WEBVTT

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(Ian) Ready or not, here I come!

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(Anthony) SHUT UP!

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(Ian) Alright, I'll tell you what.

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Winner of hide-and-seek gets to play

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Dragon Ball Z on the Kinect first.

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That's, like, the lamest prize ever.

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The Kinect sucks.

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Plus, you're, like, the worst
hider in the history of hiding.

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Frick nuggets!

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Frick nuggets!

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Frick nugget!

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Frick nuggets!

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Frick nugget!

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Okay, but this time I have a way
awesome hiding space

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and you're never gonna find me!

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Oh, so I guess I'll find you in, 
uh...oh, let's see, 15 seconds?

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Um, more like 15 years!

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Dog years.

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Cause that's, like, longer, right?

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(Anthony) Three, two, one.

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Ready or not, here I come. Bitch.

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Frick balls!

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Heh heh heh.

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Frick balls!

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Heh heh heh.

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Gee, I wonder where Ian is.

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(grunting)

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-Gotcha, you--
-(groaning in pain)

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Uh...sorry, Stevie.

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(groans)

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(whistles casually)

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Heh heh heh heh heh.

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(sighs) Okay, Ian! You can come out now!

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Heh heh heh.

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I'm serious, man!

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Let's just end this stupid game, okay?

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Heh heh heh heh.

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Alright, if you're not coming 
out, I guess I'm playing

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Dragon Ball Z without you!

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Kamayamayaaaaaaa!

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Day One:

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I've been under the table
for three hours now.

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Anthony is trying to lure me out,

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but I'm not gonna fall for his little tricks.

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If you don't come out, I'm gonna
eat all your pink-frosted

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sprinkled donuts!

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I'm gonna use your blow-up doll!

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I'm gonna pop all your bubble wrap!

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I'm gonna send all my
nude pictures to your mom!

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I'm gonna eat your grandpa's ashes!

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I am the best hider ever.

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That idiot actually thinks I
left the house or something!

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(cackles)

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Well, uh, since I'm all alone,

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I guess I might as well go play with my junk!

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Heh heh heh.

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Day six:

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I finally found a friend in here!

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I think he's a guy, but I can't
really seem to find his balls,

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so I should probably give 
him a gender-neutral name,

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like, uh, Kelly. Yeah, Kelly sounds good.

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(giggling)

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(sighs) Man, playing with my junk 
just isn't any fun without Ian here.

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He used to love watching me play with my junk.

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Well...since he is not here, I guess

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I might as well have a circle jerk!

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Whoo!

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Day 10:

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Kelly seems down.

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I gotta find out what's wrong with him.

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Or...her. I-I don't really know.

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I still haven't found his balls.

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What's wrong, buddy?

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I'm just so hungry! We need to
find some food up in this bitch!

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I know, but there isn't any.

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What about Anthony?

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I'm not gonna eat Anthony.

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No, you idiot!

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He has food!

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No! I'm not gonna come out of hiding until he

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tells me that I'm the best hider of all time!

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So shut your yeasty little f*cking trap, Kelly!

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Jesus! Chill out, bro.

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That guy's a jerk.

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She's a jerk!

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They're all jerky-jerky-jerks.

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I'm circling all of these jerks!

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(sighs) Man, I'm bored.

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Well, I guess since I'm all alone,

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I guess I might as well go masturbate!

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Day 21:

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Anthony's still in the bathroom,
doing what kind of sounds like

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weight lifting or something?

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I don't know.

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All I know is that I'm starving to death.

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I need to find something to eat...

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(bread) No! No, Ian, don't do that!

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Just-Just one little bite won't hurt, will it?

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(bread) Of course it'll freaking hurt, idiot!

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Just-Just one little nibble.

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(bread) Come on, silly!

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Think about what you're doing!

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(bread whimpers) Oh, Jesus...oh...oh.

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Yup! Thought about it.

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(toast screams in pain)

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Jesus!

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What time is it?

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What the hell are you doing down here?!

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Oh! Anthony!

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Well, now that you've finally found me,

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I guess you're ready to admit
that I'm the greatest

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hide-and-seeker of all time.

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Uh...Anthony is my grandpa?

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What do you mean, "grandpa"?

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It's been 50 years since you 
went missing, dumb ass!

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Whoaaaa.

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Is that a new Xbox?!

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Yup. Xbox 36.

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How's the Kinect work?

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Still sucks balls!

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(Kinect) Searching the internet
for old men sucking balls.

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AAAAH! My eyes!

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To see deleted scenes and bloopers...

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I like to beat my meat!

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Then I like to eat my meat.

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Click the video on the right!

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I rock out. I throw the babies into the pit.

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My grandkids ain't pussies!

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And if you want to see another 
video with Ian writing in a diary...

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(Ian) Shut up, it's a man journal!

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Click the other video on the right, sillies!

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And you better subscribe, bitches, or else

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I'm gonna eat myself.

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Oh, I'll do it. I'll do it, I swear.

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I'll do it!

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(screaming in pain) Oh no, 
Jesus! Not again! Oohhh.

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Hey, uh, speaking of balls,

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do you guys know if slices 
of bread are girls or boys?

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(bread) I'm a fricking man, you dick biscuit!

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(gasps) AAAAAAH!

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Jackass.

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