[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.00,0:00:16.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Music ]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.00,0:00:21.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Appplause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.51,0:00:28.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,>> My beautiful family decided to surprise me, so my mother\Nis here and she's never seen me perform before.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.55,0:00:35.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Applause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.86,0:00:40.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So is my uncle, my sister and my cousin.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.53,0:01:01.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Speaking in Spanish ]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.40,0:01:09.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,>> [ Male voice ] That's what I thought.\N[ Applause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.73,0:01:13.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,>> I told her this place is home for me,\Nthis place is sacred, and for her to be here
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.27,0:01:17.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is having all of my family under one roof.\N[ Scattered applause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.50,0:01:21.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is something I have dreamt of for a long time\Nbecause when there is a language barrier,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.74,0:01:26.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you don't know how to explain something that\Nyou do for like a Latino culture, like for
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.62,0:01:31.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,many other cultures art isn't viable, and we don't\Nunderstand what it is until we see
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.00,0:01:36.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it and experience it and... yeah, this is something\Nthat I have been waiting for for a long time.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.59,0:01:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Applause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.00,0:01:50.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I do most of my writing in English.\NPapi never like this speaking in Spanglish.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.06,0:01:55.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you ever heard us sputtering in either language\Nfrom across the room you would yell spit it out.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.29,0:02:01.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But sometimes at home, I'll put on my Spanish\Nand it'll feel like I'm wearing my mother's wedding dress
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.97,0:02:06.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but Mommy didn't marry in a church,\NMommy didn't have a big pretty gown,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.72,0:02:11.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,instead what she wore was a two-piece suit,\Nmarried in an office somewhere, my sisters and I
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.73,0:02:15.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were the witnesses and we ate at a [inaudible]\Nbefore heading home.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.29,0:02:21.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is Spanish for me, everything that should be,\Nbut quite isn't, it's like coming home,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.40,0:02:26.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but all the furniture is different. Then there's\NEnglish and everything is painted in its color.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.89,0:02:33.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Think of that gray that settles in and around dusk,\Nthat is English. Sometimes I get lost in it and then
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.78,0:02:39.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the shape of words, what they feel and look like\Nwhen I go to reach for one, I somehow mess it all up.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.17,0:02:45.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I laughed, turned bright in the face I blamed the\NSpanish, it came first, it is home.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.62,0:02:51.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Papi would drink, and after drinking he\Nwould talk. He often chose English
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.08,0:02:55.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a brown, crumpled bag [inaudible],\N[inaudible] Espanol, Papi.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.33,0:02:59.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But he would refuse. It was usually a lecture,\Nyou see formal things in my home only came
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.88,0:03:05.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in English but whenever he was happy, he would\Ncall me to him [ Speaking in Spanish ]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.97,0:03:13.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I would go. Papi was papi or apa or abuelo\Nsometimes even papa,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.24,0:03:18.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but never father. I save that for the poems about\Nhis drinking, about my angry hurt,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.71,0:03:23.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about how far away it pushed me, I don't write\Nabout that in Spanish. Things are too real in
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.57,0:03:28.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that language so I keep it for love songs.\NFor my boys who have no idea what I'm saying
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.61,0:03:35.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but they think it sounds beautiful, right? I say\Nthings like [ Speaking in Spanish ]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.60,0:03:39.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my fingers and my hair, and the head on my lap\Nand of talking and
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.58,0:03:43.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talking and saying all those pretty things,\Nmy mother used to pour over me when I was still
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.53,0:03:49.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,small enough to be held. So, that's what I'm\Nsaying is that Spanish is a feeling, a squeeze,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.86,0:03:56.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an ache, a corner of myself, I can't seem to\Nquite get to, an English word isn't so much of
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.17,0:04:02.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a feeling but an action, a dance that I know all\Nthe steps too, but still feel awkward dancing.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.14,0:04:22.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Speaking in Spanish ]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.20,0:04:28.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am always wearing one language at a time and\NI will spend the rest of my life trying to
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.63,0:04:35.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,learn about everything I lost, we lost in\Ntranslation. I love you, Mama.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.00,0:04:48.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Music ]