0:00:06.686,0:00:09.031
What does being[br]a "young carer" mean?

0:00:10.080,0:00:12.450
When someone we love[br]starts feeling unwell

0:00:13.222,0:00:16.561
all the attention goes to that person,[br]to his or her needs.

0:00:17.193,0:00:19.968
But what happens if that someone

0:00:20.123,0:00:23.308
is your mum or your dad?

0:00:24.570,0:00:30.002
What happens to you[br]if you are still a kid or a teenager

0:00:30.209,0:00:32.811
when your parents[br]start becoming unwell?

0:00:32.880,0:00:35.816
When I was a teen[br]I didn't have the slightest idea

0:00:35.827,0:00:37.509
I was a "young carer".

0:00:37.509,0:00:41.386
Like everyone else I went to school,[br]I had fun with my friends.

0:00:41.922,0:00:45.467
But what lays behind these pictures,[br]that we don't see?

0:00:46.651,0:00:49.476
Before telling you[br]about the hidden iceberg

0:00:50.691,0:00:55.012
I want to take a step back,[br]go back to the start.

0:00:55.492,0:00:58.875
If I'd ask you what has changed[br]and what has stayed the same,

0:01:00.040,0:01:03.385
you'd probably tell me, apart from my age,[br]that I still love dogs

0:01:03.565,0:01:05.689
and I've changed my haircut.

0:01:06.041,0:01:08.847
But what stays invisible[br]in those pictures?

0:01:08.963,0:01:12.963
What took me[br]from the child you see in the center

0:01:13.077,0:01:14.867
to the adult I am today,

0:01:14.876,0:01:17.876
passing through the adolescent me[br]you see on the left?

0:01:18.968,0:01:22.207
Suddenly a tsunami[br]hit my family.

0:01:22.481,0:01:26.009
A tsunami that has been growing[br]progressively, until devastating us.

0:01:26.655,0:01:29.399
A tsunami called health problem.

0:01:29.629,0:01:32.620
And when it hits one or both[br]of your parents

0:01:32.620,0:01:34.845
and you are still a child[br]or an adolescent

0:01:34.845,0:01:36.640
you rely on them

0:01:36.640,0:01:38.378
it becomes really hard.

0:01:40.566,0:01:43.853
And if I told you[br]that the health problem

0:01:44.352,0:01:46.232
is a "mental health" problem?

0:01:47.785,0:01:51.649
The load for a daughter or a son[br]can become extremely heavy

0:01:51.904,0:01:57.227
and can be made of sense of guilt,[br]fear, anger, sadness,

0:01:57.227,0:02:00.204
a whirlwind of alternating emotions[br]of love and hate,

0:02:00.204,0:02:04.043
the constant feeling[br]of walking on eggshells,

0:02:04.518,0:02:10.162
an excessive load of responsibilities,[br]difficulty concentrating

0:02:10.899,0:02:13.716
and also doing[br]household chores,

0:02:13.746,0:02:16.802
like doing the grocery shopping,[br]taking care of younger siblings,

0:02:16.802,0:02:19.078
or talking to doctors[br]and managing therapy.

0:02:20.020,0:02:22.165
Or being bullied,

0:02:22.165,0:02:26.296
maybe because of the strange behaviour[br]your parent might display.

0:02:27.269,0:02:29.709
But in addition to this

0:02:29.800,0:02:32.733
you might find yourself dealing[br]with real emergencies

0:02:32.733,0:02:34.826
for which no one[br]ever prepared you.

0:02:35.252,0:02:38.974
Like handling the situation[br]when your father or mother

0:02:38.974,0:02:42.015
see or hear things that do not exist:[br]psychosis.

0:02:42.787,0:02:47.532
Or having to deal with the extreme swings[br]of mania and depression

0:02:47.532,0:02:49.849
without anyone preparing you for that.

0:02:50.465,0:02:54.531
Or even witnessing or thwarting[br]suicide attempts.

0:02:55.570,0:02:57.487
On top of that,

0:02:57.497,0:03:00.678
having to continue[br]with your everyday life,

0:03:00.726,0:03:02.923
going to school, study...

0:03:02.923,0:03:06.792
the reason why I am here today is that[br]another weight adds to our shoulders

0:03:06.792,0:03:10.105
which is often that you can't talk[br]about it with anyone.

0:03:12.277,0:03:16.372
If you say that your mum or dad[br]have a physical health issue,

0:03:16.372,0:03:18.580
a cancer or another physical illness,

0:03:18.639,0:03:21.658
hardly would someone[br]blame them for that

0:03:21.658,0:03:25.127
or believe they are bad parents[br]or weak persons.

0:03:25.775,0:03:29.400
Hardly would someone consider you[br]as genetically compromised

0:03:29.400,0:03:32.406
and automatically destined[br]to inherit the same illness.

0:03:33.026,0:03:37.496
But if you try to say that your mum[br]or dad suffer from major depression,

0:03:37.544,0:03:41.488
bipolar disorder or schizophrenia,[br]or in case there is no diagnosis,

0:03:41.498,0:03:43.328
you describe their behaviour

0:03:43.379,0:03:46.279
and say: "there's something wrong[br]with mum or dad",

0:03:46.331,0:03:49.251
the outside world's response[br]will be completely different.

0:03:50.307,0:03:53.628
Still today, worldwide,[br]physical health and mental health

0:03:53.628,0:03:56.347
are not granted[br]equal dignity and respect.

0:03:57.436,0:03:59.807
Still today mental health[br]is not perceived

0:04:00.227,0:04:01.657
as a common good for us all.

0:04:01.657,0:04:04.908
And this causes a delay[br]in understanding what's happening

0:04:04.938,0:04:09.017
inside of ourselves and our loved ones,[br]in asking and getting help,

0:04:09.054,0:04:11.334
and often not getting[br]any treatment at all.

0:04:11.887,0:04:15.799
And for you as a son or daughter,[br]the load becomes much heavier.

0:04:18.017,0:04:20.168
The atmosphere you feel around you,

0:04:20.168,0:04:23.421
communication problems,[br]within and outside the family,

0:04:23.421,0:04:25.621
stigma, prejudice, shame

0:04:25.670,0:04:29.315
may lead you to keep everything inside you[br]and not to say anything at all.

0:04:29.402,0:04:34.031
But loneliness and silence are a heavy[br]load to carry for a minor.

0:04:34.031,0:04:36.510
How did I cope[br]with the situation?

0:04:37.022,0:04:39.324
What lays behind those photos[br]that can't be seen?

0:04:39.338,0:04:40.678
Behind that smile?

0:04:41.585,0:04:45.042
An armor started to form,[br]automatically,

0:04:45.042,0:04:48.612
behind which I used to hide,[br]an armor made of ice

0:04:48.645,0:04:52.245
that allowed me to keep fear,[br]anger and pain inside

0:04:52.268,0:04:55.226
and prevent them from overwhelming me[br]and the people around me,

0:04:55.252,0:04:58.525
and allowed me to keep on doing[br]the things my peers were also doing

0:04:58.550,0:04:59.834
but which at the same time

0:04:59.849,0:05:02.092
made me feel light years[br]apart from them,

0:05:02.092,0:05:04.733
because it made me grow up[br]faster than others.

0:05:05.633,0:05:10.313
At the same time[br]there was also a cry for help

0:05:10.313,0:05:13.138
a cry for help that couldn't,[br]that wasn't able to come out

0:05:13.138,0:05:15.479
and that no one,[br]not even in school, imagined.

0:05:18.020,0:05:21.770
When did the first crack start[br]to open in that armor?

0:05:21.930,0:05:25.630
When, for the first time, did light[br]start to seep in?

0:05:26.476,0:05:29.940
I still fondly remember[br]the psychologist of the family counseling

0:05:29.940,0:05:33.044
who is the first reliable person[br]outside my family

0:05:33.044,0:05:36.020
with whom I could open myself up[br]and that gradually helped me

0:05:36.020,0:05:38.750
identify trustworthy persons[br]around me, extended network

0:05:38.750,0:05:40.644
that could support me.

0:05:41.157,0:05:43.560
But the real watershed[br]for me has been

0:05:44.338,0:05:49.821
reading on Internet forums the stories[br]of daughters and sons from other countries

0:05:49.853,0:05:53.244
thanks to the love for languages[br]inherited from my parents.

0:05:54.355,0:05:57.014
The stories of us children[br]of mentally ill parents

0:05:57.014,0:05:59.221
are all different, all unique.

0:05:59.245,0:06:01.965
But there's one thing that blows my mind[br]we have in common

0:06:02.111,0:06:05.256
That we often believe[br]we are the only ones.

0:06:06.153,0:06:09.595
But statistically that's impossible![br]We're millions in the world

0:06:09.595,0:06:13.724
Nevertheless we persuade ourselves[br]that no one else

0:06:13.724,0:06:16.403
has ever experienced the same things[br]we have experienced.

0:06:16.680,0:06:18.010
You know why that happens?

0:06:18.037,0:06:20.566
Because we don't talk about[br]our stories of children.

0:06:22.777,0:06:29.526
Through stories of activists, daughters[br]and sons from Australia, US & Canada,

0:06:30.538,0:06:34.327
not only I could give a name[br]to emotions I had been feeling

0:06:34.327,0:06:37.519
and understand they were a natural[br]reaction to what I experienced,

0:06:37.709,0:06:40.811
but I could also acknowledge[br]the positive traits

0:06:40.954,0:06:43.991
that I developed to cope[br]with that situation.

0:06:44.841,0:06:48.964
So I took my first[br]intercontinental flight, alone

0:06:49.044,0:06:53.027
and went to Vancouver, in Canada,[br]for the first conference as a speaker,

0:06:53.788,0:06:56.796
to meet those daughters and sons,[br]to talk to them.

0:06:57.224,0:07:00.624
That has been a moment of positive,[br]powerful reflection

0:07:00.862,0:07:03.722
as in them I could see[br]the story I had lived,

0:07:03.746,0:07:05.421
but also the one yet to be written.

0:07:05.883,0:07:09.378
In them I saw the pain,[br]but also the power of redemption,

0:07:09.430,0:07:12.171
to transform that pain[br]in seeds for change.

0:07:12.216,0:07:16.516
I saw those positive traits[br]of resilience, empathy, courage,

0:07:16.567,0:07:20.010
willingness to challenge the status quo[br]that I didn't recognize in me,

0:07:20.010,0:07:23.270
until I saw them reflected through them[br]and finally felt mine, too.

0:07:23.928,0:07:26.983
That encounter has been a gift,[br]an immeasurable gift,

0:07:26.983,0:07:29.270
that keeps giving me energy even now.

0:07:29.270,0:07:32.886
And it's a gift I strongly wanted[br]to bring back to Italy, to Europe

0:07:32.886,0:07:36.688
to help other "forgotten children"

0:07:36.688,0:07:39.735
take some of this burden[br]from off their shoulders.

0:07:40.495,0:07:44.261
My wish is that no child,[br]no adolescent nor young adult

0:07:44.277,0:07:47.364
has to feel alone anymore[br]when one or both parents

0:07:47.364,0:07:49.496
start suffering from[br]a mental illness.

0:07:50.113,0:07:52.913
It's an immense wish,[br]that needs everyone's help

0:07:53.018,0:07:57.922
because, otherwise, how could I[br]prevent myself

0:07:57.978,0:08:00.648
from carrying again the world[br]upon my shoulders?

0:08:01.707,0:08:03.667
And so that brings us to today.

0:08:03.775,0:08:07.787
In 2017, with other Italian daughters[br]and sons, Gaia, Carlo and Marco,

0:08:07.803,0:08:10.533
we started the first Italian[br]not for profit

0:08:10.541,0:08:12.601
created by and for daughters and sons

0:08:12.657,0:08:15.877
to give voice to children and adolescents[br]who don't have a voice,

0:08:15.927,0:08:19.015
to advocate for our rights[br]also within institutions

0:08:19.015,0:08:22.204
and it is called COMIP,[br]Children of Mentally ill Parents,

0:08:22.216,0:08:24.106
daughters and sons.

0:08:24.208,0:08:27.550
We started a project

0:08:27.550,0:08:30.080
that is called[br]like the mini guide I've written

0:08:30.080,0:08:33.469
and that I would have needed[br]when I was fifteen

0:08:33.469,0:08:36.569
and is called: "When Mum Or Dad[br]Are Unwell

0:08:36.569,0:08:40.049
mini guide to survival for children[br]of parents with mental ill health".

0:08:40.786,0:08:44.713
It is a grassroots project,[br]started through crowdfunding,

0:08:44.753,0:08:48.303
with the aid of people around me,[br]some of them are in this theater now,

0:08:48.303,0:08:50.613
who believed[br]in the same wish

0:08:50.653,0:08:54.315
and gave us the nourishment[br]to begin and fly high.

0:08:54.315,0:08:59.095
This project has the ambitious goal[br]to donate a copy of this mini guide

0:08:59.125,0:09:03.598
to all school and public libraries,[br]all family counseling centers

0:09:03.598,0:09:05.404
and to mental health centers in Italy

0:09:05.409,0:09:07.659
so that no child or teen is[br]ever left alone

0:09:07.659,0:09:09.239
nor their families.

0:09:09.363,0:09:12.153
Especially children whose parents[br]are not aware

0:09:12.219,0:09:15.427
of their illness and are not even[br]in treatment for their disorder.

0:09:15.444,0:09:17.504
We need to think about[br]these kids, too!

0:09:17.514,0:09:19.562
I have been one of them[br]for quite some time.

0:09:20.609,0:09:23.281
At first, when I started[br]planning this project

0:09:23.281,0:09:26.874
I told myself: "I am never going to[br]make it, how am I going to do it?"

0:09:27.160,0:09:30.074
Little by little, though, I asked help[br]from people around me

0:09:30.155,0:09:33.402
also to professional hikers guides,[br]offering to tell

0:09:33.421,0:09:36.141
my story in ten minutes[br]during an excursion

0:09:36.587,0:09:39.165
and find this way people[br]from civil society

0:09:39.165,0:09:41.357
who may not have lived[br]this type of experience

0:09:41.424,0:09:44.548
who wanted to become our[br]"postmen of change"

0:09:44.548,0:09:47.469
and deliver a copy of the mini guide[br]as a donation from Comip

0:09:47.556,0:09:49.527
to the public library of their city.

0:09:49.925,0:09:52.906
And now we've managed[br]to reach a lot of regions,

0:09:52.915,0:09:55.363
from Aosta Valley to Sicily[br]and Sardinia.

0:09:55.363,0:09:57.627
And we are not going to stop,[br]we want to reach them all.

0:09:57.688,0:10:01.648
Another wish we have[br]is to raise awareness within institutions

0:10:01.684,0:10:04.343
and make them do more for us,[br]but also civil society,

0:10:04.343,0:10:07.531
and invest more in mental health.

0:10:07.962,0:10:10.465
Another enormous wish[br]we are fulfilling

0:10:10.505,0:10:14.625
is to meet schools,[br]talk to students, to young people.

0:10:14.911,0:10:17.442
Not only caregivers, [br]daughters & sons, but them all.

0:10:17.442,0:10:20.580
To have a toolbox

0:10:20.610,0:10:24.227
to deal with all emotions,[br]both positive and negative,

0:10:24.246,0:10:27.016
with life's challenges[br]by starting well equipped,

0:10:27.038,0:10:29.178
before feeling too unwell.

0:10:29.211,0:10:31.381
To save lives.

0:10:32.283,0:10:36.283
A long and winding road[br]lays ahead of us,

0:10:36.286,0:10:40.286
but if there's one thing I know for sure

0:10:41.296,0:10:43.988
is that one of the positive traits

0:10:44.026,0:10:46.746
we daughters and sons of parents[br]with mental illness have

0:10:47.081,0:10:49.346
is the willingness to change[br]the status quo.

0:10:49.680,0:10:52.380
That's why I know that[br]that girl

0:10:52.403,0:10:55.825
is going to make her wish come true,[br]with your help, too.

0:10:55.914,0:10:58.814
If this story struck you,[br]moved you,

0:10:58.829,0:11:02.289
talk about it, tell it[br]to your friends, to your colleagues.

0:11:02.309,0:11:05.493
Let's open together that tiny door[br]that didn't open for us.

0:11:05.493,0:11:07.549
Let the Light shine in!

0:11:07.549,0:11:09.217
Thank you.

0:11:09.217,0:11:11.897
(Applause)