WEBVTT

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The following trailer is rated 'S' for Super Spoilers.

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From Zach Snyder,

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the visionary director behind <i>Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole</i>,

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comes the world's most hopeful superhero in his inevitable, dark,

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moody Chrisopher Nolan update.

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Because god forbid a Superman movie be any damn fun for anybody.

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- No!

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<i>Man of Steel</i>

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Prepare for a mopy, violent reboot,

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guaranteed to depress adults and frighten small children,

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where one of America's greatest icons, Superman, is played by this English man

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with the acting range of a crumpet.

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- Who are you?
- I am your father, Kal.

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- That's my name?

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But my god, what a beefcake!

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He is the hero who stood for truth, justice, and the American way. But this time,

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he stands for destroying American property.

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- That's a 12-million-dollar piece of hardware!
- It was.

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The Canadian Arctic, this guy's livelihood,

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Bruce Wayne's satellite, downtown small bill.

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...and like half of Metropolis.

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It's a bird.

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It's a plane.

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It's... coming right for us. Everybody, run!

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A journey to Superman's birthplace of Pandora.

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Er.. Krypton.

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An alien world full of... Avatar birds,

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Matrix babies, sepia tone, way too many sublights.

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- Krypton's core is collapsing.

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- This council has been disbanded.

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- I know you stole the codex. I will find him!

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And ships shaped like wangs.

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Meet General Zod, a Kryptonian out to destroy humanity with the power of

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dubstep!

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In order to defeat Zod, Superman must decide which of his two Robin Hood

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dads to listen to.

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Space dad says, "Show off your powers to inspire humanity."

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- You could be the bridge between two peoples.

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Farm dad says, "Hide your powers and let innocent people die."

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- What was I supposed to do? Just let them die?
- Maybe.

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Watch Superman honor them both as he shows off his powers <i>and</i> lets innocent people die.

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Meet Lois Lane, a Pulitzer-prize-winning reporter.

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- I'm a Pulitzer-prize-winning reporter.

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That's what I just said. She's a

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superhero in her own right with the powers of staying alive in freezing temperatures,

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scaling ice mountains, seducing hot space dudes, and

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showing up wherever the plot needs her to be.

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- General Zod would like for this woman to accompany me.

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Come on, there's no reason she should be on that military plane.

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- It's supposed to go in all the way!

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Heh! That's what she said!

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When Lois uses her Nikon camera to photograph this Budweiser-drinking alien, she will discover the truth

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from his friend at the IHOP. But when Zod sends her a message on his Nokia phone,

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it's up to Superman to take him on with this U-Haul truck, through the 7-Eleven, back to the IHOP,

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and inside this Sears.

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So, if you loved the Christopher Reeve Superman movies but wish they had made them a little less

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hopeful, killed a couple of civilians, visualized our worst fears of urban terrorism,

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and had Superman overcome his first villain by murdering him with his bare hands,

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DC has made the reboot for you, psycho!

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Yikes!

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Starring:

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Specific Zod

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April O'Neil

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Ghost Dad

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Fallout Box Art

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Kevin Costco

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Perry Black

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Superman pooping

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and those pin art desk toy things...

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..You know, those gifts - the ones you used to press your face against..?

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You guys know what I'm talking about, right?

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<i>Man of Steel</i>

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Can't believe I'm now actually rooting for Ben Affleck to kick this guy's ass.

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Thanks for watching.

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I am going to steal the declaration of independence.

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The jerk store called and they ran out of you.

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Spooon!

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The fox says what I say it says!

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I am vengeance. I am the night. I am Batman!

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Hey, screen junkies!

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