Let's go to the other side?
This is the deal: we're looking for a fisherman here to tell us a joke.
- Hey dude.- Will anybody here tell us a joke or not?
- No.- We're shooting a documentary.
- We're bad at telling jokes around here.- Any good joke-tellers around here?
- You'll find good jokesters down that way.- Where?
Down that way.There are plenty of fishermen there.
Do any of you know howto tell a joke by any chance?
- I don't.- It depends on the intensity of the joke.
- What do I get if I tell a joke?- I'm starting to think that you guys tell jokes.
We are shooting a documentaryabout fishermen telling jokes.
- Oh?- No one knows anything around here.
- Just a quick little joke!- I can't.
- Not even a short one?- Not even a very short one.
- Do you know how to tell jokes by any chance?- Oh...
- Not for now.- Not now?
- Not even a short one?- No.
Try that camp because there's a crowd over there.
Hi, do you guys knowhow to tell jokes at all?
Sometimes, but can'tthink of any right now.
But wouldn't you want to tell us one?We're making a documentary
about jokesters and I'm trying to finda fisherman who is good at telling jokes.
- Can we go over there and you'll tell us one?- If you say there isn't any fish here, that's a joke.
- No jokesters over there?- No, maybe you'll find one over there.
- No jokes?- None.
Sunset xxx...
Hi buddy, how are you?Are there any people around this market that
you know as the funny guy, the one everyone knows is the jokester?
Actually, there are several but most of them are busy today.
- Sunday is a busy day.- Give me an example and I'll get them off duty.
If you pass that butcher's shop, you'll find a fat guy there called Tidão.
He's the man in this market. He is funny by nature, just like Mussum.
He doesn't even have to tell a joketo get everyone to laugh.
- What's his name?- Tidão, you can look for Tidão.
- Okay, I'll go there. Thank you.- No problem.
- Do you know where Tidão is?- Over here.
Here's the thing, we are making a documentary about jokesters.
There was a guy from Cuiabá and a guy from Bahia fishing.
They fished and had no luck catching any fish, but the guy from Cuiabá was there
annoyed with a fly that kept going back and forth. He said that he caught the fly and stopped in time.
He caught it and said: "Hey fly, if you had a bigger butt I'd fuck you in the ass."
So the guy from Bahia stood up,bent over and said: "Buzzzz."
That's a good one...A Poconian left here and went to São Paulo.
- Who?- A Poconian.
- What's a Poconian?- Someone from the city of Poconé, in Mato Grosso.
So he departs to São Paulo and once he gets there, he waits for the subway at the railway track.
People start yelling: "Get out of there!Step away from the track!"
They tackled him and the train proceeded to wreck his bike, running over everything.
So he came back and once hearrived to his hometown in Poconé
it was Christmas time and so his boss's store was decorated with a train.
So he ran indoors, got a 12-inch gun and offed the Christmas decoration.
His boss said: "Have you lost it?Why would you do something like that?"
He answered: "Don't be naive, boss. We have to off this beast while it's still a child. When it grows up..."
The guy came up and said the following:"Priest, how does the church tithe system work?"
The priest said: "Well, it's 50% for the diocese,and 50% for me."
Then he approached a rabbi and said: "Rabbi, how does the church tithe system work?"
The rabbi answered:"It's 70% for the diocese, 30% for me."
Then he went to the minister and said: "Minister, how does the tithe system work?"
"Here, we take the money and throw it up in the air. If Jesus catches it, it's his. If it drops, it's mine."
Are you a truck driver? Do you drive across Brazil or just around here?
- Mato Grosso, Goiás, Minas Gerais and Rondônia.- What kind of cargo do you take?
- Anything you've got.- Anything.
- Don't you have any truck driver jokes?- No man, we work hard.
We don't have time for that, all we do is work.No time for jokes.
A Brazilian and an Argentine were walking and they don't get along, right?
Then, they found a magic lamp.They rubbed it and a genie comes out.
The genie grants each one of them a wish, but the Argentine thinks it isn't fair.
So he says: "Genie, I want you to build a wallaround my entire country...
"... because I don't Brazilian intruders in my country."
The genie snaps his fingers and a 20-ft wall surges.He then asks the Brazilian what his wish is.
The Brazilian says:"Please fill the space inside the wall with water."
- He just laughs...- Come over here to tell one.
- Grab a chair.- Come here to tell us a joke.
We're gonna tella joke here.
The gaucho was on vacationso he went to the Pantanal to see what it's like.
He got there, met with the house's caretakerand the caretaker said:
"Gaucho, I'm gonna show you something."They go to a dam and the caretaker holds a stick.
- He whistled and an alligator appeared.- Where's the whistle? Do the whistle.
I don't know how to whistle!
He would whistle,how does one whistle?
- Do it again?- Now I ran out of stock.
So the alligator appeared and the guy from Pantanal hit the alligator's head with the stick.
He yelled: "Easy!" to the alligator and removed it from the water.
The alligator came out slowly and whenever the alligator resisted, he would hit it on the head.
So the Pantanal caretaker said to the gaucho:"Do you want to try?"
"I do, but I just don't know if I cantake all those blows to my head."
That's a true story.
So the guy bought a 4x4 truck. He gets home with his 0 kilometer brand new truck.
He parked the truck and went to take a showerto go out with his date, right?
When he came back, a drunk saw the "4x4", got a nail and scratched the car with "=16."
The drunk scratched both sides. The owner saw it and took it to the repair shop.
Three days later the truck was parked in the same place and the drunk wrote: "4x4=16."
By the third time it happened, the owner decided to renovate the truck and put a sticker on it that read
4x4=16 and he thought to himself:"What will the drunk do now?"
The drunk saw the sticker, so he picked up the nail and scratched a check mark on the car.
That's a good one! It was wrong before? Now it's right, so let's just scratch the whole thing.
- With a white-out, like from school.- Seriously, you've got better than that.
That's not cool. You weren't doing anything, I invited you over and now you're making fun of me?
People from the South don't like people from Mato Grosso because of their color.
So a driver from Cuiabá went to the South. He switches gear over and over until he gets there.
I can't remember the town's name, but once he gets there, he says:
"I need a toilet."In Mato Grosso, we say toilet.
So he goes to the store and says:"I need a toilet."
- "Where are you from?"- "I'm a Cuiabano, from the state of Cuiabá."
The guy answers:"In the South it's not a toilet, it's called a Cuiabano."
- "That's messed up, don't you think?"- "What size do you want?"
"Give me one that'll fit 4 or 5 guys from the South inside."
A guy from Cuiabá wanted to go to Rio de Janeiro, he was obsessed with Rio.
So he bought a brand new car. He went to Cuiabá to buy it and returned to Poconé.
He got there all excited and said: "I'm gonna go to Rio, I'm gonna see Rio."
His friends said: "What, man? Don't got there. The people from Rio are gonna eat you alive."
The guy from Cuiabá answere:"Cuiabanos are tough. I'll go and you'll see."
In 15 minutes he got in the car and went.
He drives and drives and drives.He kept saying: "We, from Poconé, are tough."
Once he got to Rio he had to take a shit, but he looked around and didn't want to get the car dirty.
He got out and took a shit, but there was no paper so he wiped himself with a nettle leaf.
He'd never seen nettle before, so he wiped himself and started to feel an itch in the car.
When he was 300km away from Rio the itch was really bad, so he thought: "What will I do now?"
"You know what? I'll turn around and go back. If I'm already itching now, by the time I'm there..."
So he turns the car around and returns, but at least he didn't get eaten alive.
- Very tough.- Manly!
My asshole and his asshole were talking. My asshole said to his: "Hi, are you a virgin?"
His asshole replied:"Of course not!"
You're a truck driver so you musthave truck driver jokes.
- No, I don't have any.- Sure you do.
- We work too hard.- You have at least one.
- No, I don't.- You must have one trucker joke.
- I can't remember any.- You know you do.
Truck driver, truck driver... nope!You think I'm crazy to trash talk about myself?
It's not trash talk.It's making fun of other truck drivers, not you.
Fine, there was this guy driving a 16x20 truck loaded with vegetables back and forth.
He gets a receipt stamped at the Tax Station, so when the Highway Patrol he gives them the receipt.
The price on the document is correct, so they ask him to weigh the banana load.
It's 1000 pounds over the limit, so the police says "You're arrested, but I'll let you go."
"But first, you'll have to shove all thosebananas you know where."
The truck driver started to laugh, shoving the bananas and laughing hysterically.
The police said: "Are you crazy, man? Shoving bananas and then laughing about it?"
- "It's funny!"- "Why?"
"My friend is coming down with 3000 kilos, except his load is full of pineapples!"
Anybody there?
All the windowsare closed.
Mr. João?
Anybody there?
Can I come a little closer?
Does that dog bite?
Let me ask you something.
- We're looking for Mr. João Borba.- João Borba lives over there.
I know, but do you know where he is? I went there, we knocked and called him.
- They're in Cuiabá.- Oh no, seriously?
- Do you know when they return? Did they say?- His brother is taking care of the kids.
I think they come back tomorrow, or tonight.
We're shooting a documentaryabout jokesters.
- Look, we're Evangelical Christians.- So he won't tell stories?
He tells stories, but he's also Evangelical.
- And Evangelicals can't tell jokes?- No, it doesn't please God.
- It doesn't please God.- But doesn't it depend on the joke?
No, it doesn't please God. For us to go to heaven, we have to be clean and pure.
I know, but jokes don't have to be necessarily dirty, right?
He does tell jokes, except that when he tells them to us, he tells them differently.
- Like the PG version, huh?- Yeah, the lighter versions.
24 hours later
Good afternoon!
- How are you?- Good.
- Is João Terêncio around, by any chance.- He isn't.
- I can't believe it, he isn't?- No.
- Will he come back?- The kid who works for him says he'll return tonight.
Are you sure? Everyone said he was supposed to come yesterday.
- So we went all the way to Lucas and came back...- The kid he'll come back tonight.
- What time today?- He said he'll arrive late.
- But he'll come back for sure, right?- Maybe late at night.
- What time is the bus? Is he riding the bus?- I don't know how he's getting here.
It appears we didn't make it.We won't meet Mr. João Terêncio this time around.
- XXX- Yeah, we were.
Mr. João Terêncio won't be a jokester in our movie.At least not in Jokesters Part I.
You know what fieldworkers are liketo pay things on credits and start up tabs...
Vicente gets to a store and a woman says: "Don't bother coming in, you can't buy booze on credit."
He said: "I don't want booze."I quit drinking."
There was a glass deposit with coconut candy inside.
So he said:"Get me a coconut candy."
The woman handed him the candy, so he lookedat it and said: "How much does it cost?"
The woman said: "It's 50 cents."He replied: "What about the cachaça?"
The woman said: "It's also 50 cents."He said: "Take the candy and give me the booze."
He drank it and left, so the woman said: "Hey, funny guy! You gonna pay for the booze or what?"
He replied: "What do you mean?Didn't I exchange it for my coconut candy?
She said: "So pay for the coconut candy!"He answered: "Did I eat coconut candy?"
- Good morning! Where is Alto do Jucá?- Alto do Jucá?
- Up that street.- Up that way? How far, more or less?
- From here it's about...- 200km.
- No, it's more than that...- More...
Yeah, but it's not much more.Just go up that way on the first sign.
- Do you know Rogério?- Rogério? Who is Rogério?
- Clown.- Yes! He's a customer here at the store.
- Really? He lives over there?- I'm not sure of the exact location.
- He's funny, right?- Yeah, he's very funny.
That's the guard I think.He looks like a watchman.
Could I get some informationhere please?
- Good morning!- Good morning.
- Where is Alto do Jucá?- Oh, you can go that way...
- Take a right after the first speed bump.- First speed bump, to the right.
You drive past the first, second and third roads and then his dad's house is right upfront.
- Good morning!- Good morning!
- Do you know the Clown?- That's me.
What's up?Was it is hard or easy to find me?
It was hard and easy.How are you?
- Let's get out of the car.- Let's go.
It's a movie about jokesterswho are not very famous.
We are basically looking for these people, which is why we called you last minute.
Somebody mentioned you, we called, we're here and the rest is history.
We wanted to hear a little bit about you.How and why did you start telling jokes?
Where did this urge to tell jokes come from?
Jokes... I was funny ever since I was a kid.I never liked taking anything too seriously.
My thing was to mess around.I liked pranks.
So I started working on a project, doing theater pieces and working as a clown.
After a while I realized that clown's couldn't be comedians - either you're a comedian or a clown.
Everyone in my family works. I didn't like it, so I started telling jokes.
I never did like it. Sometimes I'll be at home and my mom will say:
"Son, get out there and try to find something to do."I say: "No, I'm too afraid I'll find it."
So I don't go. I say it's better to stay put at home, am I right?
But it's the truth, I really like joking around.It's my life.
I'm very outgoing, I like to play around.
When I try to be serious, people start laughing anyway.
They'll say: "You're joking right?You're not serious."
As you can see, the married man is fatter than the single man.
I drew a conclusion from this. It's a story I made up and it's true.
Why? The single guy comes home and what does he do?
He goes directly to the fridge, opens it and says:"Man, not this again! Not soda and crackers!"
"I'm going to bed instead."He gets under the sheets and goes to bed.
The married guy goes to bed, gets under the sheets and says: "Not this again! I'm going to the fridge!"
He goes, eats everything he wants and gets fat.That's why married guys are fatter than single guys.
A guy walks into a bar and says: "Hi, get me a liter of cachaça and a roast chicken."
The waiter brings it to him. He pours him a liter and serves the chicken.
So the customer looks to both sides and says: "I'm going to examine this chicken!"
He stuck his finger inside the chicken's you know what, smelled it and said: "I don't want it!"
"This chicken came from Fortaleza. I don't like chicken from Fortaleza!"
The waiter said: "Here we go!This guy is doing a prostate screening!"
"Sticks his finger in there and he knows where it comes from! That chicken really is from Fortaleza."
The client says: "I don't want it, you can take it."So the waiter brought another chicken.
When the other chicken was there, he looked to the sides and stuck his finger in the chicken again.
He sniffed and said: "I don't want this one either. It's from here, it's from Ceará."
So the local bar owner said: "Bring him one of thegross ones from Véia Toinha. He won't guess that!"
When the chicken was at the customer's table, helooked to the sides and then stuck his finger in it.
He sniffed it and said: "Whoa! My good friend from Véia Toinha! This one came from there, right?"
The owner said: "Wow kid! You're really good.This chicken did come from Véia Toinha.
"You stick your finger in there as if it were a prostatescreening, sniff it and find out where it's from."
The drunk stood up and said: "No offense, but could you stick yours up mine? I've been lost for 3 days."
Do you know anyone who is good at telling jokes by any chance?
His dad owns that ceramic shop over there - Arara Cermamics.
- Go ahead, he's there.- Where is it?
- Arara Ceramics.- Oh, it's inside the ceramics shop.
Yeah.Go ahead, you'll find him there.
Does Giovanni work here? We're shooting a movie about jokesters.
Funny people and stuff like that. I heard he's a good story and joke teller, right?
- Yeah, he's even published a book this year.- Can I see?
There's some people here from São Paulo.I'm going to put you through.
- That's him.- Giovanni?
Hello? Giovanni? Hi, I'm Gustavo from São Paulo.
We're shooting a documentary about jokesters.
We're on a quest across Brazil and you came in highly recommended
as a potential jokester, so we were thinking about dropping by to have a word with you. Could we?
Arara Ceramics, got it. I'll get directions, but it should take me half an hour.
Hi, good morning! I'm here to see Giovanni.
- Giovanni!- Gustavo?
- That's me!- Dude, what are you doing in this jungle?
- How are you doing?- All's good.
- This is Chico.- Chico! How are you doing, bro?
- I'm good.- This is our photographer and that guy is André.
- André, what's up?- So we find out that you wrote a book, is that right?
- Seven books!- So not just one, seven.
- And I thought it was just one...- No, there were several.
- Man, can you give me a minute?- I'll give you two. In fact, I'll give you seven!
- Wait for me over there, make yourself at home.- Okay.
So tell me, what's your relationship with jokes and comedy like?
In fact, we're throwing thetenth FHC event here in Iguatu in August.
We created it and we pay tribute to the ACM. FHC is the Ceará Comedy Festival.
And ACM is a friend of ours from herecalled Airton Cachorra Magra.
He was honored.It all starts with a prank.
The current mayor of Iguatu is a friend of mine,Aderilo Alcântara.
You can go to São Paulo, New York, Paris,anywhere...
And he goes to a lot of funerals.
- Over 2 thousand funerals, he's a well-known guy.- Let me understand...
- He likes to go to funerals to...- Market himself.
If he's not at the square with the Cathedral when there's a funeral it's because he's out of town.
One of these daysan outcast criminal died.
So the mayor looked at him at the funeral and said:"A good citizen, a role model family man.
"A great head of the family."And the widow said to her son:
"Go check if it's reallyyour father inside that coffin."
The guy was the biggest scumbag.
Then there's this other guy called João Lázaro.He's the town Councillor.
The fact is that João Lázaro made some extra cash and went to Juazeiro get prescription glasses.
Those prescription glasses that you can get for 2 to 3 bucks.
And he was giving prescription glasses to everyonein Iguatu, until an old lady heard about it.
The poor lady went up to him and said: "Mr. Lázaro, please give me good glasses
"because I can't read the letters thatmy children have been sending me.
"Give me glasses and get 8 votes from my house."That's how things work here.
So he reached into the bottom of the bag,handed a pair of coke-bottle glasses to her.
The old lady put them in her purseand walked to the fair.
Once she got to the fair, she put the glasses onand then asked a vendor:
"Sir, how much does a kilo of those beans cost?"
He answered: "I wouldn't knowbecause I'm selling sesame seeds."
There's another government-related incident where
a man was in an accident and lost a legand Cidal wanted a doctor's statement every year.
He would always bring one saying:"Mr. Antônio Queiroz de Oliveira
"herewith declares that he haslost his leg and therefore cannot work, etc."
One fine year, he got fed up and wrote:
"I herewith declare that Antônio Queiroz de Oliveiralost his leg and it will never grow back."
And that was that. They stopped asking for it. Crazy, right?
You honk, you callYou wink, you win me over
Love mototaxiYou honk, call, wink, win me over
Love mototaxiParked at the square with the powerful bike
ToothpickFatal smile
Midday sunScorching heat
Calling the clients overWith a sexy voice
MoralityMorality...
The love mototaxi is a real thing.The driver is a a true womanizer, you know?
He has several client's in his cell phone, so we wrote the song based on this story.
- So it's a real-life character?- Real-life, the Love Mototaxi.
So people just call him for a ride or do they call him to get the full service?
Sometimes it's both. He'll take them home and give the full service.
There's a joke in which a guy says:"Dude, you know that guy from dumpcart? He died."
The other guy says: "Seriously? How?""He hit the truck and flew through the windshield."
One friend: "So he died from the hit."The other friend: "No, he's still alive
but he fell inside the house. He came in through the window, hit the wardrobe and it fell on top of him.
The wardrobe tumbled on top of him."The friend squeals: "He was crushed!"
"Not at all! He lifted the wardrobe, but leaned on a socket
"220 volts."The friend yells: "He was electrocuted to death!"
"He frantically ran down the stairs. He was still alive but fell down the entire flight."
The friend said: "He broke his neck and died!""No, he got up and leaned on a a panhandle
"which tipped over with boiling oil.""Now he died!"
"He still managed to get stuck under the fridge."The friend finally asked: "What did he die of?"
"I shot him in the face.""You killed the guy?"
"The guy was wrecking my entire house!He was destroying everything!"
You're the one who's going to take me. I'm going, I'm going.
Check, check. Is it working?
- Let's go. - Let's! Where are we going?
- I don't know, you're the local.- Yeah, but I'm not from here man.
I live here but I'm not from here.
I've always written comedies, since I was a kid. I would write and write and write.
Except I've always been the shyest person in the world.
I never pictured myself on a stage. I thought one day I'd have the courage to do it
but it's like those people who say they want to skydive someday, you know?
My version of skydiving is to go up onstage.
I'm a nerd, when it comes to relationships my reference is Mario and Princess Peach.
I have a theory that Mario was somewhat inspired by the porn industry.
Only in the porn industry it's possible to accept the premise that a princess would marry a plumber.
Greek mythology is amongmy favorite topics.
I think Greek gods are so badass. Like the God of Fire, the Sun God, the Water God...
And our God is just God. Like God, period.
I get the feeling that our God went to collegeand never wanted to get his graduate degree.
He held back, you know?Kind of lazy or maybe he was low on cash...
To this day they sell stand-up show ticketsfeaturing characters here in Porto Alegre.
I think that's why people get confused, especially here in Porto Alegre
about what is stand-up and what isn't.
There's a famous show here, I think it's called "Ladies First" and it's the most famous one...
They sold themselves as stand-up comedy,except they used characters.
So it's not stand-up. In my view, it's not stand-up comedy.
What's the difference between stand-up and characters?
In stand-up, I'm free from characters.I'm unarmed, you know?
If I'm not funny, it's because I really wasn't funny.
I'll be down all week becauseI wasn't funny.
If the character isn't funny, it's the actual persona that isn't funny.
Like, a character switch,you know?
It must be kind of a drag to be friends with God. Like being God's best friend.
Because God is God, right? If you go up to him and tell him something, he'll say:
"I know, dude. I'm God."
The good thing about stand-up is that we can work with whatever is going on currently.
We're always active, we're always writing.
Our text has an expiry date. This week's show might not work next month.
I hate rehearsing, I prefer to wing it. See what happens, you know?
I don't show anybody what I'm going to do beforehand.
- Do you write it...- I jot it down and keep it to myself.
- Do you laugh on your own?- Yeah.
So other than working with comedy,I also study Journalism.
I'm going to major in Journalism soon, so I'll be a Comedian and a Journalist.
In other words, I'm trying very hard to remain unemployed.
The ideal person to be in Brazilian journalism is William Bonner.
Everybody thinks they'll be just like William Bonner.
But William Bonner is an exception man, because William Bonner is a badass.
He's extremely competent. If you stop to think about it...
the Globo network made him the anchor of the National News.
And nowadays, he's like Chief Editor of the thing.Like, Globo got him a woman co-anchor
and he married her.
She wanted to get pregnant and he gave her triplets.
In just one fuck.
Hello, Jean?So, let me explain.
I'm working on a documentaryabout people who tell jokes
and we're going to swingby Araranguá soon.
I wanted to know if you'd liketo tell us some of your jokes?
Sure you are, my mother recommended you!Are you sure?
You sure you don't want to?
No, that's fine.
No, it's okay.Alright.
Thanks, take care.Bye.
Didn't want to.
He didn't want to.
1 minute later
Hello, Jean?
But Jean, it's a very simple ordeal.We'll just get there and talk.
You have no obligation with the movieor anything like that.
We're filming a bunch of people and I thought of you because Araranguá is in our way.
Okay, thanks Jean!Great, bye.
Jeane called and said: "No, I talked to him and he's gonna do it. He'll tell you himself."
She put him on the phone and he said: "Now she wants me to do it at any cost!
"I guess I'll do it then. I have to."So now we're heading there.
How did this tradition of telling jokes come about?
No, I'm not really a jokester.
I'm the guy in a crowd that everyone thinks is witty,I reason quickly.
I'm the guy that always has a joke at the tip of the tongue for anything that anybody might say.
Somebody will say something stupid and then you say something even more stupid.
- That's pretty much how it works.- So when we called you didn't understand anything.
I didn't. I thought: "That's not really my thing. How am I going to talk about this stuff?"
It's really hard, but then the wife,who tells us what to do 107% of the time
picked up the phone...She's laughing but she knows it's true.
She said: "Call back and tell Francisco you'll do it."
Since we have to obey due to the hierarchy...
There's a joke that goes like this: A guy goes to heaven and saw two doors.
Actually, there were two lines towards a couple of doors that said the following:
Men Who Are Bossed Around by Women and Men Who Boss Women Around.
The Men Who Are Bossed Around by Women door was completely full
and there was just one guy in the line for theMen Who Boss Women Around door.
Then one guy who was at the back of the line said: "There's just one guy there. I wonder how he did it."
So he approached the guy and said: "Buddy, tell me how you managed to boss your woman around."
The guy said: "Actually, I have no idea what I'm doing here. My wife told me to come, so here I am."
And it's truly what happens,it's a common rule.
Do you know what's our only shot at winning an argument against the Mrs.?
Keeping quiet.
Don't say a word. That's your chance to win the argument. If you open your mouth, you lost.
To the airport through downtown? Instead of getting the tunnel, just go straight.
Look for the Cocheira Church and ask where Márcio lives, at the back of the church.
He's a lieutenantand a musician.
He carries a paper with jokes in his pocket when he goes to parties. He's my cousin.
He numbered the jokes, so you say the number and he'll tell the respective joke on the list.
- It's excellent, he has over 100 or 200 jokes.- Seriously?
Seriously! Swing by and say that his cousin, Carlinhos, recommended him.
Good morning1
We're making a documentary called "Jokesters" and it's about people who enjoy telling jokes.
- I'm a former jokester, man.- Why former?
Well, with the coming of agemy memory is no longer as sharp.
- But you used to tell many jokes?- We used to, yes.
I had the habit of going to the newsstand to buy pocket books, I had a whole stock of them.
When I saw something funny on TV I'd jot down the joke. That's why I carried scrap paper around.
I wrote down anything that reminded me of the joke, so all I had to do was reach into my wallet and voila!
- You don't have that paper anymore to show us?- No, that was a long time ago.
Manuel and Joaquim were fishing...Actually, there were hunting.
While they were hunting, a lion sneaked up behind them and they started to run.
They were running for their lives, when Joaquim climbed a tree and Manuel started to run around it.
The lion was chasing Manuel, so Joaquim yelled:"Manuel, climb the tree! The lion's gonna get you!"
Manuel answered: "Don't worry, I'm two laps ahead of him!"
"Doctor, your mother in low passed away.Should we bury or cremate her?"
"Look, to be safedo both."
That's pretty muchhow it goes.
A guy was on top of a woman who was cheating and her husband shows up on the driveway.
She says: "My husband's here! Finish, finish!"The guy yells from the window: "Cuckold! Cuckold!"
Clearly, the repertoire is quite limited, huh?
- Oh no, so I'm 15 years late?- Yeah, just 15 years late.
Manuel's mother-in-law was bothering him so much about it that he finally said: "Fine, let's take her."
So she was taken to visit the Holy Land in Jerusalem.
When the old lady was at the Path of Sorrow, her heart was pounding so fast that she dropped dead.
Manuel said: "What now?Now we have to see what can be done."
Once the guy from the funeral home arrives, Manuel asks: "Buddy, what do we do?"
The funeral home guy says: "To bury her here will cost you U$15 thousand.
"But to take the body back to Brazil will cost you U$30 thousand. What do you want to do?"
Manuel said: "I'll pay the 30 grand."The other guy said: "But why?"
"Because you've already had a resurrection incident here before and I don't want to take any chances."
A guy left the office after working lateand headed straight to a whorehouse.
Once he got there, he chose a whoreand took her to a room.
He was fucking her and when she came, she scratched his whole back.
He was married, so he said:"Fuck! How am I going to explain this at home?"
He was worried about what he was going to do when his wife saw all those scratch marks.
He got home, opened the door and saw the poor cat lying down on the sofa.
So he kicked it as hard as he could, the cat was thrown against the wall and ran off crying.
His wife opens the room's door and says: " 3AM is not an appropriate time for you to be coming home."
He replies: "I get home exhausted from work and the cat scratches me! Look what it did to my back!"
He showed her his scratched back.
Then she says: "We better put him down, because look at the hicky he left on my neck."
What's your story when it comes to jokes?Henrique told me you enjoyed collecting them.
Yeah, I used to have a collection. I had a notebook with about 830 jokes.
The title of the book was going to be "English from the Countryside", but I always left it on a stool
on the boat, but when we washed it the water spilled on the notebook and the pages got stuck.
- Seriously? You lost everything?- Everything.
At the time I approached a publisher and they said I needed at least 3 thousand jokes.
I was going to make it to 3 thousand pretty fast because that was my only focus back then.
- When was this?- This was in 1995, when I used to travel.
I'm also a sailor, so we here lots of things when traveling to different cities.
Around here you have to make friends with people for them to tell you jokes.
Then they become less shy and start telling jokes.If you approach them out of the blue, they get shy.
They get embarrassed and hide, especially if you're filming them.
Two drunks met at a barand just drank and drank and drank.
One of them said: "I'm gonna go home."The other one said: "Me too."
They arrive at the house and one says: "I live here."The other one says: "I live here too."
Both of them ring the door bell while they argue about the fact that both of them live there.
When a woman opens the door, she says: "Very nice... father and son drunk together."
A guy was designing the draft of his house's blueprint.
His mother-in-law comes in and says:"What are you doing in there?"
He answered: "I'm making a blueprint to live with your daughter."
She says: "Well, don't forget to set aside a little corner for me."
So he changed the blueprint and made a round house, so that there wouldn't be any corners.
The husband said to his wife: "I'm going to the doctor, I don't feel very well."
The doctor asked him: "Do you drink?"He said: "On Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays...
"Thursdays, Saturdays and sometimes on Sundays."
The doctor asked: "Do you make love?"He answered: "Not often."
The doctor: "Not much love-making, huh?"He said: "No."
He got home and his wife asked:"Honey, I was worried! What did the doctor say?"
He answered: "The doctor said I have to make love more often."
So she went into the bathroomand put on her sexiest lingerie.
She heard him open the door outside, so she asked: "Francisco, where are you going?"
He said: "Didn't you hear what I just said?I have to make lots of love."
She cried out: "I'm right here! Can't you see me here?"
He responded: "Here we go! Not you with your home remedies again."
Tell us more about Mr. Lunga's story that we've been hearing.
- You know Mr. Lunga as well?- I've only seen a photo, I don't know him in person.
Mr. Lunga is your typical characterthat's already known countrywide.
He's the type of guy that makes you pronounce everything, every comma and full stop.
You have to stress the right words, otherwise he'll call you out on it and he's always right.
- How old is he?- He's 82 years old.
He's from Juazeiro do Norte and owns a business. He sells to friends, so a guy goes to his shop
and only pays when he can, so a man stops by and says: "Mr. Lunga, I'm here to pick up some things."
He said: "Did you leave any thing here?"Then another guy dropped by and said:
"Hi, does this bus go to the beach?"Mr. Lunga said: "If you find a bikini that fits, it will."
An agricultural worker goes to his store and says:"Do you have any rat poison?"
Mr. Lunga says: "Yes, are you going to take it?"The worker: "No, I'll bring all the rats here to eat."
Mr. Lunga called the waiter to pay the bill. So he pulls out his checkbook and the waiter says:
"You're going to pay with a check."Mr. Lunga says: "No, I'm gonna write you a poem."
He was walking by with a bucket of fish and people asked: "Did you go fishing, Mr. Lunga?"
He said: "No, the fish committed suicide in here,so now I'm taking them home to eat."
- Mr. Lunga!- Mr. Lunga's stories.
- Now I'm remembering his other jokes.- He talked a lot about Mr. Lunga.
- He likes Mr. Lunga too. - Mr. Lunga...
Mr. Lunga's son cried all night, so he took him to the hospital early in the morning.
The doctor asked the kid to sit on the gurneyand started examining him.
The doctor: "What is he feeling, Mr. Lunga?""Beats me! If I knew I wouldn't need to bring him."