[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.32,0:00:08.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to first say\Nthat I want to dedicate this talk
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.42,0:00:14.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to all the folks who lean into the unknown\Nand share their stories anyway.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.38,0:00:17.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to dedicate this talk\Nto my wife, Amy.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.32,0:00:20.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.72,0:00:28.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to begin by sharing\Nwith you all a part of myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.84,0:00:31.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's something that I don't talk\Nfrequently about.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.41,0:00:36.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was 17, I was diagnosed\Nwith manic depression.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.50,0:00:37.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to stop there
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.68,0:00:42.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because by uttering those\Ntwo small words, "manic depression",
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.99,0:00:48.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've just created very strong\Nnegative ripple effect in this auditorium.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.86,0:00:52.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps you're now viewing\Nmy body differently than you did
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.65,0:00:54.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you heard my intro.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.33,0:00:58.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps you're ascribing stereotypes\Nonto my body that aren't mine.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.23,0:01:02.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think it's important that you all know\Nthat at this point I want to say,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.79,0:01:05.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Thank you all for listening",\Nand I want to go off stage,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.68,0:01:07.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I'm going to stay.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.54,0:01:10.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.13,0:01:13.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So much clapping.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.56,0:01:15.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.02,0:01:20.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're all familiar\Nwith the phrases "depression",
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.56,0:01:23.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're familiar with the term "mania".
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.38,0:01:26.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps you've used\Nthese words colloquially.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.58,0:01:30.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I feel so depressed today."\N"He's acting so manic."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.46,0:01:33.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For me, mania and depression
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.84,0:01:38.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were felt in more invasive,\Nregular everyday ways.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.72,0:01:41.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They literally invaded into my everyday.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.21,0:01:44.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And although this is just my experience,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.01,0:01:45.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think that it's important to know too
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.95,0:01:48.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that everyone's experience\Nis radically different.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.54,0:01:52.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was 17, I graduated high school,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.20,0:01:56.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was beginning my journey\Ninto a local JC,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.50,0:02:01.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and for me, depression felt\Nlike an overwhelming weightiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.18,0:02:03.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I felt like I was in a room\Nwithout a door knob.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.98,0:02:06.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Getting out of the bed\Nand beginning the day
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.07,0:02:08.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was a success in and of itself.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.34,0:02:11.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was so suicidal that I couldn't drive,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.54,0:02:15.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so my mother would drive me to my college,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.19,0:02:19.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wait for three hours in the parking lot,\Npick me up, drive me back home.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.75,0:02:23.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Although it wasn't as frequent\Nor as long-standing,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.16,0:02:27.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for me, mania was an overwhelming sense\Nof focus and energy,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.80,0:02:30.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I truly felt, invincible.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.37,0:02:34.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By the time I finished my PhD work,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.72,0:02:37.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was hospitalized four times.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.98,0:02:42.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, this is not how\NI was going to start my TED talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.94,0:02:44.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not even close.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.25,0:02:47.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was going to talk to you all
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.29,0:02:49.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about the statistics surrounding madness.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.80,0:02:52.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was going to talk to you\Nabout semantics.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.16,0:02:54.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was going to tell you about the history,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.60,0:02:58.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of how we conceive of\Nand inscribe madness,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.17,0:03:01.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it wasn't until the fourth draft\Nof my talk that I realized
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.76,0:03:05.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had completely written myself\Nout of this conversation,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.59,0:03:08.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I had to pause and ask myself why.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.98,0:03:13.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why in a talk where I was going to explore\Nthe negative ripple effects
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.28,0:03:16.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,created by the ways\Nin which we conceive of madness,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.90,0:03:19.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had I written out my narrative?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.58,0:03:22.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A narrative that so completely fit\Ninto the conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.77,0:03:25.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the answer is simple,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.33,0:03:28.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I think absolutely problematic\Nin its simplicity.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.60,0:03:31.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's one word.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.43,0:03:35.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's shame and it's stigma.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.02,0:03:38.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even as I stand here before all of you,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.21,0:03:43.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am feeling very apprehensive\Nabout how I am being read,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.18,0:03:44.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how my body is being read,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.97,0:03:49.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by my former, my current,\Nmy future students.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.69,0:03:54.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How is my body and my identity\Nbeing read by my colleagues.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.20,0:04:00.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Am I being read as inferior,\Nas incompetent, as untrustworthy?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.75,0:04:06.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some of you might even be sitting\Nand thinking quietly to yourselves,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.88,0:04:09.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"But she doesn't look crazy."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.64,0:04:15.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And to that question, I ask you,\Nbut what does craziness look like?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.44,0:04:18.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in fact, we have been taught\Nwhat craziness looks like, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.92,0:04:22.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Many institutions\Nin our society have taught us
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.95,0:04:28.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and have helped us cultivate a very strict\Nand rigid understanding of madness.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.52,0:04:31.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And just to illustrate the speed\Nat which this happens,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.40,0:04:34.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and has happened for all of us\Nsince we were very young,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.27,0:04:37.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want you all to pause with me and think.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.50,0:04:41.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do you think of,\Nwhat images, what connotations,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.39,0:04:45.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what do you think of when you hear\Nthe word "insane"?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.06,0:04:48.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do you think of when you hear\Nthe word "crazy"?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.69,0:04:54.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What connotations and images come to mind\Nwhen you hear the phrase "mental illness"?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.84,0:04:58.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps your thoughts and your images
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.44,0:05:03.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are informed by the way\Nthe news media ascribes disabilities,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.56,0:05:06.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,psychiatric disabilities, and madness.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.51,0:05:10.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps your thoughts\Nare informed by literature,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.31,0:05:12.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by graphic novels, by the movies.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.86,0:05:14.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I go to the movies.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.39,0:05:19.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps you thought of "Girl Interrupted",
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.67,0:05:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest",
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.19,0:05:25.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Psycho",
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.40,0:05:27.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Mommy Dearest",
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.94,0:05:30.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or "A Beautiful Mind".
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.82,0:05:36.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Irregardless of where\Nyou've given these images
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.47,0:05:39.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or where you've gotten these images from,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.01,0:05:43.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think that a very rigid list\Nof stereotypes gets created.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.98,0:05:48.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And although we probably did it together\Nand keep adding to this list,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.29,0:05:51.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a very brief list is as follows.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.11,0:05:57.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Folks with psychiatric disabilities\Nare often viewed as being dangerous,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.31,0:06:00.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unpredictable, incompetent,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.91,0:06:05.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unstable, irrational, and irresponsible.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.49,0:06:10.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, the images or connotations
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.13,0:06:12.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you so quickly call to mind
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.77,0:06:15.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I ask you all to pause\Nand just meditate on the words
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.82,0:06:19.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"insane", "crazy", and "mental illness",
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.78,0:06:23.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the images that I've pulled up\Nthat my mind went to,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.36,0:06:25.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and this list of stereotypes,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.96,0:06:31.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is why it took me four drafts\Nto write myself in this talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.40,0:06:36.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The sheer universality of these terms\Nand these images, and the weightiness
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.92,0:06:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,regulate folks\Nwith psychiatric disabilities,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.00,0:06:41.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,regulate me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.81,0:06:47.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think it's really important to know\Nthat, unlike other illnesses of the mind,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.74,0:06:52.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,psychiatric disabilities carry with them\Nsomething that's very distinct and unique.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.61,0:06:55.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They carry a moral judgement\Non the individual.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.83,0:07:01.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, what do we do with all of this?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.52,0:07:03.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Before telling you that,\NI want to tell you
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.56,0:07:05.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what the purpose of this talk is not.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.94,0:07:08.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think often, when folks\Nwith disabilities of any kind
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.83,0:07:11.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,share their narratives or speak,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.38,0:07:14.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they are often seen as an inspiration.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.86,0:07:18.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Their story is meant to be heard\Nand is meant to inspire you
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.57,0:07:21.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to bettering your life\Nas non-disabled folks,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.01,0:07:24.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or even as other disabled folks.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.03,0:07:28.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am here to tell you\Nthat I am not your inspiration.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.28,0:07:29.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's not my purpose.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.92,0:07:32.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The purpose of this talk is to ask
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.72,0:07:36.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we collectively cultivate\Na community and space
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.93,0:07:40.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for unlearning the stereotypes and stigmas
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.25,0:07:42.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we ascribe\Nto psychiatric disabilities.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.81,0:07:46.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want us to live in a place
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.09,0:07:49.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where someone sharing\Nthat they have manic depression
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.08,0:07:54.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is as benign as someone saying\Nto another person, "I have diabetes."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.52,0:07:58.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want us to live in a place\Nwhere the moral judgements
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.49,0:08:03.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that often get placed onto folks\Nwith psychiatric disabilities is removed.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.31,0:08:09.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want us to live in a place\Nwhere I can come before a group of people,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.89,0:08:16.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and stand and say,\N"My name is Shayda Kafai.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.35,0:08:19.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a professor in the Ethnic\Nand Women Studies Department
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.48,0:08:23.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at Cal Poly Pomona.\NI have manic depression."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.50,0:08:11.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or just a person,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.59,0:08:12.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this way,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.56,0:08:24.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.65,0:08:26.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)