1
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,480
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

2
00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:39,200
Hello and welcome to
the Big Fat Quiz Of 2013.

3
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:42,040
Of course, these days you can't
call things big and fat.

4
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:45,640
So welcome to the Bubbly, Jolly,
Fully-figured, Enjoying Life,

5
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,120
Celebrating Our Curves
Quiz Of The Year.

6
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:49,880
The Big Fat Quiz 2013 -

7
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:53,880
think of it as a slightly more
up-to-date version
of the Big Fat Quiz 2012.

8
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:58,000
Or a slightly old hat version
of the Big Fat Quiz 2014.

9
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,480
If you'd like to play along at home,

10
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:04,080
then presumably you don't have
the new Xbox.

11
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:05,800
Unlucky.

12
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,120
Let's meet our teams.

13
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:09,920
First up, we have a bit of
fresh meat, Jack Whitehall,

14
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,280
and he's brought some
mutton dressed as spam,

15
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,680
it's Jonathan Ross.

16
00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:17,640
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

17
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,800
Next up, she's the crazy stalking
fan girl from
Flight Of The Conchords,

18
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:22,640
he's a maths-loving science bod.

19
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,760
It's like Match.com: Pick The Teams.

20
00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:26,840
It's Kristen Schaal
and Dara O'Briain.

21
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:30,840
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

22
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,640
And finally, we've got
a rock'n'roll dandy

23
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,320
and the brains of the operation.

24
00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:39,560
All we need now is a ladies' man,
a jock and Jason Statham

25
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,480
and we've got ourselves
a heist movie.

26
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,520
It's Noel Fielding
and Richard Ayoade.

27
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:47,520
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

28
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:51,120
Jack, are you OK with
Jonathan this evening?

29
00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,360
Yeah. Well, I did this
lovely show last year and I got...

30
00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:56,200
Don't touch me.

31
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,960
I got in a lot of trouble last year

32
00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,960
for some jokes that I said
on this show.

33
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:01,320
So I was like, "This evening,

34
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,560
"I'm going to behave and there
are going to be no Ofcom complaints.

35
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,400
"I am on best behaviour."

36
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:09,080
And you've put me with Jonathan Ross!

37
00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:11,680
- I'm mentoring you this year...
- You're not!

38
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,480
That's like turning up
to an AA convention

39
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:14,640
and your sponsor's Gazza.

40
00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:16,640
Like...

41
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:19,160
He's going to lead me astray!

42
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,920
I've got some jokes
I've written for him,

43
00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:22,320
some family-friendly jokes...

44
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,360
- They're so awful! - He said
he's not going to do 'em

45
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,560
but this will keep you
out of trouble and get laughs.

46
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:29,960
Well, I'm very much looking forward
to hearing those.

47
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,400
Dara, Kristen, how are you?

48
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:33,920
We're great, we're fantastic.

49
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:37,120
- Kristen's just over for,
essentially, for the day.
- Yeah, sure.

50
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,200
And I'm so looking forward
to questions

51
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,160
about British politics,
British television shows...

52
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,640
hits in the British charts
over the last 12 months or so.

53
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,080
- LAUGHTER
- Yeah!

54
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:49,280
This has been a great year for me.

55
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,200
I became a woman.

56
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:55,200
It was really touch and go
but I think it happened.

57
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,120
When you say you
"became a woman"...?

58
00:02:58,120 --> 00:02:59,680
Just blossomed.

59
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:03,680
LAUGHTER

60
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:08,400
OK. Richard, you look composed
and ready for this.

61
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,760
Yeah. It's been up and down
as a year. Erm...

62
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:12,840
Lot of sadness.

63
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:14,800
AUDIENCE: Aw-w!

64
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:16,960
Don't patronize me.

65
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,280
But yeah, I'm here.
I'm ready to quiz,

66
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:20,880
I'm ready to take
a sideways glance

67
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,160
at the events of
the previous 12 months.

68
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:25,080
LAUGHTER

69
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:29,080
I look like his legal adviser.

70
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,960
That's exactly it.

71
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,680
Could you talk me
through the outfit?

72
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:38,520
- Yeah. - I mean, because you know...

73
00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:41,080
Oh, just skate over mine.

74
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:45,080
KRISTEN SHRIEKS

75
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:46,800
I didn't realise!

76
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:50,160
It's a moat.

77
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,440
Are you all right, Noel?

78
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:54,040
As Noel's legal adviser,

79
00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:55,720
that is very dangerous.

80
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:58,360
- Where there's blame,
there's a claim.
- We're going to sue you.

81
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,080
Don't sue me!

82
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:01,800
I've got a dress on, look.

83
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:05,680
CHEERING

84
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,600
That is a hell of a look,
that's a strong look.

85
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,560
Nearly broke my cheekbone.

86
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:12,880
Right, Round One.

87
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,520
Round One is all about the
year's biggest news headlines.

88
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,720
Chris Huhne was jailed for getting
his wife to take speeding points.

89
00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,959
Whilst in prison, he was subjected
to violent threats and verbal abuse.

90
00:04:21,959 --> 00:04:25,960
Although, to be fair, it was
his decision to phone his family.

91
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:28,920
In August, two young women
were imprisoned in Peru

92
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:30,680
on charges of drug smuggling.

93
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,320
The girls, one from Northern Ireland
and one from Glasgow,

94
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,480
said they had been
living in terrible conditions

95
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,200
but now they were glad to be out

96
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:41,160
and living in a Peruvian jail.

97
00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:44,240
Abu Qatada was deported
to Jordan this year.

98
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:48,240
It was the first time in history
Heathrow security had let someone
on the plane

99
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:51,960
only after assurances that
he DIDN'T pack the bag himself.

100
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,520
Of course, it wouldn't be a quiz
without questions.

101
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,360
Eyes down, everyone, Round One.
First up,

102
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,280
it's over to a man
who made the transition

103
00:04:58,280 --> 00:05:00,280
from comedian
to revolutionary in 2013.

104
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:01,560
It's Russell Brand.

105
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,920
CHEERING
Hello, Jimmy Carr.

106
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:07,480
Now, would you cast your mind back
to January, this year.

107
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:11,480
Do you remember it came out
that certain lasagnes and food

108
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:15,960
and that, meat food,
had horses' innards in it?

109
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,920
Like, innards that had come out
of a horse,

110
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,320
the thing that the horse was
when it was alive,

111
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,400
that had become a type of food now.

112
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,800
Iceland, the supermarkette,

113
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,960
was implicated negatively
in all of that.

114
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,680
What did Iceland boss
Malcolm Walker say

115
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:35,680
when he was asked whether
he'd checked for horses in his food?

116
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:36,920
What did he say?

117
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,280
That's the question, Jimmy,
that I'm passing on to you.

118
00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,520
Obviously you can't ask
questions directly, Jimmy.

119
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,280
You don't have
that degree of ability.

120
00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:45,760
LAUGHTER

121
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,520
The claws are out.

122
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:48,880
It's remarkable.

123
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:50,320
JACK: Who's this man?

124
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,400
He's the head of Iceland,
Malcolm Walker.

125
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,560
Did he say that
the vegetarian burgers

126
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:58,560
had pantomime horse in them?

127
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,920
No, he didn't but it would have been
brilliant if he had.

128
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:04,360
OK, question number two,

129
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:07,480
which event prompted
BBC news reporter Simon McCoy

130
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,400
to say, during an outside broadcast,

131
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:13,200
"Plenty more to come from here.
Of course, none of it news".

132
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,360
Well, that's inappropriate.

133
00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:18,200
An outside...what, an outside
the building broadcast?

134
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:19,600
He was outside a building, yeah.

135
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,480
What was going on inside?
What was going on?

136
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:24,480
- That's the question. - That's like the
opposite of what you want to hear.

137
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:28,200
- Could that make perfect sense?
- You're meant to listen to me.
- Just think of the question.

138
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,440
I'm older than you.
You're meant to listen.

139
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,160
- Stop bickering, you two.
- Do you know,

140
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,160
the last time me and Jonathan
worked together,

141
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:35,880
we did a thing where
we gave out an award.

142
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:37,320
I got a tweet from someone,

143
00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,760
one of the most creative
bits of abuse ever,

144
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,600
saying, "Jonathan Ross
is like a cyborg

145
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:44,720
"sent back in time to remind
Jack Whitehall

146
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,480
"that he's still not funny."

147
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:50,480
LAUGHTER

148
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,800
Well done, trolls.

149
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,320
OK, next up we're going over

150
00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:56,760
to one of the biggest
comedy stars in the world.

151
00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:58,200
It's Steve Carell, everyone.

152
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,520
CHEERING
Hi, Jimmy.

153
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:01,880
Hi!

154
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,240
2013's been a funny old year

155
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,920
and one of the strangest events
occurred in February

156
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:10,680
when windows in over 4,000
buildings shattered in Russia.

157
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:14,680
But can your teams remember why?

158
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:18,160
Can they?

159
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,080
Oh, the geeks have got it.

160
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:24,080
- Yeah, the geeks... - What?

161
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:25,760
Nothing.

162
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:29,080
MUMBLING AND CONFERRING

163
00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:32,480
Next question, why did a marriage
proposal in July

164
00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:33,920
get tweeted about by Nick Clegg,

165
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,920
written about in
the Independent newspaper

166
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,640
and mentioned in the official
parliamentary records?

167
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,080
Wow, it got tweeted?

168
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:44,080
- Wow(!)
- LAUGHTER

169
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,400
- That's amazing. - That's a big deal,
yeah.

170
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:50,400
- That's a big deal, yeah.
If it gets on to Twitter...
- It's on Twitter.

171
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,280
And finally, it's over to
Mitchell Brook Primary School
in Neasden

172
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,680
who are performing
one of their unusual school plays.

173
00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:00,280
Can you tell me
which news story they're acting out?

174
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,360
Trade, security, the economy.

175
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,280
I'd agree!

176
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:09,280
Ooh!

177
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,640
I'm telling on you.

178
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:15,640
THEY GASP

179
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,880
Here are all the secrets.

180
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:20,880
ALL: Yay!

181
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:24,360
ALL: Oh, no!

182
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:28,360
He is very naughty.

183
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:33,480
Don't worry, you can live in Russia.

184
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,559
Phew!

185
00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:39,559
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

186
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:42,559
That was powerful.

187
00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:43,640
It was.

188
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,440
OK, so what news story were the kids
of Mitchell Brook Primary School

189
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:47,720
acting out, there?

190
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:49,520
Jimmy, can I introduce a little idea

191
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,400
to maybe make the stakes
a little bit higher

192
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,080
and a little bit more fun
for everyone?

193
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,720
It's that if Noel and Richard

194
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:58,200
fail to get in the top two
teams at the end,

195
00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,720
that they go backstage
and switch outfits.

196
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:01,880
Yes!

197
00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:04,240
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

198
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:07,160
It's a fine idea.

199
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:10,720
I mean, we are prepared
to take the same bet, OK?

200
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:12,800
No, cos I don't want to have to wear
a cheap suit.

201
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,200
- AUDIENCE: O-o-o-oh! - Wow!

202
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,360
Dara, Kristen?

203
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,360
- Whoa! - I'd love to wear
Dara's outfit! - I don't like
where this is going.

204
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:21,640
OK. So everyone's up for this,
it looks like, Dara.

205
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,080
We were doing joke answers,

206
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:26,200
we're not doing joke answers now,
if I have to wear that dress.

207
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,800
How dare you!

208
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,160
It's a lovely dress.

209
00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,960
I'm just saying, I'm a very...

210
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:33,280
- it just won't work on me.
- You should just...

211
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,280
You should have confidence
in your body.

212
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:38,040
I think if you wear it, you'll
look like a massive Quality Street.

213
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:41,400
It'll look amazing.

214
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:43,760
OK, time for some answers.

215
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,280
First up, Russell Brand asked you

216
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,240
what explanation
Malcolm Walker gave

217
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,640
for not detecting horse meat
in Iceland meals.

218
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,720
What did you all put?

219
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:54,840
Well, we wrote "Neigh,"
by which we meant he didn't,

220
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:57,440
he said he'd never eaten it.

221
00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:59,560
He doesn't eat at Iceland.

222
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,920
- What have you got? - He said yes. - Yes!

223
00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:03,760
Yes, there's horse meat

224
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,560
but only the best horses,

225
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:07,680
only Lipizzaners.

226
00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,240
- Lipizzaner ponies which you
could have ridden round. - Yeah,

227
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:11,800
- no poor horses. - Yeah.

228
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,960
OK, that's not the exact
right answer.

229
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,560
We can go now to Richard.

230
00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:17,760
"I check once a month
when I'm in the shower

231
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,240
"so I am confused."
I couldn't fit all of it in.

232
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:21,920
"..and so I'm confused.

233
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,960
"Why would you ask me
if I checked for horse meat?

234
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,120
"Because that would imply
that I was looking for it

235
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:27,320
"which would implicate me

236
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:31,320
"and so I'd probably try
and dodge that question."

237
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,920
That's almost, I mean,
that's almost what he said.

238
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,240
- Have a little look at
what he actually said. - What?!

239
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,560
Constantly testing, checking,
every week.

240
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:40,960
Did we test for horse?

241
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:42,000
No!

242
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,440
But we haven't tested
for dog or cat either.

243
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,520
I mean, there might be dog and cat.

244
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:50,040
You can't test for everything.
LAUGHTER

245
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,400
I wanted to see him
list every animal he knew then

246
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:53,760
and run out at puma.

247
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:56,160
And then you walk in the background
and he goes,

248
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,360
"Or crow!"

249
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,360
OK, so no-one got that.
Next question.

250
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,840
I asked you what event prompted
BBC News reporter Simon McCoy
to say,

251
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:06,480
"Plenty more to come from here.
Of course, none of it news".

252
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,480
This one we have got wrong.

253
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,200
What did you go for, Richard?

254
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,760
"Gang bang inside,
the whole place is going to blow."

255
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:16,760
LAUGHTER

256
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,600
Dara, what did you go for?

257
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,320
- We put down the opening
of the Old News Museum. - Yeah.

258
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,360
Oh!

259
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:25,880
But that's still news.

260
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,840
Exactly.

261
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:29,040
Jonathan?

262
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,480
- I don't know what Jack
was thinking, here. - The weather!

263
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,400
"None of it news, we've still got
more stuff to come, none of it news."

264
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,600
- So that is what happened next.
- You never listen to me!
- Let's take a look.

265
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,880
Well, plenty more to come from here.
Of course, none of it news.

266
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,960
Because that'll come
from Buckingham Palace

267
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:44,440
but that won't stop us.

268
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:48,440
But until then, we're going to be
speculating about this royal birth

269
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,360
with no facts to hand.

270
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:55,200
LAUGHTER
Back to you, Ben.

271
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:56,640
So it was the royal birth.

272
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,600
It was the birth,
Kate and William had George.

273
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,680
Was this big news in America?

274
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:03,360
Oh, yes! It was a boy named George.

275
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:05,760
And we were like, "Yay!"

276
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:09,280
And then we went back
to our sad lives.

277
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:11,480
Let's have a little
look at the royal family.

278
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,640
Here they are.
There's four generations.

279
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:15,320
Wow, he's got a long body.

280
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,960
LAUGHTER

281
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,640
George looks like, there,
when you pick a cat up

282
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:24,640
and its feet are stuck to the carpet
and its body goes really long.

283
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:33,560
Well, I'm not quite sure that's
what's going on but yeah, OK.

284
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,600
Question number three,
Steve Carell asked you

285
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:39,240
what caused windows in over 4,000
buildings to shatter in Russia,
this year.

286
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,360
- Did you know? - A big old meteor.

287
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:44,160
- A big old meteor caused
4,000 windows to shatter. - Oh!

288
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:46,120
OK, Noel, Richard, what did you put?

289
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:50,120
We put "asteroid or
some other space business."

290
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,320
- Well, that feels pretty good.
- That's pretty cool, yeah.

291
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:54,600
Jack, Jonathan?

292
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,480
We put "Miley Cyrus on her ball."

293
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,880
- I thought maybe... - The ball.
- ..the ball smashed the windows.

294
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,440
I've got a joke for Jack to do

295
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,360
which is, kind of,
more family-friendly

296
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,160
- than the material
he's used to doing. - OK.

297
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,680
Kill me now.

298
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:08,960
This is going to work for you.
Support him in this,

299
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,520
it could be a whole new career.

300
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,760
The windows shouldn't
have broken in Russia

301
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,000
because they had only just been...

302
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,400
Putin.

303
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:20,400
LAUGHTER

304
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:25,480
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

305
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:28,160
All right. So shall we have
a little look? Let's have a look.

306
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:31,920
This is the meteor in question.

307
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:33,680
What's this, the asteroid?

308
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,400
MUSIC PLAYS ON CAR RADIO

309
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:40,400
JACK: Good tunes.

310
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:42,280
- Wow! - All right,

311
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,240
I asked you why
a marriage proposal in July

312
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,520
got tweeted about,
written about in the Independent

313
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,920
and mentioned in the official
parliamentary records.

314
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:49,960
What did you get?

315
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,200
I thought a dog proposed to a cat

316
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,120
because that's a lovely story.

317
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:55,720
Dara, what did you go with?

318
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,320
We said it's a gay thing,

319
00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:58,760
and I put two little love hearts

320
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,440
but actually one of them looked
like Pacman so I gave him an eye.

321
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,640
So we think it's,
you know, gay marriage.

322
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,200
And Noel, Richard, what did you get?

323
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,680
- Gay marriage. - Yeah.

324
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:09,240
So a point for Dara and Kristen,
a point for Noel and Richard.

325
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,120
It was the first gay marriage
proposal.

326
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:14,840
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

327
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,800
The first ceremony is expected
to take place in March 2014

328
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,720
and the first marriage proposal
was between

329
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,640
Ed Fordham and Russell Eagling.

330
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:23,160
Congratulations, boys.

331
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:27,080
APPLAUSE

332
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,280
And finally, we saw
Mitchell Brook Primary School

333
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:30,960
performing an unusual school play.

334
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,160
What event were they acting out?
Did you get this?

335
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:35,840
Spy man.

336
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,560
What did you get, Dara?

337
00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,320
Edward Snowden was
the spy man's name.

338
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,200
Although, he wasn't actually...
Yeah, it wasn't his spying.

339
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:45,200
He just opened up
the files of the spies.

340
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,600
- Of the NSA, yeah. - Yeah.

341
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,200
And people got really upset
because,

342
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,600
"Oh, my God, they're spying."
And you're going, "Yeah?"

343
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,400
People were mildly upset.

344
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,560
I think with the age
of YouTube and Twitter,

345
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,600
people were like,

346
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,720
"Oh, someone's watching me
all the time?!"

347
00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,760
LAUGHTER

348
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:02,320
- "Cool."
- Make yourself actually sexy.

349
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,640
"Hello, NSA." Often when I step out
of the shower, I go,

350
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,760
"Who's watching now?"

351
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,560
- To no-one in particular!
- I've only got two followers

352
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:13,080
but I've always got the NSA.

353
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,720
Don't I, don't I?
Are you there, boys?

354
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:19,120
- I've got a joke for you
about this spy man. - Oh...

355
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:22,240
He was...they locked him
in a building

356
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,960
and he couldn't get out
because he was...

357
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,240
Snowed in!

358
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:30,480
LAUGHTER

359
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,920
What did you guys get,
Noel, Richard?

360
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,280
- We got Snowdown.
- Snowdown, fine, near enough.

361
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,240
Armageddon - Watership Down?

362
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,520
I thought I saw a rabbit

363
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,880
but it wasn't, it was a child.

364
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:44,200
And I thought I saw Bruce Willis.

365
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,400
Near enough. I think
everyone gets a point there.

366
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:47,800
Everyone gets a point.

367
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:51,800
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

368
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:54,720
Well, let's check in on the scores.

369
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,320
Jack and Jonathan have one point.

370
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,240
Count them, one.

371
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,080
Dara and Kristen,
and Noel and Richard

372
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:02,640
have both got three.

373
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:04,960
- CHEERING
- So that's all for Part One.

374
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:12,000
See you in a bit.

375
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,800
Welcome back
to the Big Fat Quiz of 2013.

376
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:22,760
This round is all about the year
in TV and movies.

377
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:25,440
Peter Capaldi was announced
as the new Doctor Who.

378
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,200
We all have different opinions
on who the best Doctor was,

379
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:31,520
just like we all have different
opinions on who the second worst was

380
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,320
after Sylvester McCoy.

381
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,800
Simon Cowell announced
he's going to become a father.

382
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,560
He's not revealed
if he's expecting a boy or a girl

383
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:41,360
or indeed a group.

384
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:44,960
Gregg Wallace allegedly punched
a man in the face at a dinner event

385
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:48,200
over claims the man
groped his girlfriend's backside.

386
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,720
He wasn't annoyed that the man
felt up his girlfriend,

387
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,400
just that he said it was soggy,

388
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,440
tasteless
and with a terrible texture.

389
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,920
Let's remind ourselves
what we were watching this year.

390
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,400
CHEERING

391
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,760
♪ Let's get ready-ready
Let's get ready-ready

392
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:04,680
♪ Let's get ready to rumble... ♪

393
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:08,240
♪ I got this feeling on
the summer day when you were gone

394
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,160
♪ I crashed my car into the bridge

395
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,040
♪ I watched, I let it burn

396
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:16,040
♪ I threw your shit into a bag
and pushed it down the stairs

397
00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:20,079
♪ I crashed my car into the bridge
I don't care!

398
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,440
♪ I love it

399
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:26,440
♪ I don't care!

400
00:17:27,319 --> 00:17:30,440
♪ I got this feeling on a summer day
when you were gone... ♪

401
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:31,760
Yes!

402
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,480
Ye-e-es!

403
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:35,880
♪ I don't care

404
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,520
♪ I love it

405
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:41,400
♪ I don't care

406
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:45,400
♪ I don't care

407
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,560
♪ I love it. ♪

408
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:51,840
Compensating?

409
00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:55,840
APPLAUSE

410
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,400
OK, some big fat questions now.

411
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,480
For our first question, it's over
to two of my favourite teachers

412
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,480
from Educating Yorkshire,
Mr Mitchell and Mr Burton.

413
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:05,840
This show is so good.

414
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,240
ALL: Hi, Jimmy!

415
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,280
Now Educating Yorkshire
was full of incredible

416
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,160
and sometimes very moving moments.

417
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:12,600
One of the most memorable was

418
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:16,040
when Mr Burton here helped Musharaf
overcome his stammer.

419
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:19,040
But can you remember
what technique I used?

420
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,600
Were they mumbling?
Cos it sounded terrible.

421
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,320
That's a Yorkshire accent,
that's how they talk in Yorkshire.

422
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,160
Oh. Sorry.

423
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,120
They say things like tintintin.

424
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:29,600
What does that mean?

425
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,560
That means, "It isn't in the tin."

426
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:33,720
"Tintintin?"

427
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,560
"No, ti'nt in t'in."

428
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:41,520
OK so, Musharaf had a stutter
and one of the teachers helped him

429
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,640
to overcome it.
How did he overcome it?

430
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:47,120
It was an incredible, powerful,
wonderful moment of TV.

431
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:49,280
I cried so much when I watched that.

432
00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:53,280
Oh, my God, points for you
in my mind!

433
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:55,840
I cry too much.

434
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:57,720
- Do you cry at everything?
- Everything.

435
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,520
I cried at an episode of
Deal Or No Deal the other day.

436
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:03,720
All this woman wanted was
to take her daughter on holiday

437
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:07,720
and then she got a blue at the end
and I just went, completely gone.

438
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:12,720
Er, spoiler alert!
I haven't seen it.

439
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,360
Deal Or No Deal?

440
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:18,680
It is the most amazing show ever.

441
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,840
Basically, this guy opens
all these boxes and in one of them

442
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,840
is a severed head.

443
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:25,800
You don't know which one
it's going to be in.

444
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:29,360
And then you've just got to deal
with it or not deal with it.

445
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:33,360
APPLAUSE

446
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,920
Next question, very simple.
What happened inside this box?

447
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,680
That's Mariella Frostrup, yeah?

448
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:40,920
Yeah.

449
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:44,440
It's The Book Show.

450
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:45,560
It's the other show.

451
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,120
Next question, in January this year,
Quentin Tarantino

452
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,760
had a fairly lively interview
with Channel 4 News

453
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:54,760
but what memorable phrase did
Tarantino use during the interview?

454
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:59,480
- Your handwriting, it's like
a doctor's handwriting. - I know.

455
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:02,560
"I'm slutty"?

456
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,000
Yeah, I am.

457
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,120
You look it.

458
00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:11,120
OK next question, Joey Essex
was everyone's favourite
on I'm a Celebrity this year.

459
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,520
In the jungle, he admitted he wasn't
able to do two basic things.

460
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:18,120
What were they?
There's a point on offer for each.

461
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:20,480
- Yeah, yeah, got it. - That's a sure.

462
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:23,680
Joey Essex was on Splash last year
and he went up the high board

463
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,640
and he said, "Oh, I'm a bit scared
up here, mate, this is a bit scary."

464
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,200
And Tom Daley said, "Well,
it's like a second home to me."

465
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:33,200
He went, "You live here?"

466
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:37,200
OK, finally, it's over to my
favourite bake-off contestant,
Ruby Tandoh.

467
00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:42,080
Hi, Jimmy. We all had our bake-off
disasters at one point or another

468
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,480
but the unluckiest of all
was poor Howard,

469
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,320
who managed to lose his custard.

470
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:50,320
Can your teams remember
what happened to it?

471
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:53,320
That's not a euphemism.

472
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,080
No, but the way Ruby said it there,
it didn't help anyone, did it?

473
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:59,800
How did he lose his custard?
Thank you, Ruby.

474
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,440
OK, have you all got answers?

475
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,080
- Yeah, we do. - OK, fabulous.

476
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,760
Mr Burton and Mr Mitchell
asked you how Musharaf

477
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,720
overcame his stammer in
Educating Yorkshire. Who got this?

478
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:12,720
We went for a gluten-free diet
and tickles.

479
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:17,680
Get out that gluten and get
your tickles, and talk straight.

480
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:21,800
- Noel, Richard? - Prolonged sarcasm.

481
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,000
Jack, Jonathan, what have you got?

482
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,800
The answer, that's what we've got.

483
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:29,480
Took his parents hostage.

484
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:31,440
What's your...? Let's have a look.

485
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:35,200
Breath, nice and loud,
nice and proud.

486
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:39,200
HE STAMMERS

487
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:49,200
One thing and it's only cos
I watched The King's Speech
quite recently.

488
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,200
One thing he does, right, when...
Cos it's a very similar thing to you

489
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:55,240
in that he just can't
get the words out.

490
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:58,040
One thing he does do, is he makes him
listen to some music.

491
00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:01,640
- And then when he's listened to the
music, he gets him to do it again.
- OK.

492
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:03,920
- Have you got your phone with you? - No.

493
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:07,920
Right, plug it into mine
and I'll put you some awful music on.

494
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:12,520
- Right, are you ready? - Yes, sir.

495
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,960
- There? - OK. - Go for it.
One, two, three.

496
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,960
"The moment when after many years
of hard work that I owned this,

497
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:26,200
"is the same moment when the trees
unloose their soft arm

498
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:30,680
"from around you,
the birds take back their language.

499
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:34,680
"You never found us,
it was always the other way round."

500
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:38,720
Bloody hell! That's insane!

501
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:42,720
Musharaf, everyone!
It's amazing, right?

502
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:44,200
That's beautiful.

503
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,040
Yeah, it's really lovely.

504
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,400
OK, I asked you what
happened inside this box.

505
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:50,440
What did you get?

506
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:54,440
That box, it looks like Tron's shed.

507
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,200
What have you got answer-wise?

508
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,720
Water rafting
that culminates in sexy bits.

509
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:03,240
Well, we didn't specifically know
about the water rafting in there

510
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,280
but definitely there were sexy bits.
Dara?

511
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,840
- People doing sex. - People doing sex.

512
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,080
- Inside the box? - In the box.
- No, hold on.

513
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,560
- It was Mo Farah. - You saw...

514
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,560
Mo Farah completed it.

515
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,720
Mo Farah was in there, you saw him.

516
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:19,560
I've realised,
I was thinking of The Cube.

517
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:23,000
This is a different show
but I bet, if Mo Farah did this show,

518
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,920
he'd nail it as well.

519
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,880
That was the box from Channel 4's
Sex Box. Let's have a look.

520
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:30,480
In a few minutes,
a couple will enter this box.

521
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,920
They'll have sex and then
immediately afterwards come out

522
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,120
and talk frankly
about what they did,

523
00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:39,400
to me, a panel of
internationally renowned sex experts

524
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:41,560
and in front of our studio audience.

525
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:45,360
Welcome to Sex Box.

526
00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:48,120
How do they know they really did it?

527
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:51,160
They could just,
"Yeah, we did it and whoo!"

528
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,000
And, you know, they were just
sitting in the box just, like,

529
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,880
"OK, let's go."

530
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,600
OK, next up, I asked you
what memorable phrase

531
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,880
Quentin Tarantino used
when he didn't like

532
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:04,680
- one of Christian Guru-Murthy's
questions on Channel 4 News.
Did you get this? - Yes.

533
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,640
He said, "I don't have to answer
that, you're not my mummy."

534
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:11,000
I can tell you that's not right.
Dara, Kristen?

535
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:14,760
It may look like I've written
I'm shatting your ass down.

536
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:17,280
But that is just merely
bad handwriting on my part.

537
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:20,640
- I'm shutting your ass down.
- Noel, Richard, what did you put?

538
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,240
- He said, "I'm shutting your
butt down." - Let's have a look.

539
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,680
So you don't want to
talk about anything serious?

540
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,360
I don't want to talk about
what you want to talk about.

541
00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:31,000
I don't want to talk
about the implications of violence.

542
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,840
I haven't wanted, because the reason
I don't want to talk about it,

543
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,320
because I've said everything
I have to say about it.

544
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,080
If anyone cares what I have to
say about it, they can Google me

545
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,280
and they can look for 20 years
what I have to say.

546
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:45,280
I haven't changed my id...
my choice, my opinion one iota.

547
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,800
No, but you haven't,
you haven't fleshed it out.

548
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,760
- That's the only reason...
- It's not my job to flesh it out.

549
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:53,640
No, it's my job to try
and ask you to.

550
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:56,240
And I'm shutting your butt down.

551
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:59,560
So, Dara, Kristen, you get points.
Noel, Richard, you get points.

552
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,720
- Jonathan, Jack, you get none there.
- Unfair.

553
00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,800
OK, next I asked you what two basic
things Joey Essex revealed

554
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,640
he couldn't do on I'm a Celebrity.
Did you know?

555
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,760
Croquet and crochet.

556
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,840
They're very hard to do at
the same time.

557
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,760
And he gets confused between them
so whenever he tries to do crochet,

558
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,400
he does it with a mallet.

559
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,000
Dara, Kristen?

560
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,480
To read and write.

561
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,000
Is that right?!

562
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,360
It's weirder than that.

563
00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:27,320
OK, Noel, Richard,
what did you go for?

564
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,520
Make decisions and oscillate.

565
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:33,520
LAUGHTER

566
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,520
Ah... I... Let's have a look.

567
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:40,520
Don't do it.
Pick your nose if you have to.

568
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:42,440
I can't blow my nose.

569
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:44,520
Can't you? Why?

570
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:47,200
Never learnt how to do it.

571
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:49,760
You just blow, like -
hold your mouth and blow.

572
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:53,240
I can't do it, I can't go like that.
So I have to go like that.

573
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:57,040
Things that you don't really need
to know, I don't really know.

574
00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:58,760
This sounds so stupid.

575
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,200
Yeah, I learnt to do my laces
and stuff because that's...

576
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,520
I needed to tie my laces up
for the rest of my life

577
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,600
but blowing your nose, you don't
have to do it the professional way.

578
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:08,000
You can just do it the Joey way.

579
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:12,000
15, 30, 30 minutes past nine.

580
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,760
I can tell the time on
the digital ones, can't tell it

581
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:18,760
on an actual like round one
what goes like that.

582
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:22,840
You know, I retract any
feeling that we were harsh.

583
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:25,280
Yeah.

584
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:29,280
This is the best TV you've got?

585
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:35,080
This and sex in a box?

586
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:38,120
Can I just say really,
this is really pernickety

587
00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:42,120
and so annoying and I do want
to come back to it but if you do

588
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:46,120
play croquet, you do have to go
clockwise playing, so technically

589
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:50,520
not knowing how to tell the time,
he wouldn't be able to play croquet.

590
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:54,480
If you went anti-clockwise,
you'd be disqualified
and you'd lose the game.

591
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,560
The idea he can't blow his nose
is the really...

592
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:59,560
Like, he can't do
it like a professional.

593
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,240
That was the amazing bit,
like a pro.

594
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,920
I can't do it like a pro,
you know these pro guys.

595
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:05,160
They're good.

596
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:07,240
I book them
for children's parties all the time.

597
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,000
They come in and they do...

598
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,160
..across the room. Amazing!

599
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:15,720
Finally, Ruby from Bake-Off asked
you what happened
to Howard's custard.

600
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,040
Did anyone remember?

601
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:21,040
He piped it into Paul Hollywood's
soggy bottom.

602
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,120
Is that allowed?

603
00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:28,120
That's just a bit of silly
Radio 4 slap and tickle.

604
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:32,120
What have you got Noel, Richard?

605
00:27:32,120 --> 00:27:35,480
He just forgot where it was.

606
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:37,960
That is almost
the definition of losing it.

607
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,240
Yeah, to be honest.

608
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,680
- Seems reasonable. - Dara, Kristen?

609
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:43,280
I think somebody stole it,

610
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:46,200
somebody used his custard
in their trifle.

611
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,320
OK - it was Deborah,
we're going to show it now.

612
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:52,760
If you're of a sensitive disposition
it might be an idea to look away.

613
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:55,200
Where's my custard? Oh, no!

614
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,800
I'm so sorry, Howard.

615
00:27:57,800 --> 00:27:59,480
What's happened?

616
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,600
I used Howard's custard by error.

617
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,520
They were both in the same fridge
and I forgot what my bowl was,

618
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,000
and I used his.

619
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,800
I haven't used it all
but I am really upset.

620
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:13,400
Howard, this is... this is like...
it's like a recurring nightmare.

621
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:16,000
So now you've taken
possession of Deborah's custard?

622
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,160
- Yes. - And his own,
and I'm really sorry.

623
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:19,800
I've got some of my own.

624
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:21,360
Jerry! Jerry!

625
00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:22,840
LAUGHTER

626
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:26,360
More English TV gold there for you.

627
00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:27,480
Argh!

628
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:29,840
Wow, "Someone used my custard!"

629
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:33,120
- "Oh, I'm really upset!"
- Fucking hell, Jimmy!

630
00:28:33,120 --> 00:28:35,680
But she didn't use it all, did she?
There was a bit left.

631
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:37,600
But he still had to go
and make more.

632
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,920
Oh, fucking hell, no!

633
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:42,480
Yeah, how did he cope?

634
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:46,120
He's in a kitchen so there can't
have been any more custard there.

635
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:48,080
How many times
have you made custard?

636
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:49,760
- Oh! - It's really hard.

637
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:53,320
I buy it. You can get it in cartons.

638
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:56,720
OK, time now for
a special bonus round about movies.

639
00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,640
I'll show you pictures from three
of the biggest movies of the year

640
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:01,240
which have all been subtly improved.

641
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:04,040
All you've got to do is
tell me the names of the films, OK?

642
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,240
Ready for this?
Here's your first one.

643
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:10,240
LAUGHTER

644
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:13,320
I think Jimmy looks brilliant.

645
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:16,400
Yeah, that's a better haircut
than what you've got now.

646
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:17,840
AUDIENCE BOOS

647
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,080
I like your hair now... Oh, boo-boo.

648
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:25,080
- OK, next one. - Oh, my...

649
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:27,560
Any hurtful comments?

650
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:31,120
That's just a normal picture of
Jimmy at home in his onesie,
that is.

651
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:32,760
I like that haircut, too, on you.

652
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,280
Thank you very much.
OK, and the third one?

653
00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:39,280
That's quite good hair.

654
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:43,480
That image made my orbs
fizz slightly.

655
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:45,120
Your orbs?

656
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:46,760
What I'm saying, Jimmy,

657
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,760
is if I was drunk in Camden,
I would get off with you.

658
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,280
You look like you're coming
out of a gorilla's vagina.

659
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:58,280
LAUGHTER

660
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:04,080
APPLAUSE

661
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:08,080
A tiara would not develop
in a gorilla's womb.

662
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:13,600
There's not the pressure
to create that kind of rock.

663
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:16,240
OK, let's have a look
and see what you've got.

664
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:19,360
Star Trek, Behind The Candelabra
and Great Gatsby.

665
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:21,960
- OK, Dara?
- We've got that although I think

666
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,120
we've misspelt, we've written

667
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:25,400
Behind the Candlebra,

668
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:26,720
a very different film.

669
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:29,280
Behind the Candelbra's pretty
acceptable, I think,

670
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:31,240
and what have you gone for,
Noel and Richard?

671
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:35,240
Star Trek 2, Liberace Behind
The Candelabra, The Great Gatsby.

672
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,480
Well you're all three for three.

673
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:40,240
It was, of course,
Mr Spock in Star Trek,

674
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:42,160
Michael Douglas
in Behind the Candelabra

675
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,680
and I was Carey Mulligan in
The Great Gatsby.

676
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:46,680
APPLAUSE

677
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:49,360
Let's see
what that's done to the scores.

678
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:52,200
OK, Jack and Jonathan
have 4 points.

679
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:53,920
Noel and Richard have 8.

680
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,240
In the lead,

681
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:56,840
Kristen and Dara with 9 points!

682
00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:58,400
CHEERING

683
00:30:58,400 --> 00:30:59,920
Now, in a last-ditch attempt

684
00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:03,000
to inject some life into the British
economy, here are some ads.

685
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:04,880
I wonder if there's any sales on.

686
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:10,000
CHEERING

687
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:17,400
Welcome back to the
Big Fat Quiz of the year.

688
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:19,360
This round is all about the year
in music.

689
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:22,560
David Bowie surprised everyone
by releasing his first album

690
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:26,560
in ten years. His previous album was
released on something called a CD,

691
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:28,760
and you got it from a place
called a record shop

692
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,520
which was a building
you actually had to go to

693
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:34,840
and you had to pay for it.
It was rubbish.

694
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:38,600
The Spice Girls' musical Viva For
Ever closed after just six months.

695
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:40,080
The problem was the casting.

696
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:44,080
Turns out it's quite hard to find
actresses who can't sing or dance.

697
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,400
AUDIENCE GROAN

698
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:51,400
Kill Jimmy! Kill Jimmy! Kill Jimmy!
Kill Jimmy! Kill Jimmy!

699
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:53,960
Thank you for your support.

700
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:57,400
We're hoping that'll catch on as
a kind of nationwide catch phrase.

701
00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:01,240
Bonnie Tyler represented the UK in
this year's Eurovision song contest.

702
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:04,080
Bonnie wrote the song in Wales,
recorded it in Nashville

703
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,320
and fucked it up in Sweden.

704
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:08,240
Right, time for some more questions.

705
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:12,240
First it's over to X Factor judge
and pop impresario, Louis Walsh.

706
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:14,440
Hi, Jimmy, how are you?

707
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,640
Now I know what it's like to be
in the glare of the public eye,

708
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:21,640
just like celebrity super-couple
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.

709
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:25,720
They had a baby daughter in June
and everyone wanted to know

710
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:27,080
what they would call her.

711
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:29,480
Can your teams remember what it was?

712
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:32,200
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- OK, so we all know this.

713
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:36,200
- Noel, try and get some valuable
points in. - Look at Brucie.

714
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:37,880
I love that song.

715
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:40,720
Don't you know that Kanye West song
Bound 2, it's kind of...

716
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:43,840
It's like the most mental song ever
and it's kind of genius.

717
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,360
- # I....
- Uh!

718
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,080
♪ Uh-huh, honey!

719
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:49,560
♪ I...

720
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,360
♪ I know it's hard to be in love... ♪

721
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:52,880
It's like all that.

722
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:54,240
We should do it.

723
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:56,000
She's lying on the thing...

724
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,040
- Yeah. Oh, yeah, when...
- Don't do it. Don't do it!

725
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:01,160
I'll be on the motorcycle!
I'm on the motorcycle

726
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,560
She's really...
No, no she's not that into it.

727
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,760
Bring out the bump!

728
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,520
- Dara is the a motorcycle.
- He is the motorcycle.

729
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:10,680
- The motorcycle? - Yeah.

730
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:12,760
And then he's going... What's
he going?

731
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:14,600
♪ I know... ♪

732
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:18,000
DARA REVS LIKE A MOTORCYCLE

733
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:20,280
♪ Nobody to love

734
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:21,920
♪ Nobody... ♪

735
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,000
Is it on, the motorcycle?
Is it going?

736
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:27,480
♪ Uh-huh... ♪

737
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:28,840
OK, if you could just come out

738
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:32,640
and talk frankly about
what you've just done.

739
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,680
Next up, which controversial chart
topper has been banned

740
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:39,680
in 20 UK universities, led to an
American dance coach being fired

741
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,200
and a law suit with Marvin Gaye?

742
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:44,520
Who was responsible for all
of that this year?

743
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:46,040
Is that? Do you think that's right?

744
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:47,400
Bang in the middle of songs.

745
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,720
Cos he, a lot of people... Yeah.

746
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:52,160
- That could be right. - They don't know
what's what, but I do.

747
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:55,080
OK, next question - Beyonce got into
trouble for not doing something

748
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,800
at Barack Obama's inauguration.
Can you remember what it was?

749
00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:59,840
Yeah.

750
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:03,000
The answer can't just be,
"Yes, I can remember."

751
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,840
You've got to write down
what it was.

752
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:08,840
You've incorrectly framed
the question. So I claim my point.

753
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:15,000
During the chart rundown,
on April 14th,

754
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:18,440
BBC radio refused to play
the number two single in full.

755
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:20,120
Can you tell me why?

756
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:21,960
Oh!

757
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,360
Yes. OK.

758
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:25,800
You're sure?

759
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:28,440
Finally it's over to the Channel 4
newsroom where Jon Snow

760
00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:31,080
has a special bulletin about one of
this year's biggest hits.

761
00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:32,719
Over to you, Jon.

762
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:35,400
An American building contractor is
facing legal action

763
00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:39,000
after it emerged that she
inadvertently demolished a residence

764
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:40,679
whilst trying to gain entry.

765
00:34:40,679 --> 00:34:43,320
She issued an apology to the home
owner insisting

766
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:47,320
"I never meant to start a war,
I just wanted you to let me in,"

767
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:50,440
and adding that she just closed her
eyes and swung.

768
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:53,080
This is not the first time the
woman's professional conduct

769
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:57,080
has been called into question as she
was previously found licking tools

770
00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:01,480
and operating heavy machinery while
fully nude.

771
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:05,080
Jon Snow there, God bless him.

772
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:07,120
OK, so what hit song was Jon
reporting on?

773
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:08,440
Yes. Yes.

774
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:09,760
What's the song called again?

775
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:11,000
Wrecking balls.

776
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,640
Well, that's very much
the question, Jack.

777
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,840
OK, all right.
First up, Louis Walsh asked you

778
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:20,040
what Kim and Kanye called
their baby. Did you know?

779
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:24,040
Fred West.

780
00:35:26,240 --> 00:35:27,960
It's a lovely name.

781
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:29,680
Dara, Kristen?

782
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:31,440
It's North.

783
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,080
And Noel, Richard?

784
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:36,160
North By North West.

785
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:38,040
That's the full name.

786
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:39,760
So his middle name is By North West?

787
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:43,760
- Yeah. - No, By North.
West is its last name.

788
00:35:45,240 --> 00:35:48,400
It's no more ridiculous than
the actual name, is it?

789
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,240
No. It's a fabulous name.

790
00:35:50,240 --> 00:35:52,680
Yes, they did christen
their child North,

791
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,760
so no points for you,
Jack and Jonathan,

792
00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:56,040
but everyone else gets one.

793
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:58,800
OK. Next I asked you which
controversial chart-topper

794
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:00,560
has been banned in 20 universities,

795
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:02,400
led to an American dance coach
being fired

796
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,840
and a law suit with Marvin Gaye.
Did you get it?

797
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:08,360
Aled Jones.

798
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:11,040
A lot of people see Aled on TV
and they think, "There he is,

799
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:14,160
"face of an angel, voice of an
angel," but behind closed doors

800
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:18,160
he is absolutely bonkers.

801
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:20,080
Kristen, Dara?

802
00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:21,440
- Yeah. - What have you gone for?

803
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:23,440
We've gone for creepy Robin Thicke.

804
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:25,480
- Creepy? - Creepy Robin Thicke.

805
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:28,240
- Why Creepy?
- He's just creepy. Look at him.

806
00:36:28,240 --> 00:36:30,360
You'd clean him with a wire brush.

807
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:34,360
He's filthy, dirty, sleazy,
get out of here. He's horrible.

808
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:39,320
I've really taken against him.
I really have gone against him.

809
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:43,320
I'm OK with him. I mean
the lyrics are a bit date-rapey...

810
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:47,640
"I know you want it,
I know you want it.

811
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,520
"I know you're saying
one thing, but I know."

812
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:53,560
Yeah, you're a tart.

813
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,880
Those may not be
the actual lyrics, but the...

814
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:59,320
What's the song called?
No Means Yes?

815
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:00,760
It might as well be, Noel.

816
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:03,880
It's called Blurred Lines
but basically the content,

817
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:05,840
the idea is, "What was that, no?

818
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:07,920
"Oh, yeah, whatever."

819
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:11,920
No is such an ambiguous word,
though, isn't it?

820
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:15,720
What does it mean?

821
00:37:15,720 --> 00:37:19,160
It's a nightmare for me,
cos my name sounds like Noel.

822
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:20,680
No.

823
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:24,360
North By North West,
let's carry on now.

824
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:25,720
It's very ambiguous

825
00:37:25,720 --> 00:37:28,760
when someone says, "I don't want
you to have sex with me."

826
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:30,880
What do they mean by that?

827
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:32,840
Like, are they teasing?

828
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,120
I just don't know where you
stand these days.

829
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:39,120
Let's have a quick look
at Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines.

830
00:37:40,240 --> 00:37:42,560
♪ I know you want it

831
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:44,760
♪ I know you want it

832
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:46,240
♪ I know you want it

833
00:37:46,240 --> 00:37:48,200
♪ You're a good girl

834
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,440
♪ Can't let it get past me

835
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,360
♪ You're far from plastic

836
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:54,000
♪ Talk about getting blasted

837
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,760
♪ I hate these blurred lines... ♪

838
00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:58,160
What a prick.

839
00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:02,160
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

840
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:07,640
- He's just an idiot, though.
- Yes, he's just an idiot.

841
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:09,680
I don't think he even knows
what it means.

842
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:11,440
He's just a fucking idiot.

843
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:13,680
I did a show where I sat next to him.

844
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:17,080
I mean, his legs were, like,
so thrust apart

845
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:20,320
and the big bulging crotch
was in your face

846
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:22,280
and it was just all so unnecessary.

847
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:26,280
Oh, you know you want it!

848
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:32,960
The show I was on was
Alan Carr Chatty Man,

849
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:34,440
which is actually a great show.

850
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:37,160
Don't know if anyone has seen it,
so...tune in.

851
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:41,160
He does great interviews.

852
00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:46,080
Yeah, but he mainly gets B-listers.

853
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:49,760
Next up I asked you what Beyonce
didn't do at Obama's inauguration.

854
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:51,000
- Did you know? - Yes.

855
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,000
We believe she didn't sing,
she mimed there,

856
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:56,360
and I'm saying she didn't sing,
but apparently it wasn't actually

857
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:59,200
Beyonce because Beyonce couldn't
make it so they had to send...

858
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:02,640
Beyons B.

859
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:04,520
I like that one, that worked.

860
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:06,520
Dara, Kristen?

861
00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:10,320
Well, I, I think...
She lip-synched, she didn't sing.

862
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:12,960
- Noel, Richard, what did you get?
- Miming, singing.

863
00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:16,960
Miming, singing. That's the right
answer, everyone gets a point.

864
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:21,840
I asked you why BBC Radio refused
to play the number two single

865
00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:23,720
in full on April 14th.
Did you know?

866
00:39:23,720 --> 00:39:26,480
Cos it was shit.

867
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:28,720
Such an angry young man.

868
00:39:28,720 --> 00:39:30,080
Dara, Kristen?

869
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:33,240
Thatcher had just died and it was
Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead,

870
00:39:33,240 --> 00:39:36,080
and they said they'd play an excerpt
of it and explain why it was

871
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:39,040
in the charts rather than making
everyone listen to the entire thing,

872
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:42,080
which is very fair cos actually once
you've got the gag, you doze off.

873
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:43,440
♪ Ding dong the witch is dead! ♪

874
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:46,480
Cos it goes on for three minutes
of that, like, "I get the joke!"

875
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:48,320
♪ Do-do-do! The witch is dead! ♪

876
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:49,680
Richard, you got this?

877
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:51,880
♪ Ding dong the witch is dead! ♪

878
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:54,320
It was Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead,
from the Wizard of Oz,

879
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:57,360
which reappeared in the charts
following Margaret Thatcher's death.

880
00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,760
Jon Snow reported on one of
the biggest hits of the year.

881
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:01,120
Did you know what it was?

882
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:02,800
- Yes. - Miley Cyrus.

883
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:04,200
And the song was?

884
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:06,280
- Look at Me.
- But she's on the Wrecking Ball.

885
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:08,160
- Noel, Richard, you got this? - Yeah.

886
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:11,280
- Kristen, Dara? - Wrecking Ball.
- Wrecking Ball by Mi.

887
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:13,200
By Miwey Cywus.

888
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:14,600
By Miwey Cywus.

889
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:16,840
And her sexy face.

890
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:18,320
Why do people think she's being,

891
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:20,240
"Oh, she's awful,
she's all gone sexual."

892
00:40:20,240 --> 00:40:23,920
There's nothing sexual
about somebody going...

893
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:26,640
- Just wagging their... - Hold it,
do that again with your tongue

894
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:28,000
cos you look a bit like her.

895
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:32,000
Look, if we give you the hairstyle,
get your tongue out. Look at that.

896
00:40:37,720 --> 00:40:39,320
Let's have a look at Miley Cyrus.

897
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:41,480
♪ Wrecking ball

898
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:45,240
♪ I never hit so hard in love

899
00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:49,040
♪ All I wanted was to break your
walls

900
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:52,360
♪ All you ever did was wreck me... ♪

901
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:54,680
I met Miley Cyrus on a show,
actually.

902
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:58,680
I was doing Graham Norton on the...

903
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:01,080
That's a good show, isn't it, Jack?

904
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:03,200
It's a great show,
and she was actually very nice.

905
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:05,160
It was back when she was
in the Disney days.

906
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:08,640
She's quite A-list.

907
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,280
OK. All right.
Time for a very special guest

908
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:13,720
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
the new landlord

909
00:41:13,720 --> 00:41:16,040
of the Queen Vic,
it's Danny Dyer, everyone.

910
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:20,040
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

911
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:27,120
It's Danny Dyer,

912
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:30,560
or should I say Mick Carter. You're
the new landlord of the Queen Vic.

913
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:32,040
Yeah, yeah.

914
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:35,000
How do you think
you're going to die?

915
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,320
Cos in EastEnders, everyone,
they either get run over

916
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,640
or there's a gas explosion
or occasionally shot.

917
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:41,040
If you had to put a bet on now...

918
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,640
No, no, I want to do an Ian Beale,
that's me now, I'm done.

919
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:47,320
I'm fucking... I'm going to stay,
a 20-stretch, you know what I mean?

920
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:48,880
A 20-stretch?

921
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:51,600
Very few actors talk about jobs
in terms of...

922
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:53,880
I bet very few prisoners
are impressed by,

923
00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:57,880
"Where did you do your 20-stretch?"
"In EastEnders."

924
00:41:58,240 --> 00:41:59,760
How was your Christmas, Danny?

925
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:03,760
Did you have a couple of jars
and get off your fucking nut?

926
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:06,560
Nice bit of goose, that was nice.

927
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:10,560
Bit of goose, that's Cockney
rhyming slang for slag.

928
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:14,080
It is! Shut up! Goosy rag, slag.

929
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:17,000
- It's not. - It is!

930
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:18,080
How was your year?

931
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:20,840
Good. Did a film called Vendetta,
it's out now.

932
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:22,360
Come out on the 23rd.

933
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:24,560
It's a strong piece of work.
Jack, you've seen it.

934
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:28,560
Very good, came out on the 23rd,
closed on the 25th. Brilliant.

935
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:33,040
It didn't. It is really good.
It's violent, though, innit?

936
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:34,600
- It's very violent, yes.
- Very scary.

937
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,760
Hold it, Jack's trying to get a bit
tough. "It's violent, innit?"

938
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:41,760
A minute ago he was talking
about croquet rules.

939
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:44,480
Come on, question time.
You've got a question for us.

940
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,400
You're the new landlord of the Queen
Vic. It's a suitable question.

941
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:48,720
All right. Fuck sake!

942
00:42:48,720 --> 00:42:50,440
I'm the new landlord
of the Queen Vic.

943
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:52,480
- I've just said that.
- That's what I'm saying.

944
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:56,480
Danny, are you wearing leggings
or are they...?

945
00:42:57,120 --> 00:43:01,080
Have we caught you in the middle
of a Shakespeare play?

946
00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:03,000
Fucking hell, what's the fucking...

947
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:06,880
Can you pirouette, can you
make it like ballet?

948
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:09,240
You look like you're in panto,
that's all.

949
00:43:09,240 --> 00:43:12,120
Can I fucking read this or what?
Fuck sake!

950
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:16,120
I wanna fuck off!

951
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:20,640
The second half of the Nutcracker
starts soon. You gotta go.

952
00:43:21,240 --> 00:43:25,240
I think they're called jeggings.

953
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:34,640
That is a blurred line right there.

954
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:37,400
Because they're quite feminine,
if you want to see how a real man

955
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:41,400
should dress, Noel,
stand up and show him.

956
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:47,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

957
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,640
I must be the only person
in here who's thinking,

958
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:55,640
"His jeans are a bit baggy."

959
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:57,280
Come on, Danny, question.

960
00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:59,240
Right, I'm the new landlord
of the Queen Vic.

961
00:43:59,240 --> 00:44:03,240
We know!

962
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:08,680
Bonnie Langford called,
she wants her top back.

963
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:13,040
Are you going to read this out?
Let's do it.

964
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:14,360
It's not as easy as it looks.

965
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:17,400
It's a fuck, it's a
right poxy question and all.

966
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:21,400
Let me get this straight, you're
the landlord at the Queen Vic.

967
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:23,600
Go on.

968
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:25,680
I'm still with you, just...

969
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:27,720
Yes, we're listening.

970
00:44:27,720 --> 00:44:30,640
Right this year Wetherspoons
announced they're opening a new pub

971
00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:33,240
in a questionable location.
Can you remember where?

972
00:44:33,240 --> 00:44:37,240
I couldn't give one fuck
at this point!

973
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:44,760
OK, so you all write something down.

974
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:48,480
So Wetherspoons are opening
a pub in a questionable location.

975
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:50,240
How long have you been
on the show now?

976
00:44:50,240 --> 00:44:52,880
- How long have you been filming
EastEnders? - Couple of months.

977
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:55,800
- Is it hard work? - I'm fucked,
to be honest. Fucking shattered.

978
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:58,560
- You need this like
a hole in the head? - Yeah.

979
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:00,880
OK, Jack and Jonathan,
what have you got?

980
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:03,480
We don't know for sure. Albert
Square, next to the Queen Vic.

981
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:06,000
- And then we drew a little picture
of Danny. - Of the landlord.

982
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,360
OK, what have you got,
Dara and Kristen?

983
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:10,640
Kristen thought maybe somewhere
in or on the river,

984
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:13,080
but we also drew a little picture
of Danny.

985
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:15,680
OK, and Noel, Richard,
what did you put?

986
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:19,680
Drainpipe Village.

987
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:23,400
They actually opened a pub
called the Hope and Champion

988
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:26,360
at the services on the M40.

989
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:30,360
Right, mind how you go,
see youse later!

990
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:33,640
Danny Dyer, ladies and gentlemen.

991
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:37,600
Danny Dyer, everyone. Danny Dyer.

992
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:41,600
Give him a round of applause.
Danny Dyer.

993
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,840
Right, let's have a look and see
what that's done to the scores.

994
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:49,160
Jack and Jonathan have got 6,
Dara and Kristen have 14,

995
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:51,120
Noel and Richard have 13.

996
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:59,000
We're off for a quick break.
See you in two.

997
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:06,720
Welcome back to
the Big Fat Quiz 2013.

998
00:46:06,720 --> 00:46:08,840
This round is
all about the year in sport.

999
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:12,600
Cyclist Lance Armstrong confessed
all on Oprah about his drug use.

1000
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:15,240
Oprah said Armstrong
was emotional and intense.

1001
00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:17,560
Well, that's drugs for you.

1002
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:19,400
As well as confessing
to taking drugs,

1003
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:23,400
the cyclist also admitted peddling.

1004
00:46:25,480 --> 00:46:28,520
Andy Murray stormed to victory
at Wimbledon in July.

1005
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:31,520
It was 77 years since the last
Englishman won Wimbledon -

1006
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:34,160
Fred Perry, who had to beat
Ben Sherman, Ted Baker

1007
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:36,320
and Ron Superdry along the way.

1008
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:39,600
I'm not saying Andy Murray is dour
but he took his victory champagne

1009
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:43,520
and put it in the fridge to save
for a special occasion.

1010
00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:44,960
OK, time for some questions.

1011
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:46,280
First one - in July this year,

1012
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:48,360
Andy Murray stormed to victory
at Wimbledon,

1013
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,640
but what teenage behaviour
were Hollywood actors

1014
00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:53,640
Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper
caught doing at the final?

1015
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:55,760
You should write some jokes for him.

1016
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:57,920
- Yeah!
- His speeches are always like -

1017
00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:01,880
SLOWLY: "It was a really
tough match."

1018
00:47:01,880 --> 00:47:04,480
Ah, he's like Superman,
and he goes -

1019
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:08,080
"Oh, it's really difficult."

1020
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:12,000
Write a joke for him, Jimmy,
you selfish fuck.

1021
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:14,760
He's a lovely fellow. He's dropped
into Mock the Week twice,

1022
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:16,840
done things with Sport Relief for us.

1023
00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:19,960
He's great, he laughs at himself.
Lovely fella. Everything's always...

1024
00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:23,040
What, are you going out with him?
Why don't you marry him?

1025
00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:24,600
You can now.

1026
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:27,120
- From March, I can.
- Where did you watch the match from?

1027
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:29,760
I watched the match
from inside his tennis bag.

1028
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:33,160
He didn't know I was there.
It was brilliant.

1029
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:37,160
I was in there amongst
the sweat bands and his old pants.

1030
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:40,080
Handing him bananas.

1031
00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:42,280
Handing him Lucozade. He loved it.

1032
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:46,280
"It was a really tough match."

1033
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:48,560
It's a very good Andy Murray.
OK, next question.

1034
00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:51,200
How did the normally genteel Oxford
and Cambridge boat race

1035
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:53,680
land the BBC in trouble
with Ofcom this year?

1036
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:57,440
- Have you seen the Oxford/Cambridge
boat race, Kristen? - Never.

1037
00:47:57,440 --> 00:47:58,920
Wait! I did!

1038
00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:00,560
I saw it on Social Network.

1039
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:03,480
- Yes! - Yes, you're right.
- It was in The Social Network.

1040
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:06,360
Well, it's a real thing. How did
they get into trouble with the BBC?

1041
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:08,960
They showed coverage of that
and they got into trouble.

1042
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:12,000
Lots of the things in the film
The Social Network are real things.

1043
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:15,160
Nobody thinks they invented like
rowing for the sake of the film,

1044
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:17,960
The Social Network, and then ever
since that film come out...

1045
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:19,960
It's not like Americans
watching it thinking,

1046
00:48:19,960 --> 00:48:23,560
"That's like quidditch.
It doesn't really happen."

1047
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:26,880
Next, it's over to the chirpiest
man in pop, Olly Murs.

1048
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:28,280
Hi, Jimmy. Olly Murs here.

1049
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:30,720
Now, when I'm not in the studio
making records,

1050
00:48:30,720 --> 00:48:33,520
I'm no stranger
to the football pitch,

1051
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:37,440
but can your teams tell me what
was unusual about the new signing

1052
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:40,880
to Doncaster Rovers reserve team
this year?

1053
00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:44,120
So, Kristen, very much a question
for you there -

1054
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:45,280
Doncaster Rovers,

1055
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:48,040
what was unusual about
their signing? Come on...!

1056
00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:50,120
This must've been big news
in America.

1057
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:54,120
It was big news in America.

1058
00:48:54,720 --> 00:48:58,720
OK, so over to Christine Ohuruogu
for our next question.

1059
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:02,000
Hi, Jimmy.
Now I've had a pretty good 2013.

1060
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,760
I won a gold medal at the world
championships for the second time

1061
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:08,120
and I was named Athlete Of The Year
for a third time.

1062
00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:10,320
It was also a big year
for David Beckham

1063
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:12,920
who signed for Paris Saint-Germain
in January,

1064
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:14,960
his last club before retiring.

1065
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:18,760
But can your teams tell me what he
immediately did with all the money?

1066
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:21,640
OK.

1067
00:49:21,640 --> 00:49:23,720
- Oh, did you know that?
- Yeah. - Oh, wow!

1068
00:49:23,720 --> 00:49:26,360
- Dara knows a lot of stuff.
- He really does.

1069
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:28,440
Yeah, but Beckham -
what an achievement.

1070
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:31,600
He doesn't look like it,
but he knows stuff.

1071
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:33,840
Do you know what I'd do
if I was David Beckham

1072
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:36,040
and I had all that money
and international fame?

1073
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:37,360
First thing I'd do?

1074
00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:39,840
I would go up to those people
that do the caricatures

1075
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:42,680
in Leicester Square
and just buy the one of myself.

1076
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:45,320
Because, you know how they always
have a David Beckham there,

1077
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:47,000
ready to go, as an example?

1078
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:48,400
How sweet would that be!

1079
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:50,600
Everyone else is queuing,
takes ages to get drawn.

1080
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:53,320
You're David Beckham, just turn up,
yeah - one off the shelf,

1081
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:55,400
and off I go.

1082
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:57,760
With ALL your money?

1083
00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:00,760
I like David Beckham -
he was on my show with Will Ferrell.

1084
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:04,520
Couple of fucking A-listers
there for you.

1085
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:07,200
He came on your show then,
but two weeks prior to that,

1086
00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:11,200
I definitely saw him on
The Alan Titchmarsh Show.

1087
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:13,360
He's seeing other hosts.

1088
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:15,200
OK, let's get some answers.

1089
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:17,320
First up, I asked you what teenage
behaviour

1090
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:18,880
Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper

1091
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:21,040
were caught doing during
the Wimbledon final.

1092
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:22,840
They blanked Jonathan Ross.

1093
00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:25,160
Jonathan was there at the final
trying to be friends

1094
00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:27,960
saying, "Come on my show?"
And they were, like, "Fuck off!"

1095
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:30,280
They were. You were both there
at that time.

1096
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:32,320
- I was there with Jimmy.
- Yeah.

1097
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:34,840
- We actually saw them. - You were trying
to flirt with them,

1098
00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:36,960
"Oh, I'd love to have you on,
Bradley."

1099
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:40,960
And they were, like, "I'm afraid
we're booked for Loose Women."

1100
00:50:41,040 --> 00:50:43,000
Dara, Kristen?

1101
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:46,360
- They were jumping about
and high-fiving... - Break dancing?

1102
00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:49,400
They brought lino and they spun
on their heads.

1103
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:51,880
They...they were high-fiving
each other.

1104
00:50:51,880 --> 00:50:54,000
- No! - OK, Noel, Richard?

1105
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:58,000
Necking and texting and giving
each other Eskimo kisses.

1106
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:01,680
- Eskimo kisses? - Yes, with the nose,
and all that. - Could you and Noel...?

1107
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:05,680
- Yeah, we could but we'd just...
We'd rather... - I would have done it.

1108
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:08,760
Such a slut!

1109
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:10,600
JACK: I'll give you one.

1110
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:14,600
We'd rather have sex in a box.
No-one wants to see that.

1111
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:20,640
The answer was...

1112
00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:24,640
The answer was they were spotted
actually taking a selfie.

1113
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:29,320
Taking a little selfie there
of themselves.

1114
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:32,600
- Yeah. - Just taking a selfie to send
to Paul O'Grady

1115
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:36,600
saying, "Please let me
on your show, otherwise..."

1116
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:39,840
OK, I asked you how the boat race

1117
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:43,120
landed the BBC in trouble
with Ofcom. What did you put?

1118
00:51:43,120 --> 00:51:44,960
We put "no oars".

1119
00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:47,200
They were doing it like when
you're in the bath

1120
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:51,200
and you can't get
the hot water down...

1121
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:53,680
OK, Dara, Kristen?

1122
00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:57,680
I didn't know, I thought nip slips.

1123
00:51:57,720 --> 00:52:00,240
Oh, that's... Oh, what's that?!

1124
00:52:00,240 --> 00:52:02,920
Too many nipples!
The children!

1125
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:05,040
Every stroke, do-ing!

1126
00:52:05,040 --> 00:52:07,000
Little singlets moving to the side.

1127
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:10,880
Worse than nip slips,
is if your COX slips out.

1128
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:14,880
I mean, very much
a rowing-based joke!

1129
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:18,360
And you said swearing, as well.
Noel and Richard?

1130
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:21,680
- Er, cox did a swear. - Yeah, there
was a little bit of swearing.

1131
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:24,800
Oskar Zorrilla, the Oxford cox,
swore all the way through.

1132
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:26,880
Yeah, but he's the cox,
it's like...

1133
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:28,480
It doesn't matter what he says.

1134
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:32,400
If Clare Balding said, "It's time
for the fucking boat race."

1135
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:35,080
Then you could complain,
but he's the cox.

1136
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:38,400
Next up, Olly Murs asked you what
was unusual about Doncaster Rovers'

1137
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:40,920
new reserve signing.
Did you get it?

1138
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:43,080
He is a she.

1139
00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:44,840
Well, I think Dara got it.

1140
00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:47,560
Yeah, it's a member of...I think
it's One Direction.

1141
00:52:47,560 --> 00:52:49,720
I can't be...
But it's one of those bands.

1142
00:52:49,720 --> 00:52:53,720
So our answer is still valid -
he is a she.

1143
00:52:54,280 --> 00:52:56,760
- Noel, Richard?
- One Direction. - That's right.

1144
00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:59,120
The answer is Louie Tomlinson
from One Direction -

1145
00:52:59,120 --> 00:53:02,160
- he's the new reserve signing
for Doncaster Rovers. - Wow.

1146
00:53:02,160 --> 00:53:06,040
- There he is.
- He's the one on the right, yeah.

1147
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:09,480
OK, next up, Christine Ohuruogu
asked you what David Beckham did

1148
00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:12,440
with all his wages when he signed
for Paris Saint-Germain. Any ideas?

1149
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:15,520
- Over to Jonathan.
- I think he was going to a market

1150
00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:19,520
and he exchanged the money
for some magic beans.

1151
00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:23,560
And Victoria was furious.
She threw the beans out the window.

1152
00:53:24,040 --> 00:53:26,320
And overnight,
a giant beanstalk grew,

1153
00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:28,760
and young David went up
the beanstalk.

1154
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:31,120
He was very brave,
but he was also scared

1155
00:53:31,120 --> 00:53:33,720
because a giant was living
at the top of it.

1156
00:53:33,720 --> 00:53:37,720
"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell...
I smell a range of colognes!"

1157
00:53:38,240 --> 00:53:39,760
OK, Dara, Kristen?

1158
00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:42,520
He gave his money
to children's charities.

1159
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:45,000
- OK, Noel?
- He bought new shin pads.

1160
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:47,120
No, "charity" we put.

1161
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:48,240
Look, at the start,

1162
00:53:48,240 --> 00:53:52,240
- charity, charity.
- Or a flat screened 3D-enabled TV.

1163
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:55,200
I can see the charity there,
so the answer was

1164
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:58,080
David Beckham gave all his wages
to a French children's charity.

1165
00:53:58,080 --> 00:54:00,360
Bet he's regretting that now
he's got to support

1166
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:02,520
a wife and four kids on his pension.

1167
00:54:02,520 --> 00:54:05,600
And now, for a bonus question,
it's over to the Big Fat Quiz's

1168
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:08,080
masterpiece theatre,
where actor Charles Dance

1169
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:12,080
is reading from a celebrity
biography published this year.

1170
00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:15,480
Chapter Five.

1171
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:18,920
I sometimes have to pinch myself
when I think of what I'm doing

1172
00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:21,280
and how lucky I am.

1173
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:24,720
Not long ago, I was out and
Steven Gerrard, the England player,

1174
00:54:24,720 --> 00:54:27,520
came up to me and shook my hand
and was, like,

1175
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:30,000
"I love the show, I always watch it."

1176
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:33,080
I nearly choked on my vodka.
I couldn't believe it.

1177
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:36,760
It was crazy,
and I was, like, W-T-F!

1178
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:40,120
We had some banter
and I couldn't get my head round it.

1179
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:42,960
My legs were like jelly. Lol!

1180
00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:46,640
Like the time I got invited
to Jamelia's birthday party at Maveda

1181
00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:49,400
and swapped numbers with Pixie Lott!

1182
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:51,600
The most starstruck I've ever been

1183
00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:55,600
is when I sort of met Beyonce
at her perfume launch.

1184
00:54:56,200 --> 00:55:00,200
I love Beyonce, but unfortunately,
she had a load of security round her

1185
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:02,000
so I had to just look at her.

1186
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:03,920
Sad face.

1187
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:07,520
Then there was that time I was
late for the Twilight premiere and

1188
00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:11,520
ended up on the red carpet next to
Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson.

1189
00:55:12,560 --> 00:55:14,280
I fancy the pair of them!

1190
00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:17,640
I definitely wouldn't say no, and I
couldn't believe it was happening

1191
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:19,920
and that I was actually next to them.

1192
00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:23,920
It was brilliant!
Hashtag - the good times.

1193
00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:30,160
Charles Dance there!

1194
00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:34,040
Very good, OK...

1195
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:37,120
So what celebrity autobiography
was that from?

1196
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:39,200
Have you all got something?

1197
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:41,400
OK, so, Jack, you've gone for...?

1198
00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:45,400
- He went for...
- Baroness Trumpington of Sandwich.

1199
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:48,160
No, almost the opposite of that.
Dara and Kristen?

1200
00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:52,160
We've gone for legendary cleric
Bishop Desmond Tutu.

1201
00:55:54,560 --> 00:55:58,240
It's the text speak
that gave it away.

1202
00:55:58,240 --> 00:55:59,360
Noel? Richard?

1203
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:02,920
We put his own autobiography.

1204
00:56:02,920 --> 00:56:06,000
It might be a double bluff.

1205
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:10,000
He didn't seem to even be
looking at the book.

1206
00:56:10,240 --> 00:56:12,280
It was like he'd lived it.

1207
00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:14,800
It was, he was reading
by candlelight.

1208
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:16,360
It was like Cyrano de Bergerac -

1209
00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:18,560
there's no way he could have been
reading the words.

1210
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:22,320
- That didn't even look like the book.
- No. - It was leatherbound.

1211
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:26,320
That was something out of a jumble
sale the props department bought.

1212
00:56:26,360 --> 00:56:29,040
The whole thing's a fucking sham.

1213
00:56:29,040 --> 00:56:31,920
Let's go back and see.

1214
00:56:31,920 --> 00:56:35,920
That was an extract from Secrets
Of An Essex Girl, by Lauren Goodger.

1215
00:56:37,200 --> 00:56:40,840
Amaze!

1216
00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:43,840
I actually don't know who that is.

1217
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:46,200
- She's in The Only Way Is Essex.
- Ah, right.

1218
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:48,680
Let's see what that's done
to the scores -

1219
00:56:48,680 --> 00:56:51,040
OK, so Jack and Jonathan
have six points,

1220
00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:52,520
Noel and Richard have 16,

1221
00:56:52,520 --> 00:56:55,120
Dara and Kristen in the lead
with 17 points at this stage.

1222
00:56:55,120 --> 00:57:03,000
Going for a quick break,
see you in three.

1223
00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:09,840
Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz.

1224
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:12,560
This round is all about the people
who made this year memorable.

1225
00:57:12,560 --> 00:57:15,720
Tommy Robinson quit as head
of the EDL, which is a shame as

1226
00:57:15,720 --> 00:57:19,360
I was just thinking about switching
my gas and electric to them.

1227
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:23,280
He quit because he said there were
too many far-right extremists,

1228
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:27,200
which is a bit like giving up Grindr
because you keep meeting gay men.

1229
00:57:27,200 --> 00:57:30,400
17-year-old Paris Brown
resigned from being Britain's

1230
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:33,000
first youth police
and crime commissioner

1231
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:36,960
after tweeting about taking drugs,
having sex and getting drunk.

1232
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:39,640
She's now head of the Co-op Bank.

1233
00:57:39,640 --> 00:57:41,920
- OK, ready for more questions?
- Yes. - Straight over to

1234
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:44,840
the walking encyclopaedia
from Pointless, Richard Osman.

1235
00:57:44,840 --> 00:57:47,320
Hi, Jimmy. Hi, everyone.
Hope you're having a good time.

1236
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:50,040
Now, it's a fairly well-known
TV fact that because I'm Richard

1237
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:52,680
out of Pointless,
I never get anything wrong.

1238
00:57:52,680 --> 00:57:55,440
However, this year the Vatican
did get something wrong.

1239
00:57:55,440 --> 00:57:58,480
They had to recall 6,000 coins
they'd issued to commemorate

1240
00:57:58,480 --> 00:58:00,720
the inauguration of Pope Francis.

1241
00:58:00,720 --> 00:58:02,520
Why did they have to recall them?

1242
00:58:02,520 --> 00:58:06,520
Can your teams remember the fairly
major mistake that they made?

1243
00:58:06,640 --> 00:58:09,680
OK, so the coins to commemorate
the inauguration of Pope Francis

1244
00:58:09,680 --> 00:58:12,080
had something wrong with them.
What was it?

1245
00:58:12,080 --> 00:58:14,400
Next question. Justin Bieber
had a hell of a year.

1246
00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:16,920
He punched a photographer,
he had his tour bus raided,

1247
00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:19,520
was allegedly filmed leaving
a brothel in South America,

1248
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:22,680
even had his pet monkey confiscated
by German authorities.

1249
00:58:22,680 --> 00:58:26,680
But how did a visit to Amsterdam
prove particularly controversial?

1250
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:30,720
Got into all the papers,
a big story.

1251
00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:34,080
Yeah, but that doesn't mean
we were obliged to read it.

1252
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:36,720
I think you'll like this one.

1253
00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:38,200
Be that as it may.

1254
00:58:38,200 --> 00:58:39,800
OK. I think you know this.

1255
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:41,640
I don't believe I do.

1256
00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:45,360
Did you say I don't "Bielebe" I do?
You did say that.

1257
00:58:45,360 --> 00:58:48,280
- You did. - Shoot me in the head now.
- Subconsciously, you're a Bieleber.

1258
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:51,200
We should write that down.
"I don't Bielebe it."

1259
00:58:51,200 --> 00:58:53,960
- And that could be a new
catchphrase. - I don't Bielebe it!

1260
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:57,560
Kill Jimmy, kill Jimmy, kill Jimmy.

1261
00:58:57,560 --> 00:59:00,560
Yay. OK, next question. I'm very
excited to say we're going over

1262
00:59:00,560 --> 00:59:03,360
to the one, the only Will Ferrell.

1263
00:59:03,360 --> 00:59:05,040
Hi, Jimmy.

1264
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:08,200
Now, as you know, former president
George W Bush has given me

1265
00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:11,240
a lot of great material
over the years.

1266
00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:13,680
But even I felt a pang of sympathy

1267
00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:17,200
for him when his e-mails
were hacked this year.

1268
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:20,640
The leaks revealed he'd taken up
an extraordinary new hobby.

1269
00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:24,640
Can your teams tell me what it was?

1270
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:27,800
- No, that's wrong. - It's correct.

1271
00:59:27,800 --> 00:59:31,200
- It's not only wrong, it's probably
libellous. - It's not.

1272
00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:34,600
I do the politics questions,
you do the silly Justin Bieber ones.

1273
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:36,080
That's how we work, as a dynamic.

1274
00:59:36,080 --> 00:59:37,720
OK, next question.

1275
00:59:37,720 --> 00:59:40,360
MEP Godfrey Bloom
caused embarrassment for UKIP

1276
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:43,400
this year after a string
of high-profile gaffes.

1277
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:46,760
Can you name one of his gaffes?

1278
00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:49,640
What did you do? Oh, yeah!

1279
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:52,120
Final question. Dame Helen Mirren
hit the headlines for

1280
00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:55,120
doing something rather unexpected
while dressed as the Queen.

1281
00:59:55,120 --> 00:59:57,000
What was it?

1282
00:59:57,000 --> 00:59:59,000
Oh, yeah.

1283
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:00,360
That is not what happened.

1284
01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:01,760
Yeah, it could be.

1285
01:00:01,760 --> 01:00:03,040
I would do that.

1286
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:06,520
She would have woken up.

1287
01:00:06,520 --> 01:00:09,200
OK, has everyone got something?
We'll go for answers.

1288
01:00:09,200 --> 01:00:12,240
First up, Richard Osman
asked you what mishap befell

1289
01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:15,240
the set of commemorative coins
produced for Pope Francis this year.

1290
01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:16,520
- Did you know? - Yes.

1291
01:00:16,520 --> 01:00:20,000
They were chocolate coins.

1292
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:21,400
OK, Dara, Kristen?

1293
01:00:21,400 --> 01:00:24,720
I thought the worse thing that
you could give them would be

1294
01:00:24,720 --> 01:00:28,720
melted down wiccan nickels.

1295
01:00:30,640 --> 01:00:32,320
A wiccan nickel?

1296
01:00:32,320 --> 01:00:35,080
Yeah, melted down into the
pope's commemorative coin.

1297
01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:36,440
So, a witch's...

1298
01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:38,240
Oh, my God, can I just say,

1299
01:00:38,240 --> 01:00:40,720
that photo looks like
Baby George all grown up.

1300
01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:44,720
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

1301
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:48,880
That is weird.

1302
01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:52,880
From the background,
is he going through a Stargate?

1303
01:00:55,600 --> 01:00:57,600
OK, Richard and Noel?

1304
01:00:57,600 --> 01:01:00,000
They had condoms on them.

1305
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:01,400
All the coins...

1306
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:04,800
- Had condoms on them.
- So no-one got that.

1307
01:01:04,800 --> 01:01:07,080
I can tell you the answer,
the answer was 6,000 coins

1308
01:01:07,080 --> 01:01:11,080
had to be recalled because they said
"Lesus" instead of "Jesus."

1309
01:01:11,680 --> 01:01:15,320
Is Lesus the Lizard Jesus?

1310
01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:16,640
The Lizard Jesus, yeah.

1311
01:01:16,640 --> 01:01:19,280
Next up, I asked you what
Justin Bieber did in Amsterdam

1312
01:01:19,280 --> 01:01:21,840
that proved particularly
controversial. Did anyone know?

1313
01:01:21,840 --> 01:01:24,040
Well, Jonathan's
just put "Anne Frank."

1314
01:01:24,040 --> 01:01:26,960
The question was, what did he do?

1315
01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:28,800
We need to elaborate there.

1316
01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:31,560
He went to the Anne Frank Museum
and he signed in the book saying,

1317
01:01:31,560 --> 01:01:33,560
"I think Anne Frank
would be a Bieleber."

1318
01:01:33,560 --> 01:01:36,560
No, no, no. Please give poor
Justin Bieleber a chance. He said,

1319
01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:39,520
"I do hope she might... I wonder
if she might have been a Bieleber."

1320
01:01:39,520 --> 01:01:42,440
Which is not necessarily a bad thing
to wonder, especially if,

1321
01:01:42,440 --> 01:01:46,440
as he probably was, you're off
your fucking tits on marijuana.

1322
01:01:46,720 --> 01:01:49,600
A friend of mine went to Amsterdam
and took some magic mushrooms and

1323
01:01:49,600 --> 01:01:52,480
went to the Anne Frank Museum and
thought it was like an interactive

1324
01:01:52,480 --> 01:01:54,360
thing where it was like
Where's Wally?

1325
01:01:54,360 --> 01:01:57,120
And ended up trying to rip off one
of the radiators, cos he thought

1326
01:01:57,120 --> 01:02:00,080
he heard someone behind it, but it's
not embarrassing, because as I say,

1327
01:02:00,080 --> 01:02:04,080
it happened to a friend of mine.

1328
01:02:09,640 --> 01:02:12,560
- Kristen, Kristen, do you know
this one? - I do know, yeah.

1329
01:02:12,560 --> 01:02:14,040
It's just like Jonathan said,

1330
01:02:14,040 --> 01:02:17,080
he said Anne Frank
would love him, you know.

1331
01:02:17,080 --> 01:02:19,440
He thinks Anne Frank
would have loved him

1332
01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:22,760
and I think that's really beautiful,
and for people who are, like,

1333
01:02:22,760 --> 01:02:26,040
"That's so gross." It's like how do
they know what she would have loved?

1334
01:02:26,040 --> 01:02:30,040
Like, she'd be like
a Bright Eyes fan or something?

1335
01:02:31,680 --> 01:02:35,000
Well, it's a fine and complete
answer. Noel and Richard?

1336
01:02:35,000 --> 01:02:37,600
Anne Frank stuff.

1337
01:02:37,600 --> 01:02:39,840
That is good enough from you.
What happened was

1338
01:02:39,840 --> 01:02:42,360
he visited Anne Frank's house
and wrote in the guest book,

1339
01:02:42,360 --> 01:02:44,600
"Truly inspiring
to be able to come here,

1340
01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:48,360
"Anne was a great girl, hopefully
she would have been a Bieleber".

1341
01:02:48,360 --> 01:02:51,440
- That's fine. That's fine.
- Also, come on, he was, like, 16.

1342
01:02:51,440 --> 01:02:53,880
If my son, when he was 16,
went to Amsterdam and I found out

1343
01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:57,880
he'd gone to the Anne Frank Museum,
I'd be fucking amazed.

1344
01:03:01,040 --> 01:03:03,200
There's a lot else
to do in Amsterdam.

1345
01:03:03,200 --> 01:03:04,640
It's a good point.

1346
01:03:04,640 --> 01:03:07,040
That's the most proud
I've been to be British this year

1347
01:03:07,040 --> 01:03:10,000
because, like, last year we had the
Olympics, we had the royal wedding,

1348
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:12,480
like, national pride was
at an all-time high and I thought

1349
01:03:12,480 --> 01:03:14,080
we were never
going to get that again.

1350
01:03:14,080 --> 01:03:16,480
And then in February,
Justin Bieber came to this island

1351
01:03:16,480 --> 01:03:20,280
and within four days,
we broke the fucker.

1352
01:03:20,280 --> 01:03:21,480
Proud of ourselves.

1353
01:03:21,480 --> 01:03:24,160
YOU should be proud of yourselves.

1354
01:03:24,160 --> 01:03:26,840
And next up, Will Ferrell asked
you what extraordinary hobby

1355
01:03:26,840 --> 01:03:29,840
George W Bush was revealed
to have taken up. Anyone get it?

1356
01:03:29,840 --> 01:03:31,800
- Yup. - He wrote the wrong thing.

1357
01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:35,800
Stalking. And then I put "Dash, deer
not women," because he's a hunter.

1358
01:03:36,160 --> 01:03:38,680
He likes hunting,
so it's... He was stalking deer.

1359
01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:41,600
- It's a practice where you follow
deer around. - That's not the answer.

1360
01:03:41,600 --> 01:03:44,920
- You could not be more wrong.
- He paints portraits of himself

1361
01:03:44,920 --> 01:03:48,160
and of dogs and he's actually
not that bad. And I just wish

1362
01:03:48,160 --> 01:03:51,520
he would have believed in himself
and had enough confidence

1363
01:03:51,520 --> 01:03:55,520
to become an artist before he got
into his presidential phase.

1364
01:03:57,280 --> 01:03:59,880
If he'd only really
given it a go, you know?

1365
01:03:59,880 --> 01:04:02,120
Same as Hitler, to a certain extent.

1366
01:04:02,120 --> 01:04:04,520
If he'd just stuck
with the painting...

1367
01:04:04,520 --> 01:04:07,000
How much damage
could he have done, you know?

1368
01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:10,600
He painted portraits of himself
in the bath, didn't he? The bathroom?

1369
01:04:10,600 --> 01:04:14,600
That's very specific. Let's have
a look at some of the paintings.

1370
01:04:16,200 --> 01:04:20,200
That's all right.
It's a pretty good dog.

1371
01:04:20,400 --> 01:04:23,280
I mean, that's a grown man that was
the most powerful man in the world

1372
01:04:23,280 --> 01:04:24,760
that did that, so well done.

1373
01:04:24,760 --> 01:04:28,760
- NOEL: Yeah! That's pretty fucking
cool, that one. - That's all right.

1374
01:04:28,920 --> 01:04:31,320
This one's better.
This next one, look at that.

1375
01:04:31,320 --> 01:04:33,320
Who's that in the mirror?

1376
01:04:33,320 --> 01:04:37,320
Chris Huhne in prison.

1377
01:04:37,560 --> 01:04:39,720
OK, next up, I asked you

1378
01:04:39,720 --> 01:04:42,400
if you could name one of
Godfrey Bloom's gaffes this year.

1379
01:04:42,400 --> 01:04:43,760
How did you get on?

1380
01:04:43,760 --> 01:04:47,520
Was he the one who called those
break-out meetings at UKIP's party,

1381
01:04:47,520 --> 01:04:49,520
he referred to women as sluts?

1382
01:04:49,520 --> 01:04:52,640
That is one of the things he did.
Jack, Jonathan?

1383
01:04:52,640 --> 01:04:54,800
He's the Bonga-Bonga man,
as well, isn't he?

1384
01:04:54,800 --> 01:04:57,520
He's the one who talked about
sending people to Bonga-Bonga land

1385
01:04:57,520 --> 01:05:00,240
and we've put "Slutgate", because
we popularised it in that way.

1386
01:05:00,240 --> 01:05:02,080
OK. Noel, Richard?

1387
01:05:02,080 --> 01:05:06,080
We put, he said something
that wasn't racist.

1388
01:05:07,240 --> 01:05:09,320
But we put Bongoland in the corner.

1389
01:05:09,320 --> 01:05:11,920
Presumably the one you have,
the one you have is when he hit

1390
01:05:11,920 --> 01:05:14,480
- somebody with a catalogue? - Yeah.

1391
01:05:14,480 --> 01:05:18,480
He hit a Channel 4 reporter
with a brochure, party brochure.

1392
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:20,360
Somebody pointed out that,

1393
01:05:20,360 --> 01:05:23,760
"There are no black faces on
your montage of UKIP supporters."

1394
01:05:23,760 --> 01:05:25,360
So he thought about it for a second

1395
01:05:25,360 --> 01:05:29,320
and weighed up the pros
and cons...and just hit him.

1396
01:05:29,320 --> 01:05:31,800
He hit him over the head
and called him a racist.

1397
01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:32,880
Let's have a look.

1398
01:05:32,880 --> 01:05:36,000
Mr Bloom, what do you make
of the front cover of this,

1399
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:40,000
your, the conference brochure
with no black faces on it?

1400
01:05:40,280 --> 01:05:42,840
What a racist comment is that.
How dare you!

1401
01:05:42,840 --> 01:05:44,560
That's an appalling thing to say.

1402
01:05:44,560 --> 01:05:47,080
You're picking people out
for the colour of their skin.

1403
01:05:47,080 --> 01:05:49,200
You disgust me, get out of the way.

1404
01:05:49,200 --> 01:05:51,240
What's appalling
about making that point?

1405
01:05:51,240 --> 01:05:53,080
Racist. You, sir, are a racist.

1406
01:05:53,080 --> 01:05:55,920
Why am I a racist, for saying
there aren't any black people?

1407
01:05:55,920 --> 01:05:59,560
You tell me this and you've checked
out the colour of people's faces.

1408
01:05:59,560 --> 01:06:03,560
Disgraceful, disgraceful.

1409
01:06:04,680 --> 01:06:08,680
Now that's good TV!

1410
01:06:11,400 --> 01:06:13,720
That reminds me so much
of my dad, when he found out

1411
01:06:13,720 --> 01:06:17,440
that our local newsagents
was stocking the Guardian.

1412
01:06:17,440 --> 01:06:19,560
You bastards!

1413
01:06:19,560 --> 01:06:23,560
He also said British aid shouldn't
be sent to Bongo-Bongo land.

1414
01:06:23,920 --> 01:06:26,600
But you know what? He is right,
because if we're sending aid

1415
01:06:26,600 --> 01:06:30,480
to Bongo-Bongo land, that's wrong,
because it doesn't fucking exist.

1416
01:06:30,480 --> 01:06:33,840
It's where they make Um Bongo.

1417
01:06:33,840 --> 01:06:35,480
Final answer, final answer.

1418
01:06:35,480 --> 01:06:37,720
I asked you what unexpected thing
Helen Mirren did

1419
01:06:37,720 --> 01:06:39,920
whilst dressed up as the Queen.
Did you know?

1420
01:06:39,920 --> 01:06:42,720
Scaring people in Madame Tussauds.

1421
01:06:42,720 --> 01:06:45,480
That would be so much fun.

1422
01:06:45,480 --> 01:06:48,480
She was doing whatever play
she's doing in the West End

1423
01:06:48,480 --> 01:06:51,640
and there were drummers drumming
outside and she left the show,

1424
01:06:51,640 --> 01:06:54,520
mid-show, and it was just in the
middle of one of the acts and said,

1425
01:06:54,520 --> 01:06:57,200
HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: "I'll be back
in a minute." Or whatever.

1426
01:06:57,200 --> 01:06:59,160
I don't do the Queen's voice.

1427
01:06:59,160 --> 01:07:03,160
HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: "One must go
and tell some drummers to fuck off."

1428
01:07:04,000 --> 01:07:08,000
Went outside
and turned all Danny Dyer on them.

1429
01:07:08,400 --> 01:07:10,560
"You fucking slags. Fucking drummer!"

1430
01:07:10,560 --> 01:07:14,560
"Fucking drum you, cow."

1431
01:07:15,280 --> 01:07:17,760
And then, off they go.

1432
01:07:17,760 --> 01:07:19,120
Noel, Richard?

1433
01:07:19,120 --> 01:07:21,720
- Told drummer to fuck off.
- That is the right answer.

1434
01:07:21,720 --> 01:07:23,800
I've got the direct quote, which was

1435
01:07:23,800 --> 01:07:26,280
"Shut the fuck up,
people have paid fucking £100

1436
01:07:26,280 --> 01:07:27,760
"for their theatre tickets"

1437
01:07:27,760 --> 01:07:30,600
- to a group of drummers outside the
theatre. - I think she had a point.

1438
01:07:30,600 --> 01:07:34,600
Yeah, but what if she'd
accidentally stumbled into Stomp?

1439
01:07:34,720 --> 01:07:37,400
So it's that part of the show
where I introduce a mystery guest.

1440
01:07:37,400 --> 01:07:39,520
All you have to do is guess
who they are and how

1441
01:07:39,520 --> 01:07:43,040
they made the news this year. Ladies
and gentlemen, our mystery guest.

1442
01:07:43,040 --> 01:07:46,040
APPLAUSE

1443
01:07:46,040 --> 01:07:50,040
How are you?
It's very nice to meet you.

1444
01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:53,720
OK, so you can only ask questions
that she can answer yes or no.

1445
01:07:53,720 --> 01:07:57,240
Did you get
your tights from Danny Dyer?

1446
01:07:57,240 --> 01:08:01,240
- No. - Were you in
Spice Girls: The Musical?

1447
01:08:01,560 --> 01:08:04,040
- No. - Congratulations.

1448
01:08:04,040 --> 01:08:05,400
Yes, well done.

1449
01:08:05,400 --> 01:08:09,400
Is your name Amanda Knox?

1450
01:08:10,240 --> 01:08:12,480
No.

1451
01:08:12,480 --> 01:08:15,480
Yes or no?

1452
01:08:15,480 --> 01:08:19,120
Did you appear on television?

1453
01:08:19,120 --> 01:08:20,439
Yes.

1454
01:08:20,439 --> 01:08:24,439
Did you appear on it unwillingly?

1455
01:08:25,200 --> 01:08:29,200
- No. - Was the situation blurred?

1456
01:08:31,120 --> 01:08:33,279
- Yes. - Did you win MasterChef?

1457
01:08:33,279 --> 01:08:35,120
- No. - Is it a cooking show?

1458
01:08:35,120 --> 01:08:37,359
- No. - Is it...? - A performing show?

1459
01:08:37,359 --> 01:08:41,359
- Yeah. - Are you the lady
that operates Bruce Forsyth?

1460
01:08:44,800 --> 01:08:48,800
- So it's a big show on television,
big reality show. - Not that big.

1461
01:08:51,840 --> 01:08:53,960
There was a news story
off the back of this.

1462
01:08:53,960 --> 01:08:56,640
It was a reality show and there was
a news story off the back of it,

1463
01:08:56,640 --> 01:08:58,960
cos it was such an extraordinary
thing that happened.

1464
01:08:58,960 --> 01:09:00,960
Have you been on
the Jonathan Ross... Oh, no,

1465
01:09:00,960 --> 01:09:02,520
it's a big show, you said!

1466
01:09:02,520 --> 01:09:04,439
Another clue would be
you were on a show

1467
01:09:04,439 --> 01:09:07,359
and I think it is fair to say that
you were not...you were not invited.

1468
01:09:07,359 --> 01:09:09,560
- Oh, yes, I know,
you threw an egg at someone. - Yes.

1469
01:09:09,560 --> 01:09:13,560
Write down your answers. You've
got to write down your answer.

1470
01:09:16,920 --> 01:09:19,319
- He gave the whole answer
to everyone. - You didn't say.

1471
01:09:19,319 --> 01:09:22,720
- What was it again?
- She threw an egg.

1472
01:09:22,720 --> 01:09:25,080
OK, let's see what everyone put.

1473
01:09:25,080 --> 01:09:26,760
Jack, Jonathan, you went with?

1474
01:09:26,760 --> 01:09:29,200
We went with threw egg on Cowell.

1475
01:09:29,200 --> 01:09:30,880
- Richard?
- We just went with threw an egg

1476
01:09:30,880 --> 01:09:32,960
at someone on Britain's Got Talent.

1477
01:09:32,960 --> 01:09:36,319
- Dara? - Threw an egg, like Jack said.

1478
01:09:36,319 --> 01:09:38,000
So tell them who you are.

1479
01:09:38,000 --> 01:09:42,000
My name's Natalie Holt and I
threw some eggs at Simon Cowell.

1480
01:09:45,279 --> 01:09:48,200
What's the back story to it anyway?
I never really got why you did it.

1481
01:09:48,200 --> 01:09:51,479
Well, I just thought
Simon Cowell's got too much power

1482
01:09:51,479 --> 01:09:53,120
and influence in the music industry,

1483
01:09:53,120 --> 01:09:57,120
so I thought it would be funny
to throw an egg at him.

1484
01:09:57,120 --> 01:09:59,760
And you, young lady, were correct.

1485
01:09:59,760 --> 01:10:03,760
It was very funny.
Let's have a look at you in action.

1486
01:10:04,000 --> 01:10:06,520
♪ The unreachable

1487
01:10:06,520 --> 01:10:10,520
♪ The unreachable

1488
01:10:10,760 --> 01:10:14,760
♪ Star

1489
01:10:18,240 --> 01:10:22,040
♪ And I always dream

1490
01:10:22,040 --> 01:10:26,040
♪ The impossible dream... ♪

1491
01:10:26,600 --> 01:10:29,400
APPLAUSE

1492
01:10:29,400 --> 01:10:32,360
CHEERING

1493
01:10:32,360 --> 01:10:34,800
I've got one more question.

1494
01:10:34,800 --> 01:10:37,880
- Go ahead, Noel. - Will you marry me?

1495
01:10:37,880 --> 01:10:39,120
Holy cow!

1496
01:10:39,120 --> 01:10:41,040
I'm marrying somebody else, sorry.

1497
01:10:41,040 --> 01:10:43,720
Oh, for fuck's sake!

1498
01:10:43,720 --> 01:10:45,000
Really good aim.

1499
01:10:45,000 --> 01:10:47,800
You were, like, 30 feet away from
him and he got him on the head.

1500
01:10:47,800 --> 01:10:49,120
I got him twice.

1501
01:10:49,120 --> 01:10:52,680
How did you get backstage
and onto the stage for that?

1502
01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:56,680
I was booked to mime in this backing
orchestra with an act that was on

1503
01:10:57,960 --> 01:11:01,960
the show and I just thought,
"Well, I could pelt them with eggs."

1504
01:11:02,040 --> 01:11:06,040
Have you ever considered
becoming a terrorist?

1505
01:11:10,240 --> 01:11:12,840
Natalie Holt, everyone,
give her a round of applause.

1506
01:11:12,840 --> 01:11:14,840
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1507
01:11:14,840 --> 01:11:17,480
Let's take a quick look and see
what that's done to the scores.

1508
01:11:17,480 --> 01:11:19,440
Jack and Jonathan have 9 points,

1509
01:11:19,440 --> 01:11:21,040
Noel and Richard have 21.

1510
01:11:21,040 --> 01:11:24,520
In the lead,
Dara and Kristen with 22.

1511
01:11:24,520 --> 01:11:25,880
Time for another break.

1512
01:11:25,880 --> 01:11:28,440
Once again, Natalie,
give her a round of applause.

1513
01:11:28,440 --> 01:11:35,000
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1514
01:11:39,080 --> 01:11:40,640
Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz.

1515
01:11:40,640 --> 01:11:42,440
This round is all about lifestyle -

1516
01:11:42,440 --> 01:11:45,760
the fads, fashions,
technologies and trends of 2013.

1517
01:11:45,760 --> 01:11:48,760
Grand Theft Auto 5 was
an enormous hit this year.

1518
01:11:48,760 --> 01:11:51,800
The big moral question is,
does playing Grand Theft Auto

1519
01:11:51,800 --> 01:11:53,680
affect the way one relates
to hookers

1520
01:11:53,680 --> 01:11:55,720
you've kidnapped in the real world?

1521
01:11:55,720 --> 01:11:57,360
The Share A Coke campaign

1522
01:11:57,360 --> 01:11:58,840
launched this year,

1523
01:11:58,840 --> 01:12:01,360
advertisers discovered
people all over the world

1524
01:12:01,360 --> 01:12:05,360
enjoy having their teeth dissolved
by something with their name on it.

1525
01:12:05,800 --> 01:12:09,080
Right, and for our first question,
it's over to Rizzle Kicks.

1526
01:12:09,080 --> 01:12:10,680
Wassup, Jimmy?

1527
01:12:10,680 --> 01:12:12,360
Now, as pop sensations,

1528
01:12:12,360 --> 01:12:16,000
it's very important we keep
ourselves looking shipshape.

1529
01:12:16,000 --> 01:12:19,600
- These bad boys didn't happen
overnight. - Where's the beach?

1530
01:12:19,600 --> 01:12:22,320
One of the biggest health fads this
year was the 5:2 diet,

1531
01:12:22,320 --> 01:12:25,120
but can your teams explain
how it actually works?

1532
01:12:25,120 --> 01:12:26,360
So, that's the Rizzle Kicks.

1533
01:12:26,360 --> 01:12:28,600
Can we have another
look at the Rizzle Kicks, there?

1534
01:12:28,600 --> 01:12:32,520
One of them looks as
if he might be solving a murder.

1535
01:12:32,520 --> 01:12:33,840
That'll be Harley.

1536
01:12:33,840 --> 01:12:35,240
Harley - I love the Rizzle Kicks.

1537
01:12:35,240 --> 01:12:36,280
I love Rizzle Kicks.

1538
01:12:36,280 --> 01:12:37,720
Do you really love Rizzle Kicks?

1539
01:12:37,720 --> 01:12:39,080
Yes, I love Rizzle Kicks.

1540
01:12:39,080 --> 01:12:40,280
Do you go to their gigs?

1541
01:12:40,280 --> 01:12:41,440
- Ye... - I have never...

1542
01:12:41,440 --> 01:12:43,080
Wear their badges, got their album?

1543
01:12:43,080 --> 01:12:46,000
I hate people who are only getting
on the Rizzle Kicks bandwagon now,

1544
01:12:46,000 --> 01:12:50,000
because I was there when they were
just starting off.

1545
01:12:50,120 --> 01:12:51,200
OK, next question.

1546
01:12:51,200 --> 01:12:55,080
Have a look at this clip of a woman
sitting down to a bite to eat.

1547
01:12:55,080 --> 01:12:56,440
Why was this newsworthy?

1548
01:12:56,440 --> 01:12:57,600
Here she is.

1549
01:12:57,600 --> 01:12:59,680
She's eating a bit of burger there.

1550
01:12:59,680 --> 01:13:02,880
Why did that make the news?
Why on earth would that be a story?

1551
01:13:02,880 --> 01:13:05,200
Jonathan, what have you got?
What's going on?

1552
01:13:05,200 --> 01:13:08,560
Well, last year Jack had
some pizza delivered.

1553
01:13:08,560 --> 01:13:11,480
- Because it's Boxing Day...
- Oh, you've got some bread. - Yeah.

1554
01:13:11,480 --> 01:13:13,520
We thought we'd make some
food for us.

1555
01:13:13,520 --> 01:13:14,840
Oh, what have you got?

1556
01:13:14,840 --> 01:13:17,040
I've got some bread
and we've got some turkey.

1557
01:13:17,040 --> 01:13:20,080
Last year, I ordered pizza
for everyone, a lovely gesture.

1558
01:13:20,080 --> 01:13:23,480
This year, you've brought
your old turkey.

1559
01:13:23,480 --> 01:13:26,960
Oh, thank you, Jonathan.
You're so generous.

1560
01:13:26,960 --> 01:13:30,400
Oh, and, yeah, just go ahead
with your hands.

1561
01:13:30,400 --> 01:13:34,400
- We just...? - You can add some mayo
if you want.

1562
01:13:34,640 --> 01:13:38,640
Jonathan, this is the least
appetising thing I've ever seen.

1563
01:13:38,880 --> 01:13:41,200
- Are we allowed to eat this,
Jonathan? - Yes.

1564
01:13:41,200 --> 01:13:44,120
Are there any vegetarians
here in the audience?

1565
01:13:44,120 --> 01:13:47,400
DARA: Stop squeezing the sandwich.
What is this process...?

1566
01:13:47,400 --> 01:13:49,200
LAUGHTER

1567
01:13:49,200 --> 01:13:51,560
- Don't throw turkey at people.
- I'm sorry.

1568
01:13:51,560 --> 01:13:53,720
You know how Jonathan makes
a sandwich, right?

1569
01:13:53,720 --> 01:13:55,680
Jonathan puts
the things between the bread

1570
01:13:55,680 --> 01:13:57,720
and then squeezes really hard...

1571
01:13:57,720 --> 01:14:01,320
It's called a post-Christmas
sandwich.

1572
01:14:01,320 --> 01:14:03,160
We're in the middle of a quiz here.

1573
01:14:03,160 --> 01:14:05,400
CORK POPS
Ooh!

1574
01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:07,800
What noise did you just make, Jack?

1575
01:14:07,800 --> 01:14:09,600
That was the bottle.

1576
01:14:09,600 --> 01:14:12,040
Jimmy, I've also got some
presents for people.

1577
01:14:12,040 --> 01:14:14,560
These are, and I'm re-gifting,
these are unwanted gifts.

1578
01:14:14,560 --> 01:14:16,760
I thought I would bring them
in anyway.

1579
01:14:16,760 --> 01:14:18,040
That's really kind of you.

1580
01:14:18,040 --> 01:14:19,080
That I want.

1581
01:14:19,080 --> 01:14:21,120
Unwanted Christmas gift.

1582
01:14:21,120 --> 01:14:23,200
- I don't know. - Jonathan!

1583
01:14:23,200 --> 01:14:25,440
Oh, I haven't seen that,
can I have that?

1584
01:14:25,440 --> 01:14:28,720
- Yeah... - Trust me, you don't
want to watch that.

1585
01:14:28,720 --> 01:14:30,280
Do you know what, Jonathan?

1586
01:14:30,280 --> 01:14:32,800
Did you actually go out
and buy two copies just for this?

1587
01:14:32,800 --> 01:14:36,320
No, these are the ones you gave me.

1588
01:14:36,320 --> 01:14:38,320
All the fun over here.

1589
01:14:38,320 --> 01:14:42,320
I'm going to put some
turkey in this...

1590
01:14:43,560 --> 01:14:47,120
If we put your jacket on the
turkey, it'll look like it's alive.

1591
01:14:47,120 --> 01:14:50,400
I think you should wear
the turkey as a hat.

1592
01:14:50,400 --> 01:14:52,200
But that's the perfect present.

1593
01:14:52,200 --> 01:14:56,200
It's a Jimmy Carr DVD
with turkey in it.

1594
01:14:58,360 --> 01:15:00,520
- Noel? - This is unbelievable. - Noel?

1595
01:15:00,520 --> 01:15:03,600
- Yeah, what's happened? - Noel, if Dara
were to put on your coat,

1596
01:15:03,600 --> 01:15:07,600
you would look like the baddie
in Despicable Me.

1597
01:15:08,920 --> 01:15:12,920
I'm just saying, that would...

1598
01:15:13,800 --> 01:15:17,800
I just think it would look amazing.

1599
01:15:18,360 --> 01:15:20,160
We're all fans of Despicable Me,
yes?

1600
01:15:20,160 --> 01:15:21,800
AUDIENCE CHEERS
And then if I put...

1601
01:15:21,800 --> 01:15:23,400
I don't want to stretch it, here...

1602
01:15:23,400 --> 01:15:27,400
You might have to just put -
oh, wow!

1603
01:15:35,200 --> 01:15:37,440
That's great.

1604
01:15:37,440 --> 01:15:40,600
It's like a small scarf on me!

1605
01:15:40,600 --> 01:15:44,600
Your coat is like a throw for me.

1606
01:15:46,400 --> 01:15:50,120
We should do... This is just a much
better way to do television shows.

1607
01:15:50,120 --> 01:15:53,760
- Why don't we carry on like this?
- Let's carry on like this, Kristen.

1608
01:15:53,760 --> 01:15:55,840
Am I getting yelled at right now?

1609
01:15:55,840 --> 01:15:58,040
Let's carry on...

1610
01:15:58,040 --> 01:15:59,600
Are you serious?!

1611
01:15:59,600 --> 01:16:01,800
I like the fact that Jonathan
brought out the turkey

1612
01:16:01,800 --> 01:16:04,640
as a bit of a gag,
and now has eaten half a sandwich.

1613
01:16:04,640 --> 01:16:06,840
It's really good turkey.

1614
01:16:06,840 --> 01:16:10,840
Now we just look like two people
who met at a festival...

1615
01:16:15,400 --> 01:16:18,000
..and are badly
coming down off of drugs.

1616
01:16:18,000 --> 01:16:20,720
LAUGHTER

1617
01:16:20,720 --> 01:16:22,120
Let's quiz.

1618
01:16:22,120 --> 01:16:24,400
- OK, let's quiz, let's quiz,
everyone. - Come on.

1619
01:16:24,400 --> 01:16:25,760
I'm ready to quiz.

1620
01:16:25,760 --> 01:16:27,600
OK, time for another guest question.

1621
01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:30,440
This time it's over to astronaut
Chris Hadfield.

1622
01:16:30,440 --> 01:16:31,520
Hey, lovely Chris.

1623
01:16:31,520 --> 01:16:33,840
Hi, Jimmy. Chris Hadfield here.

1624
01:16:33,840 --> 01:16:37,840
This year, I spent five months
on the International Space Station.

1625
01:16:37,840 --> 01:16:41,840
I had the chance to photograph
and tweet some incredible images

1626
01:16:42,640 --> 01:16:46,640
of our Earth, but what did I do
just before I came home from space

1627
01:16:47,200 --> 01:16:51,160
that has since been viewed over
19 million times on YouTube?

1628
01:16:51,160 --> 01:16:53,560
OK, so Chris wants to know
what he did in space

1629
01:16:53,560 --> 01:16:56,200
that attracted 19 million hits
on YouTube.

1630
01:16:56,200 --> 01:16:58,760
How can we carry on with the quiz?
I feel so empowered.

1631
01:16:58,760 --> 01:17:02,760
- If you could just write down...
- I feel like Henry VIII.

1632
01:17:03,640 --> 01:17:06,120
No!

1633
01:17:06,120 --> 01:17:08,560
Next question.

1634
01:17:08,560 --> 01:17:11,520
You just hit
Keith Richards in the face.

1635
01:17:11,520 --> 01:17:15,040
I feel like I'm on a really weird
one-night stand at Glastonbury

1636
01:17:15,040 --> 01:17:17,680
and I don't know
when's the time to...

1637
01:17:17,680 --> 01:17:21,480
- I've got to get back to my tent.
- OK...

1638
01:17:21,480 --> 01:17:25,240
I would give you my number but my
phone's run out of battery, so...

1639
01:17:25,240 --> 01:17:26,800
let's maybe just call it quits.

1640
01:17:26,800 --> 01:17:30,800
Dara, I'd get yourself checked.

1641
01:17:31,480 --> 01:17:33,400
Seriously.

1642
01:17:33,400 --> 01:17:36,080
OK, so one of my favourite actors
is asking the next question.

1643
01:17:36,080 --> 01:17:39,200
It's Paul Rudd, everyone.

1644
01:17:39,200 --> 01:17:43,200
- They're all your favourite actors.
- God, he's such a crawler.

1645
01:17:43,240 --> 01:17:44,480
Hi, Jimmy!

1646
01:17:44,480 --> 01:17:47,000
Now, obviously, I'm a major
newshound

1647
01:17:47,000 --> 01:17:49,080
and I don't miss a single scoop.

1648
01:17:49,080 --> 01:17:52,280
One story in particular
caught my eye this year.

1649
01:17:52,280 --> 01:17:55,840
In November, 23-year-old Evan Spiegel

1650
01:17:55,840 --> 01:17:59,840
reportedly turned down an offer
of $3 billion from Facebook.

1651
01:18:00,880 --> 01:18:04,120
Can your teams tell me why?

1652
01:18:04,120 --> 01:18:05,720
Final question on this round, OK?

1653
01:18:05,720 --> 01:18:08,400
Does anyone mind
if I just have a sleep?

1654
01:18:08,400 --> 01:18:12,320
- Just curl up.
- Do you want me to spoon you?

1655
01:18:12,320 --> 01:18:16,320
OK, night! Wake me up in four fucking
hours when this is over.

1656
01:18:22,360 --> 01:18:26,360
Good night, sweet prince.

1657
01:18:28,080 --> 01:18:32,080
JACK: Here's a pillow for you.

1658
01:18:33,240 --> 01:18:35,840
OK, you don't need me
for the rest of this, do you?

1659
01:18:35,840 --> 01:18:37,720
No, no, you have a little nap
over there, OK.

1660
01:18:37,720 --> 01:18:39,320
Time for a Say What You See
question.

1661
01:18:39,320 --> 01:18:42,120
I'm going to show you a series
of pictures that spell out a phrase.

1662
01:18:42,120 --> 01:18:44,360
For example, this spells...

1663
01:18:44,360 --> 01:18:48,360
Noel... Field... Ding.

1664
01:18:48,440 --> 01:18:49,720
- Yeah. - Good.

1665
01:18:49,720 --> 01:18:52,520
Let's liven your desk up a bit.

1666
01:18:52,520 --> 01:18:56,520
Because, again, you've come as
colours of Wimbledon, you freak.

1667
01:18:58,200 --> 01:19:01,480
It does look like you're
standing on a giant tennis court.

1668
01:19:01,480 --> 01:19:03,480
"Oh, it was a really tough match."

1669
01:19:03,480 --> 01:19:07,480
LAUGHTER

1670
01:19:07,920 --> 01:19:11,920
"A ball came and I had to hit it
back, really tough."

1671
01:19:16,160 --> 01:19:18,040
OK, so final question,
Say What You See,

1672
01:19:18,040 --> 01:19:20,040
so all you've got to do
is say what you see here.

1673
01:19:20,040 --> 01:19:22,440
- Say What You See. - Say what you see,
say what you see, OK.

1674
01:19:22,440 --> 01:19:24,720
- Well... Oh. - Ah.

1675
01:19:24,720 --> 01:19:28,720
THEY WHISPER

1676
01:19:28,960 --> 01:19:31,520
It's a technology story,
if that's a clue.

1677
01:19:31,520 --> 01:19:35,520
What? That doesn't even make sense.

1678
01:19:35,600 --> 01:19:38,040
Boom! We've got it.

1679
01:19:38,040 --> 01:19:40,000
Wow(!)

1680
01:19:40,000 --> 01:19:42,120
- Oh, all right. - Well, that's...good.

1681
01:19:42,120 --> 01:19:43,680
Right, I'm throwing turkey at you.

1682
01:19:43,680 --> 01:19:47,480
No, don't throw turkey.
No throwing turkey.

1683
01:19:47,480 --> 01:19:49,080
Hey, when that starts...

1684
01:19:49,080 --> 01:19:51,400
we've all got a lot of turkey
to throw.

1685
01:19:51,400 --> 01:19:53,560
I think - well, if there's
an arms race,

1686
01:19:53,560 --> 01:19:55,920
I think Jonathan's very much
in the lead, there.

1687
01:19:55,920 --> 01:19:57,120
OK, some answers.

1688
01:19:57,120 --> 01:19:59,560
First up, Rizzle Kicks asked
you how the 5:2 diet works.

1689
01:19:59,560 --> 01:20:00,600
Does anyone know?

1690
01:20:00,600 --> 01:20:01,920
Five meals...

1691
01:20:01,920 --> 01:20:05,920
two fingers.

1692
01:20:06,720 --> 01:20:10,720
That's got to be it, right?

1693
01:20:11,000 --> 01:20:14,240
That is incorrect, but that also
works, but don't try it.

1694
01:20:14,240 --> 01:20:15,400
Noel, Richard?

1695
01:20:15,400 --> 01:20:19,400
Two days no eating, five days eat.

1696
01:20:19,440 --> 01:20:21,800
Tarzan wrote that.

1697
01:20:21,800 --> 01:20:25,320
I thought it was for every
five glasses of alcohol,

1698
01:20:25,320 --> 01:20:28,280
it's two glasses of water.

1699
01:20:28,280 --> 01:20:31,280
- That is a great diet. - Yeah.

1700
01:20:31,280 --> 01:20:33,920
Yeah, five days normal eating

1701
01:20:33,920 --> 01:20:37,120
and for two days, you eat
about 500, 600 calories.

1702
01:20:37,120 --> 01:20:40,120
That is the right answer. OK, so
Noel and Richard, you get a point,

1703
01:20:40,120 --> 01:20:43,360
Dara and Kristen you get a point.
Marvellous.

1704
01:20:43,360 --> 01:20:44,720
OK, next question.

1705
01:20:44,720 --> 01:20:47,000
We saw a woman
sitting down to have a bite to eat.

1706
01:20:47,000 --> 01:20:49,360
What was going on here?
Why was this newsworthy?

1707
01:20:49,360 --> 01:20:51,120
KRISTEN: She's smelling
for horse meat.

1708
01:20:51,120 --> 01:20:52,640
You see, this is the point at which

1709
01:20:52,640 --> 01:20:54,360
I've clearly walked away
from the desk.

1710
01:20:54,360 --> 01:20:57,160
"Smelling for horse meat," we seem
to have written at this point.

1711
01:20:57,160 --> 01:20:59,880
JACK: I know what it is. I just put
a squiggle because I panicked,

1712
01:20:59,880 --> 01:21:03,880
but it's a woman who's trying meat
and it's been made by robots.

1713
01:21:04,040 --> 01:21:05,720
It was robot...genetically mutated.

1714
01:21:05,720 --> 01:21:08,760
Yes, it's genetically modified meat.
It's not actually from an animal.

1715
01:21:08,760 --> 01:21:10,600
It was meat grown in the air.

1716
01:21:10,600 --> 01:21:11,880
Noel, what have you written?

1717
01:21:11,880 --> 01:21:13,960
Genetically modified burger.

1718
01:21:13,960 --> 01:21:16,720
Yeah, she was eating the world's
first lab burger.

1719
01:21:16,720 --> 01:21:19,280
The burger cost a staggering
£250,000 to make.

1720
01:21:19,280 --> 01:21:21,280
JACK: Lamb?

1721
01:21:21,280 --> 01:21:22,880
Not lamb. Lab.

1722
01:21:22,880 --> 01:21:26,000
Cos I've had several lamb burgers
and they are delicious.

1723
01:21:26,000 --> 01:21:27,840
Especially if you have them
with tzatziki.

1724
01:21:27,840 --> 01:21:31,560
I can give you the ingredients
and I'll get an extra point for it.

1725
01:21:31,560 --> 01:21:33,640
OK, next up,
Chris Hadfield asked you

1726
01:21:33,640 --> 01:21:36,360
what he did in space that got
19 million hits on YouTube.

1727
01:21:36,360 --> 01:21:37,400
Did you know?

1728
01:21:37,400 --> 01:21:41,400
I put, "Two astronauts, one cup."

1729
01:21:43,640 --> 01:21:47,640
If you thought
the one on Earth was messy...

1730
01:21:50,320 --> 01:21:52,200
He's coming on Stargazing
in a week's time.

1731
01:21:52,200 --> 01:21:54,000
I'm really looking forward to
meeting him

1732
01:21:54,000 --> 01:21:56,160
and I don't want him to see
that what we wrote was...

1733
01:21:56,160 --> 01:21:58,680
- Cake farts. - Cake farts.

1734
01:21:58,680 --> 01:22:00,680
This was a big hit,

1735
01:22:00,680 --> 01:22:04,680
cake farts is when, preferably
a woman, will fart on a cake

1736
01:22:04,920 --> 01:22:08,360
and up close so you can see
the icing vibrating...

1737
01:22:08,360 --> 01:22:09,600
and it's beautiful.

1738
01:22:09,600 --> 01:22:13,600
It's like watching sound, like,
visually...and it's a big trend.

1739
01:22:13,680 --> 01:22:16,760
So, cake farts in space. Boy!

1740
01:22:16,760 --> 01:22:19,240
- Just like two cups. - Yeah.
- Or whatever.

1741
01:22:19,240 --> 01:22:20,440
Noel, Richard?

1742
01:22:20,440 --> 01:22:23,000
I was over there being...disrobed.

1743
01:22:23,000 --> 01:22:24,920
Richard, what did you get?

1744
01:22:24,920 --> 01:22:27,160
I put Gangnam Style, I was upset.

1745
01:22:27,160 --> 01:22:29,320
Noel had left.

1746
01:22:29,320 --> 01:22:31,640
He performed a version
of David Bowie's Space Oddity.

1747
01:22:31,640 --> 01:22:33,360
Let's have a look.

1748
01:22:33,360 --> 01:22:36,840
♪ This is Major Tom
to ground control

1749
01:22:36,840 --> 01:22:40,840
♪ I've left forevermore

1750
01:22:41,960 --> 01:22:45,960
♪ And I'm floating in a most
peculiar way

1751
01:22:48,960 --> 01:22:52,960
♪ And the stars
look very different today... ♪

1752
01:22:57,000 --> 01:23:00,280
OK, next up, Paul Rudd asked you
why 23-year-old Evan Spiegel

1753
01:23:00,280 --> 01:23:03,320
turned down an offer of $3 billion
from Facebook in November.

1754
01:23:03,320 --> 01:23:05,880
- Did you know why?
- We didn't even hear that question.

1755
01:23:05,880 --> 01:23:08,640
Was that when they were making
love on the floor in front of us?

1756
01:23:08,640 --> 01:23:11,080
- Yes. - We got distracted.

1757
01:23:11,080 --> 01:23:13,000
Did he turn the money down?

1758
01:23:13,000 --> 01:23:15,040
Yes, he turned down $3 billion.

1759
01:23:15,040 --> 01:23:16,800
That's crazy talk.

1760
01:23:16,800 --> 01:23:18,640
Kristen, Dara,
what did you get for this?

1761
01:23:18,640 --> 01:23:19,840
We apparently got...

1762
01:23:19,840 --> 01:23:23,840
They mistook him
for a starving country.

1763
01:23:24,800 --> 01:23:27,720
- So, you thought... - $3 billion.
He was like, "Oh, no,

1764
01:23:27,720 --> 01:23:31,120
"I'm not a country that needs
to feed all these people.

1765
01:23:31,120 --> 01:23:34,560
"I'm just some guy with an app, so
why would you give me $3 billion?

1766
01:23:34,560 --> 01:23:38,160
"So, I'll turn that money away
so you can put it to good."

1767
01:23:38,160 --> 01:23:41,440
What a lovely sentiment this time of
year, what a beautiful thing to say.

1768
01:23:41,440 --> 01:23:43,680
- OK, and Noel, Richard?
- What have you put?

1769
01:23:43,680 --> 01:23:45,600
I can't even - oh, we got this.

1770
01:23:45,600 --> 01:23:47,080
- No, we didn't. - No, no.

1771
01:23:47,080 --> 01:23:51,080
I put, "He was owed more
and he was haggling."

1772
01:23:51,200 --> 01:23:54,880
- So vague. - No, he was the guy
that came up with Snapchat

1773
01:23:54,880 --> 01:23:57,280
and he turned down $3 billion.

1774
01:23:57,280 --> 01:24:00,320
- Jimmy, get on with the show.
- All right.

1775
01:24:00,320 --> 01:24:02,440
Put the knife down, eh?
It's a lot of fun, I know.

1776
01:24:02,440 --> 01:24:06,440
- Don't play with the knife.
- Who are you, Crocodile Dundee?

1777
01:24:10,840 --> 01:24:12,520
I asked you to say what you saw.

1778
01:24:12,520 --> 01:24:13,800
How did you get on?

1779
01:24:13,800 --> 01:24:17,800
Decannon Ted Flamefist.

1780
01:24:19,200 --> 01:24:23,200
Decannon, which is a very
popular name in...

1781
01:24:23,760 --> 01:24:25,440
somewhere. Flame fist.

1782
01:24:25,440 --> 01:24:27,440
- NOEL: We got this.
- It could mean anything.

1783
01:24:27,440 --> 01:24:29,000
- We nailed this. - OK, Noel, Richard?

1784
01:24:29,000 --> 01:24:30,720
3-D printed firearm.

1785
01:24:30,720 --> 01:24:32,480
Let fat rain.

1786
01:24:32,480 --> 01:24:35,120
- Oh, 3-D! - Dara, Kristen?

1787
01:24:35,120 --> 01:24:37,400
- We said 3-D printed firearm.
- It does say...

1788
01:24:37,400 --> 01:24:39,680
Well, you got it,
it's the 3-D printed firearm.

1789
01:24:39,680 --> 01:24:43,320
It was the Liberator gun, which you
could use a 3-D printer to make,

1790
01:24:43,320 --> 01:24:44,960
was released this year.

1791
01:24:44,960 --> 01:24:47,360
Decannon Ted Flamefist.

1792
01:24:47,360 --> 01:24:49,720
That was the guy that did it.

1793
01:24:49,720 --> 01:24:53,720
The guy that made the 3-D printer
was called Decannon Ted Flamefist.

1794
01:24:54,760 --> 01:24:58,760
He was from Jamaica
and his name was Decannon.

1795
01:24:59,720 --> 01:25:03,720
Now you've had a drink,
you're getting a little bit racist.

1796
01:25:04,200 --> 01:25:06,360
OK, let's get some scores.

1797
01:25:06,360 --> 01:25:10,040
Jack and Jonathan have nine,
they're lucky to even have that.

1798
01:25:10,040 --> 01:25:11,800
And...well, neck and neck here,

1799
01:25:11,800 --> 01:25:14,760
Noel and Richard and Dara and
Kristen have both got 24 points.

1800
01:25:14,760 --> 01:25:15,880
- Ooh! - Ooh!

1801
01:25:15,880 --> 01:25:18,520
Neck and neck.

1802
01:25:18,520 --> 01:25:27,000
See you after the break for the
final part of the Big Fat Quiz.

1803
01:25:31,600 --> 01:25:33,720
Welcome back to the
Big Fat Quiz of the year.

1804
01:25:33,720 --> 01:25:36,400
This round is all about
the talking points and scandals

1805
01:25:36,400 --> 01:25:37,720
that shook the year.

1806
01:25:37,720 --> 01:25:41,280
One billion Euro-worth of arts
stolen by the Nazis was recovered.

1807
01:25:41,280 --> 01:25:45,280
The Nazis originally seized
the art between 1939 and 1945,

1808
01:25:45,520 --> 01:25:49,520
during what art historians
call Hitler's "Angry Period".

1809
01:25:49,960 --> 01:25:52,480
Boris Johnson was revealed
to have a love child this year.

1810
01:25:52,480 --> 01:25:54,720
Boris has had
a string of affairs with women

1811
01:25:54,720 --> 01:25:58,520
or, as they've become known,
Boris bikes.

1812
01:25:58,520 --> 01:26:01,520
Everyone was worried about
the false widow spider this year.

1813
01:26:01,520 --> 01:26:04,600
Of course, the worst thing about
being bitten by a poisonous spider

1814
01:26:04,600 --> 01:26:08,320
is that you're probably Australian.

1815
01:26:08,320 --> 01:26:11,040
OK, let's have
some scandal questions.

1816
01:26:11,040 --> 01:26:13,360
Our first question
comes from a performance artist,

1817
01:26:13,360 --> 01:26:16,400
muppet and self-described weirdo,
the Great Gonzo.

1818
01:26:16,400 --> 01:26:17,920
Yeeeh!

1819
01:26:17,920 --> 01:26:21,280
Hi, Jimmy, it's Gonzo here,
one of the stars of our new movie,

1820
01:26:21,280 --> 01:26:23,000
Muppets Most Wanted.

1821
01:26:23,000 --> 01:26:26,600
And, you know, as a world-class bog
snorkeler and performance artist,

1822
01:26:26,600 --> 01:26:30,600
I've been in some pretty locations,
including this place here.

1823
01:26:31,000 --> 01:26:34,880
But none are stranger than
the streets of Kingston upon Thames.

1824
01:26:34,880 --> 01:26:38,880
Can you tell me what unusual object
was found by Thames Water staff

1825
01:26:39,520 --> 01:26:43,520
in a sewer under those very streets?

1826
01:26:43,880 --> 01:26:46,200
The Great Gonzo wants to know
what was discovered

1827
01:26:46,200 --> 01:26:48,640
lurking in the sewers
under Kingston, in West London,

1828
01:26:48,640 --> 01:26:51,720
in August this year.

1829
01:26:51,720 --> 01:26:54,520
OK, this year, embattled mayor
of Toronto, Rob Ford,

1830
01:26:54,520 --> 01:26:56,360
faced a series of controversies,

1831
01:26:56,360 --> 01:26:59,920
most notably being filmed
smoking crack cocaine.

1832
01:26:59,920 --> 01:27:01,560
But how did he defend himself

1833
01:27:01,560 --> 01:27:05,080
when accused of making
sexual advances to a colleague?

1834
01:27:05,080 --> 01:27:06,640
THEY GIGGLE

1835
01:27:06,640 --> 01:27:10,640
Jack and Jonathan, what are you...?
Sitting at the back giggling!

1836
01:27:11,160 --> 01:27:15,040
We're going to smoke
a cigarette later.

1837
01:27:15,040 --> 01:27:18,080
OK, next up, it's over to Strictly
superstar, Sophie Ellis-Bextor.

1838
01:27:18,080 --> 01:27:19,440
Hello, Jimmy.

1839
01:27:19,440 --> 01:27:22,080
Well, I wore some fabulous outfits
when I was on Strictly,

1840
01:27:22,080 --> 01:27:24,440
but I wasn't
the only one dressing up.

1841
01:27:24,440 --> 01:27:28,440
In September, a mysterious costumed
figure got over 196,000 likes

1842
01:27:28,680 --> 01:27:31,080
on Facebook,
which sparked the tabloid frenzy

1843
01:27:31,080 --> 01:27:34,000
to try and unmask him.
Can you remember who it is?

1844
01:27:34,000 --> 01:27:37,080
So, Sophie wants to know
what mysterious figure everyone

1845
01:27:37,080 --> 01:27:38,760
wanted to unmask this year.

1846
01:27:38,760 --> 01:27:40,880
What serious figure
everyone wanted to unmask?

1847
01:27:40,880 --> 01:27:43,200
What mysterious figure
everyone wanted to unmask.

1848
01:27:43,200 --> 01:27:47,200
- Mysterious figure... - There was
a mysterious figure... - ..unmask.
- ..wearing a... - ..everyone.

1849
01:27:47,720 --> 01:27:49,720
- Figure. - Who wears a mask?

1850
01:27:49,720 --> 01:27:53,480
Maybe it's the person from The Cube.

1851
01:27:53,480 --> 01:27:54,800
Is it John Merrick?

1852
01:27:54,800 --> 01:27:56,800
- It's not John Merrick, no. - OK.

1853
01:27:56,800 --> 01:27:59,240
John McCririck?

1854
01:27:59,240 --> 01:28:01,320
It was not John McCririck
or John Merrick.

1855
01:28:01,320 --> 01:28:05,320
Next question, in what
unusual location did a £14,000

1856
01:28:05,360 --> 01:28:08,080
rose garden appear this year?

1857
01:28:08,080 --> 01:28:12,080
Is it, like,
a really posh accident black spot?

1858
01:28:12,640 --> 01:28:16,640
So, rose garden. Where have you
seen roses this year that you
thought, "That's remarkable"?

1859
01:28:16,680 --> 01:28:20,680
Oh, we've got it, we've got it,
mate. Move on, sister.

1860
01:28:21,280 --> 01:28:22,800
Have you guys got this?

1861
01:28:22,800 --> 01:28:24,400
I have no idea.

1862
01:28:24,400 --> 01:28:28,400
The Louvre -
that's a peculiar place for roses.

1863
01:28:29,920 --> 01:28:32,560
Finally, over to the one,
the only Harry Hill.

1864
01:28:32,560 --> 01:28:34,080
Hi, Jimmy.

1865
01:28:34,080 --> 01:28:36,640
I've been supplied a question
that I'm asking you,

1866
01:28:36,640 --> 01:28:38,960
as if it's one
that I've come up with.

1867
01:28:38,960 --> 01:28:41,200
Listen, in August this year,

1868
01:28:41,200 --> 01:28:45,200
photos taken at a zoo
in China's Henan province

1869
01:28:46,040 --> 01:28:50,040
became an internet sensation,
but can your teams tell me why?

1870
01:28:51,760 --> 01:28:54,680
Why, Jimmy, why?

1871
01:28:54,680 --> 01:28:58,560
Harry Hill there. He's been
enjoying Christmas, hasn't he?

1872
01:28:58,560 --> 01:29:00,600
OK, let's get some answers.

1873
01:29:00,600 --> 01:29:03,040
The Great Gonzo
asked you what was discovered

1874
01:29:03,040 --> 01:29:05,840
lurking in the sewers under
Kingston, West London, in August.

1875
01:29:05,840 --> 01:29:07,320
- Anyone get this? - Yes.

1876
01:29:07,320 --> 01:29:09,800
Danny Dyer's leggings stash.

1877
01:29:09,800 --> 01:29:12,040
That is not the correct answer.
What did you get?

1878
01:29:12,040 --> 01:29:13,800
There's a giant ball of fat.

1879
01:29:13,800 --> 01:29:15,840
What did you get, Noel, Richard?

1880
01:29:15,840 --> 01:29:18,680
Wet wipes and a wad of fat
the size of Canada.

1881
01:29:18,680 --> 01:29:20,840
Of a galleon, not Canada, a galleon.

1882
01:29:20,840 --> 01:29:22,360
A galleon.

1883
01:29:22,360 --> 01:29:24,360
Well, you're absolutely right.

1884
01:29:24,360 --> 01:29:27,600
It was the fat burg,
a bus-sized lump of congealed lard

1885
01:29:27,600 --> 01:29:30,640
and wet wipes
found floating in the sewer.

1886
01:29:30,640 --> 01:29:33,200
Where is it now?!

1887
01:29:33,200 --> 01:29:36,040
Doing the night route
down to Trafalgar Square.

1888
01:29:36,040 --> 01:29:39,000
I asked you how Toronto mayor
Rob Ford defended himself

1889
01:29:39,000 --> 01:29:41,480
when accused of making
sexual advances to a colleague.

1890
01:29:41,480 --> 01:29:42,800
Did anyone know?

1891
01:29:42,800 --> 01:29:44,800
We said he's got pussy on tap.

1892
01:29:44,800 --> 01:29:47,000
That's, sort of, the right idea.
Noel, Richard?

1893
01:29:47,000 --> 01:29:51,000
Put Blurred Lines, she didn't
know that she wanted intercourse.

1894
01:29:52,520 --> 01:29:53,920
Dara, Kristen?

1895
01:29:53,920 --> 01:29:56,480
They were like you, you said
that you would, can I say this,

1896
01:29:56,480 --> 01:29:58,000
eat her pussy and he was like,

1897
01:29:58,000 --> 01:30:00,800
"Never, I got all the pussy
I could eat at home."

1898
01:30:00,800 --> 01:30:02,120
Like, I am full.

1899
01:30:02,120 --> 01:30:03,960
That is 100% correct.

1900
01:30:03,960 --> 01:30:06,040
Let's have a look
at him defending himself.

1901
01:30:06,040 --> 01:30:08,960
Oh, and the last thing was
Olivia Dondeck said

1902
01:30:08,960 --> 01:30:10,680
that I wanted to eat her pussy.

1903
01:30:10,680 --> 01:30:13,640
Olivia Dondeck, I've never
said that in my life to her.

1904
01:30:13,640 --> 01:30:15,520
I would never do that.
I'm happily married,

1905
01:30:15,520 --> 01:30:19,520
I've got more than enough
to eat at home. Thank you.

1906
01:30:19,720 --> 01:30:21,080
More than enough.

1907
01:30:21,080 --> 01:30:24,840
That pussy is just relentless.

1908
01:30:24,840 --> 01:30:27,760
OK, Sophie Ellis-Bextor there
asked you which mysterious figure

1909
01:30:27,760 --> 01:30:29,680
everyone wanted to unmask this year.

1910
01:30:29,680 --> 01:30:33,400
- Tara, tara, tara... - Jegging man!

1911
01:30:33,400 --> 01:30:35,440
OK, what did you go for,
Noel, Richard?

1912
01:30:35,440 --> 01:30:38,800
He put Kojak,
who doesn't even wear a mask.

1913
01:30:38,800 --> 01:30:42,800
That's why
it's so difficult to unmask him.

1914
01:30:45,520 --> 01:30:47,920
- Always thinking. - Bravo!
- Kristen, did you get this?

1915
01:30:47,920 --> 01:30:50,360
We said the Northampton clown.

1916
01:30:50,360 --> 01:30:51,920
And that is the right answer.

1917
01:30:51,920 --> 01:30:55,160
Basically, they set up a web page
called Spot Northampton's Clown

1918
01:30:55,160 --> 01:30:57,720
and then they'd post clues
as to where he would be.

1919
01:30:57,720 --> 01:30:59,600
Oh, Jesus, what, in that river,

1920
01:30:59,600 --> 01:31:03,600
with a necklace made
out of children's shoes.

1921
01:31:03,760 --> 01:31:05,280
OK, next answer,

1922
01:31:05,280 --> 01:31:08,680
I asked you where a £14,000
rose garden appeared this year.

1923
01:31:08,680 --> 01:31:09,880
Did you know?

1924
01:31:09,880 --> 01:31:11,200
- Yes. - Yeah. - Go on.

1925
01:31:11,200 --> 01:31:14,160
BOTH: Danny Dyer's leggings.

1926
01:31:14,160 --> 01:31:17,000
That is not the case. Dara, Kristen?

1927
01:31:17,000 --> 01:31:19,480
I guessed the Tube because that,

1928
01:31:19,480 --> 01:31:22,880
what a happy thing for the Tube.
That would really liven it up.

1929
01:31:22,880 --> 01:31:24,320
It would be lovely.

1930
01:31:24,320 --> 01:31:25,840
Noel, Richard, did you get this?

1931
01:31:25,840 --> 01:31:28,120
No, we put David Cameron's back.

1932
01:31:28,120 --> 01:31:30,080
That was so close.

1933
01:31:30,080 --> 01:31:32,360
Gaga. Gaga's head.

1934
01:31:32,360 --> 01:31:34,720
It's actually
Cheryl Cole's backside.

1935
01:31:34,720 --> 01:31:37,320
- Yes... - Oh, fuck, yeah, of course!

1936
01:31:37,320 --> 01:31:40,120
Yeah, but how do we know that
Cheryl Cole's backside has not

1937
01:31:40,120 --> 01:31:42,320
been in Danny Dyer's leggings?

1938
01:31:42,320 --> 01:31:44,720
Can you imagine,
on a hot day in the summer,

1939
01:31:44,720 --> 01:31:48,400
the problem he has with green fly.

1940
01:31:48,400 --> 01:31:50,600
The roses
look like they've been burned.

1941
01:31:50,600 --> 01:31:53,760
They do look like burnt roses.
They're very dark, aren't they?

1942
01:31:53,760 --> 01:31:57,760
Maybe she was trying
to blowtorch the aphids off.

1943
01:31:59,160 --> 01:32:03,160
We're really getting
a long view of her butt.

1944
01:32:04,320 --> 01:32:07,240
And finally, Harry Hill asked you
how photos of a zoo in Henan

1945
01:32:07,240 --> 01:32:10,400
- province in China ended up going
viral, did you know? - Yes.

1946
01:32:10,400 --> 01:32:14,200
Were they building boxes
for pandas to have sex in?

1947
01:32:14,200 --> 01:32:16,040
To be filmed by Channel 4.

1948
01:32:16,040 --> 01:32:18,680
Pandas in boxes having sex
is not the right answer. Kristen?

1949
01:32:18,680 --> 01:32:20,960
You go ahead, Dara.

1950
01:32:20,960 --> 01:32:23,720
Yeah, they replaced the animals,
or they didn't have animals,

1951
01:32:23,720 --> 01:32:26,520
so they put dogs into the cages
instead, pretending to be

1952
01:32:26,520 --> 01:32:29,400
lions and what not.

1953
01:32:29,400 --> 01:32:33,400
But they looked, the dogs had
a nice mane, so you could be like,

1954
01:32:33,600 --> 01:32:37,280
as a child, you could be like in awe

1955
01:32:37,280 --> 01:32:40,800
and have a nice trip at the zoo.

1956
01:32:40,800 --> 01:32:42,880
Noel, Richard, what did you get?

1957
01:32:42,880 --> 01:32:45,600
- We got a dog disguised as lion.
- OK, let's take a look.

1958
01:32:45,600 --> 01:32:49,600
So this is the lion
in a Henan zoo in China.

1959
01:32:50,280 --> 01:32:51,680
It looks more like a bear.

1960
01:32:51,680 --> 01:32:54,560
That is, let's have a look
at it next to a real lion

1961
01:32:54,560 --> 01:32:57,960
just so you can see, just in case
you forgot what a lion looks like.

1962
01:32:57,960 --> 01:33:00,440
Oh, Jack, Jack,
I think I've got a joke for you.

1963
01:33:00,440 --> 01:33:02,440
I don't know
what kind of a dog that is,

1964
01:33:02,440 --> 01:33:04,560
but I think it might be
a...shih-tzu.

1965
01:33:04,560 --> 01:33:08,560
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1966
01:33:10,960 --> 01:33:12,720
OK, let's check in on scores.

1967
01:33:12,720 --> 01:33:14,920
Jack and Jonathan have ten points.

1968
01:33:14,920 --> 01:33:18,160
OK, Noel and Richard have 26.

1969
01:33:18,160 --> 01:33:20,960
Kristen and Dara have 28,
just in the lead, OK?

1970
01:33:20,960 --> 01:33:24,240
There are a total
of eight points on offer here.

1971
01:33:24,240 --> 01:33:26,840
So, we're fucked, anyway.

1972
01:33:26,840 --> 01:33:29,960
There is no chance in hell
you can come back, but for pride.

1973
01:33:29,960 --> 01:33:32,560
There's 18 points
for this final question.

1974
01:33:32,560 --> 01:33:36,560
OK, we're looking for three things -
the biggest-selling single of 2013,

1975
01:33:36,560 --> 01:33:38,760
the most-watched TV event of 2013

1976
01:33:38,760 --> 01:33:41,400
and the
biggest-selling game of 2013.

1977
01:33:41,400 --> 01:33:43,240
All you've got to do
is get all three right

1978
01:33:43,240 --> 01:33:47,240
and you get
an extra bonus two points.

1979
01:33:48,440 --> 01:33:51,040
So it's the biggest-selling
single of 2013 according to the

1980
01:33:51,040 --> 01:33:54,840
official chart company,
the most-watched TV event of 2013,

1981
01:33:54,840 --> 01:33:58,840
the biggest selling game of 2013.

1982
01:34:00,040 --> 01:34:02,880
OK, so two points for each
and a bonus two points

1983
01:34:02,880 --> 01:34:04,600
if you get all three of them.

1984
01:34:04,600 --> 01:34:08,040
It's really between Kristen and
Dara, and Noel and Richard here.

1985
01:34:08,040 --> 01:34:09,480
We're having a fight.

1986
01:34:09,480 --> 01:34:10,920
You're having a domestic?

1987
01:34:10,920 --> 01:34:12,520
- We're having a dispute, yes. - Yeah.

1988
01:34:12,520 --> 01:34:14,720
So one more answer from you
and then we're there.

1989
01:34:14,720 --> 01:34:17,680
This is it, ladies and gentlemen,
this is the final question.

1990
01:34:17,680 --> 01:34:21,520
OK, let's see what everyone got.
Let's go to Jack and Jonathan first.

1991
01:34:21,520 --> 01:34:23,840
Biggest selling single,
Blurred Lines.

1992
01:34:23,840 --> 01:34:26,000
Might have the name
wrong on the next one -

1993
01:34:26,000 --> 01:34:27,720
Dara Does Some Maths.

1994
01:34:27,720 --> 01:34:29,280
Big, huge, huge.

1995
01:34:29,280 --> 01:34:30,880
Which is my favourite maths show.

1996
01:34:30,880 --> 01:34:33,320
I disagreed with him on the
last one, but he argued me down.

1997
01:34:33,320 --> 01:34:35,840
The best game, Boggle.

1998
01:34:35,840 --> 01:34:39,600
- Every year... - It is a good game,
it's a great game.

1999
01:34:39,600 --> 01:34:41,000
It is a classic game.

2000
01:34:41,000 --> 01:34:42,840
OK, Dara, you've got...?

2001
01:34:42,840 --> 01:34:45,560
Dangerously, we've gone
for Get Lucky by Daft Punk

2002
01:34:45,560 --> 01:34:47,400
- as the biggest single,
she disagrees. - Yep.

2003
01:34:47,400 --> 01:34:49,640
- What do you think it is, Kristen?
- Blurred Lines.

2004
01:34:49,640 --> 01:34:53,400
- You think Blurred Lines. - But the
picture of... - But he was like,
"Roar, roar, roar..."

2005
01:34:53,400 --> 01:34:57,400
That's what I did, I went, "Roar,
roar, roar, roar, roar, roar."

2006
01:34:59,160 --> 01:35:01,600
- "Give me pen, I write!"
- Well, sort of.

2007
01:35:01,600 --> 01:35:05,440
Anyway, we went for
Britain's Got Talent final

2008
01:35:05,440 --> 01:35:08,000
and went for Grand Theft Auto 5.

2009
01:35:08,000 --> 01:35:10,440
- Yeah. - OK, and Noel, Richard?

2010
01:35:10,440 --> 01:35:12,560
- Blurred Lines. - Blurred Lines.

2011
01:35:12,560 --> 01:35:13,920
Prince George.

2012
01:35:13,920 --> 01:35:16,480
- Prince George, the TV event. - Yeah.

2013
01:35:16,480 --> 01:35:20,160
- Me, neither, OK. - Yeah.

2014
01:35:20,160 --> 01:35:23,680
That bit with the reporter,
that bit. The biggest.

2015
01:35:23,680 --> 01:35:25,040
Sure, and then?

2016
01:35:25,040 --> 01:35:27,000
Grand Theft Auto 5.

2017
01:35:27,000 --> 01:35:30,280
OK, well, I can tell you
definitively the biggest single

2018
01:35:30,280 --> 01:35:32,080
of the year was Blurred Lines.

2019
01:35:32,080 --> 01:35:36,080
- Holla! - That's right, I say. - A-ha!

2020
01:35:38,320 --> 01:35:40,040
Daft Punk are in second place.

2021
01:35:40,040 --> 01:35:43,680
The biggest TV event of the year was
of course, Wimbledon - the final.

2022
01:35:43,680 --> 01:35:47,680
- Oooh! - May have been for viewing
figures, but not for minds!

2023
01:35:48,160 --> 01:35:50,680
OK, the biggest selling game
was Grand Theft Auto 5.

2024
01:35:50,680 --> 01:35:52,720
- Boggle. - Boggle.

2025
01:35:52,720 --> 01:35:55,840
So let's have a look and see what
that's done to the final scores.

2026
01:35:55,840 --> 01:35:57,360
AUDIENCE: Oooh!

2027
01:35:57,360 --> 01:36:00,160
It means Jack and Jonathan
have got 12 points,

2028
01:36:00,160 --> 01:36:02,760
while joint winners Dara
and Kristen, and Noel and Richard,

2029
01:36:02,760 --> 01:36:05,080
- have both got 30 points.
- That's brilliant.

2030
01:36:05,080 --> 01:36:06,680
You have to share the trophy.

2031
01:36:06,680 --> 01:36:10,440
For the first time in the Big Fat
Quiz, you have to share this.

2032
01:36:10,440 --> 01:36:12,480
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

2033
01:36:12,480 --> 01:36:13,640
Joint winners.

2034
01:36:13,640 --> 01:36:16,400
A big thank you to our amazing
panel, all our special guests.

2035
01:36:16,400 --> 01:36:17,920
Thank you for watching.

2036
01:36:17,920 --> 01:36:20,360
I'm Jimmy Carr, this has
been The Big Fat Quiz 2013.

2037
01:36:20,360 --> 01:36:24,360
Good night!

2038
01:36:50,040 --> 01:36:56,000
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd