The following trailer is rated 'S' for Super Spoilers.
From Zach Snyder,
the visionary director behind Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole,
comes the world's most hopeful superhero in his inevitable, dark,
moody Chrisopher Nolan update.
Because god forbid a Superman movie be any damn fun for anybody.
- No!
Man of Steel
Prepare for a mopy, violent reboot,
guaranteed to depress adults and frighten small children,
where one of America's greatest icons, Superman, is played by this English man
with the acting range of a crumpet.
- Who are you? - I am your father, Kal.
- That's my name?
But my god, what a beefcake!
He is the hero who stood for truth, justice, and the American way. But this time,
he stands for destroying American property.
- That's a 12-million-dollar piece of hardware! - It was.
The Canadian Arctic, this guy's livelihood,
Bruce Wayne's satellite, downtown small bill.
...and like half of Metropolis.
It's a bird.
It's a plane.
It's... coming right for us. Everybody, run!
A journey to Superman's birthplace of Pandora.
Er.. Krypton.
An alien world full of... Avatar birds,
Matrix babies, sepia tone, way too many sublights.
- Krypton's core is collapsing.
- This council has been disbanded.
- I know you stole the codex. I will find him!
And ships shaped like wangs.
Meet General Zod, a Kryptonian out to destroy humanity with the power of
dubstep!
In order to defeat Zod, Superman must decide which of his two Robin Hood
dads to listen to.
Space dad says, "Show off your powers to inspire humanity."
- You could be the bridge between two peoples.
Farm dad says, "Hide your powers and let innocent people die."
- What was I supposed to do? Just let them die? - Maybe.
Watch Superman honor them both as he shows off his powers and lets innocent people die.
Meet Lois Lane, a Pulitzer-prize-winning reporter.
- I'm a Pulitzer-prize-winning reporter.
That's what I just said. She's a
superhero in her own right with the powers of staying alive in freezing temperatures,
scaling ice mountains, seducing hot space dudes, and
showing up wherever the plot needs her to be.
- General Zod would like for this woman to accompany me.
Come on, there's no reason she should be on that military plane.
- It's supposed to go in all the way!
Heh! That's what she said!
When Lois uses her Nikon camera to photograph this Budweiser-drinking alien, she will discover the truth
from his friend at the IHOP. But when Zod sends her a message on his Nokia phone,
it's up to Superman to take him on with this U-Haul truck, through the 7-Eleven, back to the IHOP,
and inside this Sears.
So, if you loved the Christopher Reeve Superman movies but wish they had made them a little less
hopeful, killed a couple of civilians, visualized our worst fears of urban terrorism,
and had Superman overcome his first villain by murdering him with his bare hands,
DC has made the reboot for you, psycho!
Yikes!
Starring:
Specific Zod
April O'Neil
Ghost Dad
Fallout Box Art
Kevin Costco
Perry Black
Superman pooping
and those pin art desk toy things...
..You know, those gifts - the ones you used to press your face against..?
You guys know what I'm talking about, right?
Man of Steel
Can't believe I'm now actually rooting for Ben Affleck to kick this guy's ass.
Thanks for watching.
I am going to steal the declaration of independence.
The jerk store called and they ran out of you.
Spooon!
The fox says what I say it says!
I am vengeance. I am the night. I am Batman!
Hey, screen junkies!
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