WEBVTT

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>>> HI, I'M JOYCE CHILDERS AND I
AM MAKING THIS VIDEO IN ORDER TO

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AUDITION FOR THE GUEST HOST
POSITION AT QVC.

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AND AS YOU CAN SEE WE ARE IN MY
CLOSET BECAUSE MY FORTE IS --

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CLOSET -- UH -- ORGANIZATION.
IN CLOSET.

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AND I AM REALIZING RIGHT NOW
THAT MY PANTIES ARE ALL BEHIND

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MY HEAD.
AND NOW I LOOK LIKE A PANTY

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ADDICT.
THANKS, JOE.

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>> WHAT?
I THOUGHT IT WAS GOOD.

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>> JOE, NOW YOU'RE IN MY SHOT,
JUST DO IT AGAIN.

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PLEASE, LET'S DO IT AGAIN.
>> HI.

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I'M CHRISTIE BERKIE.
AND THIS IS MY AUDITION REEL FOR

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GUEST HOST FOR QVC.
RIGHT AWAY, I JUST WANT TO SAY

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THAT I DO KNOW THAT MY FRIEND
AND NEIGHBOR JOY CHILDERS IS

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AUDITIONING AS WELL.
SHE IS AN AMAZING PERSON.

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BUT I DO THINK SHE IS -- NO.
I'M NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING

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BAD.
I'LL JUST SAY THAT ALL OF MY

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FRIENDS THINK THAT -- NOPE.
I JUST SAID I WASN'T GOING TO

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SAY ANYTHING BAD.
SHE IS WHAT SHE IS.

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YOU CAN ALWAYS JUST GOOGLE HER,
YOU KNOW.

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WHICH I THINK YOU SHOULD.
AND STUFF WILL COME UP.

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I LOVE HER!
UM, OKAY.

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ACCESSORIES.
WE ARE CURRENTLY IN MY NECKLACE

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ROOM.
AND WHAT I WANT TO SHOW YOU

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IS --
OH MY GOD!

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I JUST STEPPED ON THE DOG!
HE CAN'T BE IN HERE, LOUIS!

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>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
>> PEANUT HAS TO BE IN HIS

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CRATE!
AND NOW THAT'S ONE POINT FOR

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JOYCE BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A DICK
THAT KICKS DOGS IN THE BUTT,

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GREAT.
START OVER, CUT.

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GREAT, LEWIS.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]

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>> HI.
IT'S ME, JOYCE.

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FUTURE QVC HOST.
YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT YOU GUYS

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TO KNOW THAT QVC IS MY NUMBER
ONE DREAM.

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AND EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT
KNOWS ME HAS SAID THAT I WAS

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BORN TO DO THIS.
AND THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE

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THAT ARE OKAY WITH LIKE
HIJACKING DREAMS BECAUSE --

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OKAY.
I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.

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I CAN'T BREATHE.
>> ARE YOU OKAY?

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>> DON'T COME OVER HERE, YOU
STRESS ME OUT!

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I'VE GOT TO GO WALK AROUND OUR
CUL-DE-SAC -- DO NOT FOLLOW ME,

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DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING, I AM
FINE!

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OKAY!
[ LAUGHTER ]

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>> HEY, GUYS.
IT'S YOUR GAL PAL

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CHRISTIE BERKIE HERE TO SHOW YOU
HOW TO DRESS UP ANY WORK OUTFIT

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AND GIVE IT A TOUCH OF SPARKLE
AND GLAM WITH CLIP-ON GLAMOUR

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BAUBLES.
LOOK HOW THIS GLISTENS IN THE

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SUNLIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ]

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WAS THAT JOYCE?
DID I JUST SEE JOYCE IN OUR

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WINDOW?
>> THAT WAS JOYCE.

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>> WHAT IS THAT BITCH UP TO?
[ LAUGHTER ]

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ANYWAY, WE'LL JUST CUT AROUND
THIS.

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OKAY.
THESE IMITATION CRYSTAL PIECES

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WILL ENLIVEN ANYTHING --
[ LAUGHTER ]

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>> I SEE YOU!
I SEE YOU, GET OVER HERE!

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>> WHAT?
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

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WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING?
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

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STEALING DREAMS?
THAT FRIENDS KNOW IS FOR ME?

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>> THAT IS NOT GOOD ENGLISH, YOU
WILL NEVER MAKE IT WITH THAT

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KIND OF ENGLISH ON QVC.
>> ON QVC, ON QVC!

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THAT'S WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE.
GET YOUR OWN LIFE!

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>> I HAVE IT!
I HAVE A LIFE!

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STOP TALKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE I
HAVE IT!

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[ LAUGHTER ]
>> MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE IT AWAY.

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YOU SEE WHAT THIS IS IN MY
POCKET?

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>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS,
JOYCE.

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OKAY?
I HAVE NO IDEA.

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>> WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT
HANDLE'S TO?

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[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH, IS THAT YOUR GUN?

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IS THAT WHAT THAT IS?
LOUIS, SHE BROUGHT HER GUN,

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SURPRISE SURPRISE, I GUESS SHE'S
GOING TO KILL ANOTHER PERSON ON

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ACCIDENT!
>> IF I DO IT WOULD YOU STOP

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STEALING?
>> JOYCE, DON'T BE A FOOL.

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>> THIS IS ALL GOING TO QVC,
THIS IS ALL GOING TO QVC, JOYCE!

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>> NO, NO, IT'S NOT!
>> YES, IT IS.

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THIS IS MY AUDITION TAPE AND IT
CAN BE WHATEVER I WANT.

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>> HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE?

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>> YOUR WIFE IS GOING TO SHOOT
US THROUGH OUR WINDOW.

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>> IT'S NOT A REAL GUN, IT'S FOR
THE PLAY I'M DIRECTING.

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>> OH MY GOD, JOYCE.
YOU ARE SUCH A JOKE.

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>> OH REALLY.
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S A BETTER

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JOKE?
YOUR HUSBAND IS GAY.

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AND I KNOW IT BECAUSE HE'S
SLEEPING WITH MY HUSBAND.

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[ LAUGHTER ]
I HEAR THEM EVERY NIGHT IN OUR

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BABY'S ROOM LIKE, OH, YEAH.
I WANT IT.

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>> STOP IT!
>> OKAY, CHRISTE?

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ARE YOU GOING TO SEND THAT TO
QVC, I'M SURE THEY'D LOVE THAT.

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>> GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
>> AARRGHH!

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[ STATIC ]
♪♪♪

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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WELL GUYS THAT HOUR JUST FLEW

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BY.
>> I GUESS THAT'S JUST WHAT

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HAPPENS WHEN YOU GUEST HOST QVC
WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND.

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>> KEEP SHOPPING, YOU GUYS!
♪♪♪

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[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]