0:00:07.615,0:00:08.617 All right. 0:00:08.617,0:00:12.540 So, in a way, I think this day[br]was almost meant to happen. 0:00:12.540,0:00:14.200 Because it's super coincidental, 0:00:14.200,0:00:17.363 but actually, two years ago[br]on this exact day - 0:00:17.363,0:00:20.294 so April 23rd, 2014 - 0:00:20.294,0:00:22.803 I was released from[br]an inpatient unit in Chicago 0:00:22.803,0:00:26.449 after attempting to kill myself[br]for the thirteenth time. 0:00:26.859,0:00:31.065 After overdosing on[br]about 50 extra-strength painkillers 0:00:31.065,0:00:32.824 and 8 shots of hard liquor, 0:00:32.824,0:00:34.048 I was rushed to the ER, 0:00:34.048,0:00:35.342 and my parents were told 0:00:35.342,0:00:39.418 that I might not even survive[br]by the end of the 24 hours. 0:00:39.418,0:00:43.988 Yet five days later, I was released,[br]and I was virtually untouched. 0:00:43.988,0:00:46.813 It was nothing short of a miracle. 0:00:46.813,0:00:48.763 And today, I stand before you - 0:00:48.763,0:00:53.409 April 23rd of the year 2016,[br]precisely two years later - 0:00:53.409,0:00:58.398 to tell you the story of how I realized[br]that it was never the answer 0:00:58.398,0:01:00.243 and I would never do it again. 0:01:00.713,0:01:03.958 So, unfortunately, I had been dealing[br]with these issues for a while - 0:01:03.958,0:01:06.969 like I said before,[br]this was my thirteenth time - 0:01:06.969,0:01:10.061 and that's because[br]shortly after I turned 15, 0:01:10.061,0:01:12.921 things sort of went awry. 0:01:12.921,0:01:14.315 I was the golden girl: 0:01:14.315,0:01:16.989 perfect student, straight As,[br]super obedient. 0:01:16.989,0:01:19.729 And then, all of a sudden,[br]I wasn't anymore. 0:01:19.729,0:01:21.779 I was ditching classes for no reason; 0:01:21.779,0:01:24.974 I was waking up every day[br]wondering why I even existed. 0:01:24.974,0:01:26.326 Something was clearly wrong. 0:01:26.326,0:01:30.589 And after my first suicide attempt, 0:01:31.339,0:01:33.533 my parents decided[br]that we should check it out, 0:01:33.533,0:01:34.623 and we did. 0:01:34.623,0:01:39.135 After extensive psychological evaluations[br]and neurological testing, 0:01:39.135,0:01:40.847 we discovered something: 0:01:40.847,0:01:44.949 I had bipolar disorder, also known[br]as manic depressive disorder. 0:01:44.949,0:01:46.665 I didn't understand what this meant, 0:01:46.665,0:01:49.946 but apparently, there was an abnormality[br]in the circuitry in my brain, 0:01:49.946,0:01:53.322 and my neurotransmitters[br]were very poorly regulated 0:01:53.322,0:01:56.473 compared to that of a normal person. 0:01:56.473,0:01:59.528 I basically lost the genetic lottery. 0:01:59.928,0:02:01.363 Now, there was some good news. 0:02:01.363,0:02:03.668 The good news was[br]this gave me some relief: 0:02:03.668,0:02:04.951 I wasn't a bad person. 0:02:04.951,0:02:06.264 Because for so long, 0:02:06.264,0:02:09.768 the strife I was causing my parents[br]and all those around me - 0:02:09.768,0:02:11.888 I thought it was my fault, I really did, 0:02:11.888,0:02:13.834 and it was nice to know that it wasn't. 0:02:13.834,0:02:17.264 It was nice to know that it wasn't[br]a reflection of who I was as a person; 0:02:17.264,0:02:19.488 it was a reflection of my illness - 0:02:19.488,0:02:21.583 I wasn't in control of it. 0:02:21.583,0:02:26.164 But that very same thing[br]was also really bad news. 0:02:26.164,0:02:28.887 Because, you see, I had[br]lots of plans for the future - 0:02:28.887,0:02:31.069 I was a really promising student. 0:02:31.069,0:02:36.375 So to be told that I had no control over[br]my mental stability and how I would think 0:02:36.375,0:02:37.541 was really terrifying. 0:02:37.541,0:02:39.087 And I think that was the moment 0:02:39.087,0:02:42.061 I knew that I basically[br]had to give up on everything 0:02:42.061,0:02:45.433 because things wouldn't really[br]go my way from now on. 0:02:45.433,0:02:46.642 And I was right. 0:02:46.642,0:02:48.503 By the end of my sophomore year, 0:02:48.503,0:02:49.977 if I went to school at all, 0:02:49.977,0:02:52.991 it was - at max - [br]three out of five days a week. 0:02:52.991,0:02:54.829 And by my junior year of high school, 0:02:54.829,0:02:59.579 I made it through about a month or two[br]before I had to drop out completely 0:02:59.579,0:03:02.658 to go to a partial hospitalization[br]program during the day 0:03:02.658,0:03:07.443 and self-teach myself the coursework[br]of five AP subjects at night. 0:03:07.443,0:03:09.965 Because, apparently,[br]life doesn't come to a standstill 0:03:09.965,0:03:12.614 just because you suffer[br]from a crippling mental illness. 0:03:12.751,0:03:16.896 So, after that,[br]I realized that this sucked. 0:03:16.896,0:03:18.522 It sucked a lot. 0:03:18.522,0:03:21.841 And it didn't really suck[br]because of the illness itself; 0:03:21.841,0:03:23.967 it sucked because of the nature of it. 0:03:23.967,0:03:28.278 Because, you see, this was a problem[br]with no visible solution. 0:03:28.278,0:03:30.775 If I break my leg,[br]I can see what has happened. 0:03:30.775,0:03:33.395 I slap a cast on it[br]for six to eight weeks, 0:03:33.395,0:03:34.936 and I'm good to go. 0:03:34.936,0:03:38.426 But mental illnesses[br]don't really work the same way. 0:03:38.426,0:03:42.450 Unfortunately, you can't see anything;[br]you have no idea what's going on. 0:03:42.450,0:03:45.488 All you have is an obscure set of symptoms 0:03:45.488,0:03:48.096 that could be caused[br]by any number of things. 0:03:48.096,0:03:51.573 And you're somehow forced to understand[br]how to treat someone who says, 0:03:51.573,0:03:53.567 "I think I'm seeing things," 0:03:53.567,0:03:55.261 and "I want to die every day." 0:03:55.261,0:04:00.226 And that's a little harder to treat[br]than "My stomach hurts." 0:04:00.226,0:04:02.903 And so that was the way[br]life went from now on. 0:04:02.903,0:04:08.206 And, see, this lack of visibility[br]almost forces us to free ball it. 0:04:08.206,0:04:11.196 This usually means[br]cycling through medications, 0:04:11.196,0:04:13.106 going to one after another - 0:04:13.106,0:04:15.197 as long as it takes to find the right one. 0:04:15.197,0:04:17.637 If you're lucky, it just takes[br]a couple of weeks. 0:04:17.637,0:04:19.449 For most, it takes a couple of months. 0:04:19.449,0:04:22.728 And in my case, about a year[br]to a year and a half. 0:04:22.728,0:04:24.226 And eventually, 0:04:24.226,0:04:28.877 the partial hospitalization program[br]kind of became routine. 0:04:28.877,0:04:32.746 I did that in the morning,[br]school at night, went to sleep. 0:04:32.746,0:04:33.908 Rinse, wash, repeat. 0:04:33.908,0:04:35.820 It was my routine from now on. 0:04:35.820,0:04:38.197 And I hated this routine. 0:04:38.197,0:04:41.663 You know, I distinctly remember[br]how much I would complain 0:04:41.663,0:04:46.358 about having to wake up at ungodly hours[br]in the morning to go to school. 0:04:46.358,0:04:49.904 But I would've given anything[br]for that now - anything. 0:04:49.904,0:04:51.905 I would give anything[br]to talk to my friends 0:04:51.905,0:04:53.337 in the locker banks at school. 0:04:53.337,0:04:58.006 I would've even given anything[br]to eat gross cafeteria lunches 0:04:58.006,0:04:59.833 because that's how much this sucked. 0:04:59.833,0:05:02.398 That was all just a distant memory now. 0:05:02.398,0:05:04.284 And I didn't want to be here anymore. 0:05:04.284,0:05:07.548 This had been my life[br]for so long already - 0:05:07.548,0:05:08.633 more than a year - 0:05:08.633,0:05:10.696 and it couldn't be like this forever. 0:05:10.696,0:05:13.010 I refused to accept that. 0:05:13.010,0:05:15.253 And I knew what I had to do. 0:05:15.253,0:05:18.046 See, I was here for one reason only: 0:05:18.046,0:05:20.486 the reason I kept cycling[br]from treatment center 0:05:20.486,0:05:22.674 to treatment center to treatment center 0:05:22.674,0:05:28.093 is because I couldn't seem[br]to stop trying to kill myself. 0:05:28.093,0:05:32.736 And there had to be a reason for this,[br]and I figured it out eventually. 0:05:32.736,0:05:36.196 See, I would be around for a while;[br]things would be okay. 0:05:36.196,0:05:38.502 And then all of a sudden, 0:05:38.502,0:05:41.242 I wouldn't be okay anymore,[br]and things went downhill. 0:05:41.242,0:05:42.926 And this is why: 0:05:42.926,0:05:45.313 every treatment center I ever went to, 0:05:45.363,0:05:48.137 every way that I was ever treated, 0:05:48.177,0:05:51.175 every motivator that they gave us - 0:05:51.175,0:05:52.638 things like, 0:05:52.638,0:05:54.968 "Think about how devastated[br]your parents would be; 0:05:54.968,0:05:56.259 they'll never be the same." 0:05:56.259,0:05:59.806 "Think about how many people[br]will be affected by your loss." 0:05:59.806,0:06:01.910 "How will your siblings feel?" 0:06:02.276,0:06:04.831 Now, these are all very good motivators 0:06:04.831,0:06:07.076 because who wants[br]to hurt their loved ones? 0:06:07.076,0:06:08.923 But then I realized - 0:06:08.923,0:06:09.920 we know this. 0:06:09.920,0:06:13.292 We know we love our loved ones,[br]and that's why they get a note - 0:06:13.292,0:06:17.058 they get a very heartfelt,[br]kindly written note before we go. 0:06:17.058,0:06:20.258 And I realized that, 0:06:20.258,0:06:22.895 you know, what if my parents[br]aren't there anymore? 0:06:22.895,0:06:25.470 They're at work;[br]they don't pick up my phone call. 0:06:25.470,0:06:28.185 My brother - he's at school;[br]he doesn't pick up his phone. 0:06:28.185,0:06:29.823 And I have no one to talk to. 0:06:29.823,0:06:35.157 And a bottle of Advil is very easily[br]accessible at the nearby Walgreens. 0:06:35.157,0:06:38.314 All these external[br]motivators are now gone, 0:06:38.314,0:06:39.381 and I am screwed 0:06:39.381,0:06:43.642 because I had nothing[br]that was keeping me here for me. 0:06:43.642,0:06:48.477 So I had to somehow, someway,[br]find a way to find the will to stay 0:06:48.477,0:06:52.293 even though I so badly wanted to leave. 0:06:52.293,0:06:55.883 And how the hell[br]was I supposed to do that? 0:06:55.883,0:06:56.952 I had no clue. 0:06:56.952,0:07:00.493 It seemed impossible to me,[br]and for a while it was. 0:07:00.493,0:07:03.706 I tried to find the reason[br]for a year, two years, 0:07:03.706,0:07:06.821 and eventually, I pretty much gave up. 0:07:06.821,0:07:09.401 And then one fateful day last spring, 0:07:09.401,0:07:12.101 the solution just landed in my lap. 0:07:12.101,0:07:16.284 So, I was taking my friend to the hospital[br]to get her wisdom teeth taken out, 0:07:16.284,0:07:19.639 and I had to wait in the lobby[br]to take her home after surgery. 0:07:19.639,0:07:23.209 I was flipping through[br]a magazine on mental health, 0:07:23.209,0:07:27.407 and I came across an article[br]and saw a really interesting statistic. 0:07:27.407,0:07:30.033 Apparently, out of all those[br]who attempt suicide, 0:07:30.033,0:07:33.779 19 out of 20 of them fail - 0:07:33.779,0:07:35.251 a 95% failure rate - 0:07:35.251,0:07:37.864 and certainly explained my luck. 0:07:37.864,0:07:41.324 But the suicide rate that I saw next, 0:07:41.324,0:07:45.091 the statistic that I discovered[br]right after that - 0:07:45.091,0:07:47.933 it changed my life forever. 0:07:47.933,0:07:52.301 Apparently, out of all those[br]who fail to commit suicide, 0:07:52.301,0:07:57.394 96% of those people are living[br]with severe repercussions. 0:07:57.394,0:07:59.683 And let me explain to you[br]what I'm talking about. 0:07:59.683,0:08:03.067 I'm talking about people who are now[br]paralyzed from the neck down 0:08:03.067,0:08:06.517 because of an attempt to hang[br]themselves that didn't go as planned, 0:08:06.517,0:08:09.734 people who now have disfigured faces[br]and permanent brain damage 0:08:09.734,0:08:12.360 because they shot themselves[br]in the wrong area, 0:08:12.360,0:08:16.612 people who now have[br]permanent liver and kidney dialysis - 0:08:16.612,0:08:20.157 they have to do that every day,[br]every week, even - 0:08:20.667,0:08:22.724 all because they didn't get[br]to the hospital 0:08:22.724,0:08:24.412 fast enough after overdosing 0:08:24.412,0:08:26.293 to get their stomach pumped. 0:08:26.293,0:08:29.652 0.95 times 0.96 is 0.91. 0:08:29.652,0:08:35.385 That means 91% of all[br]suicide attempt survivors 0:08:35.385,0:08:39.270 are now living the type of life[br]I just described. 0:08:39.270,0:08:46.149 91% of people are living[br]drastically different and horrifying lives 0:08:46.149,0:08:48.795 all because they saw no other way out. 0:08:49.265,0:08:51.381 And that's when I realized something: 0:08:51.761,0:08:54.687 you know, I might really[br]hate waking up now - 0:08:54.687,0:08:56.222 I barely go through the motions, 0:08:56.222,0:08:59.757 and I stay here because[br]I don't want to disappoint my parents 0:08:59.757,0:09:02.927 and they have sacrificed so much for me - 0:09:03.610,0:09:08.966 but would I really like life any more[br]if that was the alternative? 0:09:09.113,0:09:14.081 Just to think - had I gotten "lucky,"[br]as in falling into the majority, 0:09:14.081,0:09:17.299 even once out of those 13 times, 0:09:17.299,0:09:21.544 life as I know it today[br]would cease to exist. 0:09:21.544,0:09:24.157 See, the thing is, when most[br]people think about suicide, 0:09:24.157,0:09:26.323 they think that they have[br]nothing to lose. 0:09:26.323,0:09:28.511 You either die or you stay alive; 0:09:28.551,0:09:30.295 you die or you fail. 0:09:30.635,0:09:36.263 But now that you know[br]that you either die or you really fail - 0:09:36.263,0:09:38.978 now, that's a total game changer. 0:09:38.978,0:09:42.426 From then on, I never thought[br]about suicide the same way. 0:09:42.426,0:09:45.691 I never attempted again;[br]it never even crossed my mind. 0:09:45.691,0:09:49.353 Because, you see, the thing is,[br]I know I was reckless; 0:09:49.353,0:09:54.047 I know that I went[br]to extremes to end my life - 0:09:54.047,0:09:57.277 each attempt more extreme than the last. 0:09:57.757,0:10:00.451 So the fact that I was left[br]physically intact 0:10:00.451,0:10:03.175 so I could at least accomplish[br]my prayer goals - 0:10:03.175,0:10:05.244 that's something I could settle for. 0:10:05.244,0:10:07.088 Suicide was like a safety net; 0:10:07.088,0:10:09.252 it was my safety net. 0:10:09.252,0:10:10.792 Take - here's an example: 0:10:10.792,0:10:12.469 if you're a tightrope walker, 0:10:12.469,0:10:16.273 before showtime, you practice,[br]and there's a net below you. 0:10:16.273,0:10:19.463 You might fall once or twice[br]because you can. 0:10:19.463,0:10:22.406 But once it's show time[br]and that net's taken away, 0:10:22.406,0:10:23.598 you're not going to fall, 0:10:23.598,0:10:26.987 because there's nowhere to fall[br]and you're screwed if you do. 0:10:26.987,0:10:29.609 And that's kind of how life works as well. 0:10:29.609,0:10:31.190 Suicide was my safety net 0:10:31.190,0:10:34.501 because I left my happiness[br]and quality of life 0:10:34.501,0:10:37.246 in the hands of fate completely. 0:10:37.246,0:10:40.890 So I figured that if fate screwed me over, 0:10:40.890,0:10:42.075 I could be scot-free. 0:10:42.075,0:10:45.768 I could jump ship because I wasn't[br]responsible for what was happening to me. 0:10:45.768,0:10:48.977 Oh no, it wasn't my fault;[br]I could totally go. 0:10:48.977,0:10:51.115 Except I couldn't anymore. 0:10:51.115,0:10:52.123 I was stuck here. 0:10:52.123,0:10:56.163 So I had to change my perspective on life,[br]and I had to change it now. 0:10:56.163,0:11:00.621 It changed from "I hope things get better"[br]to "things will get better." 0:11:00.661,0:11:06.294 It went from "I hope I'll be happy"[br]to "I'll be happy forever." 0:11:06.294,0:11:08.500 See, I realized[br]that if I had to stay here, 0:11:08.500,0:11:11.348 I wasn't going to settle[br]for anything less than happiness. 0:11:11.348,0:11:14.619 And if I wanted it,[br]I had to go get it myself; 0:11:14.619,0:11:16.656 I needed to take control of my life. 0:11:16.656,0:11:21.329 And once again, after seven years,[br]Shraddha was in control again. 0:11:21.329,0:11:24.538 And so after that,[br]I realized that if I was stuck here, 0:11:24.538,0:11:27.500 I didn't simply want to exist;[br]I wanted to live. 0:11:27.500,0:11:29.653 And the only way[br]to live a fulfilling life, 0:11:29.653,0:11:30.800 in my perspective, 0:11:30.800,0:11:32.807 was to find a passion. 0:11:32.807,0:11:35.480 And it didn't take too long to find it. 0:11:35.480,0:11:39.502 See, the thing is, I struggled[br]with mental illness for quite a bit. 0:11:39.502,0:11:44.526 And during that time, I discovered[br]that it was really stigmatized 0:11:44.526,0:11:47.475 and there were so many[br]misconceptions about it. 0:11:47.475,0:11:49.233 And it seemed that no one, 0:11:49.233,0:11:51.712 besides those who suffered[br]from mental illness, 0:11:51.712,0:11:54.205 seemed to understand what it was about. 0:11:54.935,0:11:57.060 And I understand it; I really do get it. 0:11:57.060,0:12:01.329 Because, see, the thing is,[br]people like tangible things, 0:12:01.329,0:12:05.276 and mental illnesses[br]aren't tangible by any means. 0:12:05.856,0:12:07.606 Mental illnesses are not visible, 0:12:07.606,0:12:10.657 and mental illnesses[br]can't be touched or seen 0:12:10.657,0:12:13.219 and therefore aren't understood. 0:12:13.769,0:12:16.690 Let's take the broken leg example. 0:12:16.690,0:12:18.849 So, someone breaks their leg. 0:12:18.849,0:12:21.372 You might've never[br]broken a limb in your life, 0:12:21.372,0:12:26.168 but all humans have at least felt a small[br]degree of physical pain in their life. 0:12:26.168,0:12:28.037 Say you stubbed your toe. 0:12:28.037,0:12:32.363 You know how that hurts,[br]and you know how much that hurts. 0:12:32.363,0:12:34.511 So you take that feeling in your mind, 0:12:34.511,0:12:35.929 amplify it a little bit, 0:12:35.929,0:12:39.939 and can understand what[br]it must feel like to break a bone, 0:12:39.939,0:12:41.870 and you can see it too. 0:12:41.870,0:12:43.920 It's easy to grasp. 0:12:43.920,0:12:45.864 Mental illness isn't the same. 0:12:45.864,0:12:50.767 Someone's mental stability could be[br]deteriorating at an exponential rate, 0:12:50.767,0:12:52.176 but you would never know 0:12:52.176,0:12:55.945 because the outside shell[br]seemingly remains the same. 0:12:55.945,0:12:57.866 And that's the problem. 0:12:57.866,0:12:59.681 So, yeah, I get it. 0:12:59.681,0:13:03.037 But it's sad because millions[br]of people feel this way too, 0:13:03.037,0:13:08.516 and it doesn't seem to feel[br]like anyone's doing anything to stop it. 0:13:08.516,0:13:11.856 So it was my mission[br]to change the face of this. 0:13:11.856,0:13:13.775 And so I started. 0:13:13.775,0:13:18.866 See, the thing is, I realized[br]that by not talking about my situation, 0:13:18.866,0:13:21.811 the same thing that I hated so much - 0:13:21.811,0:13:23.196 the stigma - 0:13:23.196,0:13:26.434 I was adding to it by being[br]so ashamed to share my story, 0:13:26.434,0:13:27.536 by being so ashamed 0:13:27.536,0:13:31.728 to let anyone at my high schools know[br]that I was struggling with this. 0:13:31.728,0:13:36.909 The only way to get over this[br]was to come out about it myself. 0:13:37.173,0:13:39.147 And so this is what I'm doing. 0:13:39.147,0:13:41.771 When I came out with the news[br]to my friends and families 0:13:41.771,0:13:43.158 that I was giving a TED Talk, 0:13:43.158,0:13:46.766 I got a lot of "congratulations"[br]and "you're so brave." 0:13:46.766,0:13:51.313 And I didn't really understand that,[br]because that's not how I saw it. 0:13:51.313,0:13:53.420 I'm not on this stage to be brave; 0:13:53.420,0:13:57.701 I am on this stage, giving this talk[br]because this talk needs to be given. 0:13:57.701,0:13:59.361 Because if this talk isn't given, 0:13:59.361,0:14:01.241 people will never realize 0:14:01.241,0:14:06.401 that the stigma behind mental health[br]indirectly forces sufferers into death 0:14:06.401,0:14:08.542 rather than seeking treatment. 0:14:08.542,0:14:11.335 And let me explain to you[br]what I mean by that. 0:14:11.335,0:14:14.693 The thing is, people can suffer[br]from really bad depression; 0:14:14.693,0:14:16.883 they can be on the verge[br]of attempting suicide. 0:14:16.883,0:14:19.834 But if they dare ask for help, 0:14:19.834,0:14:23.397 they're labeled as[br]attention-seeking and crazy. 0:14:23.397,0:14:25.526 And people know this; they do know this. 0:14:25.526,0:14:27.891 And therefore, they figure, 0:14:27.891,0:14:31.123 "Might be better to keep quiet[br]than to speak." 0:14:31.123,0:14:32.894 But for some reason, 0:14:32.894,0:14:35.395 when people come out about having cancer, 0:14:35.395,0:14:38.239 their Facebook post gets about 100 likes, 0:14:38.239,0:14:42.121 their peers might start[br]a Facebook support group page for them, 0:14:42.121,0:14:44.927 and this illness is taken so seriously 0:14:44.927,0:14:46.863 that there's a specific foundation 0:14:46.863,0:14:50.699 that specializes in taking[br]these kids to Disneyland. 0:14:50.699,0:14:52.267 And when they die - if they die - 0:14:52.267,0:14:53.570 they're seen as warriors, 0:14:53.570,0:14:56.323 people who were courageous,[br]who fought till the end. 0:14:56.323,0:14:58.346 And I'm not saying they're not. 0:14:58.346,0:14:59.576 But for some reason, 0:14:59.576,0:15:01.027 when someone commits suicide - 0:15:01.027,0:15:05.259 because they just can't tolerate[br]the psychotic episodes anymore, 0:15:05.259,0:15:08.658 and they can't handle[br]the constant change in medication 0:15:08.658,0:15:14.918 that seems to trigger a cycle of paranoia,[br]hot sweats, nausea on a daily basis, 0:15:14.918,0:15:16.708 and they just can't take it anymore - 0:15:16.708,0:15:20.215 they're seen as selfish and weak. 0:15:20.379,0:15:23.280 And it's truly astonishing and saddening 0:15:23.280,0:15:27.339 that two illnesses that can be[br]just as painful as each other, 0:15:27.339,0:15:29.676 just as fatal as each other, 0:15:29.676,0:15:32.203 and have the same[br]consequences as each other 0:15:32.203,0:15:34.619 are seen so differently. 0:15:34.619,0:15:37.204 That's why I'm here - because I'm angry. 0:15:37.204,0:15:40.629 I'm angry because had I felt[br]that I could've asked for help 0:15:40.629,0:15:41.755 when I needed it, 0:15:41.755,0:15:44.715 had I felt that it would[br]be okay to tell people 0:15:44.715,0:15:48.304 just so I could maybe[br]get the support I needed, 0:15:48.304,0:15:49.606 I could've saved myself 0:15:49.606,0:15:53.531 from maybe three, maybe four years[br]of the misery I went through. 0:15:53.531,0:15:55.785 But because I knew what would happen, 0:15:55.785,0:15:57.020 I suffered in silence. 0:15:57.020,0:16:00.209 And I refuse to let others do the same. 0:16:00.209,0:16:04.070 Now, I'm aware that I'm going to get[br]tons of different reactions from this. 0:16:04.070,0:16:05.829 There are going to be people out here 0:16:05.829,0:16:09.429 who are shocked that someone's[br]talking about such a taboo subject 0:16:09.429,0:16:11.252 because people don't talk about this. 0:16:11.252,0:16:13.280 There are going to be[br]people who are happy 0:16:13.280,0:16:17.453 that now they think that they can now[br]come out about their mental illness too. 0:16:17.453,0:16:19.603 Unfortunately, there's also[br]going to be people 0:16:19.603,0:16:23.399 who think I'm on this stage[br]as a ploy for attention. 0:16:23.399,0:16:24.768 I considered it all, 0:16:24.768,0:16:28.978 and then two seconds later,[br]I decided I wouldn't and I shouldn't. 0:16:28.978,0:16:32.053 Because the thing is,[br]I'm not here for acceptance; 0:16:32.053,0:16:33.052 I really don't care. 0:16:33.052,0:16:35.701 I'm here to send a message: 0:16:35.701,0:16:39.229 this subject needs to be talked about[br]because it's not brought up enough, 0:16:39.229,0:16:41.336 and that's the problem. 0:16:41.336,0:16:45.021 So whoever you are,[br]regardless of who you are, 0:16:45.021,0:16:47.547 I promise there is hope for you. 0:16:47.547,0:16:49.526 You have hope, and you can do this; 0:16:49.526,0:16:51.576 you don't have to suffer forever. 0:16:51.576,0:16:55.957 Regardless of how long it's been[br]since you've been happy, you're here now, 0:16:55.957,0:16:59.237 which means you can stay another day,[br]you can stay the day after that, 0:16:59.237,0:17:03.921 and you can stay as long as you need to[br]to become your own success story. 0:17:03.921,0:17:05.827 Great things are going to happen for you 0:17:05.827,0:17:08.729 because you'll make[br]great things happen for you. 0:17:08.729,0:17:10.300 Then you need to understand this: 0:17:10.300,0:17:12.347 by going through what you've gone through, 0:17:12.347,0:17:16.929 you've gained skills and abilities[br]that no one else has. 0:17:16.929,0:17:19.149 So use those to your advantage, 0:17:19.149,0:17:22.892 and go out there and show the world[br]what you're about. 0:17:23.602,0:17:27.941 If there is anything I want you guys[br]to take out of this talk, 0:17:27.941,0:17:29.331 it's this: 0:17:29.891,0:17:32.023 never think that where you are, 0:17:32.423,0:17:34.455 that things can't get any worse. 0:17:34.455,0:17:36.239 Because trust me, 0:17:36.239,0:17:38.243 things can get worse. 0:17:38.243,0:17:41.407 Things can get so much worse. 0:17:42.536,0:17:46.045 But things can also get so much better. 0:17:46.345,0:17:47.345 Thank you. 0:17:47.345,0:17:49.149 (Applause)