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Thank you.

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Good morning, that was beautiful.

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You know, right before Fred Rogers died,

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his team had actually contacted me

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to try to present the case

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for why television should keep
at the pace of Mr. Rogers' neighborhood.

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So we were about to plan that whole thing
and then he passed away.

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But it was an amazing thing
to think about the generations of people

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that have learned
to understand their feelings,

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to make them mentionable and manageable.

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What I'm going to talk to you today

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is about how schools
can combine with technology

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in the way of promoting self-regulation.

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So I'm going to do this with no slides,
but with one model of the brain.

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So if you reach under your chairs,
glued underneath there you'll find,

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if you reach in there, pull out your hand
and take your hand model, there,

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and put your thumb in the middle,
and put your fingers over the top.

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This is a very

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- my daughter never wants me
to say this but -

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a handy model of the brain.

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It's oriented like this.

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We're going to talk about the connection
among three things.

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We are going to talk about this brain
that's in your head,

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that has the face over here,

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and has a top of the brain,
the lower parts of the brain.

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The part of the brain connected
to the whole body

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comes through the spinal cord,
in addition to some other ways.

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This brain sits in your body -

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we are going to talk
about the brain and the body.

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We are also going to talk about the mind,

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which is different from the brain.

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And we are going to talk about the mind

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and its connection
to the brain and the body.

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Then we are going
to talk about the third thing,

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which is, we are going
to talk about relationships.

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So those three things
we're going to cover today:

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talking about relationships,
the mind, and the brain.

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When you really think
about this for a while,

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you can come up with some fascinating ways

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where you can understand how,
for example, Mr. Rogers television show

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experienced by a young child
within a family setting

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could actually promote
something called self-regulation.

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And so, we'll have to talk
about what is regulation,

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and we'll have to even address
the question of what is the self.

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So for me, whenever we use a word,

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we need to make sure we understand
what we mean by it,

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so we have a shared understanding
if we are going to do something about it.

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So, how did Mr. Rogers
create the experience

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where kids can learn that feelings
are mentionable and they're manageable?

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How did he do that?

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Well, when you think about how he did it,

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you come up
with this really fundamental way

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that schools, in fact,
can embrace the wisdom

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that Mr. Rogers had for all of us,

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and teach not only reading,
writing, arithmetic

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- very important 3 Rs -

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but another 3 Rs
I'm going to suggest to you,

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which are the core of my talk,

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which is reflection, first extra R,

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relationships, the next R,

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and the third one is resilience.

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Because when you build
a certain kind of approach to reflection,

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kids actually develop the capacity
to mention their feelings

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and to then be able to manage them,

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exactly what Mr. Rogers said
we ought to be able to do.

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And that's the basis
of the emotional intelligence actually,

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and it's the basis, as you'll see
in the moment, of social intelligence,

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because when you understand
your own feelings

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and learn to manage them,

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you actually can understand other people.

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It's actually incredible.

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So, this reflective ability
is something schools can teach.

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That's the next R.

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What about relationships?

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We're going to see that this brain
we're going to get into in a moment

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has the capacity to make relationships
work really well,

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and people actually thrive
and feel good about themselves

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and good about others.

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So you develop kindness
and compassion toward yourself

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- really an important place to start -

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and kindness and compassion toward others.

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So this R of relationship really looks
at all the research on well-being

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and says, you know, "The number one factor

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whether you're looking
at mental health, physiologic health,

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medical health, longevity or happiness,

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the number one factor

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in all those studies is relationships.

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How we have connections,
positive connections with other people

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is the best predictor of all those things.

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In fact, if you study wisdom,

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you find that wisdom is based
on having these positive relationships.

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You probably have heard
of these amazing studies

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which show that when you are given,
let's say, 20 dollars,

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and you're asked to spend it on yourself

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or give it in the service of someone else,
gifted to someone else,

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the circuits in your brain
that show you did the right thing,

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these reward circuits driven
by a transmitter called dopamine,

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they get active when you give
to someone else,

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which goes along with the study

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that when you give
in service of other people,

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you're actually happier yourself.

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So if you want to be happier,
actually think about someone else.

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That's the lesson from that.

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So relationships in schools
can teach all that.

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So that's the relationship part.

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And now the resilience we're going
to get into when we talk about the brain.

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But let's take our hand model out
and let's look at it.

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I'm going to watch my watch

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because part of how I'm going
to manage myself is time.

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So I think I've been going for,
I would guess, 5 minutes,

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but I need my timer to tell me;
there's my timer right there.

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Beautiful. I guessed it right.

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We're going to do
this hand model of the brain,

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and I'm going to teach you all
how to do this.

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And this is something that in schools
that I work with,

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we teach kids, starting in kindergarten
about this hand model of the brain.

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You're going to see
that it can be very useful to do.

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When kids go towards adolescence,
their brain changes a lot,

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they really need to know
about their brain.

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So let's take the hand model out.

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And put your thumb in the middle
and curl your fingers over the top.

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So this is orientation of the brain.

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Let's do the parts
and let's think about the question

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as we get into these brain parts.

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Why, if we're talking
about self-regulation,

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would we care about the parts
of the brain?

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And what does a relationship
has to do with the brain anyway?

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And if self-regulation
is really a mental function,

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because the self
is really part of your mind,

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then is the mind just the brain,
or is it something else?

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So these are the kinds of things we need
to really think deeply about.

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And in the world I work in,
it's called interpersonal neurobiology.

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We actually deeply dive
into these scientific questions

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by combining all the fields of science
that exist into one perspective.

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So it's called interpersonal neurobiology.

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The brain is a good place
to start looking at this,

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because believe it or not, it's actually
the simplest of all that stuff.

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So let's go through it.

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First, you have the spinal cord,

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and this is basically
a collection of cells, neurons,

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that allow energy and information
to flow from the body itself,

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the signals coming up.

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The spinal cord and also a nerve
called the vagus nerve,

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they all bring stuff from the body

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up into the skull part
of the nervous system.

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Some people call that the head brain,
some people just call it the brain,

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but actually you have a brain
around your heart,

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and you have a brain
around your intestine.

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So the word brain when I use it
means the whole body

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and how it processes information
through the flow of energy.

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That's basically
the biological understanding

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of what we mean by the nervous system.

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But the head brain
is what we're going to focus on now,

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because it's really the most studied
of all these brain parts.

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When you get up
into the head part of the brain,

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if you lift up your fingers
and lift up your thumb,

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you arrive at the first part
of the nervous system,

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first in the sense it's the deepest,

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first in the sense that
when you're in your mother's womb,

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it's the first to develop in utero,

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and first also meaning
it's the first we evolved to have.

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So it's over 3 hundred million years old.

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It's the old reptilian brain,

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having collections of neurons
called nuclei

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that are responsible for things like -

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(Laughter)

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This is a good example.
Let's take another pause.

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Let's all turn our telephone off

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and make sure
that if they are going to vibrate,

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you have it near your body,
not sitting next to your neighbor.

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You turn the sound off,
because that's another thing that happens;

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technology, if you haven't noticed,

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invades whatever context
you're trying to create.

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And rather than technology running us,
we should run technology.

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It's really, really important,
because these things just take off -

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I was just walking home
from the local school we have,

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and I saw a mom carrying

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her year-and-a half- year-old child
in her arms,

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texting for two and a half blocks,

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and missing the opportunity
to connect with her child

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because she allowed technology
to intrude on her relationship.

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You probably know from the studies
of the University of Washington

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by Andy Meltzoff and Patricia Kuhl
that the technology called "Baby" -

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it doesn't matter what it's called.

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It was technology that said,


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"You can have your child develop faster
in their brain and language

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if you show these videos,"

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and they showed it was just the opposite,

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because relationships
are what stimulate growth and learning.

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If we use technology, that's fine,

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but if you replace relationships
with technology, this study demonstrated,

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you get just the opposite
of what you want to get.

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So we have to actually be present fully,

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and check out what's happening
in the environment,

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and not pollute it with technology,

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or not pollute it
with actual chemical pollutants, too.

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OK, so now we're in the brainstem.

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The brainstem is going
to keep us awake and alert,

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so it has those nuclei that do that.

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The brainstems are also going to have
the fight-flight-freeze reaction.

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When you have
a lot of competing things going on,

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you can have a very agitated,
fearful reaction to that,

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like it's threatening,

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or you can have a fight reaction to that,

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or you can freeze.

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There's even a fourth option,
which is total collapse.

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It has its advantages
in lots of different ways,

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and depending on the situation,

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but that's what the brainstems
are all about -

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very old impulses that are created.

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If you put your thumb over the top,
this is the part of the brain

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- we have two thumbs for it to be ideal,
but most of us have just one thumb -

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this is a...I say that because
I once gave this lecture

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and I didn't give that exception,
and someone said,

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"I went to a gas station,
someone had two thumbs."

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We want to honor that.
So most of us have one.

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(Laughter)

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It's left and right side
once you get up there.

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This is the limbic area.

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It developed 200 million years ago,

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and it also is the second area
to begin developing in utero.

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That goes like this.

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To demonstrate how this works up,
Lewis, why don't you come up?

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I want to invite a 13-year-old boy,
who is going to present to you later on.

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Lewis, come on, say hi to everybody.
Lewis: Hey.

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Daniel Siegel: Come on, step
on that little red carpet. Thanks, Lewis.

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L: You're welcome.

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DS: Have I talked to you
about the brain before?

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L: No. DS: No.

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So I'm going to teach you
a little bit about the brain,

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because I want to show that -
Lewis is very bright,

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but you can teach this to 13-year-olds
whose brains are also changing.

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Let's do the hand model. Very good.

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Here's what happens, Lewis:

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this limbic area helps you
work with the brainstem

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to create your emotions.

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It actually works closely with other areas
to create various forms of memory.

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Do you feel close to your mom?

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L: Yeah. DS: Yeah, great.

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So this is the part that lets you
feel connected to her, OK?

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Now put your fingers
over the top like that. Right.

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This is a part
that actually is going to grow

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once you come out of your mom's belly,
out of her womb.

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And this is a part that's very much shaped
by the experiences you have.

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Yeah.

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This is called the cortex;
it's the outer part of the brain.

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So the back here.

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Turn your head sideways.
We'll use it as a demo. Right there.

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So this is the back part
of the brain like that.

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The back part of your brain in general
represents the outside world.

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There's all sorts of layers to it
and it makes maps to the outside world.

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Very good. And then -

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(Laughter)

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You are one handsome guy.

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So this front part of the brain here
is called your frontal cortex.

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It allows you to think and reflect.

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When we're talking about reflections,

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this is the part of the brain
that actually lets you be able

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to manage and mention your emotions.

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Isn't that cool? L: That's really cool.

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DS: So the kinds of things
that you do in your mental life,

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like the mind basically is -

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you know like you're playing a game,
when you feel excited?

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That's sensation you call
subjective experience,

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and that's a part of what the mind is.

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Do you notice sometimes
you can be aware of some things,

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and sometimes you're not aware of things?

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L: Yeah. DS: Yes. So, awareness is also
part of what the mind does.

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But the third thing the mind does
is it helps regulate

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how all this information flow
is happening in your awareness,

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in your subjective experience,

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and even in how you communicate it
to other people.

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So the reason we're talking
about reflection

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- reflection, when you look inward,
what I call time-in,

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develops this part of the brain.

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Now, take a look at these
two middle finger nails there.

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This is part of an area called
the prefrontal cortex. Look at me.

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It's right behind your forehead,
right there.

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Lift up your finger and put it back down.

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What do you notice is kind of unique

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about anatomical position
of these two middle finger nails?

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L: That’s right under the thumb.
DS: Exactly!

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So it's right under the thumb,

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and this is the part of your brain
that actually allows the cortex

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to go to that thumb area
called the limbic area.

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And notice is it also
near your palm? L: Mhm.

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DS: Yes, so it also connects the brainstem
to take information from the body, too.

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So it comes up your spinal cord,
up your brain stem, to your limbic area,

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especially in your right side
of the brain,

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and goes right to that area.

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Here's the cool thing. Watch me.

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(Laughter)

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What did you feel
when I was doing that? L: Sad.

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DS: Sad, very good. Excellent.
L: Then happy.

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DS: Then happy,
because we're goofing, right? L: Yeah.

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DS: So the sad thing, this part
of your brain actually lets you

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pick up what's going on
inside of my nervous system.

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Isn't that amazing? L: Yes.

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DS: So we have a relationship,
because I'm going to send energy to you,

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and this part of the brain, right there,
which is right here behind your forehead,

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it's going to take in
what's going on in me,

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it takes in what's going on in your body,
like your heart, your intestines,

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it takes in what's going on
in your brainstem, your limbic area,

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and what goes on
throughout your whole cortex.

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And it takes these separate things
and it pulls them together.

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Now, you know what the word we use

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for its taking separate
and putting together those?

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L: No. DS: Integration. L: Aha.

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DS: So here's what this area does:
it integrates everything.

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It integrates your body, your brainstem,
your limbic area, your cortex,

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and even your relationships
with other people.

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So when you reflect on things,

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and you have relationships where,
like, two people honor each other,

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and then care about each other
with connections and communication,

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we call that an integrated relationship.

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Here's the amazing take home message
for you and for everybody:

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when you have reflection,

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00:16:25,499 --> 00:16:29,499
and you have relationships
that are caring and connecting,

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you actually stimulate the growth
of the integrative fibers in the brain,

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and these are the fibers
that allow you to have resilience.

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00:16:41,530 --> 00:16:44,610
So the key to this whole thing is -

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I know you have been experiencing
video games, right?

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00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:51,260
L: Oh, yeah. DS: And you've learned -
you watch this.

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00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:56,240
This part of the brain allows you
to be regulating your impulses.

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00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,740
Does that sound familiar,
controlling your impulses?

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00:16:58,740 --> 00:16:59,460
L: Yes.

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00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:01,540
DS: It allows you to do that.

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00:17:01,540 --> 00:17:04,800
It allows you to actually be aware
of your feelings.

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00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:07,390
It allows you to be aware
of other people's feelings,

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00:17:07,390 --> 00:17:08,400
and understand them.

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It allows you to be moral,

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think about what's good for everyone,
including the planet.

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00:17:12,530 --> 00:17:14,860
It allows you to actually have intuition.

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00:17:14,860 --> 00:17:19,530
It allows you to know
where you've been in the past,

335
00:17:19,530 --> 00:17:22,170
where you are right now,
where you'll go in the future,

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00:17:22,170 --> 00:17:24,230
and allows you to tune in on other people.

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00:17:24,941 --> 00:17:28,271
That you get by reflecting
on the inner world,

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00:17:28,271 --> 00:17:31,266
being able to mention
and manage your feelings.

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00:17:31,266 --> 00:17:35,796
It allows you to develop it when you have
the relationships that are supportive,

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00:17:35,796 --> 00:17:37,776
like with teachers and with parents.

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00:17:37,776 --> 00:17:41,276
And it allows you to develop all this
so you're resilient.

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00:17:42,004 --> 00:17:44,764
So here's what I say about schools.

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00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:48,564
There's a policy that they say,
"No child left behind".

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00:17:48,564 --> 00:17:50,264
I say we should have

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00:17:50,264 --> 00:17:54,554
a policy where we have reflection,
relationships, and resilience,

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00:17:54,554 --> 00:17:57,274
so it's no prefrontal cortex left behind.

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00:17:57,274 --> 00:17:58,504
(Laughter)

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00:17:58,504 --> 00:17:59,834
How does that sound?

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00:17:59,834 --> 00:18:02,204
L: That sounds better
than "No child left behind".

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00:18:02,204 --> 00:18:04,414
DS: There you go, good.
Thank you very much.

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00:18:04,414 --> 00:18:05,743
(Applause)

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00:18:05,743 --> 00:18:08,043
Thank you so much. You are so cool.

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00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:09,893
L: You too, man. Thank you.

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00:18:09,893 --> 00:18:11,513
(Applause)