WEBVTT

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Who do you want to be?

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It's a simple question,

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and whether you know it or not,

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you're answering it every day
through your actions.

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This one question will define
your professional success

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more than any other,

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because how you show up
and treat people means everything.

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Either you lift people up
by respecting them,

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making them feel valued,
appreciated and heard,

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or you hold people down
by making them feel small,

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insulted, disregarded or excluded.

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And who you choose to be means everything.

NOTE Paragraph

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I study the effects
of incivility on people.

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What is incivility?

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It's disrespect or rudeness.

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It includes a lot of different behaviors,

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from mocking or belittling someone

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to teasing people in ways that sting

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to telling offensive jokes

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to texting in meetings.

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And what's uncivil to one person
may be absolutely fine to another.

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Take texting while someone's
speaking to you.

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Some of us may find it rude,

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others may think it's absolutely civil.

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So it really depends.

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It's all in the eyes of the beholder
and whether that person felt disrespected.

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We may not mean to make
someone feel that way,

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but when we do, it has consequences.

NOTE Paragraph

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Over 22 years ago,

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I vividly recall walking into
this stuffy hospital room.

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It was heartbreaking to see my dad,
this strong, athletic, energetic guy,

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lying in the bed with electrodes
strapped to his bare chest.

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What put him there
was work-related stress.

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For over a decade,

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he suffered an uncivil boss.

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And for me, I thought he was
just an outlier at that time.

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But just a couple years later,

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I witnessed and experienced
a lot of incivility

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in my first job out of college.

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I spent a year going to work every day

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and hearing things from coworkers like,

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"Are you an idiot?
That's not how it's done,"

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and, "If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask."

NOTE Paragraph

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So I did the natural thing.

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I quit, and I went back to grad school
to study the effects of this.

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There, I met Christine Pearson.

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And she had a theory
that small, uncivil actions

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can lead to much bigger problems

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like aggression and violence.

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We believed that incivility affected
performance and the bottom line.

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So we launched a study,
and what we found was eye-opening.

NOTE Paragraph

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We sent a survey to business school alumni

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working in all different organizations.

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We asked them to write a few sentences

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about one experience
where they were treated rudely,

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disrespectfully or insensitively,

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and to answer questions
about how they reacted.

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One person told us about a boss
that made insulting statements like,

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"That's kindergartner's work,"

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and another tore up someone's work
in front of the entire team.

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And what we found is that incivility
made people less motivated:

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66 percent cut back work efforts,

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80 percent lost time
worrying about what happened,

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and 12 percent left their job.

NOTE Paragraph

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And after we published these results,
two things happened.

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One, we got calls from organizations.

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Cisco read about these numbers,

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took just a few of these
and estimated, conservatively,

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that incivility was costing them
12 million dollars a year.

NOTE Paragraph

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The second thing that happened was,
we heard from others in our academic field

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who said, "Well, people are reporting
this, but how can you really show it?

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Does people's performance really suffer?"

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I was curious about that, too.

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With Amir Erez, I compared
those that experienced incivility

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to those that didn't
experience incivility.

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And what we found is that those
that experience incivility

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do actually function much worse.

NOTE Paragraph

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"OK," you may say. "This makes sense.

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After all, it's natural
that their performance suffers."

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But what about if you're not
the one who experiences it?

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What if you just see or hear it?

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You're a witness.

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We wondered if it affected witnesses, too.

NOTE Paragraph

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So we conducted studies

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where five participants would witness
an experimenter act rudely

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to someone who arrived late to the study.

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The experimenter said,
"What is it with you?

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You arrive late, you're irresponsible.

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Look at you! How do you expect
to hold a job in the real world?"

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And in another study in a small group,

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we tested the effects of a peer
insulting a group member.

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Now, what we found was really interesting,

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because witnesses'
performance decreased, too --

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and not just marginally,
quite significantly.

NOTE Paragraph

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Incivility is a bug.

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It's contagious,

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and we become carriers of it
just by being around it.

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And this isn't confined to the workplace.

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We can catch this virus anywhere --

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at home, online, in schools
and in our communities.

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It affects our emotions,
our motivation, our performance

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and how we treat others.

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It even affects our attention
and can take some of our brainpower.

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And this happens not only
if we experience incivility

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or we witness it.

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It can happen even if we
just see or read rude words.

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Let me give you an example of what I mean.

NOTE Paragraph

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To test this, we gave people
combinations of words

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to use to make a sentence.

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But we were very sneaky.

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Half the participants got a list
with 15 words used to trigger rudeness:

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impolitely, interrupt, obnoxious, bother.

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Half the participants
received a list of words

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with none of these rude triggers.

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And what we found was really surprising,

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because the people who got the rude words

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were five times more likely to miss
information right in front of them

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on the computer screen.

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And as we continued this research,

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what we found is that those
that read the rude words

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took longer to make decisions,

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to record their decisions,

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and they made significantly more errors.

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This can be a big deal,

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especially when it comes
to life-and-death situations.

NOTE Paragraph

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Steve, a physician, told me
about a doctor that he worked with

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who was never very respectful,

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especially to junior staff and nurses.

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But Steve told me about
this one particular interaction

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where this doctor shouted
at a medical team.

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Right after the interaction,

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the team gave the wrong dosage
of medication to their patient.

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Steve said the information
was right there on the chart,

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but somehow everyone
on the team missed it.

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He said they lacked the attention
or awareness to take it into account.

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Simple mistake, right?

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Well, that patient died.

NOTE Paragraph

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Researchers in Israel have actually shown

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that medical teams exposed to rudeness

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perform worse not only
in all their diagnostics,

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but in all the procedures they did.

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This was mainly because
the teams exposed to rudeness

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didn't share information as readily,

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and they stopped seeking
help from their teammates.

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And I see this not only in medicine
but in all industries.

NOTE Paragraph

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So if incivility has such a huge cost,

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why do we still see so much of it?

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I was curious, so we surveyed
people about this, too.

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The number one reason is stress.

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People feel overwhelmed.

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The other reason that people
are not more civil

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is because they're skeptical
and even concerned

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about being civil or appearing nice.

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They believe they'll appear
less leader-like.

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They wonder: Do nice guys finish last?

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Or in other words: Do jerks get ahead?

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(Laughter)

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It's easy to think so,

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especially when we see
a few prominent examples

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that dominate the conversation.

NOTE Paragraph

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Well, it turns out,
in the long run, they don't.

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There's really rich research on this
by Morgan McCall and Michael Lombardo

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when they were at
the Center for Creative Leadership.

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They found that the number one reason
tied to executive failure

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was an insensitive, abrasive
or bullying style.

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There will always be some outliers
that succeed despite their incivility.

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Sooner or later, though,

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most uncivil people
sabotage their success.

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For example, with uncivil executives,

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it comes back to hurt them
when they're in a place of weakness

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or they need something.

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People won't have their backs.

NOTE Paragraph

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But what about nice guys?

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Does civility pay?

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Yes, it does.

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And being civil doesn't just mean
that you're not a jerk.

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Not holding someone down
isn't the same as lifting them up.

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Being truly civil means
doing the small things,

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like smiling and saying
hello in the hallway,

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listening fully when
someone's speaking to you.

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Now, you can have strong opinions,

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disagree, have conflict
or give negative feedback civilly,

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with respect.

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Some people call it "radical candor,"

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where you care personally,

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but you challenge directly.

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So yes, civility pays.

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In a biotechnology firm,
colleagues and I found

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that those that were seen as civil

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were twice as likely
to be viewed as leaders,

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and they performed significantly better.

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Why does civility pay?

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Because people see you
as an important -- and a powerful --

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unique combination
of two key characteristics:

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warm and competent, friendly and smart.

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In other words, being civil
isn't just about motivating others.

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It's about you.

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If you're civil, you're more likely
to be seen as a leader.

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You'll perform better, and you're seen
as warm and competent.

NOTE Paragraph

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But there's an even bigger story
about how civility pays,

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and it ties to one of the most
important questions around leadership:

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What do people want most
from their leaders?

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We took data from over
20,000 employees around the world,

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and we found the answer was simple:

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respect.

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Being treated with respect
was more important

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than recognition and appreciation,

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useful feedback,

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even opportunities for learning.

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Those that felt respected were healthier,

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more focused,

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more likely to stay
with their organization

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and far more engaged.

NOTE Paragraph

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So where do you start?

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How can you lift people up
and make people feel respected?

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Well, the nice thing is,
it doesn't require a huge shift.

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Small things can make a big difference.

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I found that thanking people,

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sharing credit,

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listening attentively,

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humbly asking questions,

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acknowledging others and smiling

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has an impact.

NOTE Paragraph

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Patrick Quinlan, former CEO
of Ochsner Health [System],

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told me about the effects
of their 10-5 way,

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where if you're within 10 feet of someone,

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you make eye contact and smile,

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and if you're within five feet,

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you say hello.

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He explained that civility spread,

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patient satisfaction scores rose,

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as did patient referrals.

NOTE Paragraph

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Civility and respect can be used
to boost an organization's performance.

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When my friend Doug Conant took over
as CEO of Campbell's Soup Company in 2001,

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the company's market share
had just dropped in half.

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Sales were declining,

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lots of people had just been laid off.

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A Gallup manager said it was
the least engaged organization

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that they had surveyed.

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And as Doug drove up
to work his first day,

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he noticed that the headquarters
was surrounded by barbwire fence.

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There were guard towers
in the parking lot.

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He said it looked like
a minimum security prison.

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It felt toxic.

NOTE Paragraph

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Within five years, Doug
had turned things around.

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And within nine years, they were setting
all-time performance records

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and racking up awards,
including best place to work.

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How did he do it?

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On day one, Doug told employees

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that he was going to have
high standards for performance,

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but they were going
to do it with civility.

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He walked the talk,
and he expected his leaders to.

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For Doug, it all came down
to being tough-minded on standards

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and tenderhearted with people.

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For him, he said it was all about
these touch points,

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or these daily interactions
he had with employees,

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whether in the hallway,
in the cafeteria or in meetings.

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And if he handled each touch point well,

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he'd make employees feel valued.

NOTE Paragraph

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Another way that Doug
made employees feel valued

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and showed them that
he was paying attention

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is that he handwrote over 30,000
thank-you notes to employees.

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And this set an example for other leaders.

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Leaders have about 400
of these touch points a day.

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Most don't take long,
less than two minutes each.

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The key is to be agile and mindful
in each of these moments.

NOTE Paragraph

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Civility lifts people.

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We'll get people to give more
and function at their best

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if we're civil.

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Incivility chips away at people
and their performance.

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It robs people of their potential,

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even if they're just working around it.

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What I know from my research is that
when we have more civil environments,

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we're more productive, creative,
helpful, happy and healthy.

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We can do better.

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Each one of us can be more mindful

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and can take actions
to lift others up around us,

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at work, at home, online,

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in schools

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and in our communities.

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In every interaction, think:

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Who do you want to be?

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Let's put an end to incivility bug

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and start spreading civility.

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After all, it pays.

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Thank you.

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(Applause)