1 00:00:05,818 --> 00:00:09,703 I'd like to thank Emory University for asking me here to speak today. 2 00:00:11,618 --> 00:00:14,648 I'm really not here to give you a lecture, 3 00:00:15,253 --> 00:00:17,034 I'm here to tell you a story. 4 00:00:18,371 --> 00:00:23,232 The last time I was on this campus was almost 26 years ago. 5 00:00:23,812 --> 00:00:28,642 I was here to watch my older brother, Chris, graduate with honors. 6 00:00:31,563 --> 00:00:35,158 It was my first trip to the college. 7 00:00:35,848 --> 00:00:40,699 I remember watching Chris stroll confidently across the quad lawn, 8 00:00:40,699 --> 00:00:42,833 accepting his diploma on stage. 9 00:00:43,468 --> 00:00:48,600 We were very close, and I was a good girl but I wasn't shy. 10 00:00:49,011 --> 00:00:53,259 And Chris had made it very clear that he had absolutely zero interest 11 00:00:53,259 --> 00:00:56,549 in keeping track of his little sister around college boys. 12 00:01:00,323 --> 00:01:02,247 Of course, I had no idea 13 00:01:02,247 --> 00:01:07,759 that trip to Emory would be the last time that I would see my brother alive. 14 00:01:08,885 --> 00:01:10,056 (Sniffs) 15 00:01:11,093 --> 00:01:16,765 Two years later, his body was found in an old abandoned bus 16 00:01:17,851 --> 00:01:19,357 that had no engine, 17 00:01:21,495 --> 00:01:24,088 yet it was miles and miles from the nearest road, 18 00:01:24,088 --> 00:01:26,381 in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness. 19 00:01:27,590 --> 00:01:29,488 He was only 24 years old. 20 00:01:30,922 --> 00:01:33,833 There was a lot of mystery surrounding his death, 21 00:01:34,409 --> 00:01:40,560 and that intrigued an avid outdoorsman and gifted writer named Jon Krakauer. 22 00:01:42,053 --> 00:01:47,965 And the world came to know Chris's story as "Into the Wild," 23 00:01:48,952 --> 00:01:50,994 a powerful, best-selling book, 24 00:01:51,422 --> 00:01:54,306 and later, a critically acclaimed film. 25 00:01:55,617 --> 00:01:59,871 I knew the secrets that had caused much of the mystery. 26 00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:03,413 I shared these with Jon in private, 27 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:07,638 yet I insisted that he keep these details out of his book - 28 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:12,073 the reasons for my brother's seemingly callous departure, 29 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,027 the answers to all of the questions. 30 00:02:15,540 --> 00:02:17,361 Why did Chris leave the way he did? 31 00:02:19,132 --> 00:02:22,373 Why did he feel the need to push himself to such extremes? 32 00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:25,916 Why did he cut off all contact with his family? 33 00:02:26,758 --> 00:02:29,957 Why was he so angry with his parents? 34 00:02:32,551 --> 00:02:35,823 Chris was a great, big brother 35 00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,372 and always my protector. 36 00:02:38,511 --> 00:02:41,131 Our childhood home was far from peaceful - 37 00:02:41,516 --> 00:02:42,799 domestic violence, 38 00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:45,424 our father's gin-induced rages, 39 00:02:46,353 --> 00:02:50,845 combined with constant lies and manipulations to keep secrets, 40 00:02:51,266 --> 00:02:55,661 made it a confusing place to grow up and figure out who you were. 41 00:02:57,837 --> 00:03:00,886 This picture was taken on a typical morning. 42 00:03:01,535 --> 00:03:04,095 The violence had erupted over the breakfast table 43 00:03:04,095 --> 00:03:08,105 and continued until our parents realized it was time for church. 44 00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:10,234 It was Easter Sunday. 45 00:03:11,238 --> 00:03:14,871 So, we were put into our best suit and dress 46 00:03:14,871 --> 00:03:17,354 and marched into the backyard for pictures. 47 00:03:18,847 --> 00:03:20,781 Look closely at our expressions. 48 00:03:21,448 --> 00:03:25,043 If you didn't smile for the camera, threats ensued. 49 00:03:25,687 --> 00:03:27,176 I'm compliant, 50 00:03:27,533 --> 00:03:31,409 I've got my hand behind his back, trying to get him to cooperate. 51 00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:34,510 Chris is only about six years old here, 52 00:03:35,337 --> 00:03:37,960 but he refused to be part of the charade. 53 00:03:39,710 --> 00:03:43,502 We went to church and sat in the Sunday school class that our parents taught, 54 00:03:43,905 --> 00:03:46,703 and listened to them tell our friends stories about God 55 00:03:47,062 --> 00:03:48,824 and to trust in him. 56 00:03:49,815 --> 00:03:54,372 But when we got back home, behind closed doors, 57 00:03:54,372 --> 00:03:57,429 we were told that our father was God, 58 00:03:58,054 --> 00:04:02,049 and that meant nothing that he did could be wrong. 59 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:07,564 Our mother, usually through tears, after being released by our father, 60 00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:12,193 told us that she had been trapped when she became pregnant with Chris. 61 00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:17,063 We understood that she was suffering because of our existence. 62 00:04:18,412 --> 00:04:20,698 Chris was three years older than me, 63 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:27,311 so he grew up every day with a lot of guilt in his young life. 64 00:04:28,097 --> 00:04:29,207 (Sniffs) 65 00:04:29,207 --> 00:04:32,313 That's a lot of pressure to put on the shoulders of a little boy. 66 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:38,577 Chris was drawn to nature from an early age. 67 00:04:38,577 --> 00:04:40,976 He immersed himself in the peace, 68 00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:44,156 the purity and honesty that those surroundings offered him. 69 00:04:44,798 --> 00:04:47,643 Our parents introduced us to the Shenandoah mountains. 70 00:04:48,009 --> 00:04:50,958 That was a great gift, and it was liberating. 71 00:04:52,565 --> 00:04:56,130 The energy that was given to constant battles 72 00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:59,859 gave way to paying attention to blaze marks on trees, 73 00:04:59,859 --> 00:05:02,996 to finding a safe place to pitch a tent near a water source, 74 00:05:03,489 --> 00:05:06,038 to collecting firewood before dark. 75 00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:11,441 From a remarkably early age, 76 00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:15,277 Chris had an incredible sense of his own identity, 77 00:05:16,332 --> 00:05:18,522 of what was important to him in life, 78 00:05:19,575 --> 00:05:20,880 and of his faith. 79 00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:25,982 And he always said, nothing was more important than truth. 80 00:05:27,615 --> 00:05:30,463 Our mother rarely raised her hands to us, 81 00:05:31,013 --> 00:05:35,083 but she became a full partner in the mental cruelty 82 00:05:35,633 --> 00:05:38,324 that was by far more damaging. 83 00:05:40,515 --> 00:05:44,404 Her fear of the truth caused her to become an accomplice. 84 00:05:47,407 --> 00:05:49,403 She'd given birth to Chris and me 85 00:05:49,980 --> 00:05:53,402 while our dad was still married and having children with his first wife. 86 00:05:54,533 --> 00:05:56,866 We knew our six brothers and sisters growing up, 87 00:05:56,866 --> 00:05:59,201 and we spent time with them during summer breaks. 88 00:06:00,081 --> 00:06:02,391 But as we got older 89 00:06:02,391 --> 00:06:04,852 and began to ask our parents the tough questions 90 00:06:04,852 --> 00:06:06,616 about our family history, 91 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:10,749 about our other siblings and why our ages were intermixed, 92 00:06:10,749 --> 00:06:13,348 we were told one tall tale after another 93 00:06:13,348 --> 00:06:15,638 about how that history had been woven, 94 00:06:16,580 --> 00:06:22,408 and the web grew larger and more daunting with every passing year. 95 00:06:25,388 --> 00:06:27,322 As Chris grew up, 96 00:06:27,322 --> 00:06:30,488 his ventures into the solace of nature became more frequent, 97 00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:33,589 and he preferred to spend that time alone. 98 00:06:34,007 --> 00:06:38,234 So it came as no surprise when he quietly informed me 99 00:06:38,234 --> 00:06:40,577 that soon after college, 100 00:06:40,577 --> 00:06:43,273 he would be divorcing himself from our parents 101 00:06:44,030 --> 00:06:45,501 and heading west, 102 00:06:45,501 --> 00:06:48,696 to experience life raw and real. 103 00:06:49,257 --> 00:06:54,509 These were the days before emails and text messages and iPhones, 104 00:06:54,966 --> 00:06:57,699 but being out of contact didn't concern me; 105 00:06:57,699 --> 00:07:02,711 Chris was strong and he was good at everything he tried to do. 106 00:07:03,388 --> 00:07:05,022 He was intelligent, 107 00:07:05,022 --> 00:07:06,265 he was confident, 108 00:07:06,265 --> 00:07:07,963 but he didn't have a big ego. 109 00:07:09,110 --> 00:07:11,535 I knew in my heart that my protector 110 00:07:11,535 --> 00:07:15,074 would never get himself into any situation that he couldn't handle. 111 00:07:17,119 --> 00:07:21,648 On September 17th, 1992, 112 00:07:22,286 --> 00:07:25,436 I had to come to grips with the unimaginable. 113 00:07:28,204 --> 00:07:32,601 Through a series of unfortunate missteps, Chris's life was cut short. 114 00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:36,364 He'd promised that he'd come back to find me, 115 00:07:36,868 --> 00:07:39,146 and he was always true to his word. 116 00:07:40,044 --> 00:07:42,875 Being told that Chris was gone forever 117 00:07:42,875 --> 00:07:47,252 was like being told that there was no longer oxygen in the air. 118 00:07:49,727 --> 00:07:51,988 I'd also separated from my parents, 119 00:07:53,407 --> 00:07:57,907 and I still felt this duty to remain compliant to them. 120 00:07:58,597 --> 00:07:59,753 (Sniffs) 121 00:08:00,682 --> 00:08:02,692 It should have been the right thing to do - 122 00:08:02,692 --> 00:08:04,007 keeping quiet, 123 00:08:04,647 --> 00:08:07,782 protecting my parents, protecting my family. 124 00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:14,813 Yet in truth, what I'd done is perpetuate these same lies 125 00:08:14,813 --> 00:08:17,001 that caused Chris to leave in the first place, 126 00:08:17,001 --> 00:08:19,414 and I'd given my parents the opportunity 127 00:08:19,414 --> 00:08:23,479 to not have to face the truth nor learn from it. 128 00:08:27,276 --> 00:08:28,958 (Sighs) 129 00:08:31,103 --> 00:08:34,802 For years and years, since Jon Krakauer's book was published, 130 00:08:35,385 --> 00:08:41,334 I received these impassioned letters from people all over the world. 131 00:08:41,948 --> 00:08:45,769 I never expected Chris's story to touch so many people 132 00:08:45,769 --> 00:08:47,771 and affect them so deeply. 133 00:08:49,309 --> 00:08:52,301 Jon's book eventually was published in over 60 countries 134 00:08:52,301 --> 00:08:55,508 and translated into more than 30 languages. 135 00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:58,861 About a decade later, 136 00:08:59,837 --> 00:09:02,317 during the production of the "Into the Wild" movie, 137 00:09:02,317 --> 00:09:05,992 one of my other siblings sent me this quote 138 00:09:05,992 --> 00:09:08,571 by artist and poet Kristen Jongen. 139 00:09:08,571 --> 00:09:15,235 It reads, "Perhaps strength doesn't reside in having never been broken, 140 00:09:15,697 --> 00:09:20,856 but in the courage required to grow strong in the broken places." 141 00:09:21,831 --> 00:09:23,833 I don't speak for my other siblings, 142 00:09:24,246 --> 00:09:27,606 but this quote always makes me think about them 143 00:09:28,038 --> 00:09:32,178 and their mom who was strong enough to save them. 144 00:09:35,690 --> 00:09:40,616 So I had a lot of time to think about the consequences of my silence. 145 00:09:42,073 --> 00:09:45,507 As Chris went into nature 146 00:09:46,122 --> 00:09:50,664 and sought out his life lessons away from human relationships, 147 00:09:51,388 --> 00:09:55,387 I found mine by choosing bad ones, 148 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,131 and I was good at it. 149 00:09:58,967 --> 00:10:03,843 When I was 18, I'd left home, and I married my new boyfriend. 150 00:10:04,587 --> 00:10:08,257 He was a sweet guy in his mid-20s, 151 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,268 worldly, smart, hard working - 152 00:10:12,997 --> 00:10:14,897 he promised to take care of me. 153 00:10:16,380 --> 00:10:19,990 Two weeks after our tiny justice of the peace ceremony, 154 00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:21,611 he started to beat me. 155 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:24,202 I never saw it coming. 156 00:10:25,746 --> 00:10:30,363 With him I had financial security, a place to stay. 157 00:10:30,821 --> 00:10:33,295 I told my friends that he was great, 158 00:10:33,997 --> 00:10:35,861 that everything was great. 159 00:10:38,036 --> 00:10:40,232 But after a few months, 160 00:10:40,232 --> 00:10:43,048 I decided I wasn't going to make my mother's mistakes. 161 00:10:43,839 --> 00:10:47,634 With careful planning, I made my second escape. 162 00:10:48,412 --> 00:10:50,130 I moved to a different city. 163 00:10:50,725 --> 00:10:53,714 I took business and accounting classes at the local colleges 164 00:10:53,714 --> 00:10:55,629 while I was working full time, 165 00:10:55,629 --> 00:10:59,164 and two years later, I started my first company. 166 00:11:00,012 --> 00:11:01,141 It hasn't been easy, 167 00:11:01,141 --> 00:11:04,945 but I have been successfully self-employed ever since. 168 00:11:05,409 --> 00:11:08,512 During that time, a lot more lessons came and went - 169 00:11:08,512 --> 00:11:10,012 important lessons of strength 170 00:11:10,012 --> 00:11:12,488 that I don't have time to flesh out here today. 171 00:11:12,488 --> 00:11:17,051 But having to rely only on myself - 172 00:11:18,073 --> 00:11:22,717 it was empowering and comfortable. 173 00:11:23,503 --> 00:11:26,220 Now during this time of Carine's great independence, 174 00:11:26,821 --> 00:11:28,731 along came the greatest lesson: 175 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,664 that of unconditional love. 176 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,189 A 2-year-old little girl came into my life. 177 00:11:36,733 --> 00:11:39,622 Her biological mother eventually abandoned her. 178 00:11:40,289 --> 00:11:42,508 And this little girl needed a mom. 179 00:11:43,957 --> 00:11:45,678 That was pretty much my reaction. 180 00:11:45,678 --> 00:11:47,406 (Laughter) 181 00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:49,278 Me? No. 182 00:11:49,694 --> 00:11:54,547 Now, I had explored a lot of trails in a short amount of time, 183 00:11:55,189 --> 00:11:57,850 but I never planned to go down that one. 184 00:11:59,128 --> 00:12:02,286 I was absolutely petrified about being a mom. 185 00:12:03,799 --> 00:12:05,865 I was afraid I'd be abusive. 186 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:12,723 I was worried that the behavior that I'd witnessed as a child 187 00:12:12,723 --> 00:12:16,579 was bred inside of me, deep down in my DNA, 188 00:12:17,276 --> 00:12:20,568 just waiting for the opportunity to show itself. 189 00:12:21,428 --> 00:12:23,264 But then in steps faith, 190 00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:26,030 and this overwhelming feeling 191 00:12:26,030 --> 00:12:29,986 that somehow moving in a scary direction is the right direction. 192 00:12:30,465 --> 00:12:32,663 And I thought about Chris and how he'd told me 193 00:12:32,663 --> 00:12:37,323 that the greatest experiences are usually waiting for us 194 00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:39,471 far outside of our comfort zone. 195 00:12:42,263 --> 00:12:44,135 This is my daughter, Heather. 196 00:12:44,990 --> 00:12:47,391 I know, who can say, "No," to that face, right? 197 00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:48,594 (Laughter) 198 00:12:50,658 --> 00:12:55,922 She has been the greatest opportunity that has ever come into my life. 199 00:12:55,922 --> 00:12:57,814 She taught me that I can be a mother, 200 00:12:57,814 --> 00:13:00,384 and I'm proud to say, I'm a good one. 201 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,645 I can be a tough disciplinarian, 202 00:13:04,011 --> 00:13:06,998 but always a peaceful one. 203 00:13:08,392 --> 00:13:13,284 She knows every single day, every second of every day, 204 00:13:13,284 --> 00:13:15,127 that I love her. 205 00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:17,863 So a few more years go by, 206 00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:22,883 and my new husband and I decide 207 00:13:22,883 --> 00:13:26,037 that we're going to expand our little family. 208 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:30,438 And nine months later, out popped this little cutie. 209 00:13:30,438 --> 00:13:31,578 (Laughter) 210 00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:34,479 She didn't exactly pop out, she was nine pounds. 211 00:13:34,887 --> 00:13:36,628 (Laughter) 212 00:13:36,628 --> 00:13:38,080 Yeah. Ouch. 213 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,147 (Laughter) 214 00:13:39,147 --> 00:13:40,376 Whew! 215 00:13:40,708 --> 00:13:43,757 Don't be afraid if you haven't had children; it's worth it. 216 00:13:44,603 --> 00:13:48,864 So we were fortunate enough to have another daughter. 217 00:13:49,264 --> 00:13:52,498 We named her Christiana after my brother. 218 00:13:54,879 --> 00:13:57,298 Soon after Christiana's born, 219 00:13:57,298 --> 00:13:59,618 they whisk her off to weigh her and clean her up, 220 00:13:59,618 --> 00:14:01,780 a little quicker than I expected they would, 221 00:14:03,028 --> 00:14:07,883 and a few people start entering the room, family members, 222 00:14:07,883 --> 00:14:11,789 and my little Heather, who was one month shy of turning seven. 223 00:14:13,244 --> 00:14:16,146 A few minutes later, a nurse comes into the room 224 00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:17,874 that I had never seen before. 225 00:14:19,598 --> 00:14:22,104 She asked someone to take Heather out of the room. 226 00:14:23,355 --> 00:14:28,263 Heather looked over at me and I said, "No, she can stay. What's wrong?" 227 00:14:29,491 --> 00:14:33,390 That's when we learned that Christiana has Down syndrome. 228 00:14:34,106 --> 00:14:35,658 I was in shock. 229 00:14:36,350 --> 00:14:39,235 I had had no complications during my pregnancy. 230 00:14:39,235 --> 00:14:42,032 I was super healthy; I thought I'd done everything right. 231 00:14:42,636 --> 00:14:45,239 The doctor proceeded to explain 232 00:14:45,239 --> 00:14:47,492 that it happens at the point of conception. 233 00:14:48,110 --> 00:14:50,237 It's part of her DNA. 234 00:14:52,845 --> 00:14:54,211 (Sniffs) 235 00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:05,704 So again, I was in shock, and the nurse proceeded to tell us 236 00:15:05,704 --> 00:15:10,862 that Christiana was being taken to the ICU 237 00:15:10,862 --> 00:15:14,486 because she probably had gastrointestinal disorders, 238 00:15:14,486 --> 00:15:17,072 and heart problems, and- 239 00:15:17,072 --> 00:15:19,606 at this point, for me, everything for me was a blur. 240 00:15:19,606 --> 00:15:23,040 I looked around the room, to my husband, to family members for strength. 241 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:27,125 Everyone's staring at the ground; no one knows what to say or do, 242 00:15:27,125 --> 00:15:29,195 except for, who do you think? 243 00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:30,486 (Laughter) 244 00:15:30,486 --> 00:15:31,849 Heather. 245 00:15:33,188 --> 00:15:35,932 All these years, I'm thinking I have to be this rock 246 00:15:35,932 --> 00:15:38,236 for this little girl with a troubled past. 247 00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:42,350 And she walks over to me and takes my hand, and she says, 248 00:15:42,350 --> 00:15:45,911 "Don't worry mommy, she's going to be just fine 249 00:15:46,330 --> 00:15:48,549 because you're going to take great care of her 250 00:15:48,549 --> 00:15:50,213 just like you take care of me." 251 00:15:51,073 --> 00:15:53,299 Heather saved me. 252 00:15:55,724 --> 00:15:57,610 And she's been a great little helper. 253 00:15:59,663 --> 00:16:03,860 Having a special needs child certainly has its challenges, 254 00:16:03,860 --> 00:16:07,181 but it's well worth the extra efforts and let me tell you, 255 00:16:07,181 --> 00:16:08,756 she really is too cool. 256 00:16:08,756 --> 00:16:10,794 I take total credit for that hair-do. 257 00:16:10,794 --> 00:16:12,167 (Laughter) 258 00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:15,622 Heather was right, Christiana's doing just fine. 259 00:16:16,944 --> 00:16:21,414 She's happy, she's healthy, she's very high functioning. 260 00:16:21,915 --> 00:16:25,052 She's got some delays, of course, but, 261 00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:26,690 she has the right name 262 00:16:27,246 --> 00:16:30,098 because she has her uncle's strong spirit. 263 00:16:31,732 --> 00:16:34,011 As I've watched my girls grow up, 264 00:16:35,602 --> 00:16:37,503 they remind me of Chris and me. 265 00:16:38,575 --> 00:16:41,856 I can sense that Heather will always be Christiana's protector. 266 00:16:44,179 --> 00:16:45,306 (Hmm) 267 00:16:47,287 --> 00:16:49,534 Hmm, God, it just gets to me still. 268 00:16:50,252 --> 00:16:51,540 (Sniffs) 269 00:16:51,540 --> 00:16:53,013 She'll always be her protector, 270 00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:56,259 and I know that they're always going to have each other's back. 271 00:16:56,747 --> 00:16:59,313 Now, about this time, 272 00:16:59,983 --> 00:17:03,967 my relationship with my own parents had all but disintegrated. 273 00:17:03,967 --> 00:17:05,585 They didn't do everything wrong, 274 00:17:05,585 --> 00:17:10,330 and in some ways Chris and I had a privileged upbringing. 275 00:17:11,226 --> 00:17:16,625 They absolutely deserve empathy for losing their son. 276 00:17:17,105 --> 00:17:19,179 They're humans and they made mistakes. 277 00:17:19,179 --> 00:17:20,802 We all make mistakes. 278 00:17:21,425 --> 00:17:26,936 But I've come to learn what matters most is that we learn from our mistakes. 279 00:17:27,459 --> 00:17:31,046 And you have to remain cautious around those who don't. 280 00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:35,951 At all costs, you must protect your own children. 281 00:17:37,303 --> 00:17:42,104 All of my siblings, in our own time, and for our own reasons, 282 00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:45,970 have come to our final breaks with our father and my mother. 283 00:17:50,363 --> 00:17:51,566 (Sighs) 284 00:17:53,223 --> 00:17:56,794 About, not long after that, 285 00:17:57,599 --> 00:17:59,939 when Christiana started a full-day school program, 286 00:18:01,092 --> 00:18:04,690 I started accepting invitations where "Into the Wild" was required reading. 287 00:18:05,201 --> 00:18:06,661 It had become required reading 288 00:18:06,661 --> 00:18:09,812 at about 3,000 high schools and colleges around the country. 289 00:18:12,649 --> 00:18:15,554 It was an opportunity for forced reflection. 290 00:18:16,542 --> 00:18:20,975 I began to understand what a disservice I had done to my brother. 291 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:28,172 I had insisted that certain blanks be left in Chris's public story. 292 00:18:29,904 --> 00:18:34,191 People, understandably, inserted their own answers into those blanks, 293 00:18:34,191 --> 00:18:37,843 that Chris was mentally ill, 294 00:18:38,686 --> 00:18:41,045 that he was just another rebellious teenager 295 00:18:41,045 --> 00:18:43,961 whose story had been romanticized by the media, 296 00:18:43,961 --> 00:18:45,648 that he was suicidal. 297 00:18:46,171 --> 00:18:48,598 None of these assumptions were the truth. 298 00:18:49,527 --> 00:18:52,554 And when I gave the honest answers to the students I spoke with, 299 00:18:52,554 --> 00:18:55,633 safe inside the intimate walls of the classroom, 300 00:18:56,313 --> 00:18:58,897 I saw the incredible impact it had on them. 301 00:18:59,413 --> 00:19:02,163 The personal perspective I was able to provide, 302 00:19:02,163 --> 00:19:05,613 took Chris beyond that literary legend he'd become, 303 00:19:05,613 --> 00:19:07,312 and it made him more relatable. 304 00:19:07,919 --> 00:19:11,680 Now I understood that teachers didn't assign "Into the Wild" 305 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:15,238 so their students would get a better understanding of Chris, 306 00:19:15,694 --> 00:19:20,385 it was so they would achieve a greater understanding of themselves. 307 00:19:21,010 --> 00:19:22,413 Listening to their questions, 308 00:19:22,413 --> 00:19:26,463 I understood that these students are at this age of opportunity 309 00:19:26,463 --> 00:19:29,301 where they're deciding who they are. 310 00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:34,096 They're choosing the paths that will determine who they will become. 311 00:19:36,449 --> 00:19:38,380 As I listen to their questions, 312 00:19:39,273 --> 00:19:45,560 I realize that my brother's story was no longer just an assignment, 313 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,679 it became a real lesson that they would take with them 314 00:19:48,679 --> 00:19:50,100 far beyond that campus, 315 00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:55,145 into their lives as leaders and lawmakers, 316 00:19:55,145 --> 00:19:58,984 and husbands and wives, and partners, 317 00:19:58,984 --> 00:20:01,925 and most importantly, as parents. 318 00:20:02,717 --> 00:20:08,651 And I saw that they learned far more from what makes Chris human, 319 00:20:08,651 --> 00:20:12,157 than from what had made him iconic. 320 00:20:13,039 --> 00:20:16,543 I decided that it was time for me to be accountable 321 00:20:16,543 --> 00:20:18,633 for all that had remained unsaid, 322 00:20:19,180 --> 00:20:20,501 to tell my story, 323 00:20:21,014 --> 00:20:22,807 to tell the whole story. 324 00:20:23,987 --> 00:20:28,455 Since we were kids, Chris had always taught me to journal, 325 00:20:28,455 --> 00:20:30,795 and after three years of very hard work, 326 00:20:30,795 --> 00:20:33,003 those journals turned into a book. 327 00:20:34,549 --> 00:20:38,010 Which is fair to say was far more painful than the nine-pound baby. 328 00:20:39,524 --> 00:20:40,795 (Sniffs) 329 00:20:40,795 --> 00:20:42,935 When I first began writing "The Wild Truth," 330 00:20:42,935 --> 00:20:45,092 I did so with students in mind. 331 00:20:45,092 --> 00:20:46,595 I hadn't really intended for it 332 00:20:46,595 --> 00:20:49,355 to start a new conversation about domestic violence, 333 00:20:49,355 --> 00:20:54,208 but taking a second look at Chris's story 334 00:20:54,208 --> 00:20:57,188 caused people to take a closer look 335 00:20:57,188 --> 00:20:59,553 at the stories within their own communities. 336 00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:04,055 Not long after my book was published, I got a letter from a friend from church. 337 00:21:05,733 --> 00:21:07,634 Her name's Catherine Miklos, 338 00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:09,814 and in her letter she noted, 339 00:21:09,814 --> 00:21:13,624 "The power of abuse is in the silence its perpetrators demand. 340 00:21:14,485 --> 00:21:19,267 The cycle is broken by diminishing that power through exposure." 341 00:21:20,169 --> 00:21:22,946 I haven't left one school, not one school, 342 00:21:22,946 --> 00:21:26,093 where at least one student didn't come up to me 343 00:21:26,093 --> 00:21:31,140 to talk about their own experiences and reach out for help for the first time. 344 00:21:31,910 --> 00:21:35,415 It made me think how Chris's story might have been different 345 00:21:35,415 --> 00:21:37,743 if someone had spoken openly to us. 346 00:21:40,152 --> 00:21:41,453 Sometimes people talk about 347 00:21:41,453 --> 00:21:43,765 whether Chris's life can be considered a success, 348 00:21:43,765 --> 00:21:45,338 because he died so young. 349 00:21:45,792 --> 00:21:50,142 I say they need to ask themselves if life is more about quality... 350 00:21:50,866 --> 00:21:52,115 or quantity. 351 00:21:52,659 --> 00:21:55,387 One of the greatest things you can hope to do in this life 352 00:21:55,387 --> 00:21:56,564 is to inspire someone, 353 00:21:56,564 --> 00:22:00,997 and Chris has done that for so many people, even without intent. 354 00:22:01,464 --> 00:22:03,688 Now in the days of social media, 355 00:22:03,688 --> 00:22:08,456 I receive constant messages from incredibly diverse people 356 00:22:08,456 --> 00:22:12,094 telling me how Chris has inspired them 357 00:22:12,094 --> 00:22:15,055 to make positive changes in their own lives. 358 00:22:17,205 --> 00:22:20,189 I think that life is like a book. 359 00:22:21,447 --> 00:22:25,157 Now, unless someone invents the cure for mortality, 360 00:22:25,157 --> 00:22:27,416 we all have the same first and last chapter. 361 00:22:28,633 --> 00:22:34,026 What makes up the story of our lives and the legacy that we will leave behind 362 00:22:34,026 --> 00:22:35,959 are the pages in between. 363 00:22:37,434 --> 00:22:42,731 Now for me, serious thoughts about legacy have little to do with famous stories, 364 00:22:42,731 --> 00:22:44,414 books or movies. 365 00:22:46,025 --> 00:22:48,515 It has everything to do with these two little girls, 366 00:22:48,891 --> 00:22:51,908 although I guess I can't really call them little any more. 367 00:22:51,908 --> 00:22:54,583 Heather's now 16 and Christiana is nine. 368 00:22:56,418 --> 00:22:58,509 Both their lives had a rocky start. 369 00:22:58,866 --> 00:23:01,839 And I know they'll each have their own adversities to overcome. 370 00:23:02,427 --> 00:23:06,203 But I want to empower them to stay on their own true paths, 371 00:23:06,203 --> 00:23:08,352 even when the walking becomes rough. 372 00:23:09,305 --> 00:23:10,980 What I have to teach them, 373 00:23:11,605 --> 00:23:14,786 what I have to show them through my own actions, 374 00:23:14,786 --> 00:23:18,457 is that their DNA will not define them. 375 00:23:20,314 --> 00:23:25,921 In closing, I'd like to read a short excerpt from "Into the Wild," 376 00:23:25,921 --> 00:23:27,688 where Jon Krakauer 377 00:23:28,763 --> 00:23:31,784 describes one of the last things Chris does before he dies. 378 00:23:34,286 --> 00:23:38,366 "He tore the final page from Louis L'Amour's memoir, 379 00:23:38,366 --> 00:23:40,333 'Education of a Wandering Man.' 380 00:23:41,166 --> 00:23:43,901 On one side of the page were some lines L'Amour had quoted 381 00:23:43,901 --> 00:23:48,134 from Robinson Jeffers' poem, 'Wise Men in Their Bad Hours.' 382 00:23:49,420 --> 00:23:52,918 'Death's a fierce meadowlark: but to die having made 383 00:23:52,918 --> 00:23:55,027 Something more equal to the centuries 384 00:23:55,027 --> 00:23:58,868 Than muscle and bone, is mostly to shed weakness. 385 00:23:59,335 --> 00:24:03,933 The mountains are dead stone, the people Admire or hate their stature, 386 00:24:04,270 --> 00:24:05,871 their insolent quietness, 387 00:24:06,505 --> 00:24:08,881 The mountains are not softened or troubled 388 00:24:09,408 --> 00:24:12,737 And a few dead men's thoughts have the same temper.' 389 00:24:13,929 --> 00:24:16,657 On the other side of the page, which was blank 390 00:24:16,657 --> 00:24:19,297 McCandless penned a brief adios: 391 00:24:19,947 --> 00:24:22,479 'I've had a happy life, and thank the lord. 392 00:24:22,970 --> 00:24:25,594 Good bye, and may God bless all.'" 393 00:24:26,757 --> 00:24:28,601 Jon Krakauer continues, 394 00:24:29,693 --> 00:24:33,893 "One of his last acts was to take a picture of himself 395 00:24:33,893 --> 00:24:36,972 standing near the bus under the high Alaska sky, 396 00:24:37,517 --> 00:24:41,418 one hand holding his final note toward the camera lens, 397 00:24:41,418 --> 00:24:44,438 the other raised in a brave beatific farewell. 398 00:24:45,209 --> 00:24:49,341 His face is horribly emaciated, almost skeletal. 399 00:24:49,941 --> 00:24:53,175 But if he pitied himself in those last difficult hours, 400 00:24:53,707 --> 00:24:55,691 because he was so young, 401 00:24:55,691 --> 00:24:57,509 because he was alone, 402 00:24:57,878 --> 00:25:01,412 because his body had betrayed him and his will had let him down, 403 00:25:01,799 --> 00:25:03,960 it's not apparent from the photograph. 404 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,273 He is smiling in the picture, 405 00:25:06,544 --> 00:25:09,208 and there is no mistaking the look in his eyes. 406 00:25:09,819 --> 00:25:12,489 Chris McCandless was at peace, 407 00:25:13,042 --> 00:25:16,347 serene as a monk, gone to God." 408 00:25:17,697 --> 00:25:23,093 Now, it's impossible for me to look at that picture Jon talks about 409 00:25:23,901 --> 00:25:25,054 without crying, 410 00:25:25,054 --> 00:25:27,410 but in a way it's a good pain. 411 00:25:28,706 --> 00:25:31,555 I know that Chris died at peace 412 00:25:31,555 --> 00:25:33,894 because of the paths that he had chosen in life 413 00:25:33,894 --> 00:25:35,560 that kept him true to himself. 414 00:25:36,093 --> 00:25:39,166 And in the end, whenever that end comes, 415 00:25:39,750 --> 00:25:42,491 isn't that the best that any of us can hope for? 416 00:25:44,447 --> 00:25:46,444 Chris achieved eternal life 417 00:25:46,444 --> 00:25:49,095 certainly through the written pages of "Into the Wild," 418 00:25:49,571 --> 00:25:52,561 but more importantly, through his own faith. 419 00:25:53,034 --> 00:25:56,612 He loved life more than anyone I have ever known, 420 00:25:56,612 --> 00:25:58,574 and he wanted to have a long one, 421 00:26:00,685 --> 00:26:04,350 but his main concern was that it be purposeful. 422 00:26:05,666 --> 00:26:09,205 My brother's story is globally known, 423 00:26:09,205 --> 00:26:10,902 not because he died, 424 00:26:11,377 --> 00:26:14,475 but because he truly lived. 425 00:26:16,395 --> 00:26:20,462 And he lives on in the lessons. 426 00:26:20,785 --> 00:26:22,183 Thank you. 427 00:26:22,183 --> 00:26:25,913 (Applause)