WEBVTT

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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Walmart has entered the metaverse.

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(whooping, cheering, clapping noises)

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Finally.

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That's right, Greg.

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Through one of the most popular
children's games in the world,

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Walmart is now an actual destination
in the metaverse

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where you can go to have fun, play, learn,

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and of course,

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buy things from Walmart.

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And that is what I will be doing today.

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I personally cannot wait to get into
Walmart's metaverse,

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look around, explore, 
it looks fun as hell.

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One of the biggest corporations
in the entire world

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advertising to young children in
a video game?

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Uh, let's just say

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Daddy likey.

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But before we do that,

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before I show you the actual
Walmart metaverse experience.

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I was surprised to find out

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that this actually isn't Walmart's first
metaverse project.

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A few months ago,

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apparently Walmart was sort of laughed
off the internet

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because this video surfaced demoing
their "vision of the future of shopping"

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in the metaverse.

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And not only did this failed experiment
not look like it made shopping any better,

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it, like, actively made it worse.

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You know how instead of like, a store
with colorful aisles full of products

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and people from your community
shopping around,

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you'd much rather shop in a dystopian
void of a Walmart

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that's been abandoned for 
a thousand years?

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You d--

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Oh, you do?

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Okay, that was meant to be sarcastic
but you actually do?

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Okay, well, then maybe you'll like this.

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(futuristic synth noise)

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(industrial door-opening sound)

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[Woman] Hi! Thanks for visiting Walmart.

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I will be your shopping assistant module
today,

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but you can call me SAM for short.

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[Danny] Look man, I already feel like

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kind of dystopian going to a regular
Walmart in the real world,

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but this actually feels like I'm like a
test subject in some kind of

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psychological experiment.

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What is this void? Where am I right now?

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[SAM] Let's get started.

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I have your shopping list loaded up

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and I'm tracking your oil change so 
I can let you know as soon as it's done.

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[Danny] Now I don't know about you,

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but when I go to the store, if an employee
asks me if I need help finding anything,

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I say no every time, even I DO need help

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because I'm a nervous person.

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So this? 
This scenario is like a nightmare to me.

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Just having an employee floating
2 feet in front of me at all times

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just locking eyes with me, recommending
products,

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is actually a nightmare.

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It's like my worst-case scenario when I
go to a store, but if it just never ended.

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It also doesn't help that she's like,
literally telling you what to do,

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she's not even making suggestions.

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[SAM] You see the tomato 
sauce on your left?

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Go ahead and grab that and then
place it in your cart.

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[Danny] You see the tomato sauce?

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Grab it.

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Put it in your cart.

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You said you wanted tomato sauce, right?

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It's right there.

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Put it in the cart now.

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There's no time for browsing and
taking your time in the Walmart Metaverse.

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Get your shit

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and LEAVE.

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How is this any better than 
shopping normally?

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They had every opportunity to make
shopping, like, a breeze,

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I feel like the most 
efficient form of shopping

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is ki-- is just ordering it online.

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They didn't need to take the actual
physical experience of going to Walmart

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and put it in VR.

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If I'm not going to the store anymore,

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it's like, the actual act of putting
a tomato sauce in my cart

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is not the part I'm gonna miss.

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It's probably gonna be, like, human
contact, or just, like,

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feeling like I live-- I exist in a
real social world.

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[SAM] Great!

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Looks like you need a good wine pairing.

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Take a look to your right.

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(metallic clink sound)

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Your age has already been pre-verified
through your profile,

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so no need to wait for an ID check!

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(bottle crashing)

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[Danny] I love how in this supposedly

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futuristic utopian version of
Walmart in the future,

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we're already being upsold to buy shit
that we didn't want.

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It's like, "Okay, you wanted pasta sauce,

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go ahead and buy a wine with that.
You can't have pasta without wine, right?

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And also here's $5 off a 
VUDU movie rental,

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you're gonna wanna buy a movie as well.

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And then, oh, you're watching a movie?

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Head on over to our gun department.

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You're gonna want a gun with that movie."

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Also I haven't even bought pasta,
or meat yet.

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Why is red wine the thing I need to pair
with the pasta sauce?

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I need the rest of my meal.

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Or am I just sipping on glass of wine and
one glass of pasta sauce

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while I watch my VUDU rental movie?

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[SAM] I'm getting a notification
from your connected smart fridge.

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It looks like you already have a full
gallon of milk at home.

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Should we put this one back?

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[Danny] Sorry?

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My FRIDGE told you that?

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The sheer passive aggressiveness in
this Walmart employee's voice.

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"Hey, so, um,

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I noticed you have a gallon of milk
in your cart, but, uh,

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I was just talking to your smart fridge

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and he told me you already
have milk at home.

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Should we put the milk back?

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Should wittle baby put the milk back?

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Did wittle baby forget that
we have milk at home?

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(action music)
Did you forget in this dystopian world

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there's a milk shortage?

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Are you trying to hoard milk?

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Also stop talking to my fridge behind
my back, dude. What the hell?

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Why are smart fridges so integral to
every corporation's version of the future?

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I do not want my fridge snitching on me
to Walmart, okay?

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[Danny] Damn, you can really feel the
anger through the screen in that toss.

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"Fine, I'll fucking put the
milk back, dude.

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Stop talking to my fridge!"

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Just every part of this is so eerie.

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What is with the hum
throughout this video?

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They could've had fun music playing,
you know,

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you go to like, Target or Walmart 
and they're playing, like, Ed Sheeran.

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It's like they're making it eerie and
dystopian on purpose.

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Every time you pick up an item
from the shelf

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all of the shelves descend into the
underworld and new shelves come up.

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That's really comforting, I gotta say.

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There's something so comforting
about them being like,

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"NO YOU DON'T MOVE, ALRIGHT?

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THE SHELVES MOVE.

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You stay right where you are.

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The milk will come to you.

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(distorted) The gun aisle 
will come to you.

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[SAM] Good news! Your oil change is done.

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Your vehicle will be ready at the
Tire and Lube Express.

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[Danny] Okay, now wait, so
this is confusing.

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Am I...

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at a Walmart with a VR
headset on?

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This whole time I thought this was
something you do from home.

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You go around, pick out all your items,

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and then Walmart will come and
drop your stuff off.

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But she just said that my car's getting
an oil change right now--

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[SAM] Good news! Your oil change is done.

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[Danny] At the Lube Express or whatever?

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[SAM] At the Tire and Lube Express.

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[Danny] The Tire and Lube Express.

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That's right, that's what I said.

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So...

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I drove to Walmart,

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dropped my car off at the Tire
and Lube Express,

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And then went into Walmart

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and then just put on a VR headset?

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At that point, I-- why can't I just shop?

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Why do I need to be wearing a VR headset?

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I'm so confused.

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(ominous humming and
machine hissing noises)

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[Danny] I feel like these hands
say so much

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about the emotion of the person
watching this happen.

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Would you say that this person is, like,

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happy or terrified about
what's going on right now?

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(machinery hissing noises,
dark scary piano music)

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[SAM] I'll have the TV
brought out to your car.

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(confirmation ding)

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(drone hums to life)

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[Danny] Okay, so my shopping cart
is going to my car to load my groceries,

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this drone is just gonna deliver the TV
straight to my house,

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and then I notice that I'm not leaving
the Walmart?

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I notice that my cart and the TV
get to leave

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and I don't?

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Any reason for that?

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(dark scary piano music)
"Okay, your groceries will be delievered

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to your smart fridge as a sacrifice,

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and you will remain here forever.

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Thank you for shopping at Walmart."

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Okay. I think you guys have
waited long enough.

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You wanna see the REAL DEAL.

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That experiment obviously did not work,

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people were like,
"What the hell is wrong with you?

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Of course we don't want this."

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So now it's time to look at Walmart's

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actual, real-life, currently live venture
into the metaverse.

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Walmart enters the metaverse with Roblox
experiences aimed at young shoppers.

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Young shoppers, young shoppers,

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I feel like there's another word for that,

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another word that they're not using
for some r--

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Oh, CHILDREN!

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Yeah, that's right, we usually call
young shoppers "children."

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But I guess at the end of the day

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children are basically just young
shoppers, aren't they?

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Congratulations ma'am,

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you've given birth to a beautiful
young male shopper.

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Oh, thank you so much!

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I can't wait for him to grow up and shop
just like his father.

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Isn't that right, sweetie?

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(people talking, dark scary piano music)

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Walmart is entering the metaverse with two
experiences:

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Walmart Land and Walmart's Universe of
Play in gaming platform Roblox.

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Walmart's marketing chief, William White,

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said the company will use Roblox
as a testing ground

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as it considers other moves in
the metaverse and beyond.

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Definitely makes it sound like they're
using this opportunity

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to sort of experiment on children.

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Which I guess makes sense as to why
they're not using the word "children."

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Cause there's lots of laws against
advertising to children.