[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.15,0:00:05.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[sad music]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.97,0:00:10.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Claire: I think we just all went into\Ncomplete shock.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.19,0:00:39.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[sad music]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.11,0:00:45.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lois: During the surgery, there was some\Nblood loss, but they were monitoring it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.22,0:00:52.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They thought, and in the end it was too\Nmuch blood loss, and her heart stopped.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.54,0:00:55.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they weren't able to get\Nher revived again.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.66,0:01:01.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: He basically went into some water\Nthat had a very strong current,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.20,0:01:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he lost his grip.\NAnd the water took him.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.44,0:01:17.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Claire: Somebody invited him to go on a \Nsailboat in between Amsterdam and Holland
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.74,0:01:23.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and Harwich, which is in Southern England.\NHis boat basically just never arrived.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.88,0:01:27.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we are left with a lot of questions as\Nto what happened still.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.38,0:01:38.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: When I got the news, I can't really\Nput into words what kind of level
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.99,0:01:41.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of devastation it was.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.33,0:01:45.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lois: In my mind, I just couldn't accept\Nthe fact that she had passed away until
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.44,0:01:56.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I saw her body. So, they did take me to\Nsee her, and it hit me. She was still warm
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.53,0:02:04.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when I touched her I just couldn't \Nbelieve it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.53,0:02:08.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: While my Dad is still on the phone,\Nmy sister is helping me with my Mom
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.37,0:02:12.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who is pretty much out-of-control at\Nthis point, and then I look at my Dad
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.93,0:02:17.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I see something in his face that I\Nhave never seen before. It was this--
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.68,0:02:25.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was like life just left his face,\Nand it was this point of sadness
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.55,0:02:29.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've never seen on him.\NWhen I saw it, I got really scared.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.46,0:02:36.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Claire: Originally, we'd been told he had\Nan 80% chance that he was alive
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.12,0:02:40.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he'd be found. There was just \Nsome small mishap that had happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.06,0:02:47.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then gradually we were down to\N60, 40, 20, and then there was really
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.73,0:02:53.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no hope that he was alive. And at that \Npoint I think shock, just complete
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.64,0:02:55.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,numbness set in.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.28,0:03:01.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lois: I wanted to be alone in my grief. \NI didn't seem to want anyone around me.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.06,0:03:11.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I live alone, so I headed home. \NAnd...once I got home it started.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.16,0:03:18.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The complete breakdown. The tears.\NI couldn't stop them. I had the shakes.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.43,0:03:24.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was cold. I got into bed, and I just \Nshook and cried.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.11,0:03:27.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: I don't know how he died. \NWhy he died. I don't believe what they
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.81,0:03:36.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are telling me. I'm so tired. People keep\Ncoming in. I can barely see because of
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.89,0:03:42.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my eyes. I'm breaking down all the time.\NI can't do anything except cry.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.58,0:03:52.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And seeing my parents in such bad shape, \Nit doesn't--it is so hard to see that.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.26,0:04:05.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Claire: My Mom was probably the most \Nfragile of all of us. She's not the
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.44,0:04:10.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,healthiest person to begin with, and this\Njust devastated her. She had a hard time
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.45,0:04:18.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,getting up, carrying on with every day \Nactivities. Gradually, that came back.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.44,0:04:23.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I think with it some of her healing\Ncame. Actually, she was able to care for
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.73,0:04:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,me as sort of a child who'd come home. \NShe still had me, and so she was an
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.00,0:04:34.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,excellent support to me in that regard \Nand hopefully, vice versa.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.17,0:04:48.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My father, really, he's a traditional man.\NHe didn't believe in showing grief.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.02,0:04:53.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Certainly, he'd been pretty adamant that\Nwe wouldn't cry or show emotion publicly
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.99,0:05:01.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,during either of the memorial services for\NChris. And that pretty much carried on.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.15,0:05:10.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He felt that--I think he felt he was so\Nclose to breaking apart himself that if
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.28,0:05:12.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he saw somebody else do it that would\Nbe the end.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.75,0:05:16.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: The question you get more than\Nanything else was 'How are you?'
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.35,0:05:17.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'How are you doing?'
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.32,0:05:21.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't even want to answer that.\NYou don't want to talk to them.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.79,0:05:27.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do you want me to say to you.\NYou can't--Most people there, thank God,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.36,0:05:30.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,didn't understand what I was going \Nthrough. A lot of my friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.13,0:05:34.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of my brother's friends would come\Nto the house. I was friends with most of
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.00,0:05:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my brother's friends. It was good to see\Nthem because they were people that
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.00,0:05:43.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,could relate to my brother better than my\Nown friends could, and they were close to
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.07,0:05:46.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,me. So I loved-I was happy that they were\Nthere, but I hated the how are you doing?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.51,0:05:54.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,question because I could either lie to you\Nor I could cry so you can't talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.79,0:05:58.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do not ask me this right now.\NI don't like the question.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.19,0:06:01.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That question is a stupid question.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.53,0:06:06.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Claire: Some of our closest family \Nfriends as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.27,0:06:09.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I guess as they say, \Nit wasn't that they weren't there
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.78,0:06:12.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but they didn't want to listen.\NThey didn't actually want to engage
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.53,0:06:18.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with it. And so they would come and bustle\Naround and leave very quickly.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.95,0:06:24.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it was almost like a whirlwind coming\Nthrough our lives, as opposed to bringing
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.63,0:06:28.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the peace and security and stability\Nwe wanted.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.07,0:06:42.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lois: The funeral itself was difficult.\NIt was something that I guess for me
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.78,0:06:49.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was especially difficult because six\Nmonths before Shirley died, our
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.22,0:06:56.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mother had passed away. And this was\Nbringing back memories of Shirley and I
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.98,0:07:06.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,being there for our mother's funeral. \NAnd I didn't realize that six months
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.15,0:07:11.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,after burying my mother, that I would\Nbe burying my sister.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.100,0:07:20.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: My mom, she didn't get better.\NShe was pretty much bedridden.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.22,0:07:23.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She couldn't get out of bed ever. \NShe spent all day in there.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.71,0:07:28.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She cried literally all day, and we take\Nturns trying to help my mom.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.66,0:07:32.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Seeing her in that much pain just adds\Nto the pain that we're in.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.99,0:07:39.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lois: At the end, after the service at the\Ngrave, I was the last to leave.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.76,0:07:49.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I didn't want to leave. \NI felt I was leaving her behind, but...
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.97,0:07:57.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of course one had to go. So, again\NI was invited to go back with everyone
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.98,0:08:02.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to meet with some people at the house\Nwho were from out-of-town that were
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.45,0:08:07.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coming, but I really didn't want to do\Nthat so I didn't. I just said I needed to
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.39,0:08:14.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,be alone. But I think that's me as a\Nperson. I just wanted to grieve
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.96,0:08:18.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,...by myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.08,0:08:28.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Claire: Certainly my relationship\Nwith my parents has changed pretty
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.24,0:08:31.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dramatically since Chris's death.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.86,0:08:41.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think my mom particularly it has\Neffected her greatly.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.100,0:08:45.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's lost actually two kids now, \Nand I am the one that's left.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.86,0:08:50.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she gets very scared for me.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.68,0:08:57.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: Where my family is now since \Nmy brother died is it is in an
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.14,0:09:04.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,interesting place. My mom has more\Nfear than I wish she would towards me.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.36,0:09:07.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She doesn't want me to do anything.\NIt is just maternal instinct.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.21,0:09:11.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She doesn't like it when I do things like\Nsnowboard. Anything where there is
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.35,0:09:19.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,any risk what so ever. I try hard to \Nunderstand that. I know where she is
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.63,0:09:24.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coming from, but at the same time, \NI can't just stop living. If anything,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.50,0:09:29.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for my brother. That would destroy \Nhim if he knew I stopped living
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.93,0:09:31.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when he died.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.94,0:09:35.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Claire: In my mind, they are kind of \Nexcessively afraid for me sometimes.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.94,0:09:41.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they have to let me go because\NI have to live my own life.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.88,0:09:49.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On the same hand, I cannot make it \Nall okay for them. They have to find
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.63,0:09:54.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their own friends. And I don't think \Nyou can ever fill the gap of the loss
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.09,0:09:58.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of Chris, but you can find new \Nexperiences you might not have had.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.30,0:10:03.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe search out new friendship \Ngroups to fulfill some of those social
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.64,0:10:10.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,support needs that you now have. \NSo, I guess I'd say we are a lot closer,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.88,0:10:16.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we look after each other a lot \Nmore, but at the same point, it is
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.72,0:10:18.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,something we are continuing negotiating.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.88,0:10:23.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: If my mom, dad and sister went \Nsomewhere and they are a couple hours
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.56,0:10:29.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,late now the worst scenario runs \Nthrough my head. And I feel so
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.49,0:10:34.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,uncomfortable because I think what\Nwould I do if I lost them?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.27,0:10:39.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It puts me in an even worse place \Nbecause I lost my brother.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.96,0:10:44.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know what it feels like. \NIf I lost the rest of them I don't think
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.11,0:10:49.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can live through it. That's how I feel\Nabout it. I need them, and I hope...
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.22,0:10:56.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think they know that. I don't express it\Nas much as I'd like to but I try to.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.72,0:11:01.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lois: I just it is hard to express the\Nwords that I felt inside.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:01.76,0:11:10.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That I guess I wasn't alone\N'cause after the loss of my parents
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.50,0:11:16.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and Shirley, I felt I was very alone. \NIn the sense that I had lost my
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.88,0:11:22.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,immediate family but Jenelle and \NLindsey and Ken kept saying you know
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.98,0:11:28.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we are together. We are family. \NAnd we are going to be there
Dialogue: 0,0:11:28.05,0:11:32.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for each other. \NSo, that means a lot to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.83,0:11:47.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Claire: Anger. I feel a lot of anger.\NSometimes I think I really gotten
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.17,0:11:53.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,control of that. Sometimes it springs up. \NI was saying that this has been the sixth
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.75,0:11:57.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,anniversary of his death and oh...\NI felt the anger again.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.48,0:12:04.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel angry that he depended on people\Nand they let him down.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.76,0:12:10.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That he went into life into an experience\Ntrusting that nothing could go wrong.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.30,0:12:17.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that really was human error and \Na bit of chance that almost seemed to
Dialogue: 0,0:12:17.24,0:12:23.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have conspired against him. \NI can remember this distinctly
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.11,0:12:26.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,waking up in the middle of the night\Nabout a week after he'd gone missing
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.15,0:12:35.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and thinking that he was or he had been\Ncalling for me. And that he'd been hoping
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.22,0:12:39.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I would be there. That I would come,\Nand maybe even believing that we would.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.03,0:12:46.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even though realistically there was no \Nway we could have changed the event.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.83,0:12:53.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have felt a lot of guilt thinking he was\Nwaiting for me and I didn't come and that
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.67,0:13:00.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,somehow telepathically I should\Nhave known 'cause frankly I didn't
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.24,0:13:04.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have any sign that he was, that there was\Nsomething wrong. I had no inkling.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:04.42,0:13:09.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was going along pretty happy in my life,\Nand the news of his disappearance came as
Dialogue: 0,0:13:09.79,0:13:10.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a complete shock.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.20,0:13:20.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: So when this happened I wasn't\Nangry but I wanted to blame God to some
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.27,0:13:24.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,level because you know everyone is saying\Nthis is God's will.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.32,0:13:29.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They want the better people yada yada ya.\NI don't want to be angry at him.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.98,0:13:34.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't lose faith. I still think...\NI know he's there, but I don't want to be
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.71,0:13:41.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,angry with him. So I am using all my faith\Nand power not to hate God
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.13,0:13:42.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for taking my brother.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:42.72,0:13:50.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Claire: I do feel sort of angry at Chris\Nhimself because he's left behind so much
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.96,0:13:56.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,distress. I know he never would have \Nintended, and I know that where ever he
Dialogue: 0,0:13:56.94,0:14:02.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is I am sure he's walking out with \Nless in terms of the pain we still feel
Dialogue: 0,0:14:02.64,0:14:11.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the loneliness for him and the\Nsadness. Sometimes I feel angry.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.24,0:14:14.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why did he have to go on that boat?\NWhy did he always have to be so
Dialogue: 0,0:14:14.56,0:14:23.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,adventurous? Why when I needed him \Nwasn't he there? 'Cause I really needed
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.60,0:14:28.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,him to actually understand and deal \Nwith his death. It sort of just this crazy
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.97,0:14:33.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,experience that just when you need\Nthe person who means that much to you.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.56,0:14:47.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Claire: The advice that I'd give to\Nsomebody who is recently lost a
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.09,0:14:58.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a brother. I think it would be to \Nbe very gentle with yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.100,0:15:06.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not to minimize the experience or the\Nloss that you've had cause certainly
Dialogue: 0,0:15:06.34,0:15:14.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there is a lot of focus on parents' loss\Nand it is a tremendous loss to parents
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.64,0:15:20.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no doubt about it. But the loss of a \Nsiblings, that person you've grown up
Dialogue: 0,0:15:20.35,0:15:24.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with who has shared all those little \Nthings in life that you have.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:25.58,0:15:28.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That loss is profound.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.75,0:15:33.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: With people that knew him, \NI like to talk about him.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:33.40,0:15:38.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am fortunate that one of his best\Nfriends is my neighbor, and she is a
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.10,0:15:42.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,big talker. She loves to talk. \NSo it is easy to talk to her about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:42.01,0:15:45.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she is right there to talk, \Nand that helps.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:45.04,0:15:51.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Claire: In my case, I think we had some\Npeople come by and sort of suggest that
Dialogue: 0,0:15:51.25,0:15:57.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I needed to slow down and in a very\Nquiet, a very gentle way, but in a way
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.79,0:15:59.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that made me stop and think.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:59.62,0:16:08.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lois: There is no shortcuts that you--\NI feel you have to grieve.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:08.62,0:16:12.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to let the pain--You have to\Ngo where the pain is.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.84,0:16:21.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not to ignore your feelings or perhaps,\Nyou might think I am not going to think
Dialogue: 0,0:16:21.78,0:16:24.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about that or look at her picture because\Nit brings too much pain.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:25.65,0:16:35.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I found that is the way you heal\Nis by going and facing the pain and the
Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.06,0:16:36.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,grief and letting it come out.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:38.24,0:16:42.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Claire: I think another thing we found \Nreally helpful were resource books.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:42.74,0:16:46.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I think the reading and the books \Nout there were the way we could
Dialogue: 0,0:16:46.41,0:16:50.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,each uniquely find a different approach \Nto understanding grief.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:50.18,0:16:54.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My father had to go to philosophical\Nunderstandings of grief.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:54.80,0:17:02.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mine were mostly stories is what helped\Nme and then my mom seemed to get into
Dialogue: 0,0:17:02.52,0:17:05.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more of the spiritual.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:06.44,0:17:15.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lois: I feel that you have to be there\Nfor one another. Life is short on this
Dialogue: 0,0:17:15.10,0:17:25.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Earth so if you can find the good in \Nevery day and to realize how lucky
Dialogue: 0,0:17:25.94,0:17:30.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you are to be here. And don't waste it.\NDon't waste your time.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:40.67,0:17:48.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: I hope I don't forget Jamie. \NI don't think I will. I made a little
Dialogue: 0,0:17:48.54,0:17:53.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,scrap book. Not for anybody else. \NJust for me. That I want to look at
Dialogue: 0,0:17:53.24,0:17:57.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whenever I feel like it. It is full\Nof pictures. It is full of words.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:57.44,0:18:03.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is full of letters. It's just for me. \NI don't want to forget him.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:03.35,0:18:05.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't think I will.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:14.40,0:18:17.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Claire: In terms of feeling connected\Nto Chris. There has been a big shift
Dialogue: 0,0:18:17.68,0:18:24.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the first. I'd say in the first two years\NI could hear his voice. I still remembered
Dialogue: 0,0:18:24.70,0:18:37.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,his expressions and you can still actually\Nsmell the [laugh] well, he was an athlete.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:37.34,0:18:45.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me say his clothes didn't always\Nsmell sweet, but there was a lot of
Dialogue: 0,0:18:45.86,0:18:53.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tangibles that were still there that we \Ncould rely on. And with time, those do go.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:53.78,0:18:56.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't hear his voice the way \NI used to.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:56.44,0:19:02.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: I have dreams about him. I love it\Nwhen I have dreams about him.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:02.34,0:19:06.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They usually don't make sense. \NI don't care. If he is in it then that is
Dialogue: 0,0:19:06.43,0:19:10.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,great. Sometimes it is realistic. \NLike he just shows up and I am going
Dialogue: 0,0:19:10.12,0:19:12.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,God! Where have you been? I knew \Nyou weren't dead.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:12.20,0:19:16.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Claire: I can picture him in my mind and\Ncertainly he comes to me in my dreams
Dialogue: 0,0:19:16.16,0:19:22.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sometimes but some of it's a little shady.\NYou know it is getting a little shadier
Dialogue: 0,0:19:22.76,0:19:24.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,around the edges. \NI can't quite picture him.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:24.76,0:19:31.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lois: I do talk to Shirley both in my\Nhead and out loud.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:31.97,0:19:38.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes there is a situation going on\Nand I will say:
Dialogue: 0,0:19:38.54,0:19:42.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Shirley I need your help here. \NI guess I believe that she is there
Dialogue: 0,0:19:42.52,0:19:49.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with me as well as my parents. \NComing today I was talking to
Dialogue: 0,0:19:49.25,0:19:56.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Shirley and my parents, asking them to\Ngive me the strength to do this.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:56.17,0:20:03.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel her presence, \Nher spirit is with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:03.75,0:20:06.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am curious what is going\Nto happen when I am thirty.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:06.26,0:20:08.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope I am still dreaming about him.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:08.89,0:20:12.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is he still going to be twenty-four when\NI am thirty? I don't know what is going
Dialogue: 0,0:20:12.51,0:20:16.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to happen. I just have to wait. I really\Nhope that I keep dreaming about him.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:16.14,0:20:23.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Claire: So, what I have done recently.\NI guess the strategies I have is I try
Dialogue: 0,0:20:23.22,0:20:29.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to do activities that we love doing\Ntogether and really going out and
Dialogue: 0,0:20:29.93,0:20:34.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,searching for them. My husband \Nand I have started doing adventure
Dialogue: 0,0:20:34.20,0:20:36.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,racing. So, we even go off to the\Nmountains and do these really long
Dialogue: 0,0:20:37.10,0:20:44.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trail runs and kayaks. I just know that\Nalthough he wasn't there or he was
Dialogue: 0,0:20:44.34,0:20:49.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,never actually there with us. It is \Nsomething he would have wanted to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:49.22,0:20:53.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's there in spirit, and I feel really \Nconnected to him when I do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:53.38,0:20:58.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: I had a dream once that I went\Nsailing with him. I like to sail.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:58.36,0:21:04.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My brother never has, and I know\Nhe would love it. And in my dream
Dialogue: 0,0:21:04.66,0:21:09.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I took him sailing and that made me\Nfeel so good when I woke up.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:09.47,0:21:14.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just to feel as though I did take him\Nsailing, and he loved it.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:14.64,0:21:19.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I don't want those things to stop ever.