0:00:05.006,0:00:07.762
In case you're thinking[br]about a career in higher education,

0:00:07.762,0:00:09.190
you cannot be afraid of aging,

0:00:09.190,0:00:12.428
because students every year[br]are between 18 and 22,

0:00:12.428,0:00:13.906
whereas you keep getting older.

0:00:13.906,0:00:15.545
It is actually quite depressing.

0:00:15.545,0:00:16.745
Anyhow -

0:00:16.745,0:00:17.974
(Laughter)

0:00:17.974,0:00:22.624
Anyhow, as I watched them cause harm[br]and bringing harm to one another,

0:00:22.624,0:00:25.024
it made me want to devote[br]my professional career

0:00:25.024,0:00:27.964
to ending violence[br]and making our world a safer place.

0:00:27.964,0:00:29.429
And so I spend a lot of time

0:00:29.429,0:00:31.945
teaching people[br]about bystander intervention.

0:00:31.995,0:00:35.119
And as I'm teaching them[br]about bystander intervention,

0:00:35.119,0:00:37.543
something I'm talking about[br]is what a bystander is.

0:00:37.543,0:00:40.760
A bystander is really[br]someone who is in a crowd

0:00:40.760,0:00:43.617
or they witness something[br]that's a potentially harmful event,

0:00:43.617,0:00:44.617
and they do nothing.

0:00:44.617,0:00:47.663
We're all bystanders at some point[br]to something that's happening.

0:00:47.663,0:00:50.700
But the reality is that[br]when we're seeing something,

0:00:50.700,0:00:52.890
there are things[br]that stop us from intervening.

0:00:52.890,0:00:56.651
Imagine you're driving down the street,[br]you see someone on the side of the road,

0:00:56.651,0:00:59.205
and you recognize they need help,[br]but you keep going.

0:00:59.205,0:01:01.109
Or think about overhearing an argument,

0:01:01.109,0:01:04.154
and as you hear that argument,[br]you don't feel too great about it,

0:01:04.154,0:01:06.692
but you tell yourself[br]that it's none of your business.

0:01:06.692,0:01:09.510
Or perhaps you see someone [br]who's highly intoxicated,

0:01:09.510,0:01:12.749
and you think, "Mm, this night[br]isn't going to end too well for them."

0:01:12.749,0:01:17.111
But you tell yourself, once again, [br]this isn't my responsibility.

0:01:17.111,0:01:18.685
And so what happens?

0:01:18.685,0:01:22.433
We end up being the bystander[br]because we froze, perhaps we panicked,

0:01:22.433,0:01:25.612
but ultimately, [br]we didn't do anything to act.

0:01:26.222,0:01:28.374
There are a lot of reasons [br]that we don't act.

0:01:28.374,0:01:30.971
And bystander effect -[br]some of you have heard of that -

0:01:30.971,0:01:32.135
is one of those things.

0:01:32.135,0:01:34.989
But a big thing, and there are [br]a few of them, ambiguity.

0:01:34.989,0:01:37.640
Anytime the situation is unclear[br]and we're not too sure

0:01:37.640,0:01:40.402
what's going to happen,[br]we're less likely to intervene.

0:01:40.402,0:01:43.080
Diffusion of responsibility[br]is one of the biggest things

0:01:43.080,0:01:44.615
that stops us from intervening.

0:01:44.615,0:01:45.911
All of us are in this room.

0:01:45.911,0:01:47.536
If something happens in this room,

0:01:47.536,0:01:50.156
whoever it is in need of help[br]is less likely to get help

0:01:50.156,0:01:51.449
because what we're thinking

0:01:51.449,0:01:53.617
is someone else in the room[br]will do something,

0:01:53.617,0:01:55.757
but they don't, and so[br]that harm still occurs.

0:01:55.757,0:01:57.398
The other thing is perceived cost.

0:01:57.398,0:02:00.028
We start to think about:[br]What is this going to cost me?

0:02:00.468,0:02:02.149
Am I going to be in harm's way?

0:02:02.149,0:02:03.964
Will my loved ones be at risk?

0:02:03.964,0:02:07.435
Am I going to have to invest[br]too much time or energy into this?

0:02:07.435,0:02:09.061
And if so, then we tell ourselves,

0:02:09.061,0:02:12.411
"Well then I can't do anything about this,[br]I'm not going to intervene."

0:02:12.411,0:02:14.342
And so we walk away from the situation.

0:02:14.342,0:02:16.963
There are a lot of reasons [br]that people don't intervene,

0:02:16.963,0:02:18.762
a ton of obstacles, and they're real.

0:02:18.762,0:02:21.913
They're legitimate fears and concerns[br]that we have to face.

0:02:22.293,0:02:26.344
But what we have to think about[br]is the fact that sometimes

0:02:26.344,0:02:31.054
when we're seeing things, [br]we don't want people to think,

0:02:31.054,0:02:33.573
"Oh, you know, that person [br]just didn't want to help."

0:02:33.573,0:02:36.572
We want people to recognize[br]that those obstacles got in the way.

0:02:36.572,0:02:39.255
And so, I want you to think [br]about this for a second.

0:02:39.255,0:02:41.020
What does this slide say to you?

0:02:41.020,0:02:42.814
[MORALITYISNOWHERE]

0:02:42.814,0:02:44.875
Shout it out. What do you see?

0:02:44.875,0:02:47.115
(Audience) Morality is nowhere.

0:02:47.795,0:02:53.148
OK. So wow, we have a lot [br]of glass-half-full folks in this room.

0:02:53.148,0:02:54.284
(Laughter)

0:02:54.284,0:02:56.266
So some of you see "morality is nowhere";

0:02:56.266,0:02:58.781
some of you see[br]"morality is now here," right?

0:02:58.781,0:03:01.571
Either way, you're right.[br]The slide says both.

0:03:01.571,0:03:06.289
But the point of this is that what[br]we're lacking in society is morality.

0:03:06.549,0:03:10.089
We've really gotten to a place[br]where morality doesn't exist anymore,

0:03:10.089,0:03:12.404
and it's concerning, it's alarming.

0:03:12.404,0:03:17.238
And so what we need to start to do[br]is think about how can civility

0:03:17.238,0:03:18.921
help to bring back morality.

0:03:18.921,0:03:20.874
I know a lot of you[br]are probably thinking,

0:03:20.874,0:03:24.283
"Well, if her point is to talk[br]about civility or morality,

0:03:24.283,0:03:26.753
then why did she[br]title this 'Reviving Civility'?"

0:03:26.753,0:03:29.868
Well, the reason that I did that [br]is because civility is something

0:03:29.868,0:03:31.772
that I believe, and don't get me wrong,

0:03:31.772,0:03:34.605
when I'm thinking, I recognize[br]in my mind it's questionable,

0:03:34.605,0:03:37.455
but I believe that civility[br]is something that can be taught.

0:03:37.455,0:03:38.605
It's a skill set, right?

0:03:38.605,0:03:41.950
When you think about civility,[br]you typically think about these things:

0:03:41.950,0:03:46.196
being polite, being a reasonable person,[br]engaging in civil dialogue.

0:03:46.446,0:03:51.088
When you think about morality, that's[br]a much tougher conversation to have.

0:03:51.088,0:03:56.338
Morality is a self-driven, internal battle[br]that plays out in people's consciousness,

0:03:56.338,0:04:00.803
like a rivalry between [br]Batman and the Joker, right?

0:04:00.803,0:04:03.671
We all think about Batman and Joker[br]and how intense that is,

0:04:03.671,0:04:05.130
and you can visualize that.

0:04:05.130,0:04:08.351
Well, that's how it feels to talk[br]to someone about right and wrong.

0:04:08.351,0:04:12.201
You aren't going to often have people get[br]in a room and reach the same conclusion.

0:04:12.201,0:04:16.194
But civility - we can get people [br]to agree on what civility means.

0:04:16.194,0:04:17.577
Now, I want you to remember,

0:04:17.577,0:04:19.928
when I'm talking[br]about civility and reviving it,

0:04:19.928,0:04:21.988
I'm not just talking[br]about these principles.

0:04:21.988,0:04:25.021
I'm talking about really taking civility[br]and thinking about it

0:04:25.021,0:04:31.294
in a place of civility[br]being politeness, yes, respect, yeah,

0:04:31.294,0:04:36.462
but caring and compassion, brotherhood,[br]sisterhood, caring about humankind,

0:04:36.496,0:04:40.063
and reviving and bringing back[br]the best qualities of humankind.

0:04:40.063,0:04:42.741
That's what I'm talking about[br]and want you to think about

0:04:42.741,0:04:44.502
when talking about reviving civility.

0:04:44.502,0:04:49.181
And so we have to really start to shift [br]to being more selfless and less selfish.

0:04:49.181,0:04:53.263
We have to be willing to put[br]people's needs as high as our own

0:04:53.263,0:04:56.857
if we really want to have a chance[br]to reduce the violence

0:04:56.857,0:04:59.430
that's happening at alarming rates[br]in our community.

0:04:59.430,0:05:03.240
We can make our community safer[br]if we start to revive civility.

0:05:04.050,0:05:07.428
So how many of you are familiar[br]with the Golden Rule? Most of you?

0:05:07.428,0:05:10.903
[The Golden Rule "Do unto others[br]as you would have them do unto you"]

0:05:10.903,0:05:12.282
Or some of us have heard that

0:05:12.282,0:05:14.801
as "Treat others the way that you[br]want to be treated."

0:05:14.801,0:05:18.637
Well, imagine, if in our classrooms,[br],

0:05:18.637,0:05:22.652
in our homes, our families,[br]our friendships, our workplaces,

0:05:22.652,0:05:25.702
if instead abiding by the golden rule

0:05:25.702,0:05:28.030
and treating people the way[br]we want to be treated,

0:05:28.030,0:05:31.366
what would happen if we treated them[br]the way they wanted to be treated?

0:05:31.476,0:05:34.170
It doesn't seem hard, [br]but if you think about it,

0:05:34.170,0:05:37.170
all these years, we've been[br]practicing the golden rule,

0:05:37.170,0:05:40.951
and seriously, how narcissistic [br]do we sound telling people

0:05:40.951,0:05:43.803
that we're going to treat them[br]the way we want to be treated?

0:05:43.803,0:05:44.977
When we do that,

0:05:44.977,0:05:48.241
we're nullifying and negating[br]the experiences of who they are,

0:05:48.241,0:05:51.703
and we're projecting our own needs[br]and desires onto them instead.

0:05:51.703,0:05:54.316
And when you think about that,[br]it's quite selfish.

0:05:55.046,0:05:59.586
And so we have to get back [br]to this place of morality.

0:05:59.586,0:06:02.435
Morality is our reach here,[br]I want you to remember that.

0:06:02.435,0:06:04.862
Morality is the reach; [br]civility is the base,

0:06:04.862,0:06:08.935
and so More M.I.C.E: [br]this is really just so if someone says,

0:06:08.935,0:06:12.170
"What did Jennifer talk about at TEDx?"[br]you can go and say "M.I.C.E."

0:06:12.170,0:06:14.478
And they're going to look at you[br]and say "mice"?

0:06:14.478,0:06:17.337
But I want you to really be able to[br]remember that that meant:

0:06:17.337,0:06:21.224
morality, integrity, civility,[br]and ethicality.

0:06:21.224,0:06:23.602
And you're going to say[br]"ethicality is not a word,"

0:06:23.602,0:06:25.843
but I found it in [br]the dictionary - it's a word.

0:06:25.843,0:06:26.853
(Laughter)

0:06:26.853,0:06:31.401
So my point was to make sure [br]we were moving from not just using nouns

0:06:31.401,0:06:33.210
but talking about action.

0:06:33.210,0:06:35.648
So really, ethicality[br]is being ethical, right?

0:06:35.858,0:06:37.920
If you leave here today,

0:06:37.920,0:06:41.499
and each of you commit[br]to the best principles and best things

0:06:41.499,0:06:44.269
that come along[br]with being a person of integrity,

0:06:44.709,0:06:47.298
being compassionate about civility,

0:06:47.518,0:06:51.458
really doing everything you can[br]to be ethical in your character.

0:06:51.458,0:06:53.068
Then what we're going to do

0:06:53.068,0:06:55.608
is we're going to start[br]to influence others around us.

0:06:55.608,0:06:57.691
And as we influence others around us,

0:06:57.691,0:07:00.075
they're going to influence[br]the people around them,

0:07:00.075,0:07:02.405
and they're going to influence[br]others around them.

0:07:02.405,0:07:03.555
And it's like a ladder.

0:07:03.555,0:07:06.545
Remember, morality is the reach,[br]civility is the base.

0:07:06.545,0:07:10.505
And so if you start to climb that ladder,[br]and you start to influence others,

0:07:10.505,0:07:13.691
then we have a real chance [br]at changing our culture

0:07:13.691,0:07:17.930
and reducing, or maybe even[br]eliminating, violence.

0:07:18.480,0:07:20.590
I don't want you to think[br]those are families.

0:07:20.590,0:07:22.448
When you look at those people up there,

0:07:22.448,0:07:24.839
that doesn't represent a family[br]as much as it shows

0:07:24.839,0:07:28.169
that it's the responsibility[br]of men, women, and children

0:07:28.169,0:07:30.859
to practice civility [br]and bystander intervention.

0:07:32.069,0:07:35.617
So there really is a path [br]that we have to take.

0:07:35.997,0:07:41.107
And what I want to talk you through now[br]is what it takes for a bystander

0:07:41.107,0:07:44.004
to move from a place of civility,

0:07:44.004,0:07:47.454
in a sense, being a noun,[br]to it being an adjective.

0:07:48.204,0:07:50.964
And so what we have to do [br]is we have to care,

0:07:51.725,0:07:55.262
and we have to start taking in things[br]in a much more meaningful way

0:07:55.262,0:07:57.518
and thinking about others[br]in our communities.

0:07:57.518,0:08:01.867
And once we start to care,[br]and we start to think about civility,

0:08:01.867,0:08:05.585
then we will start to notice the things[br]that are causing harm in our community.

0:08:05.585,0:08:11.481
We are living in a society[br]where we witness incivility every day,

0:08:11.481,0:08:17.348
to the point that we don't even recognize[br]how much it has messed up our country.

0:08:17.648,0:08:20.448
And so we have to start[br]to get back to that place

0:08:20.448,0:08:21.841
where we're intervening,

0:08:21.841,0:08:23.761
where we're doing things[br]for one another,

0:08:23.761,0:08:25.440
where we're caring for one another.

0:08:25.440,0:08:28.964
And if we do that, then we[br]have a chance, we really do.

0:08:28.964,0:08:31.914
And so what you have to do[br]as a bystander, when you leave here,

0:08:31.914,0:08:35.033
you have to start to think about[br]what it takes to intervene.

0:08:35.373,0:08:38.360
And know your obstacles; [br]those obstacles are real.

0:08:38.730,0:08:41.598
I'm someone who talks to people[br]about bystander intervention,

0:08:41.598,0:08:44.180
and I don't always intervene[br]every time I see something

0:08:44.180,0:08:46.884
because those obstacles [br]can get the best of me as well.

0:08:46.884,0:08:49.677
What you do have to do[br]is you have to notice the situation

0:08:49.677,0:08:52.148
because if you don't notice it,[br]that ambiguity again,

0:08:52.148,0:08:54.923
if you don't notice it,[br]you can't do anything to intervene.

0:08:54.923,0:08:57.964
Another thing you have to do[br]is quickly interpret that situation.

0:08:57.964,0:09:00.355
Going to that example[br]of you see someone arguing.

0:09:00.355,0:09:01.545
You see a couple arguing.

0:09:01.545,0:09:04.895
You have to quickly determine[br]if that warrants your response.

0:09:05.024,0:09:06.979
If you think that warrants your response,

0:09:06.979,0:09:08.983
the next step is assuming responsibility.

0:09:08.983,0:09:12.548
And once we can all get to that place[br]where we assume responsibility,

0:09:12.798,0:09:17.164
then we are truly living out [br]what it means to revive civility.

0:09:17.414,0:09:20.584
And assuming responsibility[br]does not mean that I want you

0:09:20.584,0:09:22.791
to put yourself into harm's way.

0:09:22.791,0:09:25.080
You don't have to do that.[br]That's why 911 exists.

0:09:25.080,0:09:28.259
There are people who, for a living,[br]go and save the day.

0:09:28.259,0:09:30.765
But by you taking the step

0:09:30.765,0:09:34.166
to either get involved[br]and step in and help someone,

0:09:34.166,0:09:38.941
or taking the step to get someone else[br]involved who is able to intervene,

0:09:39.151,0:09:42.715
then you will help to make[br]our world a safer place.

0:09:42.715,0:09:43.723
That's the point.

0:09:43.723,0:09:45.908
If we can revive civility,

0:09:45.908,0:09:50.138
we really will get to a place[br]where we can end violence.

0:09:50.138,0:09:55.046
And so, I'm not asking you tonight,[br]by choosing civility,

0:09:55.046,0:09:57.352
to go out and spend all your free time

0:09:57.352,0:10:00.182
volunteering at your local[br]domestic violence or rape center,

0:10:00.182,0:10:01.419
though you might.

0:10:01.419,0:10:02.719
That would be kind of cool.

0:10:02.719,0:10:06.947
Nor am I asking you to go out[br]and get trained in nonviolence training,

0:10:06.947,0:10:08.239
though again, you might.

0:10:08.239,0:10:09.929
That may be a thing you want to do.

0:10:09.929,0:10:12.287
But what I am saying[br]is that when you leave here,

0:10:12.287,0:10:16.354
hopefully you'll always notice[br]when something needs your attention,

0:10:16.434,0:10:18.548
when someone is in harm's way,

0:10:18.548,0:10:20.148
and you'll think about the fact

0:10:20.148,0:10:23.895
that you can do something to intervene[br]and change the outcome.

0:10:24.095,0:10:26.814
And when we start[br]to change those outcomes,

0:10:26.814,0:10:31.946
other people will see us, it will rub off,[br]and we will have a shift in our culture,

0:10:31.946,0:10:37.679
and make our campuses, our workplaces,[br]our society, a better place.

0:10:37.839,0:10:43.321
And so my question for you tonight[br]is not if you're different from the rest,

0:10:43.321,0:10:47.642
because regardless of what[br]we've personally been a bystander to,

0:10:47.642,0:10:48.863
we're not alone.

0:10:48.863,0:10:50.683
We've all experienced those things.

0:10:50.683,0:10:53.033
But it's not if you[br]are different from the rest.

0:10:53.033,0:10:56.664
My question for you tonight is,[br]"Will you be the difference for the rest?"

0:10:56.664,0:10:59.868
And if you're the difference for the rest,[br]how do you get there?

0:11:01.087,0:11:03.914
We get there by reviving civility.

0:11:03.914,0:11:07.869
And so I ask that as you leave here,[br]think about the difference you'll make,

0:11:07.869,0:11:10.358
and that you will bring back [br]civility with me.

0:11:10.358,0:11:11.528
Thank you.

0:11:11.528,0:11:13.185
(Applause)