0:00:02.502,0:00:06.502
Folks
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You guys ever think about how every[br]passing second brings us just a little bit
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
closer to death?[br]Yeah, me neither.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I feel like I say this all the time, but I[br]just turned 30 and I'll be honest,
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm feeling it. I remember being a kid and[br]hearing my dad complain about his
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
back pain, and then in my head I was like,[br]'damn, that must suck. Good thing it's
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
never gonna happen to me though!'[br]But alas! Here I am!
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If I sleep incorrectly, I have to take an [br]Advil. Last summer I rode a roller coaster
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I had a headache for a week.[br]I'm being slowly dragged to hell and I can
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
feel it. But aging is a part of life, ok?[br]It's inevitable. We're all aging all the
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
time, that's quite literally how the human[br]body works. But for as long as us humans
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
have been around, we have been trying to[br]fight this natural decay that we all
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
experience. And anti-aging content has[br]been around for a while, but lately I've
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
seen an increase in popularity of anti-[br]aging products and techniques on TikTok
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
specifically and I thought it'd be fun if[br]we took a look at them today.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I should say I haven't seen a lot[br]personally because my For You page is
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
all the way cooked. It's fuckin' burnt to[br]a crisp.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But my wife has seen a lot of these videos[br]she's actually the one who gave me this
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
video idea. So everybody say thank you [br]Jenna on three. One two three
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Thank you, Jenna!
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So first off, I think that it's important[br]that we talk about the history of
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
anti-aging products and techniques because[br]the concept of anti-aging in itself is
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
very old and wrinkly, gross, yuck.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Even dating all the way back to 69 BCE,[br]hilarious year by the way.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
In the year 69 BCE, Cleopatra apparently[br]took daily baths in donkey milk in order
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to maintain a youthful look.[br]Now I know why the dragon from Shrek looks
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
so young. It's all that donkey milk.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And in the year 1513, Juan Ponce de Léon[br]risked his life and set off on a journey
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to find the fabled fountain of youth. [br]A spring that was said to provide eternal
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
life. He never actually found the fountain[br]of youth, but what he found was even
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
better.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Florida.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And that is real. He went out to find the[br]fountain of youth and he found the fucking
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
opposite. Florida. That is the opposite of[br]the fountain of youth. Because most people
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
down there look like an old leather couch.[br]People from Florida, their skin looks like
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
a black metal band's logo. And there's[br]tons of stories like this throughout
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
history. Apparently Elizabethan women[br]placed thin slices of raw meat directly on
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
their face. I'm sure their husbands were [br]pretty stoked on that.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But one of the first anti-aging products[br]ever was released to the public in 1889
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and they were called Frownies. These were[br]like little adhesive patches that hold
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
your skin tight so you don't develop[br]wrinkles. And the origin story of this
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
product is pretty interesting. So the[br]inventor of Frownies apparently noticed
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
some frown lines on her daughter and she[br]immediately got to work on a product that
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
could fix her daughter's wrinkly fucked up[br]face. Gosh I wonder why her daughter was
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
frowning so much in the first place, you [br]know? Guess we'll never know.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And since the release of Frownies in 1889,[br]the anti-aging world has grown
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
exponentially. There's anti-aging creams,[br]lotions, pillows, supplements, diets,
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
procedures, you can pretty much sell [br]anything you want to people if you just
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
tell them it will make them look younger.[br]That being said, buying tickets to my
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
shows, and also buying my merch will[br]actually make you look 10 years younger.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's crazy. It's also not lost on me that [br]like 99% of anti-aging products and
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
procedures are marketed directly towards[br]women. You know, in this patriarchal
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
society we live in, [br]cause we do live in a society.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
From an early age the pressure and, like,[br]proposed importance of maintaining a
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
youthful image is absolutely drilled into [br]girls' brains through various forms of
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
media and marketing.[br]There's this fucked up idea that, like,
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women's most valuable asset is their youth[br]which is, number one, incorrect and two,
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weird as fuck. It's like when you hear[br]people talk about an older celebrity and
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
they're like, 'wow she looks so nice for[br]her age!'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And it's like, yeah I don't know if you[br]needed those last three words.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You could just say someone looks good,[br]you know?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's crazy cause it's kind of the opposite[br]for dudes. We've kind of, like, tricked
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the world into thinking that men get more[br]attractive as they age.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And don't get me wrong, that is true for [br]some dudes, but most old guys?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Uhhh? Woof.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you think dudes get hotter with age,[br]you take a trip down to the fountain of
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
death. AKA Florida. And you'll see what [br]most old men look like.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But I've never personally felt the, like,[br]societal pressure to hold onto my youth as
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
a man.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I'm a man."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But it happens all the time with girls[br]and it's still happening today.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Here's some things that I do to slow down[br]the aging process as a 14 year old.
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I started doing most of these things at[br]12. Number one, I take two apple cider
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vinegar pills, I do this twice a day.[br]Number two, I use a retinol twice a day.
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Next is, I love Korean skincare and I do[br]two face masks a day."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Call me crazy but I think a literal child [br]having an anti-aging routine
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
is a little dystopian. Because it's like[br]you're already young. Why are you doing an
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
anti-aging video? That's like if you saw a[br]TikTok of Jeff Bezos and he was like,
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'This is how I have fun on a budget.'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's like, dude, you don't need to worry[br]about that, man.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And look, I'm not gonna sit here and tell[br]you what procedures not to get or what
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
products not to use. It's your body, your [br]decision. But I just hope with people who
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
are doing these anti-aging procedures and[br]stuff, I just hope they're doing it for
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the right reason. [br]And again, I'm not smart.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you want a deep, insightful commentary[br]on this topic, or fucking any topic,
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
you're at the wrong- you're watching the[br]wrong guy. You got the wrong guy.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But I guess anti-aging, you know,[br]it's not inherently bad, but with every
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
other fucking thing on this planet, some[br]people are taking it a little too far.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I thought it'd be interesting to [br]actually try out some of these anti-aging
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
techniques / products and see if they have[br]any actual effect. But first, we have to
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
actually find out how to reverse my age. [br]So I think we need to go to the most
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
reliable place on the internet to find[br]well-documented, peer-reviewed information
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
on this subject.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Tiktok!
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"You're not ugly or old, but your inner[br]dialog might be. If you want the ultimate
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
glow-up, you won't find it in a bottle, [br]but in the power of positive affirmations"
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Ding ding ding! You said the magic word!
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Start speaking and thinking youthful[br]thoughts." Okay...
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Because your thoughts shape your reality"
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Positive affirmations, manifesting, that's[br]a classic with this type of shit.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Manifesting was a huge part of the video [br]where I did, where I took a vision healing
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
masterclass, so I'm pretty familiar with[br]the concept, alright? This ain't my first
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
rodeo. And hey, if it works for you,[br]that's wicked.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But the thing I'm confused about,[br]she tells people to 'think and speak
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
youthful thoughts'.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Start speaking and thinking youthful[br]thoughts."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What, what is that? What even is a[br]youthful thought?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'Woah, he's so deep in thought[br]I wonder what he's thinking about.'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'Just a widdle baby. I make boom boom in[br]my dipey and I miss my mommy. I wuv
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Cocomelon so much.'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'Oh my god, what's that smell? [br]Dude, did you shit yourself?'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So this creator actually sells the exact[br]affirmations you need to say on her
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
website for $10, but I unfortunately can't[br]buy those cause I'm just a little baby
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
with no money.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So I found a video on YouTube called [br]Age Reversal Affirmations.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Rekindle your spirit and ignite the[br]passion with these reverse aging
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
affirmations. Listen or repeat them for at[br]least 21 days in a row."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
21 days in a row? What the f-[br]Dude, no sleeping, no eating,
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
no exercising, no doing any of the things[br]that will, like, keep you healthy
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and also maintain a youthful appearance
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Fuck all that.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You just sit in your fuckin' affirmations[br]cave for three weeks straight.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Imagine I walk out of my office 21 days[br]later fuckin' sunken in eyes and stuff
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
you can see my bones
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'I've never felt so young!'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Okay, so let's see what these affirmations[br]are.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I have the spirit of a young."[br]I have the spirit of a young.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I am glowing."[br]I am glowing.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"My bones and veins are in the best shape"[br]My bones- my bones and veins are in the
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
best shape.[br]Just my bones and veins though,
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
everything else sucks.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I can't really tell if these worked or not[br]because I haven't done them for three
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
weeks straight, but I don't know, I can[br]already feel like I have the spirit of a
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
young. The comments on this video are [br]really interesting too.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And it's like, cool. Good for these people[br]right? If that's what they wanna look like
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Like, personally, why would you wanna look[br]18 forever? That is a nightmare.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This was me at 18.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If I still looked like this, I would be a [br]Batman villain, dude. I'd be fucking crazy
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'd be so mad all the time.[br]Dude I'd be running around Gotham fuckin'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
poppin' zits on people and shit,[br]and I could fly because I'm, like, my-
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
all my backne is popping so much[br]all the pus coming out, the force of all
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
my back zits popping just-
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Sorry, moving on from that horrifying [br]picture of 18-year-old me
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So we know there's a lot of products and[br]procedures that exist out there to slow
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the aging process. But[br]even that's not enough for some people.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
One man in particular is going to extreme[br]lengths to not just slow the aging process
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but reverse it entirely.[br]And his name is Bryan Johnson.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I wish his last name was Griffin.[br]That'd be so savage.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So this Bryan Johnson guy is a Mormon [br]entrepreneur and venture capitalist from
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Utah.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I know, pretty crazy, a Mormon from Utah?[br]Now I have seen everything.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I'm sure some of you have probably[br]seen this guy around the internet talking
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
about his age reversal endeavours, but the[br]shit he does is pretty fuckin' insane
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
in my personal opinion.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I watched his full morning routine and it[br]is wild.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I just woke up-"
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm not gonna play the whole thing cause[br]it's pretty lengthy, but I'll do a quick
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
run through.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He stars off his morning by taking his[br]temperature. He then stands in front of a
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
light that imitates sunlight because he [br]wakes up before the sun rises of course.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He then takes iron and vitamin C, he then[br]weighs himself every morning by the way
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and not just his body weight.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Weight, BMI, fat, muscle, visceral fat,[br]water, bone, heart rate and EBA.
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It also gives me the air quality in the [br]area."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Dude, I will go to the greatest lengths to[br]not weigh myself. This guy does it every
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
morning. Fuckin respect. Because for me,[br]that is fucking torture, dude.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Nah, maybe torture is a strong word. I can[br]imagine a Saw trap that's like
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Stand on the scale, or die."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Bryan then does five minutes of blue light[br]therapy, he then does a meditation,
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
some weird vibrator thing that he never[br]really explains fully. He puts in eyedrops
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and then he prepares his daily pills.[br]And this has gotta be the craziest shit I
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
have ever seen. Think of how many pills[br]he's gonna have.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's more than that.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I don't know how many pills are in here,[br]I think last time we recorded it was
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
something like over 50, maybe 60.[br]That looks like a lot more, I'm not sure
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
what's going on here."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
50 to 60 pills every day? Buddy swallows a[br]fuckin' entire pharmacy every morning dude
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That is wild, he's gotta tone it down. [br]I think Bryan's gotta incorporate a couple
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of chill pills in there as well because[br]Jesus Christ man.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But Bryan still isn't done. He now puts[br]red light on his head to prevent hair loss
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and if red light prevents hair loss, looks[br]like I'm keeping mine forever.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Sometimes when I'm driving, I hit so many[br]red lights.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Then he preps his food for the day.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"This is what I'm gonna eat after we work[br]out. Yeah, overall it's a lot of
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
vegetables every month. It's over[br]50 pounds, I think."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I hate to break it to you man, but that's[br]shit from a butt.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I know people look at it and they say[br]it's green goop and they like to make fun
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of it."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Of course I'm gonna make fun of it, dude. [br]That looks like baby shit, what the fuck?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I found out this guy has a son too. That's[br]gotta suck to have this guy as a dad.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'Sorry son, you're grounded.'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'Eat shit, dad.'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'I do.'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He's still not done by the way. He then [br]prepares his second meal of the day which
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
he calls nutty pudding[br]"Nutty pudding-"
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
which is like a protein powder that he[br]actually sells on his website.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Maybe it's called that because you gotta[br]be a little nutty if you're gonna be
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'pudding' that into your body.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And would you believe me if I told you[br]his morning routine still isn't done?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
No it's not!
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We're like fuckin' halfway through it dude[br]by the time this morning routine is done
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
he's gonna have to start his bedtime [br]routine. Because Jesus this is taking all
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
fuckin' day.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So after making his poop and sand, he does[br]a quick workout and then he finally eats
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
his breakfast. That honestly seems like so[br]much work compared to my morning routine.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
My entire morning routine can be summed up[br]with the first two words of Chop Suey by
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
System of a Down.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Wake up-"
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That's it man, that's it. I'm awake.[br]And that's the thing, it's wild seeing
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
morning routines like this because, like,[br]who is this for? I made this point in my
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Living Like a Billionaire for a Week video[br]but like 99% of people do not have the
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
time to do this shit when they wake up.[br]He says in this video that his morning
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
routine can take up to four hours.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"My morning routine is about three to four[br]hours, it varies on any given day
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
sometimes I go-"[br]Too long.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This is just not realistic to normal [br]people. But honestly, I don't know why
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm getting so hung up on this guy, like[br]who even cares what this guy has to say
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
anyway? He doesn't even have the erection[br]of an 18-year-old.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Uh, yeah. I feel like even a manicurist[br]would say that's the grossest thumbnail
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
they've ever seen. What the fuck is that.[br]I also found this really interesting video
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of Bryan Johnson. He's using yet some[br]other fuckin' crazy contraption to make
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
himself younger.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Today I'm going to show you the machine I[br]use that allows me to do the equivalent of
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
20,000 sit-ups in 30 minutes time.[br]I've set the machine to 100% and 15 so
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it's the max level. This is definitely not[br]something you wanns start with
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
what it feels like is, it's pulling your [br]entire stomach out. Like ripping it out.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Strap it on-"
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Imagine he starts the machine and it's[br]just like, 'aaaah! It hurts, it hurts!
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Kill me! Just kill me, put me out of my[br]misery, aaaah!'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Exercise complete
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Alright, now if you guys want one of these[br]hit the link in my bio.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Also, like a part of his face is like[br]discoloured in this, it's like yellow.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
His face is like yellow in this video. [br]I don't know if that's healthy, right?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Is he going through the new experimental[br]Simpsons treatment?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So yeah, this Bryan Johnson guy is like [br]the final boss of anti-aging
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but I don't think I'm ready to experience[br]that just yet, I gotta work my way up
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
right? [br]And I think I found the perfect person.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
His name is Brandon Miles May, or[br]@brandonskincare
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and he has been getting pretty popular on[br]TikTok recently and here's why.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I'm 35 and many people ask me if I don't[br]smile or laugh to prevent fine lines and
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
wrinkles. And it's not true, I do laugh[br]and I do smile. This is how I laugh
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
without using Botox and for preventing [br]fine lines and wrinkles. Ahaha, ahaha!"
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah, so he's obviously doing a bit in[br]this video, but this guy is allegedly 35
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
years old. For someone who looks that[br]young, I'd assume he would have like a
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
fucking Jimmy Neutron-sized head[br]because his head's gotta be full of
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
youthful thoughts.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
When I first saw this video, I felt like I[br]was being, like, possessed by a far right
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
conservative because all I wanted to[br]comment was, 'show me your birth
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
certificate.' Because I just couldn't[br]fucking believe it, honestly still kinda
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
don't believe it, but that is the story[br]he's sticking with, so that's great.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He takes this shit pretty serious so, you[br]know what? Sure. He's 35.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This guy is five years older than me.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And Brandon's entire internet persona is[br]based around anti-aging.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He eats food for the sole purpose of[br]anti-aging. Same as his skincare routine.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Even his clothing helps him stay young.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Anti-aging outfit of the day! [br]Are you ready for this?"
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"So today is really warm, so it's pretty[br]basic. I have a UPF 50 hoodie on
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
right here this is- has the thumb holes[br]for the backs of the hands, but I can also
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
use this to protect the sides of my face,[br]I have my big sunglasses on to protect
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
like pretty much half of my face,[br]I have a UPF 50 cap that has a long bill
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm wearing J.Crew shorts and sunscreen on[br]my legs."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you can tell, any clothing that Brandon[br]wears it, uh, it protects him from the sun
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because according to him the sun is the[br]main contributor to the aging of the skin.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I just practice safe sun protective [br]behaviours because the sun contributes
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
up to 90% of the skin's visible signs of[br]aging."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And he's not wrong. the sun is incredibly[br]dangerous for your skin if you don't
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
protect yourself. So he wears clothing[br]that is UPF 50, and that stands for
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Ultraviolet Protection Factor.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And apparently UPF 50 clothing blocks 98%[br]of the sun's rays.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This guy would probably still be a fuckin'[br]baby if it blocked 100%.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I gotta say though, including the[br]sunscreen in the fit check-
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"And sunscreen on my legs-"
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That's genuinely one of the funniest[br]things I've ever seen.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
People gotta start getting like super [br]specific like that in those like
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'walk me through your fit' videos.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Alright, walk me through your fit."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Alright well first off I got the toupee[br]on my head, Gucci t-shirts,
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
swollen nipples from when my older brother[br]purple nurpled me this morning,
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Dolce & Gabbana jeans, preparation H on my[br]haemorrhoid, herpes medication on my
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
wiener and I got the Prada shoes with my[br]ankle monitor from my house arrest."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"House arrest?"
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Police! Get your hands up,[br]get down on the ground!"
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Also just copped a taser in the back."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And this is all well and good, but I feel[br]like at a certain point it's like kind of
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
impossible to avoid the sun. And also like[br]why would you rob yourself of that joy?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
There's like no better feeling than having[br]the sun on your face.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Like what about when you're driving,[br]what are you gonna do then?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Maybe like, you know those sun blockers[br]that people put on their car windows when
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
they park their car?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I imagine Brandon just has that over his [br]windshield at all times, just absolutely
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
mowing people down, can't see shit...
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Sorry, let's get back to Brandon,[br]let's see what kind of food he's eating so
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
he can keep that youthful glow.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Here's what I'm eating for dinner tonight[br]for the purposes of anti-aging.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This is steamed broccoli and steamed bell[br]peppers, the broccoli is high in vitamin C
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
good for collagen synthesis, it also[br]contains sulforaphane which increases NRF2
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
NRF2 pathway-"[br]overlapping dialog
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This guy's just making up words.[br]What the fuck was all that shit.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm convinced he's speaking in tongues[br]dude, he needs to be, he needs to be
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
exorcised by a priest. And I can't help[br]but think about that tweet,
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of a person who's meal prepping broccoli,[br]chicken and eggs and someone quote tweeted
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it with, 'okay mr fart'.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That's all I'm thinking of when I look at[br]that dinner, dude. This dude's farts could
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
probably make you hallucinate bro.[br]Oh, you know what? Maybe that's what UPF
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
stands for. Ur Prolly Farting.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I also just watched a video from Brandon[br]saying that he eats pizza once a quarter.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I would say about 95% of the time I eat[br]everything that I show here on TikTok
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
about 5% of the time, yes I'll go out with[br]a friend or like my partner or somebody
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and we will maybe get pizza, maybe like[br]every quarter or so we might have pizza
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it's not like a big deal for me."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Which sounds like a brutal existence dude,[br]a pizza every quarter?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Just one pizza a quarter?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'd have a quarter of a pizza every hour[br]if I could, dude.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Like I said earlier, I wanna see how[br]effective this anti-aging lifestyle really
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
is. So for the next week, I'm gonna live [br]my life the exact same way Brandon does.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And we'll see if I end up looking any[br]younger. But first, we need to lock down a
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
daily routine.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Okay so luckily, Brandon has a lot of[br]videos detailing pretty much everything he
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
does in a typical day for anti-aging.[br]Let's start off with what I'm gonna be
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
eating this week.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He has a video called[br]'What I eat in a day for anti-aging'.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
To summarise that video, Brandon has a [br]dark roast coffee in the morning and then
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
an hour or two later, he has breakfast[br]which sucks for me because the first thing
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
on my mind when I wake up is what I'm[br]gonna eat for breakfast.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
For breakfast he says he makes a green[br]smoothie on days where he isn't fasting.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I figured I'd do a smoothie pretty much[br]every day and then one day I'll try to go
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
fasting and see how that goes.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And then a few hours later he makes a[br]humongous salad for lunch.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He then makes a hot chocolate made of 100%[br]cacao, cocoa powder, almon milk and salt.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I don't know about you guys but I like[br]my hot chocolate sweet as hell.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So let's see how he sweetens it.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"No sweetener, I don't add any sweetener [br]or sugar, so it is bitter."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Great.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And for dinner, Brandon usually does[br]salmon or some other kind of fish for
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
omega-3. I don't know what those are, it[br]sounds like it could be one of the fuckin'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Autobots.[br]'Omega-3, roll out.'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And then alongside the salmon Brandon also[br]has broccoli and
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"my favourite fall vegetable, a sweet[br]potato."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And then for dessert he does frozen[br]blueberries and dark chocolate.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So that's gonna be pretty much my diet[br]every single day this week.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And there were some other foods in his [br]TikTok and stuff, like hard boiled eggs
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and avocado and stuff that I'll sprinkle[br]in here and there.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And also, god, real quick. I gotta say,[br]love the energy Brandon's YouTube profile
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
picture is giving off, I love it dude.[br]It looks like I'm seeing him through a
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
peephole.[br]And obviously another pinnacle of
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
anti-aging is exercise. [br]Brandon starts his day with a 10 minute
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
stretch, and this next part's gonna be[br]pretty hard, but Brandon aims to hit
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
20,000 steps a day.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I've been trying to reach for 20,000[br]steps-"
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That's a lot of steps, ok? Especially to[br]a guy who has mastered the art of parking
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it, but Brandon actually uses this little [br]treadmill, this like walking pad while he
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
works and stuff, so I went ahead and[br]ordered that same treadmill because
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I can't possibly think of another way to[br]get 20,000 steps in a day.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Especially during the summertime.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Brandon then does some weightlifting with[br]some 12-pound weights
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and that'll be no problem.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And that's his daily workout routine.[br]Seems pretty low impact, which is nice.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But compared to my usual workout routine[br]that consists of 20 reps of hanging out
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
followed by three sets of chilling,[br]this is gonna be a big change for me.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Uh, yeah. The only push up I do is push up[br]on the D-pad, cause I'm a freaking gamer.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I paused my game to be here.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You know I can eat and exercise all I want[br]but if I don't look the part then
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
what am I doing? So I'm gonna order [br]some UPF 50 clothing as well.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And wow, look at these.[br]Holy crap, these are ugly.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
They're not ugly, sorry. [br]They're just not what I would wear.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's like, there's not even one ironic[br]vintage graphic t-shirt on here
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
what the fuck?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I guess it's nice that these clothes[br]protect you from the sun, but it doesn't
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
say anything about protecting you from [br]insults. So I'm pretty nervous about that.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But I'm gonna give these a genuine try.[br]So I'm gonna order some of these.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And last but not least, Brandon made a [br]video going through some tips and tricks
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
about anti-aging that nobody really talks[br]about.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"So whenever I am, like, cooking a meal[br]and I'm baking and I'm using the oven,
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I will be very very hesitant to just reach[br]my hand in there with just a mitten."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Damn, your skin can't even get warm?[br]What the fuck? That's not real.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"People who bake things for a living have[br]more aged skin on their dominant hand
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the hand that they use for putting things[br]in the oven and pulling things out."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Also the example he uses...
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He says people who work in kitchens[br]age poorly?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That might be true, but I can guarantee[br]you that's not because of the heat.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I've worked in restaurants before, ok?[br]If it's not the cigarettes, booze and
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
sniff
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that ages them poorly, it's the[br]unnecessary amount of stress they put
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
themselves through.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'Ugh I'm so mad, the restaurant I work at[br]that sells food is selling too much food.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I gotta yell at Curtis and get more hand [br]tattoos about this.'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Sorry to all the line cooks and stuff[br]out there but I think that's just personal
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
work trauma I'm working through that-[br]nothing on you guys.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Tip number two, flying in airplanes, [br]I always choose a window seat so that
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I can control when the window is up and[br]down because when you're in higher
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
altitudes, UV- UVA in particular is[br]strongest at those highest altitudes-"
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah I guess that makes sense, but like a[br]couple hours of sunlight isn't gonna
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
fucking kill you. Well actually, I don't[br]know. It might kill him.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I don't know.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
As you get on a flight, you're in the[br]window seat, sitting next to you is
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Brandon Skincare, you look over, you open[br]the window, sun shines through and then
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
you look back at Brandon and there's just[br]a pile of ash there.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Tip number three is wearing white[br]clothing. The sun comes down and reflects
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
UV off of that white significantly more so[br]than any other colour."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Alright, this is terrible news for me[br]because I actually really love wearing
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
white t-shirts, that's my favourite thing [br]to wear because I got this cool thing
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
called dandruff. So when I wear black my[br]shoulders kind of look like a fuckin'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Charli XCX concert. But who knows? Maybe[br]all this healthy eating I do this week
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
will somehow cure my dandruff.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"When you have bright lights on at night,[br]like just everywhere in your house and
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
you're watching TV and you're on your[br]phone and you're on your devices
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
this blue light and this visible light is[br]stimulating your serotonin levels when
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it's not supposed to be stimulated, and [br]your circadian rhythm is getting all out
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of whack."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Got, this is also gonna be a huge change. [br]Like I'm playing video games and working
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
until like 1AM fuckin' like every night.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Literally the lonely stoner seems to free[br]his mind at night, I don't know if he's
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
heard that before. [br]But now Brandon's saying no bright lights
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
at night? That ain't right!
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"And also socialising and connecting with [br]others is really really important."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Okay, so I gotta hang out with my friends[br]and my wife this week.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I think I can make that happen.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Maintaining an overall positive attitude[br]just overall can be connected to these
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
things, you know relaxation and reducing[br]negativity. Negativity is a powerful
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
detriment to your anti-aging goals.[br]A lot of people who are just negative
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
overall tend to have a reduced life span [br]and just more health issues overall,
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
tends to be a correlation there, [br]an association."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That's dumb. That's stupid.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Fuck dude, being negative shortens your[br]life? Nice knowing you guys!
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Jesus Christ dude.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"And number 10 tip is basically not[br]drinking alcohol-"
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Okay. Come on, man.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
How you gonna tell me to be social but not[br]have any alcohol?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah, great thing for anti-aging is to go [br]skydiving but don't wear a parachute!
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Maybe he's just talking about hard liquor,[br]right?
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'I'm sure he's not meaning 100 million[br]beers, right friend?'
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I just don't drink personally because I [br]know that there's really no benefit to
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
alcohol."
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
No benefits to alcohol? Okay, you tell[br]that to my hands that I'm not sure what to
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
do with at a concert.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Alright, I think we've got a firm[br]understanding of what my anti-aging week
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
is gonna look like, but I think before I[br]dive into the shallow end and break my
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
neck, I need one final day of getting all[br]the fun shit I like doing out of my system
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I got a haircut.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So I had my quarterly pizza the night[br]before my week of anti-aging
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and with a chest full of heartburn[br]I stared at my computer screen for the
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
rest of the night. I've been really busy [br]getting ready for tour and everything
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I knew I wasn't gonna have that much[br]time to do it this week, so I had to get
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
as much done as I possibly could.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That being said, I also played some video[br]games.
9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you're wondering what video game I was [br]playing, then you're in luck.