455
There's also the Arquimedes story.
Arquimedes was Mr. Lunga's partner.

00:52:18.455 --> 00:52:24.565
Arquimedes walked into a bar and said:
"Cachaça for everyone!

00:52:24.565 --> 00:52:27.324
For you too!" 
pointing at the bar owner.

00:52:27.324 --> 00:52:32.201
He poured cachaça for everyone and said:
"Another round!" and poured some more.

00:52:32.201 --> 00:52:38.586
By the end of the night he said: 
"It's time for the booze sponsor to go."

00:52:38.586 --> 00:52:41.691
"What about the bill?"
He said: "Bill? I don't have any money."

00:52:41.691 --> 00:52:46.448
The owner kicked his ass
and Arquimedes disappeared for three days.

00:52:46.448 --> 00:52:49.001
When he came back, he said: 
"Cachaça for everyone!

00:52:49.001 --> 00:52:53.383
Except for you because you 
get feisty when you drink!"

00:52:54.773 --> 00:52:57.835
- The bar owner...
- Yeah.

00:54:59.777 --> 00:55:04.882
There was a chubby girl who was jumping so much 
that she looked like a landing gear.

00:55:11.671 --> 00:55:19.721
A guy went to a lake that existed in his town.
There was a kid there to whom he asked:

00:55:19.721 --> 00:55:25.844
"Do you think it's a crime
to catch fish here?"

00:55:25.844 --> 00:55:30.865
The kid looked at him and said: "I don't think it 
qualifies as a crime, but rather a miracle."

00:55:30.865 --> 00:55:37.456
So he stuck around and tried to fish. 
He didn't catch anything, when a priest arrived.

00:55:37.456 --> 00:55:47.700
The priest threw the bait and caught one fish after 
another, so the guy tapped the priest's shoulder.

00:55:47.700 --> 00:55:50.731
"Father, what's the secret?"
The priest said: "For what?"

00:55:50.731 --> 00:55:55.205
"I've been here all morning and didn't 
catch any fish. You just got here and in 5 minutes,

00:55:55.205 --> 00:55:59.732
- you have over 11 pounds of fish."
- And with no bait!

00:55:59.732 --> 00:56:05.832
The priest said: "My son, here's the deal.
Usually before I come here,

00:56:05.832 --> 00:56:11.347
I let my wandering hands 
finger a woman that lives close to my house."

00:56:11.347 --> 00:56:15.554
So the guy goes: 
"I'm gonna stop by my house!"

00:56:15.554 --> 00:56:22.698
When he got there, his wife was doing laundry.
He sneaked up behind her and fingered her.

00:56:22.698 --> 00:56:27.580
Without looking back, she says: 
"Are you going fishing, Father?"

00:56:30.673 --> 00:56:34.020
Antônio met up with Manuel and said:
"Manuel, how are you doing?"

00:56:34.020 --> 00:56:39.432
Manuel said: "Good, thank you."
Antônio said: "Have you been to Manaus?"

00:56:39.432 --> 00:56:41.841
Manuel answered: "Yes."
"Did you meet up with Paulo?"

00:56:41.841 --> 00:56:46.205
Manuel said: "Yes."
"What about Paulo's son?"

00:56:46.205 --> 00:56:48.846
- "Which one?"
- "The oldest one."

00:56:48.846 --> 00:56:51.336
- "He turned gay."
- "No way!"

00:56:51.336 --> 00:56:54.861
- "He turned gay!"
- "Seriously?"

00:56:54.861 --> 00:56:58.616
- "He turned gay."
- "What about the middle one?"

00:56:58.616 --> 00:57:06.594
"That one turned really gay."
Antônio asked: "What about the youngest one?"

00:57:06.594 --> 00:57:18.203
"The youngest, more or less. 
He's gay, but only fucks around when he drinks."

00:57:18.203 --> 00:57:26.186
- "That's the lesser evil, I guess."
- "But he drinks and drinks like there's no tomorrow."

00:57:26.186 --> 00:57:34.578
There was a dead
woman inside a coffin.

00:57:34.578 --> 00:57:43.199
And there was a guy sitting down 
right next to a dog and 300 people in line.

00:57:43.199 --> 00:57:50.171
One guy saw this line and thought: 
"What's this about? Something new in town?"

00:57:50.171 --> 00:57:55.219
So he started to walk and didn't ask anything 
because he didn't want to seem nosy.

00:57:55.219 --> 00:58:03.818
He approached the guy who was sitting down 
and said: "Buddy, what's going on here?"

00:58:03.818 --> 00:58:11.450
He looked at the woman who didn't appear to have 
suffered any trauma. Her face looked perfect.

00:58:11.450 --> 00:58:16.831
He said: "What happened?" 
The guy answered: "That was caused by the dog."

00:58:16.831 --> 00:58:23.989
- "What did he do?"
- "It just scratched my in-law's ankle and she died."

00:58:23.989 --> 00:58:31.198
"Wow, can I borrow your dog?" 
The owner said: "Get in line."

00:58:31.198 --> 00:58:36.310
- It was full of people.
- The wait-list was huge.

00:58:36.310 --> 00:58:40.580
I'm going to send my mother-in-law off like that too.
I really like her like that.

00:58:40.580 --> 00:58:48.833
One of these days I was at home with my wife
and I called my dog: "Totó!"

00:58:48.833 --> 00:58:53.221
He came up to me wagging his tail, 
which was already short like this.

00:58:53.221 --> 00:58:59.840
I got a machete, placed it on top of his tail and 
chopped it off. My wife looked at me and said:

00:58:59.840 --> 00:59:03.434
"What the hell? 
Are you crazy to chop off the dog's tail?"

00:59:03.434 --> 00:59:09.356
I said: "Look, your mother is coming over
and I don't want to see any hint of joy."

00:59:13.394 --> 00:59:16.347
That's a good one!

00:59:21.434 --> 00:59:27.789
One of the most foul-smelling animals 
in this region is the anteater.

00:59:27.789 --> 00:59:34.828
We call it the collared anteater and it's foul.
When people eat it, they can't stand themselves.

00:59:34.828 --> 00:59:37.817
The farts, the sweat, 
the whole thing.

00:59:37.817 --> 00:59:43.862
There was a guy who was anxious to talk to his 
girlfriend, but had eaten an anteater one day earlier.

00:59:43.862 --> 00:59:52.331
He decided to go see her anyway. He got there, 
sat down, needed to fart and it finally came out.

00:59:52.331 --> 01:00:01.672
Everyone could smell it and looked at each other.
His girl yelled at the dog: "Get out of there, Totó!"

01:00:01.672 --> 01:00:08.591
The guy saw that the dog was underneath 
the chair and thought: "Holy shit, I'm so lucky."

01:00:08.591 --> 01:00:17.830
Then he had to fart again so he let another slip.
The girlfriend: "Get out of there Totó!"

01:00:17.830 --> 01:00:23.828
He thought: "Wow, I'm so lucky."
On his third fart, everyone yelled:

01:00:23.828 --> 01:00:30.355
"Totó, get out of there 
before that guy shits on your head!"

01:00:33.091 --> 01:00:40.981
There were robberies happening in the 
bathroom all the time, but no one knew how.

01:00:40.981 --> 01:00:46.971
One fine day a guy went inside to take a piss
and suddenly a midget came in.

01:00:46.971 --> 01:00:52.348
There are certain things you just don't see in life: guys 
with pictures of their mother-in-laws in their wallet,

01:00:52.348 --> 01:00:58.693
black refrigerators and you certainly
don't see gay midgets.

01:00:58.693 --> 01:01:06.435
So the midget approached the guy and said: 
"Hey!" and the guy looked down at him.

01:01:06.435 --> 01:01:09.820
"Let me hold it a little bit.
Just a little bit."

01:01:09.820 --> 01:01:16.319
"You can't even reach it! What do you want?"
"I just want to hold it and suck it good."

01:01:16.319 --> 01:01:22.585
The guy: "Fine, but you can't reach it!"
The midget: "I have a little stool."

01:01:22.585 --> 01:01:27.435
The midget got the stool and stood on it. He held 
the guy's dick, lubricated and put it in his mouth.

01:01:27.435 --> 01:01:31.182
When he put it in his mouth, he squeezed it 
and said: "This is a robbery!"

01:01:31.182 --> 01:01:37.167
"Hand over your wallet and everything you own!
If you react, I'm going to jump off the stool!"

01:01:37.167 --> 01:01:41.830
There was a guy named Paulão 
who scored chicks all the time.

01:01:41.830 --> 01:01:49.943
One day at 10 in the morning, 
he picked up a midget about this size.

01:01:49.943 --> 01:01:53.308
He put her in his car and left.

01:01:53.308 --> 01:01:59.689
One of his friends saw him holding hands 
with the midget and said:

01:01:59.689 --> 01:02:04.796
"Paulão, are you going to score some lunch?"
He answered :"No, right now I'm scoring a snack."

01:02:32.428 --> 01:02:34.827
Thank you.

01:03:44.680 --> 01:03:53.578
A guy from Minas Gerais found Aladdin's lamp,
so he rubbed it and out came the genie.

01:03:53.578 --> 01:03:57.777
The genie said: "You have earned three wishes.
What's your first wish?"

01:03:57.777 --> 01:04:02.421
The guy said: "I want a cheese."
The genie: "And your second wish?"

01:04:02.421 --> 01:04:05.194
- "I want a woman."
- "And your third wish?"

01:04:05.194 --> 01:04:08.689
"One more cheese." 
His friends: "Why two cheeses and one woman?"

01:04:08.689 --> 01:04:13.427
"I got embarrassed to ask for 3 cheeses, 
so I put a woman in the mix to mislead the genie."

01:04:13.427 --> 01:04:17.116
- You're a teacher?
- I'm a Math teacher.

01:04:17.116 --> 01:04:21.844
How would you describe
your relationship with comedy?

01:04:21.854 --> 01:04:25.846
Look Gustavo, it's quite spontaneous.
It seems like it's innate.

01:04:25.846 --> 01:04:31.185
I would say that it's innate because 
I experience and enjoy happiness.

01:04:31.185 --> 01:04:34.793
I always say the following: "We don't have 
sadness and joy resides within us.

01:04:34.793 --> 01:04:38.593
If we're ordered to sing, we'll sing.
If we're ordered to cry, we'll cry."

01:04:39.424 --> 01:04:45.979
Two guys worked together on the field
and every day when they were on their way home,

01:04:45.979 --> 01:04:49.412
they stopped at a local bar 
and ordered two pinga shots.

01:04:49.412 --> 01:04:52.584
The owner of the bar got used to it
and always expected them there.

01:04:52.584 --> 01:04:56.664
They'd have one pinga shot each and didn't play 
pool or eat snacks - they went straight home.

01:04:56.664 --> 01:05:03.433
One day one of them said: "My friend, 
I always think about when one of us passes away...

01:05:03.433 --> 01:05:06.996
it's going to be so boring, whoever stays 
will come to the bar and have one shot?"

01:05:06.996 --> 01:05:10.785
The friend answered: "No buddy,
we could make a pact.

01:05:10.785 --> 01:05:18.317
The one that lives has his own shot
and the other friend's shot as well."

01:05:18.317 --> 01:05:21.434
After a few years, one of them died.
The one who remained thought:

01:05:21.434 --> 01:05:26.575
"We were just joking around but who's 
to say it can't be a reality. A deal is a deal."

01:05:26.575 --> 01:05:31.223
So he went to the bar and ordered two shots. 
The owner of the bar questioned him:

01:05:31.223 --> 01:05:33.580
"Your partner is gone and you're
going to order two shots?"

01:05:33.580 --> 01:05:38.575
He said: "We made a pact. 
Whoever lived would drink the other one's shot."

01:05:38.575 --> 01:05:42.291
The owner said: "Oh, I see!" 
He poured the two shots and served them.

01:05:42.291 --> 01:05:49.167
The years went by and the owner of the bar 
got used to the system, always serving two shots.

01:05:49.167 --> 01:05:53.981
One day when the owner was serving the 
two shots, the guy said: "No, I only want one."

01:05:53.981 --> 01:05:59.829
- "Why? I don't understand!"
- "I quit drinking, so I'll just have my friend's shot."

01:06:00.715 --> 01:06:07.192
I had an older lady meet up with me and 
she was with a girl, probably her granddaughter,

01:06:07.192 --> 01:06:16.804
who was looking pretty ill, so I thought 
she must've eaten too much and got fucked up.

01:06:16.804 --> 01:06:19.837
So I saw her getting sick and said:
"Miss, she got fucked, huh?"

01:06:19.837 --> 01:06:23.204
She said: "Yes, but she'll get married! 
God be willing!"

01:06:23.204 --> 01:06:25.707
I said: 
"No, not like that Miss."

01:06:25.707 --> 01:06:32.386
- Do you memorize easily?
- You don't have to memorize the good stuff.

01:06:34.199 --> 01:06:42.427
Silly jokes are easy.
My wife gets mad though.

01:06:42.427 --> 01:06:48.052
She doesn't appreciate it 
because I'm like this 24/7.

01:06:48.659 --> 01:06:51.613
Let's see if he's there?

01:07:06.434 --> 01:07:12.568
- Good afternoon! How are you sweety?
- All's good!

01:07:12.568 --> 01:07:16.315
I'm here with some people from 
a production company in São Paulo.

01:07:16.315 --> 01:07:22.449
They approached me to ask if I could tell 
some jokes and I thought of your husband.

01:07:22.449 --> 01:07:26.438
Is he there? 
Would he be available?

01:07:26.438 --> 01:07:31.818
- Let me check, because he has the flu.
- Please check! It can't hurt, right?

01:07:36.412 --> 01:07:39.573
- So you guys enjoy telling jokes?
- We do.

01:07:39.573 --> 01:07:42.954
Every once in a while, we'll yell to each other:
"I've got a new one!"

01:07:42.954 --> 01:07:48.299
He'll stop the car in the middle of the street and say:
"Come here, let me tell you a new joke!"

01:07:48.299 --> 01:07:52.988
- It's part of my vocabulary.
- We tell them even when we're inside the Church.

01:07:52.988 --> 01:07:59.958
- No, it's not allowed in the Church.
- We tell jokes wherever, even at a funeral.

01:07:59.958 --> 01:08:01.606
- The Gaúcho joke?
- Let's do it.

01:08:01.606 --> 01:08:05.413
The Gaúcho gets home 
and sees his daughter with a vibrator.

01:08:05.413 --> 01:08:11.141
He says: "Honey, so many men out there 
and you're using a vibrator! What's going on?"

01:08:11.141 --> 01:08:17.825
"Dad, this kind doesn't drink, smoke or 
get home late and it can't get me pregnant."

01:08:17.825 --> 01:08:23.836
The dad said: "In that sense, it's not too bad."
Days later she walks in and sees him with the vibrator.

01:08:23.836 --> 01:08:27.594
She goes: "Dad, what the hell?" 
"I'm having a chat with my son-in-law!"

01:08:27.594 --> 01:08:35.198
He's exactly like this - every time I bump 
into him, he has a new treat for us.

01:08:35.198 --> 01:08:40.558
It's funny because from the 
moment you retire, which I have,

01:08:40.558 --> 01:08:47.335
you resort to telling jokes. 
If you tell me one, I will never forget it.

01:08:47.335 --> 01:08:51.128
I might get blurry on the details,
but I'll never forget it.

01:08:51.128 --> 01:08:54.690
- I don't remember other things, though.
- But you remember jokes?

01:08:54.690 --> 01:08:59.124
I always remember jokes, believe it or not.
It's peculiar, isn't it?

01:09:33.211 --> 01:09:37.577
You'll find him behind the 
soccer field, going down this street.

01:09:37.577 --> 01:09:39.815
- He's called Lúcio Paca
- Lúcio what?

01:09:39.815 --> 01:09:42.590
- Lúcio Paca.
- So I head down that way...

01:09:42.590 --> 01:09:46.976
You head down that way, go around the church 
all the way to the soccer field.

01:09:46.976 --> 01:09:49.196
- Okay, I look for Lúcio Paca?
- Lúcio Paca.

01:09:49.196 --> 01:09:51.242
- Let's go! 
- Thank you.

01:09:51.882 --> 01:09:54.324
I think we're here, man.

01:09:56.902 --> 01:10:00.422
We're making a documentary
about people who enjoy telling jokes.

01:10:00.422 --> 01:10:06.154
Good jokesters, you know? Quinzinho from the 
gas station told us to look for him here.

01:10:06.154 --> 01:10:08.720
- He just left to do a job.
- Really?

01:10:08.720 --> 01:10:11.698
- Yeah, he'll be back in an hour or so.
- Yeah?

01:10:11.698 --> 01:10:13.453
- He does like to joke around.
- He does, doesn't he?

01:10:13.453 --> 01:10:14.979
- Yes.
- And he's a funny guy?

01:10:14.979 --> 01:10:19.854
- Yes. Come back later and you'll find him.
- Okay, we'll try calling him.

01:10:19.854 --> 01:10:25.837
- We'll give him a call.
- Get him prepped to tell us some some jokes.

01:10:25.837 --> 01:10:28.362
He really is 
a total clown.

01:10:36.916 --> 01:10:40.831
Your call has been forwarded to an 
automatic voice message system...

01:10:44.718 --> 01:10:52.373
- We'll try again later.
- What do you recommend guys?

01:10:54.678 --> 01:11:03.201
At the tone, 
please record your message.

01:11:03.201 --> 01:11:06.708
She said she wasn't sure if he 
had taken his cell phone with him.

01:11:06.708 --> 01:11:11.660
I think the only thing we can do 
is go back and see if he's home.

01:11:33.437 --> 01:11:36.365
Lúcio?

01:11:43.455 --> 01:11:46.328
Lúcio?

01:11:54.198 --> 01:11:58.832
The TV is on, but there's no one here. 
Do you think they're avoiding us?

01:12:25.059 --> 01:12:30.281
- Could you call Lúcio for us, please?
- He's inside the room.

01:12:30.281 --> 01:12:34.319
- This white door here?
- Yes.

01:12:34.319 --> 01:12:36.960
- Do you think you could call him?
- He's shy!

01:12:36.960 --> 01:12:40.561
- He's shy? He doesn't want to come here?
- No.

01:12:40.561 --> 01:12:45.609
Let me talk to him with the camera off, then.
We won't film anything. Cut.

01:12:46.440 --> 01:12:52.965
We went to the gas station and spoke to Quinzinho. 
He said you're a good jokester.

01:12:52.965 --> 01:12:59.586
Let's see each other at the gas station tomorrow.
We meet there every day for coffee.

01:12:59.586 --> 01:13:02.978
- Oh, really? Which gas station?
- The one where Quinzinho works.

01:13:02.978 --> 01:13:08.167
We go at 05:30 AM and stay there until 08:00 AM.
Afterwards, we go our own way.

01:13:08.167 --> 01:13:13.431
We can meet you there at around 06:00 AM.
Start thinking about some jokes, okay?

01:13:13.431 --> 01:13:17.706
- It just has to be funny, that's all.
- Jokes have to be funny, right?

01:13:17.706 --> 01:13:23.983
No point in telling a joke that isn't funny...
I'll tell you the joke about the curious guy.

01:13:23.983 --> 01:13:24.972
- Right now?
- Yeah.

01:13:24.972 --> 01:13:27.589
- Let's hear it. 
- This is the joke about the curious guy.

01:13:27.589 --> 01:13:33.454
There once was a guy who was very curious.
He was too curious and wanted to know everything.

01:13:33.454 --> 01:13:38.695
But there was another fellow 
who owed some guy money.

01:13:38.695 --> 01:13:44.986
The lender went over to the curious guy and said: 
"I'm gonna go get my cash, he doesn't want to pay.

01:13:44.986 --> 01:13:52.589
He's such a lousy borrower!" 
So they went over to the guy's house to collect.

01:13:52.589 --> 01:13:57.969
When they get there, the lender says: 
"I'm here for my cash. I want my money!"

01:13:57.969 --> 01:14:04.833
The curious guy was listening when the borrower 
said: "I will never pay!" and shot himself in the ear.

01:14:04.833 --> 01:14:09.336
When the borrower shot himself in the ear,
he collapsed on the floor.

01:14:09.336 --> 01:14:14.161
The lender got the gun 
and also shot himself in the ear.

01:14:14.161 --> 01:14:17.596
"I'm getting my money even 
if I have to go to hell for it!"

01:14:17.596 --> 01:14:21.308
The curious guy stood there, unsure what to do. 
He was so curious that he held the gun and said:

01:14:21.308 --> 01:14:24.864
"I won't miss this fight
for anything in the world!"

01:14:27.430 --> 01:14:31.196
- Lúcio even told us a little joke.
- He did?

01:14:31.196 --> 01:14:34.982
- He told the joke about the curious guy, you know?
- I know that one!

01:14:34.982 --> 01:14:38.179
- It's taking too long.
- Do you want to go there?

01:14:38.179 --> 01:14:39.825
- Let's?
- Do you think it's better to go alone?

01:14:39.825 --> 01:14:43.305
I think that if you guys go, he won't come.
I'll go and I know what to do.

01:14:43.305 --> 01:14:48.673
"Lúcio, those guys haven't shown up yet!"
He'll come with me then.

01:14:48.673 --> 01:14:51.285
- Am I right?
- "They said they'd come, but didn't."

01:14:51.285 --> 01:14:53.567
- "I went there and they never showed!"
- "They stood us up."

01:14:53.567 --> 01:14:58.339
"So let's go make some coffee." 
Once he gets here, there's no turning back.

01:14:58.339 --> 01:15:00.825
- I'll go get him.
- Okay.

01:15:04.065 --> 01:15:08.407
- Well?
- He said he had to go to Sumidouro.

01:15:08.407 --> 01:15:11.407
He told me to tell you that he couldn't make it today, 
it'll have to be some other time.

01:15:11.407 --> 01:15:16.829
- I told him it had to be right now, but he bailed.
- He bailed? I can't believe it.

01:15:16.829 --> 01:15:21.266
- We went over to his place yesterday.
- You guys made arrangements and everything.

01:16:06.432 --> 01:16:08.702
How are you?
Do you work here at the market?

01:16:08.702 --> 01:16:14.416
I'm making a documentary about people who enjoy 
telling jokes - funny people who are good jokesters.

01:16:14.416 --> 01:16:18.174
- First aisle, second left.
- What's that?

01:16:18.174 --> 01:16:22.632
Second aisle to the left. 
The boy's name is Araújo.

01:16:26.708 --> 01:16:30.809
Hi, how are you?
Is Araújo around?

01:16:30.809 --> 01:16:32.616
- Are you Araújo?
- Yeah.

01:16:32.616 --> 01:16:33.816
Let me talk to you.

01:16:33.816 --> 01:16:39.698
Go ahead, but I will charge because you're filming. 
I charge to give interviews.

01:16:39.698 --> 01:16:42.817
I only tell jokes when I'm drunk, you know?
I haven't had a drink today.

01:16:42.817 --> 01:16:44.999
- You don't tell jokes when you're sober?
- Look at that guy.

01:16:44.999 --> 01:16:48.960
- You don't tell jokes when you're sober?
- No, never when sober! It's impossible.

01:16:48.960 --> 01:16:53.589
Why would I ever tell jokes when I'm sober?
Drunks are the best, right?

01:16:53.589 --> 01:16:58.570
Everything happens to a drunk. It's true.
That guy over there looks like a drunk.

01:16:58.570 --> 01:17:01.324
- No, but this one is more of a drunk.
- This one is more?

01:17:01.324 --> 01:17:05.678
Those guys must drink a lot together.
Look at that guy's face over there! His team won.

01:17:05.678 --> 01:17:12.420
Are you hoarse? Did Atlético Mineiro win?
Let's hear it.


01:17:14.203 --> 01:17:17.804
- Who would you recommend around here?
- Good jokesters?

01:17:17.804 --> 01:17:22.226
There's a guy over there who's fucking good at it.
You can insert that beep sound.

01:17:22.226 --> 01:17:25.832
When I say "fucking" you insert the beep.

01:17:25.832 --> 01:17:29.445
Do you want to talk to a guy like that?
I'll take you there. Do you want to?

01:17:29.445 --> 01:17:32.826
- Is he funny?
- I think so.

01:17:32.826 --> 01:17:36.838
- What does he do?
- Comedy lies in how you tell things.

01:17:36.838 --> 01:17:39.977
The jokes aren't funny, 
it's the way they're told that's funny.

01:17:39.977 --> 01:17:43.840
I'll take you to a guy that tells some stories.
He's good, let's go there.

01:17:43.840 --> 01:17:48.436
I'm helping you out, see? 
You don't even know how to get around the market.

01:17:48.436 --> 01:17:52.338
Get that piece of wood out of my face.
Crazy shit.

01:17:53.182 --> 01:17:57.953
You know that a drunk's biggest enemy is an 
uneven floor, this little step screws any drunk over.

01:17:57.953 --> 01:18:01.611
A drunk guy got home and the elevator stopped 
3 inches away from the floor.

01:18:01.611 --> 01:18:04.817
He stumbled on it so hard 
that his toe bent backwards.

01:18:04.817 --> 01:18:07.714
Then he hit a lady's breast
with his elbow inside the elevator.

01:18:07.714 --> 01:18:13.332
He said: "Miss, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
you'll certainly forgive me."

01:18:13.332 --> 01:18:17.612
She said: "If your dick is as hard as your elbow,
I live in 312."

01:18:20.945 --> 01:18:26.698
There he is!
I brought the TV for you to tell some stories.

01:18:26.698 --> 01:18:32.144
That kid's good. 
You have to tell a story, you know them so well.

01:18:32.144 --> 01:18:37.574
Do you or don't you? 
Help out your customer and then tell us a story.

01:18:37.574 --> 01:18:41.986
You'll be in the movies, they'll broadcast 
in the commercials between movies.

01:18:41.986 --> 01:18:44.961
- It's an actual movie, a documentary.
- What is it called?

01:18:44.961 --> 01:18:48.329
- "Jokesters".
- "Jokesters", huh?

01:18:48.329 --> 01:18:53.562
- He's the artist here, Araújo is the artist.
- No, I'm not.

01:18:53.562 --> 01:18:58.187
We have to stop slandering our social class.
If we only tell drunk jokes, we're fucked.

01:18:58.187 --> 01:19:02.560
Drunks aren't allowed to drink and drive anymore.
So a drunk called a cab, because he was wasted.

01:19:02.560 --> 01:19:06.708
He stopped a cab and said: 
"Where can I store 12 beers and 2 slices of pizza?"

01:19:06.708 --> 01:19:10.409
"On the backseat."
The guy barfs.

01:19:10.409 --> 01:19:13.435
Cab drivers don't want to take
drunks home anymore.

01:19:13.435 --> 01:19:18.692
They ask where the drunk passenger lives and 
it's always so close they make them walk instead.

01:19:18.692 --> 01:19:21.582
There was a drunk passenger who asked the 
cab driver: "How much do I owe you?"

01:19:21.582 --> 01:19:24.690
The cab driver said: "It's 30 bucks."
The drunk reaches into his pocket and only has a 20.

01:19:24.690 --> 01:19:30.146
"Can you back up the car until we're back to 20?" 
That's enough, right?

01:19:30.146 --> 01:19:32.717
Listen, Chico wanted to buy a cachaça
here at the market.

01:19:32.717 --> 01:19:35.809
- You'll find it in my stand.
- We can get it with you?

01:19:36.944 --> 01:19:41.568
Let's switch for me to film, 
because you're going to sell him the cachaça.

01:19:42.924 --> 01:19:46.681
Come this way because the cachaça nest is here,
you drunkard.

01:19:46.681 --> 01:19:50.597
Back in the day, it was an insult to call someone a 
cachaça drunk. Now it's a compliment.

01:19:50.597 --> 01:19:53.844
I have cachaça that's worth 500 bucks.
That's a good one and this one as well.

01:19:53.844 --> 01:19:55.835
- I have this one at home.
- What about this one?

01:19:55.835 --> 01:20:00.417
Not this one. 
I'm going to try Dama de Ouro and Perseguida.

01:20:00.417 --> 01:20:03.973
- Wait, I've tried Dama de Ouro. 
- You don't remember, do you?

01:20:03.973 --> 01:20:08.721
That's what happens to drunks. 
They forget in order to drink again.

01:20:08.721 --> 01:20:13.571
A drunk gets home, opens the door
and sees his mother-in-law holding a broom.

01:20:13.571 --> 01:20:17.652
He says: "Are you going to fly or sweep?"
He's a dead man.

01:20:18.703 --> 01:20:23.346
Who wants some? Sound guy? He doesn't drink... 
People who don't drink can't be trusted.

01:20:23.346 --> 01:20:26.828
They're only good 
at being designated drivers.

01:20:26.828 --> 01:20:31.809
This one drinks. Do you drink?
The guy who helps the priest, the sexton,

01:20:31.809 --> 01:20:35.716
used to drink the priest's wine
and the priest slept with the drunk's wife.

01:20:35.716 --> 01:20:39.330
It was all a secret and one pretended not to know 
about the other. On confession day,

01:20:39.330 --> 01:20:42.185
the priest called the sexton and said:
"You're going to confess to me."

01:20:42.185 --> 01:20:45.580
Inside the confession booth, he asked:
"Who has been drinking the priest's wine?"

01:20:45.580 --> 01:20:48.978
The sexton: "I can't hear anything 
from this side of the confessional."

01:20:48.978 --> 01:20:52.187
"Stop joking around, boy. 
We have to get to work."

01:20:52.187 --> 01:20:55.459
- "I can't hear anything. What did you say?"
- "Who drank the priest's wine?"

01:20:55.459 --> 01:20:58.693
He said: "I can't hear anything."
The priest: "Let's switch sides."

01:20:58.693 --> 01:21:02.423
They switched and the sexton said: 
"Who's been fucking the sexton's wife?"

01:21:02.423 --> 01:21:07.441
The priest: "Wow, you really 
can't hear shit from this side."

01:21:07.441 --> 01:21:11.991
There's another joke that goes like this: a priest was 
listening to confessions from the townspeople.

01:21:11.991 --> 01:21:16.691
The gay kid in town showed up to confess, 
when the priest got terrible diarrhea.

01:21:16.691 --> 01:21:20.320
The priest called up the stand-in priest, 
opened the curtain and said: "Stand in for me."

01:21:20.320 --> 01:21:22.867
The other priest said: "But I don't know 
the first thing about penance."

01:21:22.867 --> 01:21:26.442
"Just ask them to pray a few 
Our Fathers and 10 Holy Marys."

01:21:26.442 --> 01:21:29.856
The stand-in priest sat in the confessional
and the gay kid started:

01:21:29.856 --> 01:21:34.585
"I let Serginho fuck me and Paulinho 
from the drugstore and also the baker..."

01:21:34.585 --> 01:21:40.334
The priest thought to himself: "This guy is so 
shameless and profane. What shall be his penance?"

01:21:40.334 --> 01:21:43.213
He opened the curtain and saw a sexton walk by.
He asked: "Excuse me?"

01:21:43.213 --> 01:21:46.702
"What penance does Priest John give
to people who have anal sex?"

01:21:46.702 --> 01:21:50.326
The sexton said: "Yesterday he gave me a 
couple of pastries and a Coke."

01:21:50.952 --> 01:21:53.683
All guys drink, right?
Guys who don't are the worst.

01:21:53.683 --> 01:21:58.444
If you sit with a guy who doesn't drink 
and tell him a secret, he'll rat you out by the next day.

01:21:58.444 --> 01:22:03.977
- Because he remembers, right?
- He remembers.

01:22:03.977 --> 01:22:09.196
I told these guys 15 jokes If I don't appear in at least 
3 seconds of this film, I'm gonna break that camera.

01:22:09.196 --> 01:22:13.583
Good cachaça is better than a bad mother-in-law.
It'll go away on the next day.

01:22:13.583 --> 01:22:17.334
A drunk guy got in the bus,
sat next to a woman and she said:

01:22:17.334 --> 01:22:20.600
"Stinky drunk!"
He replied: "Ugly woman!"

01:22:20.600 --> 01:22:23.168
The woman looked at him and replied: 
"Oh, you're way too wasted."

01:22:23.168 --> 01:22:29.346
He says: "Yeah, but I'll be fine tomorrow. 
You're fucked. You'll die ugly."

01:22:29.346 --> 01:22:33.841
I'm going to take the Dama de Ouro 
and the Caetano cachaça that I liked.

01:22:33.841 --> 01:22:36.426
Santa Caetano is really good. Did you like 
Lamburana? You didn't even try it.

01:22:36.426 --> 01:22:41.221
- I tried its scent.
- Give me the Lamburana, he has to drink it.

01:22:41.221 --> 01:22:43.548
- That one over there.
- Mine can be inside the beer bottle.

01:22:43.548 --> 01:22:47.435
- I liked the one in the beer bottle.
- Get it over there, he's going to serve it.

01:22:47.435 --> 01:22:49.823
I'm going to hire this kid.

01:22:49.823 --> 01:22:53.968
I need a sound guy to help me sell cachaça. 
What do you say?

01:22:53.968 --> 01:22:57.829
Did you hire a mute guy? Is it a silent movie?
The guy doesn't say a word!

01:22:57.829 --> 01:23:03.181
- Say something! Does he cheer for Atlético?
- No, he's from Jequié.

01:23:03.181 --> 01:23:05.318
- He's from Bahia. 
- You're baiano?

01:23:05.318 --> 01:23:11.564
I always dreamed of getting those tererê hair wraps. 
But I'm bald, so it's impossible.

01:23:11.564 --> 01:23:15.195
My father used to say that women
prefer fat, bald men.

01:23:15.195 --> 01:23:19.802
They think they have money and get rich.
I got high blood pressure and diabetes.

01:23:19.802 --> 01:23:24.836
He was so fucking wrong. 
And it sucks because everyone compares us.

01:23:24.836 --> 01:23:28.826
"You look just like your father!"
The geezer was 80 years old, fucking me over.

01:23:28.826 --> 01:23:32.737
The guy from Bahia said to the guy from Minas 
Gerais: "You say a lot of vowels, man."

01:23:32.737 --> 01:23:36.990
The guy from Minas answered:
"Oh yeah, uai, oh."

01:23:36.990 --> 01:23:42.442
A drunk married 
a pious girl from the countryside. 


01:23:42.442 --> 01:23:46.228
On the first night of their honeymoon, 
she locked herself in the bedroom.

01:23:46.228 --> 01:23:49.614
He started banging on the door and said:
"Open the fucking door! I want to come in!"

01:23:49.614 --> 01:23:54.452
She said: "No, I'm embarrassed."
He'd reply: "Open up! It's our honeymoon."

01:23:54.452 --> 01:24:01.163
She said: "I'm scared."
"You will be when you see what I'm banging with."

01:24:01.163 --> 01:24:05.494
"Then you'll really see where fear lives.
It's there."

01:24:07.682 --> 01:24:10.972
A guy from Minas Gerais 
steps into the fanciest brothel in São Paulo.

01:24:10.972 --> 01:24:14.705
Top notch.
He said the following:


01:24:14.705 --> 01:24:19.534
"I want to speak to Natália." 
The brothel keeper said: "My friend, let me tell you.

01:24:19.534 --> 01:24:24.339
We have 500 women here. 
Natália is the most expensive one."

01:24:24.339 --> 01:24:27.994
- "Why do you want to speak to Natália?"
- "I want to speak to Natália."

01:24:27.994 --> 01:24:31.995
"So let's call Natália." 
He called her over and she was a fox, just stunning.

01:24:31.995 --> 01:24:42.354
She said: "Look, I charge 1,000 bucks a night."
The boy: "No problem, I'll take it."

01:24:43.400 --> 01:24:50.829
They went upstairs and he left afterward.
The following day, the kid came back.

01:24:50.829 --> 01:24:54.434
The keeper: "What do you want?"
He said: "I want Natália."

01:24:54.434 --> 01:25:02.400
"But you were just here yesterday!"
He said: "I know, I liked it." And went upstairs.

01:25:02.400 --> 01:25:05.811
On the third day the boy from 
Minas Gerais was back again.

01:25:05.811 --> 01:25:10.847
The keeper: "This isn't possible.
There's something wrong."

01:25:10.847 --> 01:25:14.217
He said: "Sir, you again?"
The boy: "Yes, I want to see Natália."

01:25:14.217 --> 01:25:17.829
The keeper: "It's not possible."
Natália goes: "I'm not giving a discount."

01:25:17.829 --> 01:25:22.005
The boy said: "I don't want a discount. 
I want it the same way as always."

01:25:22.005 --> 01:25:28.795
While they were having sex, she said:
"You must be some kind of eccentric millionaire."

01:25:28.795 --> 01:25:31.444
"Are you from Minas Gerais?"
He said: "Yes."

01:25:31.444 --> 01:25:34.335
- "From where exactly?"
- "I'm from Belo Horizonte."

01:25:34.335 --> 01:25:39.708
She said: "Wow, where do you live there?"
"I live in the Padre Estáquio neighborhood."

01:25:39.708 --> 01:25:45.166
- "Oh, my aunt Letícia lives there!"
- "I'm aware, I know her."

01:25:45.166 --> 01:25:50.614
"Your family sold a a parcel of land
and she asked me to bring you 3,000 bucks."

01:25:56.204 --> 01:25:59.362
"I only charged 
the transport fee."

01:26:04.192 --> 01:26:08.605
"Charged the transport fee."
That's a good one.

01:26:10.697 --> 01:26:14.572
But where are you guys from?
Tell me what's the deal.

01:26:14.572 --> 01:26:19.205
We're traveling to several places
and discovering things like this.

01:26:19.205 --> 01:26:20.707
- That's cool.
- Basically what you did here.

01:26:20.707 --> 01:26:23.993
- And you found the Bro! That's great.
- We did.

01:26:23.993 --> 01:26:31.211
- Why is your nickname Bro?
- I worked in Iraq for Mendes Junior from '81 to '84.

01:26:31.211 --> 01:26:38.169
I was in charge of projects and there was 
an Arab guy called Mohammed Hamed.

01:26:38.169 --> 01:26:41.602
Another one was called Hamed Mohammed 
and another one was Hamed Mohammed Hamed.

01:26:41.602 --> 01:26:47.850
So I never knew who was Hamed or Mohammed, 
so I'd say: "Bro, please work here."

01:26:47.850 --> 01:26:51.563
"Bro! Bro!" 
I'd call everyone 'bro' and it stuck.

01:26:51.563 --> 01:26:55.134
When I came back, I opened 
Bro's Bar on Ingaí street.

01:26:55.134 --> 01:26:59.309
Everyone found out about Bro's Bar, so if you ask 
for Delso at the bar, no one will know who it is.

01:26:59.309 --> 01:27:02.448
- So I'm Bro.
- How did you start telling jokes?

01:27:02.448 --> 01:27:05.964
Let me tell you something,
I'll start from the beginning.

01:27:05.964 --> 01:27:10.450
My father, Donato Leite de Andrade,
was a skilled jokester.

01:27:10.450 --> 01:27:15.325
He was an artist and I inherited his talent.
My mother used to say:

01:27:15.325 --> 01:27:18.347
"Wherever Donato was, at whichever corner,
people would gather around in a circle."

01:27:18.347 --> 01:27:21.161
People would wonder about the commotion
and it always was Donato Andrade telling a joke.

01:27:21.161 --> 01:27:26.975
So I inherited it.
I've been telling jokes since I was a kid.

01:27:26.975 --> 01:27:29.982
And, as you saw when you arrived,
I was telling these guys some jokes.

01:27:29.982 --> 01:27:34.004
So there you go, it's in my blood. 
I like telling jokes.

01:27:34.004 --> 01:27:37.621
I think I'm funny
because everywhere I go,

01:27:37.621 --> 01:27:42.458
I crack people up.
So let's tell some jokes.

01:27:42.458 --> 01:27:52.174
A gecko and a panda bear were 
smoking a joint on a tree.

01:27:52.174 --> 01:27:56.297
The gecko said:
"Pass the joint, panda."

01:27:56.297 --> 01:28:00.190
"Gecko, pass it back."
Both of them went on smoking their dope.

01:28:00.190 --> 01:28:05.581
Then the gecko says: "Whoa, panda. 
This dope is sick, it's making me very thirsty."

01:28:05.581 --> 01:28:09.418
The panda says: "Go to the river!"
The gecko: "Great idea!"

01:28:09.418 --> 01:28:14.742
The gecko climbed down the tree and drank water 
from the river, but it was so high that it fell inside.

01:28:14.742 --> 01:28:19.189
It started to drown, when an alligator
was passing by and saw the gecko.

01:28:19.189 --> 01:28:24.577
The alligator lifted the gecko, placing it on its head 
and said: "What the hell, gecko? Are you high?"

01:28:24.577 --> 01:28:29.827
The gecko: "Oh, alligator! I got high with the panda, 
I came to drink water, but you saved my life."

01:28:29.827 --> 01:28:33.195
So the alligator said: 
"Since I saved you, maybe you can save me."

01:28:33.195 --> 01:28:34.995
- "What do you mean?"
- "The panda has some dope?"

01:28:34.995 --> 01:28:36.402
- "Yeah."
- "He's your friend?"

01:28:36.402 --> 01:28:37.980
- "Yeah."
- "So let's go."

01:28:37.980 --> 01:28:39.055
- "Let's."
- "Where is he?"

01:28:39.055 --> 01:28:42.445
"On that tree over there." 
They get out, the gecko still on the alligator's head.

01:28:42.445 --> 01:28:45.451
The alligator walked with the gecko
and when they got to the tree they said:

01:28:45.451 --> 01:28:55.681
- "Yo, panda! Panda!"
- "Gecko, you drank way too much water!"

01:28:57.451 --> 01:29:02.195
"What the hell, gecko?
You drank too much water!"

01:29:02.195 --> 01:29:05.434
You guys don't have a problem
with Argentina, right?

01:29:05.434 --> 01:29:13.823
So a plane crashed and only an Argentine, 
an Arab and a Hindu survived.

01:29:13.823 --> 01:29:21.211
The Indian, the Arab and the Argentine. 
They started to walk and all three were starving.

01:29:21.211 --> 01:29:25.432
They stumbled upon a simple house, 
a very humble place.

01:29:25.432 --> 01:29:29.973
They knocked on the door and said:
"We need shelter. We're starving.

01:29:29.973 --> 01:29:32.412
We were in a plane crash."
The host said the following:

01:29:32.412 --> 01:29:36.842
"I can only accommodate two of you,
because my house is very small.

01:29:36.842 --> 01:29:40.997
- "One of you will have to sleep in the barn."
- "Sure, no problem."

01:29:40.997 --> 01:29:49.192
Then the Indian guy said:
"I'm humble, I've always lived a quaint life.


01:29:49.192 --> 01:29:52.330
Sleeping in the barn is not a problem."
So the Indian guy went to the barn.

01:29:52.330 --> 01:29:56.580
Later, he knocked and said: "I can't sleep there."
The others asked why not.


01:29:56.580 --> 01:30:00.196
"Because there's a cow there
and in our religion cows are sacred.

01:30:00.196 --> 01:30:03.336
I can't sleep beside a sacred animal."
The Arab said:

01:30:03.336 --> 01:30:06.593
"That's not a problem, I'll go."
And off went the Arab.

01:30:06.593 --> 01:30:12.164
Later, he also knocked and said: "I can't sleep there."
The others: "Why not?"

01:30:12.164 --> 01:30:18.174
"Because there's a pig in there and the Muslim 
religion doesn't recognize pork. I can't be around it."

01:30:18.174 --> 01:30:22.969
The Argentine said: "Fine, whatever. I'll do it." 
He went to the barn.

01:30:22.969 --> 01:30:28.343
After a while, someone knocked.
It was the cow and the pig.

01:30:33.189 --> 01:30:38.635
"I'm not going to sleep beside an Argentine!
That's fucked up!"

01:32:27.182 --> 01:32:33.333
Mr. Manuel's wife never 
felt any pleasure with him.

01:32:33.333 --> 01:32:36.807
One day he was on 
top of her.

01:32:36.807 --> 01:32:40.716
He always bought her flowers,
lingeries and she didn't budge.

01:32:40.716 --> 01:32:45.841
One day he was on top of her ready to make love,
already sweating and he said:

01:32:45.841 --> 01:32:50.180
"What the fuck, Maria? I buy you everything 
you want and you don't even budge."

01:32:50.180 --> 01:32:55.591
"Manuel, what can I say? I have a dream."
He asked: "What dream?"

01:32:55.591 --> 01:33:02.189
"I dream that we're making love 
and a big black guy waves a hand fan."

01:33:02.189 --> 01:33:06.355
"Fine, I don't want you craving anything."
He stepped outside to find a black man.

01:33:06.355 --> 01:33:09.969
He told him: "Look, now you have 
to go to my house and hold the fan.

01:33:09.969 --> 01:33:14.979
Just keep waving it and don't let it drop 
because I'll be making love to Maria."

01:33:14.979 --> 01:33:23.809
Manuel climbs on Maria, the black man waves the 
fan, but she doesn't react so they start feeling sleepy.

01:33:23.809 --> 01:33:28.160
Manuel finally exclaims: "Maria, it's not
even working with the black guy waving the fan!"

01:33:28.160 --> 01:33:32.847
She says: "I have another dirty dream..."
He asks: "What is it like?"

01:33:32.847 --> 01:33:40.799
"The black guy makes love to me
and you wave the fan."


01:33:40.799 --> 01:33:49.280
Manuel comes back and says: "Maria, I don't want
you to crave anything!" and grabs the hand fan.

01:33:49.280 --> 01:33:53.979
As soon as the black man gets on top of her, 
she starts to moan: "Oh Manuel, this is so good!"

01:33:53.979 --> 01:33:59.142
Manuel continues to wave the fan, while she yells:
"Oh my God, this is so good!"

01:33:59.142 --> 01:34:05.834
"Oh, this is so good!" she cried out.
She even did a split while Manuel waved the fan.

01:34:05.834 --> 01:34:12.845
After they had sex, Manuel says to the black man: 
"See how it's done? Now that's how you wave a fan."

01:34:15.399 --> 01:34:21.815
There was a man who worked in the circus as a 
crocodile tamer and even toured with the animals.

01:34:21.815 --> 01:34:27.326
Just imagine him walking around with the crocodiles!
There were many people waiting to see his show.

01:34:27.326 --> 01:34:30.835
When he steps in, 
he places the crocodile on top of a table.

01:34:30.835 --> 01:34:35.583
He opens the crocodile's mouth and sticks his left 
hand in it. Everyone claps, crazy with excitement.

01:34:35.583 --> 01:34:39.707
He removes his left hand and puts his right hand in.
So far so good.

01:34:39.707 --> 01:34:45.964
Suddenly, he puts his left foot and leg in and gets
an even bigger response from the audience.

01:34:45.964 --> 01:34:50.976
He puts his right arm in, as well. 
Then, he sticks his head in the crocodile's mouth.

01:34:50.976 --> 01:34:58.322
There was nothing left to do, so he said: 
"I have to do something that will get them excited!"

01:34:58.322 --> 01:35:07.444
"I know!", drops his pants, sticks his dick in 
the crocodile's mouth and clocks it on the head.

01:35:07.444 --> 01:35:11.961
He yells to the ringmaster: 
"Hand me that microphone!"

01:35:11.961 --> 01:35:15.577
He asks the audience: 
"Would anyone like to come down and try this?"

01:35:15.577 --> 01:35:21.339
Someone jumps up from the audience and says:
"I would! Just don't hit me on the head!"

01:35:21.339 --> 01:35:24.371
Thank you!
Thanks!

01:35:47.052 --> 01:35:50.166
- Good afternoon.
- How are you?


01:35:50.166 --> 01:35:53.690
- All's good. 
- What are you selling?

01:35:53.690 --> 01:35:59.338
- The store is right here. Do you know his name?
- No, but he owns the place.

01:35:59.338 --> 01:36:02.427
Hello! 
How are you?

01:36:06.091 --> 01:36:11.829
Good afternoon, how are you doing sir?
We're making a documentary about jokesters.

01:36:11.829 --> 01:36:17.695
Oh, I can tell quite a few of those.
You came to the right place!


01:36:17.695 --> 01:36:20.341
It wasn't by chance, 
we were at...

01:36:20.341 --> 01:36:23.960
They were at Santo Amaro and people told them
that you were very good at telling jokes, Mr. Zé.

01:36:23.960 --> 01:36:30.422
- So they asked where to find you.
- Right here! I'll tell you a good anecdote.

01:36:30.422 --> 01:36:34.580
- Do you want them dirty or not dirty?
- Dirty and not dirty, we want both.

01:36:34.580 --> 01:36:39.606
As you wish,
dirty and not dirty.

01:36:41.406 --> 01:36:49.819
Two deviants invaded a convent 
and said the following:

01:36:49.819 --> 01:36:51.966
"Let's have our
way with all the nuns!"

01:36:51.966 --> 01:36:54.579
One nun said: "Not all of them!
All except Mother Superior."

01:36:54.579 --> 01:36:58.611
Mother Superior interrupts and says:
"All means all!"

01:37:01.500 --> 01:37:05.949
They finished
and left.

01:37:05.949 --> 01:37:10.827
One nun began to pray: "Forgive them Father, 
for they do not know what they're doing."

01:37:10.827 --> 01:37:16.166
Another nun said: "Speak for yourself.
My guy was a master!"

01:37:16.166 --> 01:37:18.865
That's good.

01:37:20.665 --> 01:37:25.830
A guy walks into a pizzeria 
and here they serve family-sized pizzas.

01:37:25.830 --> 01:37:31.680
The so-called 'family' pizzas are larger,
meant to serve the whole family.

01:37:31.680 --> 01:37:36.997
A lady was looking after the pizzeria, when a man 
walked in with his arms over two women,

01:37:36.997 --> 01:37:41.173
two beautiful women 
and asked:

01:37:41.173 --> 01:37:47.180
"Do you have pizza?" 
Seeing him with those two, she asked: "Family?"

01:37:47.180 --> 01:37:51.573
He said: "No, they're both whores,
but they're very hungry."

01:37:57.197 --> 01:38:00.428
There are so many anecdotes, 
but I'll stop here.

01:38:00.428 --> 01:38:02.418
You don't have any others?
Just tell us one last anecdote!

01:38:02.418 --> 01:38:06.210
- Oh, there's more...
- Just one before we go! The last one was so good.

01:38:06.210 --> 01:38:16.450
A guy was going on a hunting trip in a jeep 
when he saw a shepherd standing near a brook.

01:38:16.450 --> 01:38:21.336
He asked the shepherd:
"Buddy, will the jeep be able to cross the brook?"

01:38:21.336 --> 01:38:27.163
"Sure," said the shepherd. As soon as he drives 
into the brook, the jeep gets covered in water.

01:38:27.163 --> 01:38:31.698
The guy says: "But you said I'd be able to cross!
Now the jeep is covered in water!"

01:38:31.698 --> 01:38:36.691
The shepherd said: "Look, a duck just passed you by.
You should fly like it."

01:38:40.699 --> 01:38:43.439
- Thank God...
- Have a good hunting trip tomorrow.

01:38:43.439 --> 01:38:47.165
- Thank you.
- We hope you catch lots of pigeons.

01:38:47.165 --> 01:38:51.601
- Thank you for your visit.
- Thank you.

01:38:51.601 --> 01:38:55.162
- Thanks!
- We're heading north tomorrow.

01:38:55.162 --> 01:38:58.256
- Godspeed and God bless you.
- Thank you.

01:39:46.624 --> 01:39:48.604
Good morning!

01:39:49.441 --> 01:39:54.591
Good morning, how are you?
Are you from Porto?

01:39:54.591 --> 01:39:57.579
- Yes sir, we are.
- So maybe you can help me out.

01:39:57.579 --> 01:40:03.155
I'm making a documentary. 
I'm Brazilian and my documentary is about jokesters.

01:40:03.155 --> 01:40:07.810
Do you know anyone from around 
here who is good at telling anecdotes?

01:40:07.810 --> 01:40:13.837
The only anecdotes people tell around here
are to ask for credit.

01:40:18.537 --> 01:40:24.826
- People tell anecdotes to ask for credit?
- That's right, they all want credit.

01:40:24.826 --> 01:40:28.813
Do you know how to ask for credit?
Come over here to tell us an anecdote.

01:40:28.813 --> 01:40:32.753
- I don't know any!
- Tell them to get Fernando Rocha.

01:40:55.688 --> 01:41:01.444
I used to work
as an electrician.

01:41:01.444 --> 01:41:04.806
Then I got my dream job 
as an electrician,

01:41:04.806 --> 01:41:11.005
which was to work at Comboios de Portugal. 
At this point, I had won a TV contest.

01:41:11.005 --> 01:41:16.572
- It was called Hit Hit and I won first place.
- It was a joke contest?

01:41:16.572 --> 01:41:22.365
Yes, a joke contest 
and then I started making money.

01:41:22.365 --> 01:41:27.825
I made money with shows
and then I started making even more money...

01:41:27.825 --> 01:41:33.361
Here, here! 
I started making more money a week telling jokes,

01:41:33.361 --> 01:41:38.710
than all month long as an electrician. 
So I had an angel and a devil on each side.

01:41:38.710 --> 01:41:45.700
The devil said: "Quit your job at CP to tell jokes!" 
The angel: "No, you have a stable job.

01:41:45.700 --> 01:41:53.685
Stay where you are, you don't have to do much, 
you just work and make your own."

01:41:53.685 --> 01:41:57.435
Then one of CP's engineers called me up and said:
"Such and such happened.

01:41:57.435 --> 01:42:02.314
Your contract expires next month 
and we can't renew it."

01:42:02.314 --> 01:42:05.331
So I shook his hand and said:
"Thank you very much, Mr. Engineer!"

01:42:05.331 --> 01:42:12.336
And I said: "Thank you so much!
You're pushing me toward the direction I wanted!"

01:42:12.336 --> 01:42:16.988
Not knowing what it was about, the man probably 
thought: "That guy must be insane."

01:42:16.988 --> 01:42:20.317
The engineer wondered
why I thanked him the way I did.

01:42:20.317 --> 01:42:26.443
But the fact is that being fired
was the push I needed.

01:42:26.443 --> 01:42:32.832
That's why I always say that in this life,
it's better to be lucky than to be good.

01:42:32.832 --> 01:42:36.445
First and foremost, you have to be lucky.
Then, you can be good.

01:42:36.445 --> 01:42:39.689
Because if you're a good person, 
but don't have any luck, you don't have anything.

01:42:39.689 --> 01:42:44.468
Regarding jokes, I have countless
CDs and DVDs in the market.

01:42:44.468 --> 01:42:49.555
I never registered copyrights.
Why not?

01:42:49.555 --> 01:42:52.341
First of all they're jokes,
not music.

01:42:52.341 --> 01:42:56.730
I tell a joke about little John who slipped and fell. 
I go ahead and register that joke.

01:42:56.730 --> 01:43:03.581
Tomorrow, you tell a joke about Juca who slipped 
and fell, but if you change a comma, it's not the same.

01:43:03.581 --> 01:43:07.605
The way I register my jokes
is in the way that I tell them.

01:43:07.605 --> 01:43:11.966
I have a friend who works
in an appliances store.

01:43:11.966 --> 01:43:18.173
He was trying to sell a TV to a lady. 
He turned to the old lady and said:

01:43:18.173 --> 01:43:21.694
"Here you go. 
Take the TV but keep the box for 15 days."

01:43:21.694 --> 01:43:26.736
There's a law in Portugal that says 
that if you keep the box of the device you purchased,

01:43:26.736 --> 01:43:29.709
if something happens in the first 15 days,
you can put back in the box

01:43:29.709 --> 01:43:31.990
and you'll get a new
one right away.

01:43:31.990 --> 01:43:37.165
15 days later I was at my friend's workplace
and the old lady showed up.

01:43:37.165 --> 01:43:42.199
She said: "Do you remember me?"
My friend: "Yes, I sold you a TV 15 days ago."

01:43:42.199 --> 01:43:47.326
She said: "Exactly. It's been 15 days. 
Can I take the TV out of the box?"

01:43:47.326 --> 01:43:52.858
She spent 15 days 
with the TV inside the box!

01:43:53.699 --> 01:43:56.458
- It's crazy.
- That's an anecdote.

01:43:56.458 --> 01:44:00.203
- It ended up sounding like an anecdote.
- A typical joke about Portuguese people.

01:44:00.203 --> 01:44:05.160
- The typical joke about Portuguese people.
- Or about Brazilians.

01:44:05.160 --> 01:44:08.711
Tell us a typical 
joke about Brazilians.

01:44:08.711 --> 01:44:16.939
A Portuguese guy goes into a store 
and says to the Brazilian employee:

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- "Good morning, my friend!"
- "Excuse me?"

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- "Good morning!"
- "Good morning!"

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- "I'd like a toilet."
- "A what?"

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- "A toilet!"
- "A toilet? What is that?"

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"That over there! 
Over there on the shelf!"

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I don't know what you call 'toilets' in Brazil, 
maybe a 'chamberpot'.

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- It's something from the old days...
- We call it 'toilet' too.

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Toilet then. 
So the Brazilian says: "We don't call it a 'toilet' here."

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- "That's called a Portuguese."
- "A Portuguese?"

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"Exactly, around here, 
the name for that is 'Portuguese'."

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- "Okay, so I'd like a Portuguese please."
- "Would you like it big, medium or small?"

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"One that's big enough
to fit several Brazilians."

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This toilet joke is common across Brazil, 
except the characters are from different states.

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One time the toilet will be from the South,
then it will be someone from Minas Gerais.

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- It's one state's revenge against the other.
- So this joke is already renowned.

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In this town we say a lot of bad words.
It's not offensive.

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I have a joke that represents this culture. 
A mother from Porto is about to give her son a shot.

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She pricks the son's butt with the needle
and he says: "Ouch, son of a bitch!"

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The mom asks: "Who's a son of a bitch?!"
He replies: "I am, mom!"

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She says: 
"Oh, then that's okay."

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While I'm telling a joke,
your subconscious,

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is trying to find out where the joke will end.
You can't dominate that.

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So I'll be telling a joke and you'll think:
"Oh, I see where this is going."

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Now let's suppose that I'm telling a joke 
and you're thinking it will end a certain way.

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While I'm telling it, you're thinking:
"That's the end."

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When you think it will end here but it ends there,
that's when you laugh the most.

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In other words, if the end of the joke
is close or similar to what you thought,

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you will at least smile
out of sympathy.

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- Out of solidarity!
- Exactly.

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If I'm telling a joke and it's the 
total opposite of what you imagined,

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I will catch your brain off-guard and 
you'll burst into laughter.

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You've always had a tradition of telling jokes
and impersonating characters, right?

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- Similar to comedians like Chico Anísio.
- Yes...

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- You know who Chico Anísio is, right?
- Yes, I know him.

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He impersonated an old lady 
and had all those types of jokes.

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And stand-up comedy was always very American.
This model didn't really exist in Brazil.

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- Stand-up is American.
- Right.

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That's what I always say.
Anecdotes are typically from Portugal.

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Note that stand-up became a fad here in Portugal.
I think it's here to stay, but you can't be sure.

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Anecdotes are here to stay.
They existed before my time,

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I tell anecdotes 
and they will exist after I die.

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When the seniors go on tours to Fátima,
an old man will pick up the microphone and do what?

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Stand-up? No!
He'll tell anecdotes. Everyone tells anecdotes.

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Anecdotes are very 
popular and traditional.

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- Rose, my friend!
- Tell me a joke.

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Do you know the difference 
between a prostitute and a student?

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- A prostitute and a student? No.
- Yes.

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I'll tell you: the student sticks things in her head 
and the prostitute sticks her head in things.

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Do you know what's the difference 
between an orange, a woman and pliers?

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- No.
- Me neither, because I never sucked on pliers.

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Let's go then.

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- Do you know how to tell anecdotes?
- Yes, I'll tell you an anecdote by my Quequinho.

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- Anecdote by whom?
- An anecdote by my Quequinho.

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- Let's hear it.
- It goes like this...

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A man travels to Angola. Once he gets there, 
he sees monkeys walking around.

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They were black-faced lions, 
which are those tiny monkeys.

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The man said: "I'm going to take one of these 
little monkeys home. My wife and kids will love it."

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But it's prohibited.
People are not allowed to bring the monkeys.

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So the man starts to think:
"I'm going to steal a monkey."

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Before he boards the plane, 
he unzips his pants and sticks the monkey inside.

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He zips his pants, buckles his belt
and boards with the little monkey.

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It's a very long flight 
and the man starts to quiver.

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The lady next to him looks over, 
"He's probably feeling ill, let him be."

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The flight carries on and another 3 hours into it, 
the man starts to quiver again.

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The woman looks at him and he looks at her.
She thinks: "Everything's fine. It must be paranoia."

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"Fear of flying."
Two hours before landing he starts up again.

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The lady turns to him and says: "Sir, I'm sorry. 
Are you feeling ill? Are you having a seizure?

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"I'm going to call the flight attendant
because you're not feeling well."

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He unzips his pants and says: "No ma'am."
She says: "Oh my! The poor thing must be hungry!"

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"Not at all, ma'am.
He's already nursed 3 times."

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- Thank you!
- You're welcome.

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- Red wine city!
- Pure red wine.

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- Fernanda, thank you.
- Bye, see you soon.

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- Bye!
- Thank you.

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- Did you know this one already?
- No.

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- Thank you.
- It's a very good joke.

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- Fernanda told us a joke.
- Had you heard it?

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It's about the man and the tiny monkey, but it's 
forbidden to take them, so he sticks one in his pants.

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When he was in the plane he would move frantically
so a lady asked him: "What's wrong?"


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And after a while he would quiver again. 
She'd say: "Are you okay?"

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He said: "I'll show you!" and unzips his pants.
She said: "Poor thing. He's starving."

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He replied: "He's not hungry at all.
He's already nursed 3 times, son of a bitch."

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What a good time.


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There's dark beer from Rio,
one that has the head of an ox called 'Tearass'.

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It was purchased by Schincariol. 
They're releasing a beer that I will not drink.

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'Schintearass'.
I'm not crazy.

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And they're running out.
Because when they run out, it's all over.

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Notice that there are no more rednecks. 
I came to Campinas,

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there were loads of rednecks. 
The redneck would lean against the Church door,

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see the priest celebrating 
and the people with their back to the door.

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The redneck:
"Priest, I would like to speak to you."

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The priest: "Just a minute, I'm in the middle of mass."
"No, I really have to talk to you."

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People look over their shoulder and the priest says:
"Come in, mass has already been ruined!"

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"What do you want?"


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"Priest, I'd like to know if it's a sin to make 
money out of other people's misfortune."

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The priest says: "Of course it is!"
"Then I want my wedding money back."

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A cripple and a blind guy were friends.
The cripple turned to the blind guy and said:

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"Manuel, would you like to see a bullfight with me?
Let's go see one!"

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Manuel said: "See? You mean smell 
the bullshit because I'm fucking blind!"

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The cripple: "You're right, I forgot you were blind. 
But we can do something about it.

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We'll go to the bullfight 
and I'll narrate it like a soccer game.

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I'll tell you what's happening, 
what the bull does and doesn't do and you listen."

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The blind friend: "Let's go then."
The blind man walked ahead and the cripple followed.

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The blind guy walked ahead to pave the way.
They arrived at the bullring and the cripple said:

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- "Fuck, this place is packed."
- "Yes, I know, I can tell."

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Then a guy blew the horn 
and said on the microphone:

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"Attention ladies and gentlemen, we are sorry to 
inform that the bullfighter is sick.

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Therefore we will not have a bullfight here today."
Everyone sighs: "Oh no!"

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"But we'll pay €5 thousand to each person
who has the courage to come here and fight the bull."

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The cripple says to his friend: "Manuel, let's do it!"
The blind friend: "Do what?"

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- "Let's fight the bull?"
- "Are you crazy? I'm blind, I can't see anything.

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And you're a cripple. 
You can't run away from the bull, we'll get gored.

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We can't even pay for the hospital
fees with €5 thousand."

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The cripple said: "No, man. We'll go 
together and stand beside each other.

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When the bull approaches us, 
I'll give you a push and keep you at a distance.

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The bull will pass between us, I'll say 'Olé!'
and we'll win €5 thousand!"

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The blind friend said: "Miracle!"
And the cripple: "What miracle? Can you see?"

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- "Yes, I can see how this will fail miserably."
- "No, it'll work just fine."

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"Fuck, this is a disaster. Why did I come here? 
I was just going to play Playstation at home."

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"Come on man, let's make some money."
So off they went.

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While both of them were in the bullring, 
the announcer said:

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"Attention ladies and gentlemen, 
this bull is from the Carlos Barreto category.

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Its testicles alone weigh 1,650 pounds."
The cripple heard that and ran away.

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So the blind man stood by himself
thinking his friend was next to him.

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The blind guy says: "Don't forget to push me 
when the bull starts charging!"

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When the bull entered the ring 
and spotted just one man,

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a blind man wearing sunglasses and 
holding one spear, the bull stopped and went like this.

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Then the bull looked at the audience and did this.
And the audience responded like this.

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And the bull shrugged.
Then the bull charged in the blind man's direction.

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Let's do it in slow motion 
so that all Brazilians can understand.

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The bull in slow motion.

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And the blind man in slow motion:
"Motherfucker, tell me when the bull is close!"

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The audience in slow motion went like this:
"I can't watch this."

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Well, the bull approached the blind man
and gores him.

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The blind man goes flying and somersaults 
backwards. This is the audience in slow motion.

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The blind guy flies against the ring and stairs
and ends up at the hospital.

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On the following day, the cripple went 
to pay his friend a visit at the hospital and said:

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- "Can I visit my friend?"
- "Sure, come on in."

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He saw the blind man and said: "Geez, he's all 
messed up. He's even blind. Oh my god!"

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He looked at him and said: "Are you feeling better?"
The blind man said: "Go fuck yourself!"

01:55:31.853 --> 01:55:36.764
"I told you to push,
but you didn't have to push me so hard!"