Ladies and gentlemen,
Walmart has entered the metaverse.
(whooping, cheering, clapping noises)
Finally.
That's right, Greg.
Through one of the most popular children's games in the world,
Walmart is now an actual destination in the metaverse
where you can go to have fun, play, learn,
and of course,
buy things from Walmart.
And that is what I will be doing today.
I personally cannot wait to get into Walmart's metaverse,
look around, explore, it looks fun as hell.
One of the biggest corporations in the entire world
advertising to young children in a video game?
Uh, let's just say
Daddy likey.
But before we do that,
before I show you the actual Walmart metaverse experience.
I was surprised to find out
that this actually isn't Walmart's first metaverse project.
A few months ago,
apparently Walmart was sort of laughed off the internet
because this video surfaced demoing their "vision of the future of shopping"
in the metaverse.
And not only did this failed experiment not look like it made shopping any better,
it, like, actively made it worse.
You know how instead of like, a store with colorful aisles full of products
and people from your community shopping around,
you'd much rather shop in a dystopian void of a Walmart
that's been abandoned for a thousand years?
You d--
Oh, you do?
Okay, that was meant to be sarcastic but you actually do?
Okay, well, then maybe you'll like this.
(futuristic synth noise)
(industrial door-opening sound)
[Woman] Hi! Thanks for visiting Walmart.
I will be your shopping assistant module today,
but you can call me SAM for short.
[Danny] Look man, I already feel like
kind of dystopian going to a regular Walmart in the real world,
but this actually feels like I'm like a test subject in some kind of
psychological experiment.
What is this void? Where am I right now?
[SAM] Let's get started.
I have your shopping list loaded up
and I'm tracking your oil change so I can let you know as soon as it's done.
[Danny] Now I don't know about you,
but when I go to the store, if an employee asks me if I need help finding anything,
I say no every time, even I DO need help
because I'm a nervous person.
So this? This scenario is like a nightmare to me.
Just having an employee floating 2 feet in front of me at all times
just locking eyes with me, recommending products,
is actually a nightmare.
It's like my worst-case scenario when I go to a store, but if it just never ended.
It also doesn't help that she's like, literally telling you what to do,
she's not even making suggestions.
[SAM] You see the tomato sauce on your left?
Go ahead and grab that and then place it in your cart.
[Danny] You see the tomato sauce?
Grab it.
Put it in your cart.
You said you wanted tomato sauce, right?
It's right there.
Put it in the cart now.
There's no time for browsing and taking your time in the Walmart Metaverse.
Get your shit
and LEAVE.
How is this any better than shopping normally?
They had every opportunity to make shopping, like, a breeze,
I feel like the most efficient form of shopping
is ki-- is just ordering it online.
They didn't need to take the actual physical experience of going to Walmart
and put it in VR.
If I'm not going to the store anymore,
it's like, the actual act of putting a tomato sauce in my cart
is not the part I'm gonna miss.
It's probably gonna be, like, human contact, or just, like,
feeling like I live-- I exist in a real social world.
[SAM] Great!
Looks like you need a good wine pairing.
Take a look to your right.
(metallic clink sound)
Your age has already been pre-verified through your profile,
so no need to wait for an ID check!
(bottle crashing)
[Danny] I love how in this supposedly
futuristic utopian version of Walmart in the future,
we're already being upsold to buy shit that we didn't want.
It's like, "Okay, you wanted pasta sauce,
go ahead and buy a wine with that. You can't have pasta without wine, right?
And also here's $5 off a VUDU movie rental,
you're gonna wanna buy a movie as well.
And then, oh, you're watching a movie?
Head on over to our gun department.
You're gonna want a gun with that movie."
Also I haven't even bought pasta, or meat yet.
Why is red wine the thing I need to pair with the pasta sauce?
I need the rest of my meal.
Or am I just sipping on glass of wine and one glass of pasta sauce
while I watch my VUDU rental movie?
[SAM] I'm getting a notification from your connected smart fridge.
It looks like you already have a full gallon of milk at home.
Should we put this one back?
[Danny] Sorry?
My FRIDGE told you that?
The sheer passive aggressiveness in this Walmart employee's voice.
"Hey, so, um,
I noticed you have a gallon of milk in your cart, but, uh,
I was just talking to your smart fridge
and he told me you already have milk at home.
Should we put the milk back?
Should wittle baby put the milk back?
Did wittle baby forget that we have milk at home?
(action music) Did you forget in this dystopian world
there's a milk shortage?
Are you trying to hoard milk?
Also stop talking to my fridge behind my back, dude. What the hell?
Why are smart fridges so integral to every corporation's version of the future?
I do not want my fridge snitching on me to Walmart, okay?
[Danny] Damn, you can really feel the anger through the screen in that toss.
"Fine, I'll fucking put the milk back, dude.
Stop talking to my fridge!"
Just every part of this is so eerie.
What is with the hum throughout this video?
They could've had fun music playing, you know,
you go to like, Target or Walmart and they're playing, like, Ed Sheeran.
It's like they're making it eerie and dystopian on purpose.
Every time you pick up an item from the shelf
all of the shelves descend into the underworld and new shelves come up.
That's really comforting, I gotta say.
There's something so comforting about them being like,
"NO YOU DON'T MOVE, ALRIGHT?
THE SHELVES MOVE.
You stay right where you are.
The milk will come to you.
(distorted) The gun aisle will come to you.
[SAM] Good news! Your oil change is done.
Your vehicle will be ready at the Tire and Lube Express.
[Danny] Okay, now wait, so this is confusing.
Am I...
at a Walmart with a VR headset on?
This whole time I thought this was something you do from home.
You go around, pick out all your items,
and then Walmart will come and drop your stuff off.
But she just said that my car's getting an oil change right now--
[SAM] Good news! Your oil change is done.
[Danny] At the Lube Express or whatever?
[SAM] At the Tire and Lube Express.
[Danny] The Tire and Lube Express.
That's right, that's what I said.
So...
I drove to Walmart,
dropped my car off at the Tire and Lube Express,
And then went into Walmart
and then just put on a VR headset?
At that point, I-- why can't I just shop?
Why do I need to be wearing a VR headset?
I'm so confused.
(ominous humming and machine hissing noises)
[Danny] I feel like these hands say so much
about the emotion of the person watching this happen.
Would you say that this person is, like,
happy or terrified about what's going on right now?
(machinery hissing noises, dark scary piano music)
[SAM] I'll have the TV brought out to your car.
(confirmation ding)
(drone hums to life)
[Danny] Okay, so my shopping cart is going to my car to load my groceries,
this drone is just gonna deliver the TV straight to my house,
and then I notice that I'm not leaving the Walmart?
I notice that my cart and the TV get to leave
and I don't?
Any reason for that?
(dark scary piano music) "Okay, your groceries will be delievered
to your smart fridge as a sacrifice,
and you will remain here forever.
Thank you for shopping at Walmart."
Okay. I think you guys have waited long enough.
You wanna see the REAL DEAL.
That experiment obviously did not work,
people were like, "What the hell is wrong with you?
Of course we don't want this."
So now it's time to look at Walmart's
actual, real-life, currently live venture into the metaverse.
Walmart enters the metaverse with Roblox experiences aimed at young shoppers.
Young shoppers, young shoppers,
I feel like there's another word for that,
another word that they're not using for some r--
Oh, CHILDREN!
Yeah, that's right, we usually call young shoppers "children."
But I guess at the end of the day
children are basically just young shoppers, aren't they?
Congratulations ma'am,
you've given birth to a beautiful young male shopper.
Oh, thank you so much!
I can't wait for him to grow up and shop just like his father.
Isn't that right, sweetie?
(people talking, dark scary piano music)
Walmart is entering the metaverse with two experiences:
Walmart Land and Walmart's Universe of Play in gaming platform Roblox.
Walmart's marketing chief, William White,
said the company will use Roblox as a testing ground
as it considers other moves in the metaverse and beyond.
Definitely makes it sound like they're using this opportunity
to sort of experiment on children.
Which I guess makes sense as to why they're not using the word "children."
Cause there's lots of laws against advertising to children.