0:00:00.562,0:00:02.881
(Ian) Ready or not, here I come!

0:00:02.881,0:00:04.020
(Anthony) SHUT UP!

0:00:05.256,0:00:06.095
(Ian) Alright, I'll tell you what.

0:00:06.325,0:00:07.692
Winner of hide-and-seek gets to play

0:00:07.692,0:00:09.164
Dragon Ball Z on the Kinect first.

0:00:09.333,0:00:11.005
That's, like, the lamest prize ever.

0:00:11.005,0:00:12.165
The Kinect sucks.

0:00:12.165,0:00:14.493
Plus, you're, like, the worst[br]hider in the history of hiding.

0:00:15.569,0:00:16.739
Frick nuggets!

0:00:17.628,0:00:18.597
Frick nuggets!

0:00:19.675,0:00:20.828
Frick nugget!

0:00:22.104,0:00:23.612
Frick nuggets!

0:00:28.125,0:00:29.447
Frick nugget!

0:00:29.645,0:00:32.202
Okay, but this time I have a way[br]awesome hiding space

0:00:32.202,0:00:34.240
and you're never gonna find me!

0:00:34.240,0:00:38.360
Oh, so I guess I'll find you in, [br]uh...oh, let's see, 15 seconds?

0:00:38.360,0:00:40.390
Um, more like 15 years!

0:00:41.246,0:00:42.122
Dog years.

0:00:45.787,0:00:47.752
Cause that's, like, longer, right?

0:00:52.198,0:00:55.520
(Anthony) Three, two, one.

0:00:55.520,0:00:58.360
Ready or not, here I come. Bitch.

0:01:01.748,0:01:03.000
Frick balls!

0:01:03.000,0:01:03.815
Heh heh heh.

0:01:04.831,0:01:05.961
Frick balls!

0:01:05.961,0:01:06.979
Heh heh heh.

0:01:06.979,0:01:10.878
Gee, I wonder where Ian is.

0:01:11.135,0:01:13.596
(grunting)

0:01:18.597,0:01:21.087
-Gotcha, you--[br]-(groaning in pain)

0:01:21.087,0:01:23.312
Uh...sorry, Stevie.

0:01:23.312,0:01:24.174
(groans)

0:01:25.288,0:01:26.641
(whistles casually)

0:01:27.303,0:01:28.384
Heh heh heh heh heh.

0:01:28.384,0:01:31.335
(sighs) Okay, Ian! You can come out now!

0:01:31.642,0:01:32.799
Heh heh heh.

0:01:32.799,0:01:34.037
I'm serious, man!

0:01:34.221,0:01:36.253
Let's just end this stupid game, okay?

0:01:36.253,0:01:37.656
Heh heh heh heh.

0:01:37.656,0:01:40.035
Alright, if you're not coming [br]out, I guess I'm playing

0:01:40.035,0:01:42.384
Dragon Ball Z without you!

0:01:42.384,0:01:45.492
Kamayamayaaaaaaa!

0:01:45.523,0:01:46.411
Day One:

0:01:46.411,0:01:49.057
I've been under the table[br]for three hours now.

0:01:49.057,0:01:50.936
Anthony is trying to lure me out,

0:01:50.936,0:01:53.494
but I'm not gonna fall for his little tricks.

0:01:53.647,0:01:55.827
If you don't come out, I'm gonna[br]eat all your pink-frosted

0:01:55.827,0:01:57.059
sprinkled donuts!

0:01:57.059,0:01:59.074
I'm gonna use your blow-up doll!

0:01:59.074,0:02:00.871
I'm gonna pop all your bubble wrap!

0:02:01.687,0:02:03.822
I'm gonna send all my[br]nude pictures to your mom!

0:02:03.822,0:02:05.700
I'm gonna eat your grandpa's ashes!

0:02:05.961,0:02:08.404
I am the best hider ever.

0:02:08.665,0:02:11.826
That idiot actually thinks I[br]left the house or something!

0:02:11.826,0:02:13.694
(cackles)

0:02:15.308,0:02:17.856
Well, uh, since I'm all alone,

0:02:17.856,0:02:20.129
I guess I might as well go play with my junk!

0:02:20.129,0:02:20.913
Heh heh heh.

0:02:21.312,0:02:22.152
Day six:

0:02:22.398,0:02:24.554
I finally found a friend in here!

0:02:24.754,0:02:27.929
I think he's a guy, but I can't[br]really seem to find his balls,

0:02:27.929,0:02:30.545
so I should probably give [br]him a gender-neutral name,

0:02:30.745,0:02:35.003
like, uh, Kelly. Yeah, Kelly sounds good.

0:02:35.003,0:02:36.914
(giggling)

0:02:37.759,0:02:41.352
(sighs) Man, playing with my junk [br]just isn't any fun without Ian here.

0:02:41.352,0:02:43.420
He used to love watching me play with my junk.

0:02:44.896,0:02:47.125
Well...since he is not here, I guess

0:02:47.125,0:02:48.912
I might as well have a circle jerk!

0:02:49.635,0:02:50.373
Whoo!

0:02:50.958,0:02:51.981
Day 10:

0:02:52.489,0:02:53.811
Kelly seems down.

0:02:54.211,0:02:56.148
I gotta find out what's wrong with him.

0:02:56.532,0:02:58.652
Or...her. I-I don't really know.

0:02:58.652,0:02:59.996
I still haven't found his balls.

0:03:00.242,0:03:01.405
What's wrong, buddy?

0:03:01.666,0:03:05.870
I'm just so hungry! We need to[br]find some food up in this bitch!

0:03:06.208,0:03:07.729
I know, but there isn't any.

0:03:07.852,0:03:09.078
What about Anthony?

0:03:09.324,0:03:10.665
I'm not gonna eat Anthony.

0:03:10.665,0:03:11.902
No, you idiot!

0:03:12.132,0:03:13.684
He has food!

0:03:13.684,0:03:15.864
No! I'm not gonna come out of hiding until he

0:03:15.864,0:03:18.887
tells me that I'm the best hider of all time!

0:03:19.133,0:03:22.545
So shut your yeasty little f*cking trap, Kelly!

0:03:22.545,0:03:24.336
Jesus! Chill out, bro.

0:03:24.428,0:03:25.686
That guy's a jerk.

0:03:25.901,0:03:26.855
She's a jerk!

0:03:26.855,0:03:28.650
They're all jerky-jerky-jerks.

0:03:28.650,0:03:30.413
I'm circling all of these jerks!

0:03:31.489,0:03:33.726
(sighs) Man, I'm bored.

0:03:34.187,0:03:35.619
Well, I guess since I'm all alone,

0:03:35.619,0:03:37.532
I guess I might as well go masturbate!

0:03:40.115,0:03:41.115
Day 21:

0:03:41.775,0:03:44.842
Anthony's still in the bathroom,[br]doing what kind of sounds like

0:03:44.842,0:03:46.354
weight lifting or something?

0:03:46.938,0:03:47.837
I don't know.

0:03:47.837,0:03:49.704
All I know is that I'm starving to death.

0:03:49.996,0:03:53.100
I need to find something to eat...

0:03:53.376,0:03:55.760
(bread) No! No, Ian, don't do that!

0:03:55.760,0:03:58.321
Just-Just one little bite won't hurt, will it?

0:03:58.321,0:04:00.343
(bread) Of course it'll freaking hurt, idiot!

0:04:00.743,0:04:02.737
Just-Just one little nibble.

0:04:03.167,0:04:04.424
(bread) Come on, silly!

0:04:04.424,0:04:06.207
Think about what you're doing!

0:04:07.715,0:04:12.428
(bread whimpers) Oh, Jesus...oh...oh.

0:04:12.797,0:04:13.805
Yup! Thought about it.

0:04:13.959,0:04:16.325
(toast screams in pain)

0:04:16.505,0:04:17.397
Jesus!

0:04:25.000,0:04:26.108
What time is it?

0:04:27.517,0:04:29.419
What the hell are you doing down here?!

0:04:29.772,0:04:31.384
Oh! Anthony!

0:04:32.414,0:04:34.056
Well, now that you've finally found me,

0:04:34.056,0:04:36.341
I guess you're ready to admit[br]that I'm the greatest

0:04:36.341,0:04:38.533
hide-and-seeker of all time.

0:04:38.533,0:04:41.716
Uh...Anthony is my grandpa?

0:04:41.716,0:04:43.203
What do you mean, "grandpa"?

0:04:44.187,0:04:48.034
It's been 50 years since you [br]went missing, dumb ass!

0:04:48.172,0:04:50.303
Whoaaaa.

0:04:50.303,0:04:51.675
Is that a new Xbox?!

0:04:52.167,0:04:54.307
Yup. Xbox 36.

0:04:54.491,0:04:55.613
How's the Kinect work?

0:04:55.613,0:04:57.609
Still sucks balls!

0:04:57.992,0:05:00.613
(Kinect) Searching the internet[br]for old men sucking balls.

0:05:00.613,0:05:03.583
AAAAH! My eyes!

0:05:03.721,0:05:07.095
To see deleted scenes and bloopers...

0:05:07.095,0:05:09.224
I like to beat my meat!

0:05:09.224,0:05:12.332
Then I like to eat my meat.

0:05:12.808,0:05:14.908
Click the video on the right!

0:05:14.908,0:05:17.098
I rock out. I throw the babies into the pit.

0:05:17.098,0:05:18.629
My grandkids ain't pussies!

0:05:18.629,0:05:22.634
And if you want to see another [br]video with Ian writing in a diary...

0:05:22.634,0:05:24.537
(Ian) Shut up, it's a man journal!

0:05:24.537,0:05:27.497
Click the other video on the right, sillies!

0:05:27.497,0:05:29.744
And you better subscribe, bitches, or else

0:05:29.744,0:05:31.288
I'm gonna eat myself.

0:05:32.057,0:05:34.402
Oh, I'll do it. I'll do it, I swear.

0:05:34.402,0:05:35.052
I'll do it!

0:05:35.052,0:05:39.249
(screaming in pain) Oh no, [br]Jesus! Not again! Oohhh.

0:05:39.802,0:05:41.250
Hey, uh, speaking of balls,

0:05:41.250,0:05:44.451
do you guys know if slices [br]of bread are girls or boys?

0:05:45.159,0:05:48.158
(bread) I'm a fricking man, you dick biscuit!

0:05:48.158,0:05:50.380
(gasps) AAAAAAH!

0:05:55.101,0:05:56.065
Jackass.

0:05:56.065,0:05:57.000
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